A/N: Here's the third chapter of HtBAL! Or a.k.a. Hot Balls/How to be a Lady! =D I'm very thankful for all the reviews I got! Very, very happy that I might consider jumping off a bridge screaming 'THANK GOD FOR REVIEWS!!!'. Hahahaha. Not Quite.
So without further adieu, let the show begin!
There were a lot of things that Hinata Hyuga didn't expect when she woke up on the first day of school that day. First, it was Neji-neechan leaving her behind before she could even remember that it was in fact, the first day of school. Second, she didn't expect to forget saving her game after her little sister Hanabi reminded her that it was in fact, the first day of school.
'I got to level 25 of 'Zombie Killers from India', damn it!' She thought.
And lastly, she didn't expect to be knocked down on her way to the official before-the-start-of-a-new-school-year assembly by none other than, the heartthrob/star basketball player she had known since her elementary school days. And there she sat, flat on her butt and red from embarrassment as the figure that knocked her down stared at her like a person staring at an injured hippo. 'Curse my fate.' The said 'hippo' thought. The blonde hair, slightly tanned skin and whisker-like marks on his face all confirmed her suspicions.
It was definitely him. "Oh~ crap" She said.
Naruto Uzumaki called out to her with his loud and slightly gruff voice. "Hey! I know you! Hitana Hyuga, right? You're Neji's cousin!" He said, apparently not noticing what the girl in front of her said. Hinata only blinked before nodding her head slowly. Never mind that he called her by another name, she could almost see imaginary flowers blooming out from Naruto's head.
'His beautiful, beautiful head. That's now growing lilies and orchids!' She thought unconsciously.
Naruto flashed his trademark smile again and offered his hand to help Hinata or to him, Hitana, up. Hinata hesitantly grabbed his hand and stood up from the floor. She then let go of his hand immediately, causing Naruto to raise his eyebrows at the notion. 'His hand is so warm and strong.' She thought, biting her lower lip. Once again, she could feel her face burning up. Unconsciously, she felt her eyes examining his lean, but muscular figure. He was wearing a simple black V-neck shirt and tattered jeans.
'God, why is it suddenly so hot in here?' Hinata thought as she tilted her cap to the side again.
'Oh, crap. I can hear the chorus of 'Smooth Operator'.' Hinata thought as she forcefully tried to block out the song from her head but to no avail.
"Umm.." She heard the blonde say. Her eyes immediately shot up to his face, where it should have been looking at, instead of his figure. Before she could even utter a single sentence about her name being Hinata instead of Hitana, Naruto immediately run past her like the athlete he was, shouting, "I HAVE TO PEE! CATCH YOU LATER HITANA!" He screamed. And then he suddenly disappeared from her sight.
"Eh?" She found herself grimacing as she looked at the spot where the handsome blonde used to be standing. She shook her head like a wet puppy and muttered, "Get a hold of yourself, Hitana….I mean Hinata." She sighed for no reason and entered the auditorium, slightly getting the feeling that she was having a fever.
The auditorium was large, to say the least. And she could see that all the students of Konoha High were starting to form lines like the ants they were. Then, she detected the sight of a guy with long, brown hair in a white shirt with black slacks. And she smiled predatorily, a mischievous glint in her eyes. "Neji-Neechan~" She said evilly. 'I will get my revenge.' She mentally said, lost in her thoughts of 1001 ways to torture Neji Hyuga as she made her way down the steps towards the place where the students were all gathering. Suddenly, she felt her foot kick a rather hard pillow. Not bothering to look down, she kicked it numerous times, wondering who would leave their pillow on the stairs of the school auditorium.
"Get your fucking foot out of my fucking ass." The talking pillow said.
She merely glanced at the talking pillow scoffed. "Damn my imagination." She heard herself say out loud, merely regarding the pillow as a fragment of her overactive imagination. That is, until she realized something.
'Wait, talking pillows don't have hair.' She thought, raising her finger to her chin. She looked at the pillow again and grimaced. A boy about her age with spiky, raven black hair wearing a dark blue hoodie and black baggy pants was sitting on the stairs, his black obsidian eyes glaring at her. His left eyebrow was twitching in anger. 'Geez, what's his problem?' Hinata thought, apparently forgetting that she had kicked him earlier. Hinata didn't recognize him. Was he new? Before she could ask him that, though, she got distracted with the low, predatory growl coming from him.
"Why the hell did you kick me?" He said through gritted teeth. The killing intent beaming from him didn't deter her, though. After all, Hinata did live with Hiashi.
