Hehe! I'm posting chapter nine only a few days after eight! Yay me!!!

XXXXX

Beard theft is not your typical crime.

The problem with the specific fake beard I was trying to steal was that some guy was actually wearing it. This was my biggest obstacle, or I could have stolen it easily. Thievery is another skill of mine.

No, seriously. I can't tell you how many times one of my friends has looked across the cafeteria and then turned around to find half of their lunch missing. And if you have a book I want to read, watch out.

But I had no experience with fake beard theft.

I was crouched behind a sort of market stall, eyeing a black-haired, middle-aged guy with a shaggy beard. Tomite had noticed that it was fake when the guy kept scratching at his chin. So now I was analyzing the target, trying to come up with a strategy that would allow me to steal his beard. I felt very secret-agent-y. So much that I started humming the Mission: Impossible theme song to get myself into a stealing mood.

"dum, dum, da-dum, dum, dum, da-dum, dum---"

"What are you doing?" hissed Tomite, who was crouched next to me.

"It's the Mission: Impossible song," I hissed back, as if that explained everything. Just then the bearded guy we were watching stood up from his chair at another stall and began to make his way down the street. "Target is moving east! Repeat, target is headed east at three o'clock toward the large red shrine-type thing. Commence phase two of Operation: Beard Theft! All agents move in! Roger! Ten-four!" I stage-whispered into an imaginary walkie-talkie. Tomite looked at me like I was crazy (which I guess I sort of was.) I rolled my eyes at him. "Go into the middle of the market place and create a distraction!" I commanded. Tomite was confused.

"What am I supposed to do?" He asked. I gritted my teeth.

"I don't know! Just do something to preoccupy Fake Beard Guy!" And with that, I took off running in the opposite direction, shoving people aside as I dashed around the block toward my chosen hiding place: a conveniently located alley that would put me just where I needed to be to jump out and steal Fake Beard Guy's fake beard. With any luck, I would somehow manage to snitch it right off his face without him even noticing.

Everything was up to Tomite now. "This distraction had better be freaking amazing," I muttered, peering around the corner. Tomite was now directly across from Fake Beard Guy, about twenty feet away from where I hid. The only thing between Tomite and the target was a huge, fat lady. Seriously. She was the fattest lady I had ever seen—and I lived in a country full of obese people. Whoever this whale/woman was, she was about four or five times the size of a normal person.

Tomite looked frantically around, trying to come up with an idea. I glared at him. We had literally seconds before Fake Beard Guy was out of range and we lost track of him. "If you screw this up, then so help me I will kill you, Tomite!" I snarled even though I knew he couldn't hear me from this distance. Tomite saw my expression and suddenly seemed to find a solution.

He got down on one knee and shouted at the fat lady, "WILL YOU MARRY ME?!!!?"

I had no time to laugh at this, though doubtless I would crack up later. But at that moment, I sprang into action. As soon as Tomite had proposed to Whale Woman, Fake Beard Guy had whirled around, shocked, to watch the drama unfold. Perfect. His back was to me as I scampered across the street, blending in with the crowd that had gathered around Tomite and Whale Woman. This was my only chance.

"Wh-what?" stuttered Whale Woman.

"UM, I LOVE YOU!" yelled Tomite.

I crept up behind Fake Beard Guy and began nimbly untying the beard that was fastened to his ears. Within seconds, his right ear was free.

"But I don't know you!" protested Whale Woman, who was becoming very flustered.

Tomite seemed to be running out of things to say. "WE BELONG TOGETHER!" he shouted.

I almost lost it right then, but I had a fake beard to finish stealing. I tugged the last knot on Fake Beard Guy's left ear loose, then snaked my arm over his shoulder, being careful not to brush up against him. I caught the tip of the fake beard deftly and withdrew my hand as fast as I could. I had only a few short moments before Fake Beard Guy realized his facial hair was gone and turned around, so I wheeled and bolted for the alleyway before he could catch me. Meanwhile, Tomite had darted around Whale Woman and was running away from her as fast as he could, which was pretty darn fast.

"Wait!" Whale Woman called after him.

"IT WOULD NEVER HAVE WORKED OUT BETWEEN US! SORRY!" He yelled over his shoulder. Then he tripped and did a face plant into a basket of tomatoes.

I allowed myself to crack up.

XXXXXXXX

It was half an hour later that Tomite and Uruki prepared to go undercover. Tomite looked every inch the pimp in his stolen beard and extra padding (the rest of us had stuffed our Hokkan clothes into the front of his shirt.)

"You guys go stay at an inn somewhere near here," Uruki told us, "as soon as I find the seishi I'll sneak out."

