All right ladies, gentlemen, and those of you in-betweens. Greetings, and welcome to Rock, Priscilla, Strange Fic, a shining example of how NOT to write Fire Emblem fanfiction. Within this story you will find rock-solid romance, terrifying villians, and many, many shatterings of the fourth wall. If you think that's not your bag, then you're wrong. It most certainly is.

A couple of notes before we kick this puppy off, and I mean that in the least offenisve way you can remove a puppy from a high place with your foot.

First: FFnet has this love of destroying my section breaks. I've recently replaced them with ones that will hopefully survive future punctuation genocides, but no promises. If, at some future point, you cannot find the page breaks (There will be one directly before and after the disclaimer), please let me know via email or private message. I'll fix it up for you.

Second: My periods of productivity alternate between very high, a chapter per night, to very low, a chapter per 14 months. If you have any interest in reading the next chapter (and you do, trust me), put this creature on story alert. You'll be glad you did.

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Disclaimer: I make no claim of ownership on anything. Not even sanity.

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Priscilla looked at her One True Love. She knew it was True Love because it was capitalized. He was so... so... Did it matter what he was? He was better than that vile creature, the one they call Erk. He was much stronger too. He rubbed her hand against his rock-hard abs. A little on the silent side. But he was so much better than Erk. She sighed and cuddled up against his body, warmed by the sun. Priscilla had decided that after the incident, she would always refer to him in scathing tones, and think his name in italics.

. . . . .

Erk walked along the path. He was trying, unsuccessfully, to ignore the person behind him. Even though he was polite to everyone else in the army, he just couldn't stand to be polite to her. Especially because she was his employer. It only made sense for the cultured mage to swear at her, and only her. That darned Serra. He sighed and listened to the things Mark had given them. They were cups with pads on the edges that sat over his ears. A black band of some kind of strangely resilient matieral connected them by running across the top of his head and through his strangely colored hair. What were they called? Oh, yeah, "Noise Cancelling Headphones." They gave off an odd sound; it sounded like hard to understand poetry with extremely disgusting lyrics. It was also to a beat which his head bobbed on its own free will to. He shrugged, it was better than Serra. Erk had decided that after the incident, he would always refer to her in scathing tones, and think her name in italics.

. . . . .

A rather short girl stood happily beneath a tree, grinning from ear to cliched ear. Lyn, her unnaturally long green ponytail swinging behind her, walked up to her friend.

"Florina? Why are you so happy?" she asked.

"Well Lyn," Florina replied, "I've dicovered that even though I would freeze in my embarressingly short skirt, my horse is way too small to carry my gear and me, much less another passenger, and even though my armor hardly covers anything, it covers enough that if I were to be shot, my sex life would be okay!"

"That's great Florina! You know, you're so lucky. I don't get to wear any armor, I get clothes that reveal way too much of my legs, and I have to walk. I wish I could be you." Florina looked at her.

"Well, you're not the only one you know. Just look at Ninain, Louise, Isadora, Rebecca, Nino, Karla, Leila, and Vaida. Even the bad guys, er, girls don't get armor. Limestela, Ursula, and Sonia. Not a piece of working armor on any of them. Not to mention Serra, Priscilla and the countless generic clerics who can't even fight back! Serra wears a white dress that stays white no matter where she goes, and Priscilla who wears a skirt. It must be made of the same material as Serra's dress; it never gets dirty either. My clothes are the same too. And don't forget my sisters!"

"You know, I think the graphic artist dressed all the girls up like that so the girl-starved fanboys would actually train and pay attention to them." Lyn winced as the word "boy" left her mouth. Florina darted under a tree and started whimpering uncontrollably like a beaten puppy.

"B-b-b-boys?" she squeaked. "W-Wh-Wh-W-Where?" Lyn rolled her eyes.

"Great, now she's gone all Porky Pig on me," Lyn thought, even though she had no idea who or what a Porky Pig was. She had heard Mark say it. Come to think of it, she wondered what a graphic artist was as well.

. . . . .

At the mention of his name, the view shifted to Mark's face. His brows were furrowed in deep concentration. Finally, he picked up a thin piece of charcoal from his desk and pressed it lightly on the sheet of parchment. He had finally completed his epic masterpiece. The air seemed to fly out of the room as all the girls except Florina, Lyn and Priscilla held their breath as he prepared to read it aloud.

"I walk down the street, and I say fo' shizzle,

I am happy, cause my name ain't Izzle."

"Oh Mark!" they all cried in high fan-girly tones, "We love you, and your poorly scripted poems!"

"Yeah, and your big, shapeless green cloak is so atrractive to us!" They continued. Mark smiled, showing off perfect teeth. It was good being God.

"Hey, my name is close to Izzle." said Isadora, yet another poorly designed monted unit. But nobody cared about the waste of an angelic robe and left her in the corner to cry.

. . . . .

"Hey Eliwood."

"Yes, Hector?"

"You wanna make-out?"

"No."

"Good. Neither do I."

. . . . .

Priscilla hugged her True Love. She almost wished Erk would walk by and see how happy they were. She cuddled up closer, enjoying his sturdiness. She kissed him and-

"AH!"

"What was that?" she cried, looking around wildly.

Suddenly, Canas dropped from the sky and landed with a thud next to her.

"Sorry my lady, I had just found a plot-hole and decided to jump into it. Mark says one day I'm not going to come back, and they'll blame it on a storm. I however don't believe him, and I don't know who "they" are. Um, may I ask why you are kissing a rock?" Priscilla's eyes narrowed.

"Because of Erk." she hissed. Canas stood up and began to back slowly away.

"I can see you don't like him. Most people don't say other people's names in italics," he smiled, all previous fear fogotten now that he was a safe twenty-five feet away. "Anyways, here's some advice from Mark: Don't let the man get you down! Who the man is, I can't say, but I intend to find out!

. . . . .

Jaffar stared at Rath.

Rath stared back.

Wil stared at both of them.

Matthew rolled his eyes.

The writer wrote in simple sentences.

"Psst, Wil, when are we going to leave?" Wil turned to Matthew.

"Shhhhh, they're bonding!"

"No they're not! They can't even talk!"

Wil beamed.

"Yes they are! Look! Jaffar just twitched his thumb, and Rath just said the quiet line!"

"This is stupid, I'm going to go steal something from Guy."

. . . . .

"Hey Florina!" Canas called. "Don't let the man get you down!" Florina's eyes widened in fear.

"The Man? AHHHHHHHH!HHHHHHHH!" Florina took off running. She stopped after only hitting three tress and two tents.

"Dammit Canas. Why did you have to bring up men? You know she's only 16. How can you expect her to be able to talk to the opposite sex?"

"I don't think you're allowed to say that word Lyn. This game is rated "E," Canas said. "But if you're mad, you should stab Mark, not me. He's the one who told me the saying." Lyn ignored the rated "E" comment.

"You'r right," Lyn admitted. "But Mark's big, green cloak and lack of backstory makes him really, really sexy. And you? You're... not."

"Oh, darn. Do you think I could remove my completlely useless monocale before you give me a black eye?" Lyn looked at him criticly.

"I suppose so. I'm in a rather good mood today."

. . . . .

Florina: Bi-Di,Bi-Di, Bi-Di, That's all folks!

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I hoped you liked it. I based pretty much all the content off of "Ways to Screw Up a Fanfic" in the Fire Emblem Writer's Guild. Credit goes to Psychoswordlady for the plot involving Priscilla and her "One True Love." I guess this fic is kinda dedicated to her because her challenge post gave me an idea on how to start this whole thing. Thanks!

~Wii Master