"Uh…." Hinata found herself answering. Yup, it was him. He was the talking pillow. The said talking pillow now looked at her with both his eyebrows raised as his glare softened a little. He was now looking at her with a sense of amusement. Hinata then found his eyes looking at her figure up and down. He then scoffed rather rudely, his eyes leaving her and he now stared intensely at the group of students instead, as if nothing happened.
"Then, why the hell are you sitting in the middle of the stairs, if not to get your ass kicked?!" She retaliated in a mock angry voice, before running down the stairs, away from the angry-pillow-boy with the speed of a cheetah running towards its' prey. She could feel the boy glaring at her from behind as she sped away from him.
When she finally reached where the other students were gathering at, she felt two pairs of hands grab her by both of her arms. Two scantily clad figures were looking intently at her, both still not letting go of her arms. Hinata merely smiled her usual smile at them. They were, in fact, her best friends.
The first one with bright pink layered short hair dressed in a low-cut white spaghetti-strapped shirt and a short denim skirt with black boots, squinted her eyes suspiciously at Hinata. While the other one with long, blonde hair tied up into a high ponytail, clad in a sleeveless turtle-neck dress that was just too short for comfort and also donning dark purple pumps, was also looking at her with suspicious eyes.
"Wow, Sakura, Ino! You guys are especially happy to see me today!" Hinata said, still smiling. The two couldn't resist the urge to smile at their easy-going best friend. But the suspicious glint in their eyes still hasn't gone away and Hinata was starting to wonder what she did wrong.
"What?" Hinata pouted, bewildered.
"What, what?" The blonde-haired Ino said, now smiling mischievously.
"You know what, what." It was Sakura's turn to smile like she had a hidden agenda.
"What, what, what?" Hinata was starting to get frustrated with all the mention of the word 'what'. Her two best friends rolled their eyes and dismissed their best friend's denseness. Ino and Sakura finally let go of Hinata's arms and they were now standing with their hands on their hips.
"You know, I don't think that she even knows that she just interacted with him." Ino said to Sakura, pressing on the word 'him'.
"Yeah, most girls would drop dead like flies when they hear his voice." Sakura replied, pressing on the word 'his'.
"You know, he's mine." They said in unison. Then, Hinata swore she could see World War Three happening right before her eyes. She raised her eyebrows as she became audience to her two best friends' 'He's mine' war.
'Who's he, anyways?' Hinata thought, frustrated. Suddenly, she felt the need to shiver. She turned back slowly, still aware that her best friends were still screaming 'He's mine' over and over again. And there he was, still sitting on the stairs, hunched with his elbows on his knees.
And he was glaring intently, directly at her.
Not knowing what the hell to do, Hinata just flashed one of her usual smile and waved at him like an idiot. Finally realizing thoroughly what she did, she immediately turned back towards her best friends, relieved to see that they were still fighting each other and that they didn't notice her waving to angry-pillow-boy.
She sighed for no reason once again as she let her mind wander, and her imagination finally took over her entire mind.
Hinata's daydream….
Somewhere in the year of 2320,
"Quick, Hitana! We need to kill the ultimate zombie and finally free the world from zombies!" A Naruto armed with a rifle said to Hinata in an Indian accent. Hinata nodded enthusiastically. The fire in their eyes was inextinguishable. They wanted nothing more to save their planet Earth from the clutches of the ultimate zombie/alien mutant. Hinata could sense the passion and love in Naruto's eyes. "Yes, lover!" Hinata immediately blurted out, also in an Indian accent as she clutched her revolver tightly. 'Screw the fact that he messed up my name!' She thought. They leaned in for a kiss but an explosion suddenly caught their attention.
A zombie with no arms came into their plain view and the lovers quickly separated from each other. And without warning the zombie opened his mouth, flames bursting out from its' mouth. Hinata could see that the flames would reach her so she braced herself for the burn. Then, heroically, Naruto screamed out her false name. "HITANAAAA!!!"
Hinata could see everything move in slow motion. Naruto, still screaming her false name as if he couldn't run out of breath from screaming someone's name that long, jumped in front of Hinata and took the hit instead. Naruto fell to the floor but immediately regained energy and stood up. Thankfully, the flame had only caught fire on Naruto's shirt. The shirt was still blazing in flames so Naruto ripped the shirt open with his bare hands, to reveal a very, very, fine body. Hinata widened her eyes.
"YES, YES, YES!!!" Hinata screamed, causing Naruto to look at her quizzically. Hinata quickly tore her eyes from Naruto and mock glared at the pyro-zombie.
"I mean, DIE YOU MUTANT SCUM!!!!" Hinata shot the zombie in the head, causing it to explode into a million pieces. After killing the zombie, Hinata looked at Naruto and he met her eyes in return.