Takiko looked torn. "Uruki!" She said. I tugged on her sleeve.

"I know what you're about to do," I whispered. Takiko started to defend her decision, but I interrupted her. "I'm not going to stop you. Just give me the necklace first! In the book they take it away. I'll keep it safe until you get back out," I said.

"But how am I supposed to find Inami without the necklace?"

"You will! It's in the book! Besides, isn't it better if I hold on to it instead of some stranger?"

Takiko bit her lip and unfastened the necklace. I took it cautiously, secretly thrilled that I got to hold it for any amount of time. I stowed the necklace in my sash. "Now go!" I told Takiko, "Good luck! Have fun being a prostitute! Watch out for STDs!" I waved as she sprinted after Tomite and Uruki.

Hikitsu frowned at me. "Wait!" he said, perplexed, "Did you just send the Miko into the brothel? I thought we weren't going to let her in there!"

I shrugged. "I'm just following the book," I explained. Well, except for taking the necklace for safekeeping. Crap! I hope that doesn't mess anything up!

Hatsui, Hikitsu, Namame and I sat against a brick wall across from the brothel, waiting for Tomite to reemerge. I covered Hatsui's eyes as a degenerate scumbag and his busy companion passed by.

Just then Tomite strode quickly out of the brothel, ripping off his fake beard and yanking out the clothes stuffed into his shirt as he walked. "What the hell!" he yelled as soon as he saw me, "You just let Takiko go in there? Are you insane?"

"Possibly," I replied calmly.

XXXXXXXX

The following morning I went to my first job interview.

When I pictured my first job, I sure as heck had not factored a brothel into the equation. Yet here I was, mopping the floor of one. I tried not to think about my surroundings. On the plus side, I now knew exactly what I most definitely did not want to be when I grew up. The list went as follows:

1) Prostitute

2) Houseboy

3) Beard Thief

4) Prostitute

5) Prostitute again.

Yep, I was definitely "just saying no."

Suddenly I heard Tomite's voice from somewhere down the hall. "Rise and shine, ladies!" he called, "Let's work hard today!" I jumped up and ran in the direction of his voice. Tomite was standing in the doorway of a huge room full of prostitutes (including Takiko and Uruki.) Uruki conked Tomite on the head. "What do you think you're doing here?" he scolded. Tomite rubbed his sore head, offended.

"I was worried about you guys, so I got myself hired as a houseboy," he explained, "I also brought Gwen and Hatsui."

"Hey, guys," I called, striding over to the others, "how goes the prostitution?" Hatsui entered the room behind me, carrying a basket of laundry and whistling. Uruki flipped out. "You brought an innocent kid like Hatsui into a brothel?" he roared.

I put my hands on my hips. "Oh, so I'm not innocent? I'm only a year older than Hatsui you know!" I griped.

"Relax, he doesn't know anything about this place," Tomite reassured Uruki and Takiko.

Takiko turned the Miko Glare of Doom on him. "Tomite," she said menacingly, "you don't seem particularly worried to me. More like you just wanted to be around lots of women, right?"

"O-of course not!" gulped Tomite. I shook my head at him. Just then our really obnoxious supervisor guy smacked Tomite on the back of the head (poor Tomite. His head is just so irresistibly smackable.) Obnoxious Supervisor Guy made Tomite get back to work. I slipped off my hat-like thing and shook out my somewhat long auburn hair so I could blend in with the prostitutes. I had no intention of cleaning any more floors, thank you very much.

Tomite turned back to Takiko and Uruki. "You two have a customer waiting," he leered at them, "You'd better do your job this time!" Uruki looked ready to kill someone. "Both of us!?" he growled, incredulous. I surreptitiously followed Takiko and Uruki down the hallway to the room where I knew Hikitsu and Namame were waiting for us. "...are not allowed to kill them, Uruki," Takiko was saying when I caught up to them. The three of us entered the room to see Hikitsu sitting cross-legged with Namame in his lap, one palm raised. I saw a brief flash that must have been Namame's greeting in my head. "It's YOU!?" gasped Uruki, who had not caught up to the current situation. Takiko, Uruki and I sat down opposite Hikitsu so he could explain our plan. Namame immediately scurried across the room to sit with Takiko. I tried not to feel hurt by this (honestly, I am so dumb sometimes.)

Uruki evaluated my boys' clothing for the second time. "What?" I snapped at him, "At least I'm not dressed like a whore!"

Takiko gasped at my improper language. Uruki narrowed his eyes at me. "Quit calling me a—"

"Whore! Whore, whore, whore!" I shouted, sticking my tongue out at him.

"I said not to—"

"Whorewhorewhore! Whoooooorrrre!"

"Shut up!"

