Chapter 1: (Untitled)

A small shuttle heads from the Federation Starbase in orbit around Earth. Piloting it is a petit blond girl in yellow uniform.

"Is this your first time in a Galaxy class vessel, captain?" she asks.

"Look, doll face-"

"Lieutenant Reid."

"What ever. I seem to have given you the impression I wanted to engage in friendly banter, when in reality the amount I care about what you have to say is so small you'd need a microscope the size of the moon to find it, so let us both occupy this death trap until board. What do you say?"

Lt. Reid bites her lower lip before continuing, "You're gonna like it."

He holds his hands together behind his back while turning to look out the windows to the shuttle, "Yes, it's a real piece pf ship."

There, in a holding structure in orbit, in the ship; Earth behind it.

…

The crew stands about the Main Shuttle Bay, chatting. The captain comes walking in at a fast pace toward the podium situated not far from the shuttle he arrived in.

Lt. Reid raises the an electronic whistle hanging around her neck, and blows it in notes of old maritime tradition, "Captain on the deck!"

They all still talk as the captain stares at them from the podium.

"Hush!" she yells; some quiet down.

"Folks," the captain speaks, "unless you all want to spend the rest of the year scrubbing intake manifolds on Excelsior Class vessels, I suggest you all shut the hell up!"

They all quiet down.

"I tried," says Lt. Reid nervously.

"Trying is nothing if it produces failure, Lt. Reid."

"Oh," in a shy tone.

He picks up a datapad and presses a button, then reads it, "To captain Robert Kelso, stardate 100201 … you are hereby requested and required to take command of the U.S.S. Sacred Heart of this date. Signed, Rear Admiral Simon Reid, Starfleet Command.

So, there you go, I'm your new captain," he forces a smile while eying his new crew, and comments in a barely audible voice, "Lord, look at all the scragglers," and picks up his voice, "Well? Just don't stand there – go fix things, warp space, explore strange new worlds and yadda yadda yadda."

They start to disband and head out.

Captain Kelso yells, "I'd like to see all key personnel on the bridge in 30 minutes. Move!"

The exit quickly.

"When I say move, you jump, Lt. Reid."

"Sorry."

"Don't be sorry, be gone!"

She scurries off.

…

An officer with pale white skin and also in a yellow thinks to himself while walking down a corridor, "Working on a starship is a bit like at a factory; each person serves as a key element in maintaining status quo and making sure things get done."

Captain Kelso catches up to the officer, "Ah, commander Jada."

"Captain, please call me Dorian."

"Commander Jada, I read in your personnel profile that you're some kind of robot?"

"Actually, to be technical, I am an android."

"Android, robot, what ever. If it doesn't have a live, beating hear pumping blood through it's veins, then it's not human."

"That hurt, sir."

"Get used to it. If you're gonna learn to be human, you got to learn to tolerate other people's views and opinions, no matter how stupid they are."

"Even-"

"Except mine. Mine are based on unfortunate decades of life experience and my broad intellect and book smart. They are infallible, Mr. Jada."

"Yes, sir."

They enter a turbo lift.

"Sir – even if factually proven wrong?"

"Never happens."

The doors slide shut.

…

The doors slide open again to reveal the bridge.

"Captain on the bridge!" Reid yells in a sharp, high pitched tone. People cover their ears. She slaps her legs together and arms at her sides; she looks up slightly.

Captain Kelso says dryly, "As you were," and looks around. "Where the hell is my second in command?"

Reid speaks up, "Um, Commander Cox is en route. He's on the U.S.S. Hood."

"But my bridge crew isn't complete," he says angrily, "Lt. Reid, this is your fault!"

"Oh," sadly.

"I've already met my third in command, Mr. Jada, so let's see who else we got here that I'll have to learn the names of."

"Carla, Chief Medical Officer."

"Ah, Dr. Espinosa, last doctor who operated on me removed my heart," Kelso raises an eye brow.

Without a wavering facial expression she replies, "I see that coal is working just fine."

"Clever," moves on, "and just who might you be?"

In a tight, one-piece maroon suit with boobies popping out, "Counselor Jordon Sullivan."

"Miss Sullivan, it's my understanding that you are half Betazoid, correct?"

"Yeah, that's right," with her arms folded in an attempt to cover her cleavage, which he is eying.

"Well," he looks up, "let me save you the trouble – I don't need counseling, and I prefer if you NOT read my mind. My personal thoughts are my own."

"Too late, you're pissed off," she replies.

"You're damn right I'm pissed off; I was promised a crew, not a bunch of Cardassian-whiped Bajoran cadets. Now, which one of you pinheads in my chief engineer?"

"That would be me, sir; Lt. Turk" with a smile.

"Son, take that hairband off your eyes."

"It's not a hairband, sit, it's a V.I.S.O.R."

"And just what the hell is a V.I.S.O.R.?"

"Born blind, sir. It helps me see."

"Good god, a blind man in charge of my ship's well being. Somebody phaser me, now."

"Sir, as chief of Security, I highly recommend not phasering yourself," says Lt. Reid.

"That was a rhetorical comment, Lt. Reid. It would be best if you didn't speak often."

"Oh," weakly.

"Sir, Lt. Reid only had your best interest in mind," says Jada.

"What's that? Are you defending her? Perhaps you two would like to go to 10-forward and have brunch."

"Actually, that would be nice," says Reid.

"Really?" asks Jada.

"I was being sarcastic," says Kelso.

"Ah, sarcasm: irony, satire, caustic remark. A vernacular insult disguised in amiable speak; to-"

"Shut up," says captain Kelso.

"Yes, sir," and then Jada begins thinking internally as Kelso walks about the bridge, "I have noticed that in many situations when people tend to be sarcastic, what they are really doing is covering up their own insecurities and trying to assert dominance over others. But in time, they ease up and get to know you."

"C3PO, take the helm and go fetch me my damn commander!" Kelso yells to Jada.

"Of course, it takes others sometimes longer," then says aloud, "Aye, sir," turns around and sits at the helm; presses some buttons, "intercept course laid in for the U.S.S. Hood."

"Engage the damn thing," says Kelso.

The Sacred Heart warps away.