Chapter 7

He gave a gentle knock on the door of her little studio. He could hear the piano playing - liltingly, sorrowfully - and her voice was raised softly in a hum. He swallowed at the lack of response and opened the door a crack.

"Libby?" Jimmy croaked. "Can I come in?"

Libby did not acknowledge his presence, but continued her rhythmical playing and humming and swaying. Her eyes were half closed and she looked so beautiful, sitting there, piercing his heart with her music, her heart nearly broken. She looked like a muse, a pure, sweet, virginal star.

He had never before understood those sentimental metaphors about stars and moons and girls. He was a scientist; he knew facts about these things - well, the stars and moons, anyway. They were lumps of gases and rocks and dust. They were beautiful; of course they were beautiful; but in the same way as was an atom, or an amoeba, or even a non-Newtonian solid. They were beautiful in their scientific elegance. They weren't romantic.

But he had supposed that their poetic appeal came from ignorance. After all, it was easy to compare a tiny pinprick of light in the night sky to a woman's eye. But when you thought about it, that pinprick of light was just a giant ball of gas flaming out into the void. The same thing, viewed two different ways. One was tiny, the other larger than a mind could fathom. Both gorgeous, but one was wrong, and one was right, and there was nothing really romantic when you looked up close.

Well, he finally understood - at least he had finally come to his own understanding. That star he knew for certain to be a mind-bogglingly huge ball of flames whirling around a mind-bogglingly huge distance away - it was Libby's. She was cosmic. It was as if she could rule the universe - he wanted her to rule the universe. To him, the galaxies were hers; the planets were hers to command, even light hers to play with. He had never seen this before Libby - never felt that everything about someone could be so powerfully magnetic that she could be the center of the cosmos. And he knew that if he got a chance at this romance that he so desperately wanted, that it would be something completely new, different - something lasting.

"I talked to Cindy," Jimmy said tentatively.

Libby swayed.

"We had a... a mutual break-up. We just weren't on the same page with each other, we agreed on that, and that we should... y'know, stop."

Libby opened her eyes some and glanced at Jimmy for a second, then half-closed them again. She was silent for a moment, but she finally spoke in a hoarse voice.

"I hope you didn't do it for me."

Jimmy shook his head. "No. No, it wasn't for you. Libby - I - I'm so sorry. But, you know, he's get better, he's going to live."

Libby sighed a little, refusing to turn her focus away from her playing. Her mind kept on cycling through that one recent memory, of the phone ringing.

"Hey, Libby, could you get that for me? It's probably my mom calling about lunch, or something." Jimmy was frantically scrounging around in the refrigerator to find out what exactly was missing.

"Sure, Jim." She sprang off the couch, still electrified and soaring, not really all that worried about the bit of broken glass on the floor. She picked up the phone. "Hello?"

There was silence for a moment.

"Hello?" she said again.

"Um... Libby?" Cindy's voice was trembling. "Wha - why - where the hell have you been all day? And why are you in - "

Libby played a few broken chords as Jimmy watched her.

"Oh... hey, Cind," she said and gave a meaningful glance at Jimmy, who had given a start at hearing Cindy's name.

"Right, Libs... explanation? Oh - never mind, here, I - "

"I'll talk to you about it later, girl," Libby said in what she hoped was a calm, collected, normal voice that didn't betray anything. "You probably want to talk to Jim, right?"

Libby could tell even over the phone that Cindy wasn't quite convinced, but Cindy pressed on anyway. "Yeah, yeah, but hold on, I should tell you first - Sheen drank some bizarre science stuff in Jimmy's lab and he's in the hospital."

Libby blinked. "Oh."

"Damn, Libby, I'm sorry, I mean, this has to suck for you, so... well, but - "

She was at a loss. What was she supposed to do? Gasp? Scream? Cry?

"Oh - um - well - "

"I'm so sorry, Libby, please come over to the hospital right away and we'll talk, okay? Can I get Jimmy on the phone too?"

Libby nodded, her mind too fogged to realize that Cindy couldn't see her bobbing head, and handed the phone to Jimmy, who she realized was staring at her looking puzzled and concerned.

According to every chick flick Libby had ever watched and every book she had ever read, this wasn't supposed to be happening. These kinds of hospital experiences were supposed to illuminate the heart, enlighten a person, tell you how much you cared for someone. But she had had no hit-by-a-truck revelation of love for Sheen, or even of any kind of affection. Not that she wasn't worried about him, of course - not that she didn't care. But she was really only numb and a bit confused.

She and Jimmy arrived at the hospital together, and Libby rushed over to Cindy as soon as she saw her and swept her up in a hug.

"You all right, Libs?" Cindy asked with a frown.

Libby smiled gallantly. "Yeah."

Cindy looked at her and took a brief appraisal. "Umm... no, you're not." Cindy's glance played over Jimmy for a second, and she took her hand from Libby's shoulder and quickly embraced Jimmy. Libby looked down at her shoes and then sat down next to Mrs. Neutron.

Cindy was talking to Jimmy with quiet fervor, but Libby didn't pay attention to what she was saying. Mrs. Neutron greeted her with a smile and a sympathetic look, and she acknowledged the greeting with a small, polite smile and a "Hi" that clearly was intended to communicate that she appreciated the friendly greeting and the sentiment behind her eyes, but that she was in no mood for conversation.

