Playing Second Fiddle

By chinesefirethorn

Disclaimer: Kishimoto-san owns Naruto. Only the plot belongs to me.

Pairing: LeexGaara

Form: An exercise on first person POV using the present tense.

Content: Events as seen and interpreted by Sabaku no Gaara regarding his relationship with Lee and Lee's feelings toward Sakura.

Title Basis: The second violinist in an orchestra is usually overpowered by the melody of the first violinist. Few people realize that the former requires more than talent or skill. He must be willing to play a subordinate role wherein his talent may not be noticed. But those who 'play second fiddle' know that they are the reason for the melody to become a harmony.

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Walking together is pleasant, our feet setting a steady rhythm with the crunch of sand and the rustle of cloth. It is hot, like always.

Lee is talking again in that confident way of his- mostly about what he did today and his plans for his routine tomorrow- another hundred to add to his burden. Sometimes I think he likes the pain, or perhaps the idea of success that overcoming pain gives.

Of course whenever I tell him that he just laughs. "Pain is a good teacher. Besides, when I fall from exhaustion you're there when I look up." He'd say before doing another of those ridiculous poses. Really, I've found someone I love.

Romance is just a word for me. Even if that's the case, it's how my siblings describe our relationship. They tell me I've changed, though I don't see how. It's only common sense to bring someone water or food after training. Not even Lee's determination can overcome basic needs- not one so reliant on the body as he.

If our joining will be called anything, then it should be 'mutual'. We work together; protect each other, even if we don't always understand each other.

Night creeps as we reach the outer gates, both of us pausing while I check sentry reports and give some of my own. Lee steps back, out of earshot.

Part of the reason for going on walks with Lee was to perform daily checkups around the border. Being a couple didn't mean giving up our roles as Kazekage and one of Konoha's envoys, respectively. Even when we were just friends we knew the boundaries. Lee, like many Konoha nin, has a duty to give protection and support while Suna recovers from previous attacks.

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When we enter our home- seeing Lee smiling whenever I use that word makes it feel true -he douses all but one candle. Ah, so he has something planned. But tonight we have to talk.

He slides his arms around me from behind, the sand armor parting for him as willingly as I would.

"Lee, I need to ask you something. "

"Now? Why? …Can it wait?" Surprise, laced with the sober voice he uses only when we're alone.

I shake my head and quietly slip out of his grasp. Some things just need to be said for both my sanity and his safety.

"Do you love me," my hand jerks up in a silent command to pause, "as much as you love her?" It seems harder to keep my voice steady. But I've already waited too long to ask that.

For a moment, I thought Lee had forgotten. His brows curve in an endearing look of confusion before his eyes widen.

Visiting Konoha last week to hold the annual talks between Hokage and Kazekage. Meeting the girl turned woman, pink hair and pale green eyes eerily too familiar to me. Lee smiling at her, gently, with that look.

I believe I realized it then- how her hair looks like a lighter shade of mine. Or how her eyes reflect a clear green so different from my own. And Lee himself told me he liked her first.

But I can never give Lee that expression. Nor that smile which transformed her face. And the way he looked at her…he's never given me that look.

It hurts

"…Gaara."

So it's true. It hurts, somehow both worse than anything I've felt before while also feeling normal, obscenely normal. I want to get this over with as quickly as- Water. Water? Warm water on my face…

Lee suddenly pulls me close, his chest strangely wet. …I'm crying…

Lee's whispering my name and telling me he loves me- I want to hear him. More than that, I want to believe. "Gaara I really, really love you. Please listen to me! Sakura is just my friend. You…You're my…" I can hear his heart beating fast as his whispers grow strained. He hasn't finished his last sentence.

Lee, you're making this very difficult for me.

For once I don't want to be selfish, if it will bring happiness to the one I hurt for. It took a long time to believe in love. Even longer to believe someone, especially Lee, could love me. It's strange that I don't feel anything right now.

"I can't be a replacement." I tell him, pushing at his chest and adding more pressure each time he tightens his hold. "I'm not like her. She can give you more than I can."

If Lee continues to stay with me, I might break him again. What kind of love can a broken mind/heart/person give?

Don't leave me

"No!" The arms around me tighten. "Gaara…you..you…I love you, no one else, you're not a replacement!" This is the first time I've seen Lee act like this. …Why is he also crying? "Have you been feeling this way all this time?"

I nod, lips tightening when he makes that distressed sound. Times like these make me want to go into the desert and block all human contact. I don't want this. I don't want to need him.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to imply…I don't know what I did to imply that. But I'm sorry." Lee murmurs this before kissing-

…

"Wait." I pull away. Is Lee distracting me on purpose? "…You told me you loved her before me. And I saw how you looked at her- I can tell that it's different from how you look at me." For the first time, Lee pales when my tone sharpens. I don't feel the satisfaction I thought I'd have.

He unexpectedly faces me with a firm expression. "…No. I said I had a crush on her. God, Gaara, I love you. And if I look at her differently, it's because I look at you differently."

He leans back and cups my face as he tries to smile- a small one that fails miserably. "…I don't even know how to describe what you are to me. I guess Gai-sensei's speeches aren't enough after all, ne?"

…Ah.

I stare at his cheerless smile before snorting. "You only realized that now?"

Lee looks up in shock before his mouth forms a small 'oh' and his face lights up. "Hey! Don't say that about Gai-sensei!" He starts a speech about his teacher, which we both cut short with an anticipated kiss.

I bite his lip, drawing blood before sucking on it in apology.

Our fingers thread as we lie side by side. I hook an ankle around his leg, telling him I was mistaken. He shakes his head.

"When we went to Konoha, she told me that she was getting engaged soon. I was so happy for her…um, it might have given a different impression." He pulls my hand up to his mouth, just resting it against his molested lips. There is quiet adoration in his eyes.

I hold his gaze for a moment before asking one last thing. "…Did you like her for her looks?"

Lee pauses to think before nodding. "She was one of the prettiest girls in her batch. It was…more of a challenge to win her affections- motivate my training. I didn't really believe we'd be more than friends." He looks at me and finally flashes a wide grin, winking. "You're what I've been looking for in her. That's why you're not a replacement."

Staring at him doesn't affect him anymore. But in the end, I'm more than content with Lee- quirks and all.

"But you surprised me." Lee draws me closer, voice lowering as he starts pulling at my robe. "I didn't expect you to be so willing to let me go."

I shake my head, "If I forced you to stay, you'd be miserable. I would be too." He smiles before pulling me into a fierce kiss. The lone candle continues to burn, casting shadows on our bodies.

My chest is painful again, in that mixture of hurt and warmth. Everything was back to normal.

Of course, I didn't tell him I'd have killed both of us as an alternative.