s h a d o w s

The first time it happened, he was in Raithwall's Tomb. He glanced up, as they were just heading toward Belias, and spotted Noah. At first, he panicked - what was his brother doing here? Did that mean the rest of the Judges would turn up as well?

But then he got closer, and Noah (Gabranth, remember? Not his brother, just a metal shell) vanished. And for a while, he was confused, but then forgot what had happened, as he fought the Gigas and had to leave the Tomb. But he'd been so sure that his twin was staring him in the eyes, accusing him - but of what? If anyone had the right to accuse, it was Basch, not Noah. But he still felt so guilty, as though he was somehow to blame for their rift.

And everyone walked out of the Tomb haunted, with the unshakable feeling that they'd all left something behind, and were somehow less than before. He couldn't put his finger on why, though.

The same thing happened later, in the Feywood, when they were surrounded by the Mist and it created shadows all around, fading in and out with unfelt wind. Again, he could have sworn that Noah was passing through right ahead of him, that he could have reached out and grabbed his arm. Again, he walked away haunted, shaken, scared. Of something unseen, unknown, off in the distance, untouchable.

Giruvegan was worse, and the dread just kept increasing as they got closer to the Great Crystal. Everywhere he turned, he could swear it was his brother staring back at him, the feeling of being cornered intensifying, making it hard to focus, making him want to react like a terrified animal, and lash out.

From then on, he couldn't shake it, no matter what he did or where he went. From Rabanastre, where the once-loud rabble seemed muted and far-off, to the Necrohol of Nabudis, where the whispers of the long-dead were like shouts in his ear - he could feel it. Guilt, fear, anger, hatred - all welled up under the surface at every glance in a mirror or puddle - it was his brother's face, his brother's voice, and he couldn't escape it. Like some sort of slow poison, it took over until it was all he could do just to keep walking, breathing, fighting.

There was no reason, no rhyme, nothing about the feeling that made sense or could be ignored.

He was trapped, he reasoned during guard duty one night, trapped in his own guilt. He kept seeing his brother's face in the Mist, even though he knew it was his own, kept feeling haunted when everyone else had overcome the Mist's pull, all because he felt responsible. For the chasm between him and his brother, for the death of Reks, for the fall of Dalmasca, for everything. Even though Vaan had forgiven him, even though Ashe trusted him, even though it was Noah who turned away -

He was guilty. A mere shadow of who he had been, the only visible scar above his eye.

But the Mist did things to people, so says the legend, right? It made you see things, visions in the light, a fragmented, warped reflection of yourself, twisting your image, they say, until it is unrecognizable. They say that you see yourself in the Mist, more clearly than you do in a mirror, because it doesn't lie.

He saw his brother's face instead of his own. And he never wanted to know what that meant.
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(A/N: For once, I'm actually happy with what I've written. I like that this one feels kind of unfinished, but I might do something similar for everyone. Possibly. And I have no idea if the game ever mentions saying that about the Mist.Review!)