Wow! It's been awhile since I last posted anything. Thanks to all who at least eyeballed a few paragraphs of the old stuff! Well, here is Random Bits 9. It started out as a way to kind of develop Yuna's personality more. Let me know how I did!
Title: Random Bits 9 – Chapter 1
Setting: Yuna is attempting to have a more normal life. She has invited a trio of nuns from Djose over for tea.
Waterfall Way – Tidus' house – Yuna is just shoving Kimahri out the door while her guests make themselves comfortable. Lulu and Rikku, taking pity on their fellow 'X', (as in XX, female, girl, you know, genetics) are taking the 'Y's ( XY. Genetics, again) to the beach.
Yuna was just setting down a plate of small cakes when all her hopes of having a pleasant (normal) tea party were dashed to bits and swept under the rug. A tortured cry of "My balls are flat!" ripped through the air like a harbinger of Doom. How did he get in? I locked the door! Yuna thought as dread settled in her stomach like a lead ball. Oh, that's right. He has the key.
Tidus burst out of what, with a little cleaning could have been his bedroom, and skidded to a halt in the midst of Yuna's guests. Taking the Summoner by the arms he shouted (in case she hadn't heard him the first time) "Yuna, my balls ! They're flat!"
Living on an island full of sports jocks tends to make one think of phrases containing the word 'ball(s)' strictly in sports terms. It tends to take all of the fun out of innuendos and dirty jokes.
Yuna knew exactly what Tidus was talking about. If the young man wasn't giggling about 'knockers', he was boring her with lectures about blitzball. Unfortunately, the three nuns weren't tuned to the Tidus Wavelength and did not live on Jock Island. Therefore, Complete Misunderstanding was allowed to swoop in, drop a load of fuzzy memories from Anatomy class, and then leave with a pervert giggle. Common sense was left standing alone in the mental haze, and went to have a lie down.
Tidus, having no shame, completely ignored the appalled muttering and dirty looks being thrown at him by the nuns. "Can we talk about this later, Boo-Boo?" Yuna whispered in the tight little voice used when one is trying to be calm and polite in an embarrassing situation. It had been Rikku's idea to give the 'Y's cute nicknames, and had chosen 'Boo-Boo' for Tidus. In Auron's opinion he had been aptly named. Of course the veteran Guardian had his own nicknames for his younger companion (some of which were unfit for chaste ears).
Yuna smiled nervously over Tidus' shoulder at the horrified nuns, and briefly considered telling them 'Don't mind Tidus, he's the poor guy that got too close to Sin, and …came back retarded.' As much as she wanted to, she just couldn't bring herself to say it, no matter how high the flames of irritation climbed. It was her first attempt at making new friends since defeating Sin, and Tidus had already sent it hurtling, spinning, and diving toward ruin.
Just when it seemed as if the Son of Sin would claim yet another social blunder, a knight appeared in a flash of light. He was a little scruffy,(the kind of guy who looked as if he hadn't been born so much as 'roughly hewn') and maybe the light wasn't as bright as it could have been. Okay, so it was just Auron fading through the front door. The older man had been trying to convince Kimahri to join him and his other companions at the Beach. Having been banished from Yuna's presence for the duration of the party, the Ronso was sulking in dejected silence by the front door. (There's just something about large, humanoid predators that scream 'Fear Me'. A mobile monolith of teeth and claws following you around can put more than a cramp in your social life.)
Tidus spied Auron and rushed over in a flurry of panic. "Auron! My balls are flat!" he wailed.
"So I hear." The Unsent warrior sniffed dryly. "But I don't think that these nice ladies really care to hear about your personal problems." he continued, sweeping an arm in the direction of Yuna's guests.
The diminutive hamster paused in it's wheel for just a moment as it nibbled at the last bit of the conversation. Unable to determine the strange flavor of sarcasm, it resumed it's trundling, the wheel making a slight squeaking sound. There was a stinging bit of sarcasm in there somewhere but it was lost on Tidus, who took his blitzballs very seriously.
"Excuse us, Ladies." Auron mumbled with a bow in the direction of the women. He paused as he firmly steered the protesting boy out of the room, and addressed Yuna. "Yuna, why don't you tell your guests about the new Item shop in Guadosalam? Oh, and I'm sure they would be interested in hearing about the new statue of you that the Ronso are putting up. The one with the 'Grand Horn'."
The young Summoner pounced on the opportunity to change the subject. She was so grateful that she made a mental note thank Auron later by making him is favorite dinner: A big hunk of geasy, deep-fried, artery-clogging meat smothered in gravy with brown crunchy bits floating amidst oily little globules of grease. Oh, yeah, and a side of potatoes with more gravy. (Hey, when you're already dead you don't have to worry about silly diseases like diabetes, heart disease, or high cholesterol.)
With Yuna safe in the shallow waters of Innocuous Conversation, Auron was free to mete out a little discipline. He shoved Tidus into his 'locker room', a.k.a.. room where sports equipment and dirty laundry were kept (mostly on top of what might have once been a bed.), and gave him one of the dreaded lecture that teens everywhere would give and arm and a leg to avoid. The fact that no shouting was involved was of small consequence.
Auron's lectures were quite different from your standard Lecture. Being a man of few words, Auron had perfected a method of lecturing that almost completely eliminated the need for words. He preferred to let his actions speak for themselves. The Legendary Guardian let his boot do the talking. His heavy boot applied itself to Tidus' backside in a front-thrust kick that would have made a martial arts Master hang up his belt.
Tidus pitched forward with a satisfying squeak, tumbling into one of the many piles of assorted equipment obscuring the floor. There was a musty, organic smell as a small forest of mushrooms that had been growing under a sock was crushed. "Geeze," the blond grumbled, oblivious to the fungus. "You don't have to shout."
Auron was going to bring the funkiness of the carpet to the young man's attention, but decided not to waste his breath. He'd probably just say 'Cool!' and eat one. he thought. Aloud he said in a severe whisper "What are you doing here? You're supposed to be at the beach. Away from Yuna." He fixed Tidus with a withering glare that made Tidus' shadow smoke.
"I was, but I came to get my blitzball. But when I came in they were all flat!" he explained, then pleaded desperately while holding on to Auron's coat. "Help me air them up! I need my blitzballs!"
Like crack to a crack head. Auron thought as his eye fell upon the small mountain of flat spheres. Realizing that airing up all of the blitzballs would take a looooooooooong time, Auron agreed. It would keep Tidus out of Yuna's hair for a while.
Any one want to join me for lunch? I'm having the mushrooms.( Oh yeah, and a side of gravy.)