"Whore, whore, wh—" I tried to say, but before I could finish my insult I was thumped on the head. I scowled at Uruki. "Well at least I'm not a gender-changing Freakazoid," I spat. The others ignored me.

"So," snarled Uruki, turning to glare at me. "What do you know about Inami?"

I bit my lip, unsure how much to reveal to them. "Well, um, you've already seen her. Her power is that she has freaky extendable super-hair and she-- "

"You mean you knew who Inami was this whole time? And you let us go into this hellhole knowing full well that Takiko would get attacked by a customer when I wasn't around?" Uruki raged at me.

"Erm…well…yes… But when you put it that way—aw come on, Takiko, quit Miko-Glare-of-Doom-ing me!" I protested.

"Why did you do that?" Uruki growled. I stared coolly back at him, trying to ignore Takiko's burning glare. "Because it was funny," I replied casually. Uruki turned purple. I sighed. This was not going to be a fun conversation.

When Uruki had finished his tirade, we actually got down to business and discussed what to do next. Of course, everyone consulted me first (somewhat reluctantly on Uruki's part.)

"Well… In the book, the Shinzaho is taken away," I mused, removing the necklace from my sash and returning it to Takiko as I spoke, "and you have to sneak upstairs to steal it back from the okami's room. That's when you find Inami."

Uruki nodded. "Okay then," he suggested, "let's go." I shook my head.

"Not until early tomorrow morning," I instructed, "and we need Tomite and Hatsui with us."

XXXXXXX

Early the next morning, the seven of us were sneaking down the upstairs hallway. And I say "sneaking" in the loosest sense of the word. "Attempting to sneak" is closer to the truth. In actuality we were thumping around like a rhino on crack. For example, at the exact moment I thought up the rhino-on-crack simile, Tomite stepped on my foot. "Ow! That was my foot!" I shout-whispered. I heard a muffled thud as Takiko bumped into Uruki's back.

"Sorry," Tomite whispered, annoyed.

"Where's the okami?" wondered Takiko.

Just then I felt a pair of eyes on my back. I swear, I felt them. I somehow just knew that someone was watching us. It's just Inami, I reminded myself, taking a deep breath. I turned around just in time to see the retreating shadow of a person and a ton of moving black hair. "Guys!" I squeaked, my voice an octave higher than usual. Namame's face was displayed in my mind, as were his puzzled feelings. The others turned around to see what it was that had freaked me out.

The hair reached us then. I knew it was only Inami, but it still scared me. I mean, come on people, it's not every day you get attacked by seemingly disembodied hair.

"What's that?" exclaimed Tomite as the hair writhed around him and Hikitsu. It passed them and started wrapping around my arms and neck. "Holy crap!" I shouted, struggling against the evil hair, "Someone reeeallly needs a haircut!" But the super-hair may as well have been an airline cable—no amount of force could snap it. A tendril that had curled around my neck separated itself and began to wrap around Takiko's arm.

"Hair?" said Takiko shrilly. No one was trying to be quiet anymore.

Just then Uruki used his wind to slice off the piece of hair that was attacking Takiko and me. The mass of writhing hair retreated down the hallway. I exchanged glances with Takiko, and then the two of us simultaneously turned and dashed after the hair. The super-hair was fast, but Takiko and I were hot on its heels. Not that it had actual heels. It was a huge thing of hair, so it didn't have heels, because that would have made zero sense. I meant the heels comment figuratively.

Okay, back to the running-after-the-hair thing. I just wanted to clear that up first.

So where was I? Oh yeah, we were running after the hair.

"Takiko!" Uruki called. Takiko did not slow down. We turned the corner and there was—the annoyingly peppy Ruude girl. Takiko grabbed her foot. "Wait!" she cried. Ruude looked like she was contemplating the idea of getting the hell out of there. "When Takiko tells you to wait," I explained, "you should wait. If you don't she'll hit you with something or knock you over. She did that to Uruki a few times." Speak of the devil, and he-she appears. Uruki had caught up to us. "Takiko!" He said like a complete idiot.

"Ruude?" said Takiko.

"Let go of me!" growled Ruude, shrugging her off, "I wasn't running away, anyway. I was just looking for you two."

"Wait… so before… it was…" Takiko was reaching the wrong conclusion—I had forgotten to tell the others that Ruude was not Inami. I had only told them it was someone they had already seen. Oops. I tapped Takiko on the shoulder. "Takiko, she's not actually—"

"Okami-san told me to watch you two because you're new. You guys should really stop running around—" continued Ruude, interrupting me. Sheesh, the girl was living up to the English pronunciation of her name. Takiko interrupted her right back. "Are you Inami?" She asked Ruude.

