Uhh… I have NO idea how this came about. At all. Seriously. I just really, for some insane reason, I felt like writing a Remus / Sirius. Anywho, this first chapter is dedicated to JAYNE, even though she probably won't read it, because we haven't talked much lately and I think she's mad at me or something. xx But YES. This goes out to yoooou. And our crazy 2 AM Legend of Zelda... escapades. Yes.

Oh, right, Disclaimer. If you seriously think that I think that I own any of these characters, you need to go get a fork, lick it, and stick it into an electrical outlet. Because you're just that stupid.

It had been an intricately crafted plan that they had only dreamt of properly executing for several months, and today… Today they had finally managed to pull it off. The 'grand scheme', as James was prone to calling it, had begun as a mere idea when Wormtail had finally returned to the common room after a particularly painful Friday night detention with his Ancient Runes professor. (This, of course, was a subject that James and Sirius had refused to consider when Peter asked them to try it with him, and they constantly threw the line "Told you so, you git!" into the conversation whenever the smallest mention of his class came up.)

He had, as Remus could recollect perfectly, came in and slumped in one of the armchairs by the fire, leaning back rather listlessly and looking with heavy eyes on where the werewolf was sitting and reading his newest book. In retrospect, Lupin should have asked him what was wrong right away, considering the fact that he looked completely and utterly miserable, but then again… Peter had been looking rather down as of late, so he had waved it off without much prompting.

"What's wrong with you, Wormtail? You look like you had to swallow a cockroach cluster from Snivellus or something." James had been playing chess as he spoke up, idly ordering his knight to smash one of Sirius' pawns.

It took a moment before Peter replied, but his voice when he did was quivering with suppressed rage. "She's just… such a terrible, horrible, disgusting creature!"

Remus distinctly remembered looking up at the shorter Marauder and raising a slender eyebrow as he spluttered indignantly.

"I take it that detention didn't go well? I told you not to flirt with that… what's her name again?" Sirius was pondering over the game as he spoke out, not putting much thought into his words.

"Sara Cress," Peter had snapped back promptly, sliding down even deeper into his chair as Sirius' bishop threw James' knight rather roughly off of the board, prompting an amused snigger from Black's direction.

Remus had put his book down on one knee, tilting his head up to look at his friend, a light grin casting over his features. "Well? Did she get her third box of chocolates yet? Still think you should've given them to me…"

Wormtail slipped down even further, to the point where the werewolf couldn't see any of him over the armchair apart from his legs that dangled carelessly over the carpet of the common room. "The Professor stole all three from her desk and then gave me an entire week of detention for it! That disgusting, filthy…"

Sirius had found the conversation fit for him to properly participate in by this point, so he sat up, pausing in his game to cut the irritated Wormtail off. "Come on, mate, we all know that professors are only so horrible and uptight because of their complete and utter lack of a sex drive. We've debated about this before."

And that they had, although it had been over a crate of stolen firewhiskey that James had somehow managed to drag back from Hogsmeade a while back, and nobody but Remus could truly remember that it hadn't been as much of a discussion as a continuous ramble filled with curses and off-topic thoughts.

James nodded sagely at this whilst another one of Sirius' pieces was wrestled off the board before he leaned over to look thoughtful before locking eyes with Peter's armchair.

"Maybe she has her eye on Sara and wants to steal her from you, my poor Wormtail," his voice was wrought with sarcasm, but it did exactly what Prongs had intended – it worked Peter up in less than a millisecond. Sirius, unable to resist laughing at the expression on his face, added that he would have to dashingly rescue the maiden from the fire-breathing dragon by creating a distraction, to which Peter objected rather loudly.

"That's insane, Padfoot! What the hell is wrong with you?!"

"I never said that you had to be the distraction," he looked indignant at the very thought that he would ever endanger a fellow Marauder. "However… Peter, what does her office look like?"

Remus didn't remember much else of that evening apart from the constant laughter as they devised a plan that he himself had never imagined would come into use. After all, although they pulled off more than their fair share of pranks, they still had hundreds and thousands that they had dreamt up and never gotten around to. After all, it basically consisted of getting into the professor's office and having the werewolf charm the portraits into having hundreds of thousands of naked men and women constantly dancing, bouncing and moving across the office's walls. Of course, Remus had protested when he heard that he was the one who had to cast the imagery spell, but James didn't exactly budge on who-was-doing-what. After all, James had already claimed that he would ruin it (charms had never been his forte), and he claimed the job of 'lookout' with Peter and at least he would be the one supplying the pictures. Sirius would be the one to place the sticking charm on the portraits, as Remus wanted someone to go with him. After all, if he was going to go down, he sure as hell was taking someone else with him.