After a second, Jimmy gave Cindy a quick peck on the lips and Libby suddenly averted her gaze. Jimmy was half-smiling at her shyly. Cindy, however, had turned away from him and didn't notice; her eyes were glued to Libby.

"Spill," Cindy said shortly. "You're clearly upset."

"Cind, leave me alone for a bit, will you?" Libby groaned. "I just gotta process this - "

"Process it my ass," Cindy said. "I'm only doing for you what you'd do for me. I can't lie to you. I'm kind of pissed that you went off talking to Neutron when you told me you wouldn't. But you know, that doesn't really matter right now, and I'm trying as hard as I can to be supportive." So Jimmy had told her about the trip, but he had obviously omitted some details. "I mean, come on, Libs, be honest with yourself. Sheen's lying in there as though dead and you're totally still in love with him. Really."

Libby's eyes got wide. "No," she said. "No, absolutely not - "

"Then what are you upset about?"

Libby thought for a moment. She had always had an uncanny ability to read Cindy's mind, but obviously Cindy lacked a little bit of the mystique and intuition that it took to do the same to others. It wasn't really that she loved Sheen - she didn't. Or did she? It was really more that she didn't - or that she didn't know. Why was she so confused? Sheen could be in that emergency room dying, for all she knew, and she couldn't even tell if she loved him or not. Yes, she had always thought about him, even after the break-up. But then...

It was Jimmy. It was the fact that he loved Cindy - she knew he did, even though he hadn't admitted to it on the rocket ride home. The fact that she had kissed him - heck, that she had lusted after him - after her best friend's boyfriend. And now Jimmy - Jimmy, of all people, was occupying her thoughts when she should have been duly concentrating on the fact that her ex was now quite possibly dying. She was wasting love - oh, heck, no, not love, just - whatever - on Jimmy when she should, as in every proper movie plot, be applying it to Sheen and grovelling at his bedside about how she couldn't afford to lose him.

Jimmy kept on watching Libby, her skillful hands as they danced slowly around the keyboard. The notes were calling to him, evoking in him this sense of longing - he could feel her there, in her music. He suddenly realized how inseparable they were, Libby and her music, like him and science, and something in him that she had stirred shifted even more deeply. So what if she was talented like that and he wasn't? She wasn't gifted at science, either, and he could still see Libby for all the beauty of her, even the beauty he couldn't quite understand.

But she was playing for Sheen. He knew that - he knew the longing, the sorrow of the music. So he spoke to her.

"Libby, you really love Sheen, don't you."

Something in Libby caved at that moment. Her shoulders collapsed, and she lifted her fingers off the keys, supporting her face in her hands instead. The tears finally came; oh, if she only knew that she did!

Jimmy approached her slowly. He obviously had gotten the wrong idea - she had given him the wrong idea, that she loved Sheen, on purpose. She wanted him to believe it, and then he could go back to Cindy, or Betty, or someone else he loved.

Just not her. She was too confused, too ordinary for this genius - and too lost. She didn't love him, she only loved the way he had looked at her, or touched her - not him, not his personality, just - wait, never mind, that wasn't it. It was just that they would only hurt Cindy if they were together...

She felt a hand on her shoulder, and she lifted her face out of her hands. It was tear-streaked; she was sobbing. His face was looking into hers, and she could detect a beautiful kindness behind his eyes. Perhaps there was something else there, too, and as though she were in a trance, she stood and Jimmy slowly embraced her, slipped her into his arms - it was amazing how well she fit there - and she continued to sob. For once she felt safe and warm and enveloped in care as she stood there, as he was so close to her, and yet despite this - or perhaps because of it - she couldn't stop crying. She smelled the pears and bananas and the old burned candles and for the first time, she felt no burning, sensual longing, no desire to touch him for the time being - only safety, gratitude, love.

"Y'know, Libby," he whispered in her ear, "this is probably a terrible time to say this, especially when there's this whole thing with Sheen, and you're so conflicted and everything" - how did he know that? - "and I know this whole thing's been really fast and random and crazy, but I have to tell you - Libby, I didn't break up with Cindy for you, but I'm still willing to take a chance on you."

Libby swallowed and felt the tears burn. She pulled away from him a little and looked in his blue, blue eyes. They were so close to her.

"So... um..." Jimmy smiled nervously. "What about you?"

Another tear dripped down from Libby's eye. She didn't know if she was right about this; the more she thought about it, the more she thought she was wrong. But she couldn't deny the fact that those words that Jimmy had just spoken had been the most beautiful words she ever remembered hearing, and she couldn't deny -

Suddenly she laughed. Oh, the denial she was in. And she used to get so huffy with Cindy about her denial of love for Jimmy. No wonder Cindy had tried to be tough on her. And here she was, debating over whether or not she should enter into what could be the greatest adventure of her life, with experiences beyond her wildest dreams...

Jimmy looked terrified of her laughter.

"W - what does that mean?" he asked with wide eyes.

Laughing harder, Libby leaned up and in and kissed his forehead.

"It means I'm willing to take a chance on you too, as long as you promise to avoid the Abba and not break into song."

Jimmy looked back at her, still wide-eyed, confused, until what she had said finally sunk in. His face broke into a smile.

"Dang, I love you, Libby," he said.

Libby just smiled and kissed him.

END