I cleared my throat. "Takiko, she really isn't—"

"Isn't that right? You're one of the shichiseishi!" Takiko went on, ignoring me once again. I gritted my teeth.

Tomite was flabbergasted. "Then the seishi is a female this time?" he gasped.

"Yes, but Ruude's not—"

"Sorry I was fake," said the freakazoid dryly (A/N: in case you haven't gotten it yet, freakazoid is what Gwen calls Uruki.) Hikitsu muttered something unintelligible about powers.

"Shi..chi…seishi?" stuttered Ruude, who was obviously not aware of the legend.

"Takiko, would you please listen to—"

"That's right! I'm the Genbu no Miko! We came from Hokkan to take you away!"

"Really? Are you going to take me back to Hokkan?"

"AHEM! I really think you should hear what I have to say before you—"

"Yes! It's great that we finally found you!"

"EXCUSE ME, Takiko, but could you PLEASE—"

"Come! Leave this place with us!"

The chaotic conversation was interrupted by a fourth voice. "That's not possible." Everyone turned to see Inami—or, as the others thought of her, the lady that ran the brothel. I was mad. "Oh! So you ignore me but you stop and listen to her? I have important infor—" I protested.

"Ruude," continued Inami in a cynical voice, "even if they hadn't come, you would have run away, wouldn't you? I thought you'd been acting strange for the past few days."

"I'm begging you, Okami-san, let me return to Hokkan!" Ruude pleaded, "When I heard them talking about home…I just couldn't stop thinking about it! When I see them, it makes me miss my sisters and my mother…"

Inami was unconvinced. "What are you leaving for? How will you make money? Do you want to return to that life? Especially Touran's red light district. They pay a lot less than the customers here!"

"I know! Of course I'm glad that Okami-san brought us here…after we came to Konan, the money I sent back home increased, but…"

"If you leave, you can't come back! In such a poor country, how will you get by?"

Takiko joined the debate. "I'll change those circumstances!" she announced, positioning herself protectively in front of Ruude, "So please, let Ruude go!"

I tugged on her sleeve again. "No, no, Inami is actually—"

"You'll change Hokkan?" said Inami skeptically, "How could a girl like you do that?"

"I'm the Priestess of Genbu!" Takiko yelled out, "And she is Inami of the shichiseishi!"

"No, she is n—"

"I'll summon Genbu and make Hokkan into a better country! But in order to do that, I need the seishi!"

"Yes, you do, but I'm trying to tell you that Inami is not—"

"Oh?" said the real Inami, "Well, then taking her would be useless. Since you insist on taking Inami away… then fight me first!" She whisked a COLOSSAL pipe through the air, swished it around threateningly, and leveled it right in front of Takiko and me.

"That's a huge pipe!" gasped Tomite unnecessarily.

"Thank you, Captain Obvious," I replied dryly, rolling my eyes at him.

"Takiko! Let me do it!" Uruki shouted.

"Oh, I say, Miko-sama. Weren't you so confident earlier?" jeered Inami, "In the end, you can't do anything for yourself."

That pissed Takiko (and me) off. "It's fine, Uruki! Stand back!" Takiko instructed.

Fine. If they won't listen to me, then I'll just let them find out for themselves who Inami really is. I snapped my fingers in the air. "Hatsui!" I called. Hatsui came running up like a dutiful puppy, Takiko's naginata in his arms. "M-miko-sama! H-here, take this!" he tossed the naginata to Takiko. This seemed to boost her confidence. "Hatsui! You brought my naginata!" she exclaimed. Yes, he did, thanks to ME. Who you are so rudely ignoring!

"Stand back everyone!" said Takiko as she prepared to fight Inami, "I'll play with her! Whoever's hands touch the ground first is the loser!"

And that's when things got interesting.

XXXXXX

Bleh. I don't really like that ending. Go back and read the beard-stealing passage again, I like that one much better 

So about two minutes after I posted chapter eight, I am Alice Cullen posted chapter 4 of My Sanity is Now Completely Gone. Normally, this would be a good thing, because I freakin love that story, but in this case it was a bad thing because Gwenbu Kaiden was only at the top of the GK fanfic list for like two minutes!

Me: GRRRRRRR!!! Must…write…another…chapter!!!!

So here's chapter nine. It is over three thousand five hundred words! Plus I posted two chapters without any reviews. I'm so proud of myself. Again.

HA! NOW I SHALL BE FIRST ON THE LIST!!! MWAHAHAHA!

Now that you're done reading this really long author's note, go read My Sanity is Now Completely Gone if you haven't already. It's good  Or you could always re-read mine (o_0)

But don't forget to review!