On a slightly separate note, Remus knew better than to ask where Prongs was getting the photographs, and he knew, better still, not to mention the prank to Lily.

(It really was, Remus reflected later, no wonder that Lily refused to talk to James most of the time.)

Time went on, and now, here they were. Remus was posting rather lewd pictures of a certain redheaded girl and some other people that he barely recognized over the normally stiff-nosed paintings that lived in Peter's professor's office and trying to keep himself from staring at… well, anything. His face was red enough as it was without an entire legion full of naked people with nothing to hide springing around and he could hardly contain himself from breathing a rather deep sigh of relief when he finally pasted the last one across a portrait of a lady with horribly bushy eyebrows.

Sirius had been diligently following behind him, casting amused glances at the crimson that masked over his lycanthrope friend's face as he cast the sticking charms to the 9 separate portraits that spread over the study. He finished with a huge grin on his face as six Lily-photos went to their own separate portrait to do something or another that Sirius suddenly found himself very interested in before he was hauled off by Remus, who couldn't leave the room fast enough.

"Merlin, Moony, it's not like we're going to be caught if-"

"Damn it, Sirius, we need to go… I don't want to risk—"

A clatter was heard from down the hall and the werewolf froze, petrified, his hand still latched to Sirius' sleeve as amber eyes darted back and forth, trying desperately to find the source of the noise, his heart hammering wildly against his chest.

Sirius didn't quite understand why his friend had stopped moving, so he kept walking onwards, expression more than sulky as he tugged the other along- and promptly tripped over an extended leg, crashing to the stone floor and dragging an insanely startled werewolf along with him. Gray eyes were now wider than Remus' as they swept over the hallway, wincing as he pushed a rather flustered Moony from where he had landed on the animagi's torso.

Peeves was floating there, grinning toothily at the pair, calculating eyes measuring the pair of them up. "Oh, it's Black and Lupin! You just missed your friendsies… I don't think they'll have as much detention as you will though, when they see what you've done to the Professor's room…" Shrieking laughter followed this and he rocked back and forth in midair merrily.

Sirius had stood up by now, black hair askew and ruffled as he hauled Lupin up with him, ignoring the strange amounts of stuttering and blushing from his friend.

Footsteps were approaching from down the hall and, without much further ado, Padfoot immediately snagged onto Remus' hand and started running as fast as he could, feet pounding against the stone floors as they ran. Damn James for taking the map, damn Peter for hating this stupid professor, damn Remus for going along with the plan…

Gleeful shouts of "That way, Sir, they went that way!" echoed tauntingly down the passage, and the taller male found himself hauling Remus behind him and up several flights of stairs, winding upwards…

"Damn it!"

His voice was hoarse and breathless as he finally let go of Moony's hand, which was slick with a light sheen of sweat. Letting a quiet groan escape him, he slumped back against the nearest wall to catch his breath. The brunette wasn't faring much better, as his full moon had been in the past week and he was left significantly weaker than usual. Remus practically collapsed to the floor, pressing his cheek against the wall and keeping it there, internally begging the coldness to spread through the rest of his body. Light brown hair was sticking to his face as he tried to catch his breath, his gut burning. After all, this Marauder was hardly the most athletic of the four. They were both silent for a short period of time, staying completely still until voices- Peeves and a rather outraged Slughorn- sliced through the quiet air that had surrounded them, causing both of them to jerk and for Remus to send a worried glance in his friend's direction.

Sirius nodded lightly, helping the werewolf up and they started off again, only going higher and higher as the Gryffindors climbed until there was a sudden lack of stairs. If asked, Sirius would have blamed it on a conspiracy against him-- first it was the lack of naked-people-orgies, then tripping over Peeves and now, they were going to be caught by an infuriated potions master and a pathetic excuse for a poltergeist and given months worth of saturday detentions...

Meanwhile, Remus had twisted free of his friend's iron grip, beleatedly noticing a ladder that led upwards.. of course, the divination classroom! He was climbing up in moments, a hand pressing gently against the trapdoor and fumbling for the latch, opening it up and finally shoving it open. It took a moment for him to pull himself onto the carpet of the room, feet dangling over Sirius' head, who had caught on and followed suit, swinging himself up into the room with ease and forcibly closing the trapdoor.

A small click caught the werewolf's attention after the thud had resided, and slender hands flew to the metal ring that allowed the door to swing open... It didn't budge.

"S-Sirius, it..." The brunette's voice wavered uncertainly as he tugged harder, "it's locked."

I know, I know, insert mass groan here, an overused concept, but STILL. It's Remus/Sirius and they're locked in together, ect. ect.

Will continue when / if I get 6 reviews. Yes, I -do- have low standards.