"You saved me, Naruto…" Hinata said breathlessly.
"You killed the zombie, Hitana…" Naruto looked at her seriously. And they leaned towards each other once more when a loud evil laughter was heard across the dark dungeon they were in.
"WHAT NOW?!!" Naruto and Hinata screamed in unison, staring at the figure in front of them that was laughing maniacally. Then they gasped.
Standing in front of them, was none other than the ultimate zombie/alien mutant that was behind all of the chaos that befell the planet Earth. "It is….Neji!" Naruto blurted out in anger, and also in a thick Indian accent.
True to form, it was a zombie-fied Neji with one of his arms broken off and his face clearly marred with gruesome gashes with two green antennas sticking out of his head. They gasped again.
"NEJI! You didn't moisturize!" Naruto and Hinata screamed in horror. The said Neji just laughed maniacally.
"IT IS BECAUSE OF YOU HINATA!!!!" Neji screamed in a surprisingly scary voice. Naruto gasped for the millionth time, is hands flying up to his mouth in disbelief. His rifle fell to the ground with a loud thud.
"YOU'RE NAME'S NOT HITANA?!" Naruto screamed, shaking in disbelief. Hinata only grimaced.
"IF YOU HADN'T THROWN ALL MY BEAUTY PRODUCTS INTO THE PACIFIC OCEAN, MY FACE WOULDN'T HAVE BROKEN UP WITH HIVES AND I WOULDN'T HAVE GOTTEN INFECTED WHEN AN ALIEN MUTANT SUDDENLY TOUCHED MY SCARRED FACE!!!! IT'S ALL BECAUSE OF YOU THAT I'M TAKING IT OUT ON THIS ENTIRE PLANET!" Neji screamed, sending shivers down Hinata's spine.
"YOU'RE NAME'S NOT HITANA?!" Naruto screamed again, tears falling down from his eyes. Hinata's eyebrow twitched. "Can we stop screaming now?" She said, frustrated. 'This isn't how I planned it.' She thought, sighing.
Naruto, believing that he was too miserable to live because he thought Hinata was Hitana, took the rifle off of the ground and aimed it at his own head.
"I'm sorry, Hanita…" He muttered, before pulling the trigger and falling to the ground, thus dying gracefully.
"NOOOOO!!!!!" Hinata wailed as she fell to the ground at her lover's side.
"But he still got my name wrong!!" Hinata said, tears falling from her eyes as she looked at her lover's face. Blood was trailing down at the side of his head.
"NOW…." She heard Neji's voice call out to her. She looked up at Neji in fear as the zombie/alien mutant walked towards her. "FOR MY REVENGE!"
Hinata/Hitana/Hanita was shaking in fear. Neji was still laughing maniacally as she screamed, hugging Naruto's body closely.
"NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Hinata screamed out loud, her hands covering her face as she knelt down to the floor.
Then, she felt two fingers poking at both of her shoulders. Immediately, she snapped out of her horrible daydream. She felt cold sweat trickling down her forehead. She saw her two best friends staring wide-eyed at her. All the students in the auditorium turned their heads to look at the now completely red Hinata. She swore she heard thousands of neck cracks as the other students turned to look at her.
"U-Uhh….." She stammered as she looked around her. Hinata detected the face of her grimacing cousin/alien-mutant-zombie, Neji among all the other faces. Then, her eyes automatically widened when she saw the face of her supposed-to-be-deceased-lover, Naruto Uzumaki looking at her, also grimacing. God, she can almost hear him thinking, 'Hitana?'
Her thoughts were cut short when she heard both of her best friends gasp.
"Umm….Is that…" She heard Sakura saying. Hinata immediately looked at Sakura from her kneeling position on the floor, surprised to find her face pale and gaping as her eyes looked behind Hinata. Hinata then turned to Ino, to find that her face was also showing the same expression, her eyes also looking behind Hinata.
"Y-Yes…that is…." Ino stuttered.
Hinata furrowed her eyebrows in confusion and turned back. Suddenly, she found herself gaping.
"It's………….Sasuke Uchiha laughing." Both of her friends said in unison.
Indeed, Hinata saw angry-pillow-boy laughing to his hearts content, with one hand clutching his stomach and one hand wiping the tears coming out of his eyes as he laughed like a happy five year-old boy.
A long pause ensued in the auditorium. The only sound that could be heard was laughter coming from the boy sitting on the middle of the stairs.
"Wait….Who?" Hinata asked out loud.
A/N: Well that's it for chapter 3 of HtBAL (How to be a lady!) I'm sorry if it's slow or anything. I'm just trying to get the plot together and not rush things. Until then! =D