B L O O P !!!
: LOD Style!
"A creepy crappy collection of blooperness."
Written by Rap's ([email protected])
Prepare to be mortified. I DONT know what I was on and I DONT want
to be held responsible for the insanity below should it harm any
of your braincells. Scary, this IS. ^_^ Still, I couldn't help it!
LOD bloopers.... mwhahaha... let the idiocy and crude humor begin!
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Scene: Disk 1 -- Dart returns to a ruined Seles!
Dart: *runs down a bank of grass to his crippled hometown, sword
high, face agonized- hair billowing wildly--!!!*
Director: SH*T! DART! WATCH OUT FOR THE-!!!
Dart: *hits a tree*
All: .....
Director: Cut. Goddamnit. That's the eighth damned time...
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Scene: Disk One -- Dart meets Lavitz
Director: ACTION!!!
Dart: *runs fowards* Who are you!?
Lavitz: I am Lavitz Slambert! I am the head of the first knighthood
of the kingdom of... of.. Wait.. Kingdom the head.. Wait.. damnit-
can we go again!? That sentence keep screwing me up!!!
Dart: *sighs* HOW DAMNED HARD CAN IT BE!!?? just SAY; I am the head
of the first knighthood of the ... knighthood of the kingdom of...
BASIL!
Lavitz: Oh aren't YOU eloquent!
Dart: yeah!?!? WELL SAY IT THREE TIMES FAST!!!
Lavitz: .....
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Scene: Disk 1 -- Dart becomes a dragoon
Director: Que, pyro effects!!!
Pyro crew: *dowse Dart in flames*
Dart: *burns alive and dies*
Director: ....
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Scene: Disk 1 -- Shana twists her ankle
Shana: Ahhh!! *falls down*
Dart: Shana!? Are you alright!? *the group stops*
Shana: yeah... im fine.. see? *falls back down*
Dart: here, I'll carry you.... *lifts Shana onto his shoulders*
Director: Que sappy music!
*music plays*
Dart: Do you remember when- SH*T! *stumbles and falls off the cliff
nearby*
All: *rush to the side of the cliff*
Rose: oooo.. messy.
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Scene: Disk 1 -- The battle with Greham and Fyrebrand
Greham: Lavitz, I loved your father as a mate.
Lavitz: The (@#*$&!?
Greham: wha.. Wait... *reads the script* @(#*$&@(#*& SONY
TRANSLATION!!!
Rose: Does it actually say that!?!?
Greham: Swear to god!!!
Director: JUST GET ON WITH IT!!!
battle ensues
Dart: No- wait.. Hold up... that dragon just crapped on me!!
Rose: Wha!?
Dart: I SAW GREEN SHIT fly out of it's ass, okay!?!?
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Scene: Disk 1 -- Battle Shirley
Shirly: *morphs into Shana* Dart, why did you leave?!
Dart: *attacks her*
Shana: *dies*
Director: (@#$&@(*#& IDIOT!!! YOUR SUPPOSED TO ANSWER QUESTIONS!!
Dart: ..... oh.
Shirley: DUH! Christ... *morphs into Albert*
Albert: *takes her place* Lavitz! return to the castle at once!!!
Director: CUT!!! your not doing *THE STANCE*
Albert: aw come ON! it makes me look GAY and even MORE FEMME!!!
Director: DO THE STANCE, ALBERT! *coughs* Bishounen-lovers WANT
it! And... once again... ACTION!
Albert: .....
Director: I SAID (@#$*^@(*& ACTION!!!!!!!!!!
Albert: *thrusts his hips to one side, lowers one shoulder suggestively,
and points his partisan at Lavitz* Lavitz! Return to the castle
at once!!!
Haschel: *from off set* And get up to my bedroom!!!
Albert: Shut the HELL UP Haschel!!!!!!
Lavitz: *looks disturbed* That was so not funny...
=============================
Uh- Side note.
~Honestly- have you guys SEEN that stance!!??? Did anyone pay attention!?!?
Meow! I mean, purr! Big time! Wowza! *slaps herself* He only does
it at that one time, and I swear it's just the CUTEST damned thing....
sexy little.... *fights for control* ooooooOOOOooooo..... Must..
Concentrate... on pointless... fic... *drools homer style*
=============================
Scene: Disk 1 -- The Death of Lavitz
Dart: *reaches out a hand to Lavitz*
Lavitz: *charges Lloyd full speed*
Lloyd: Whoa.. dude.. thats a little FAS- *CRASH*
ALL: .....
Albert: OWW!!! damnit- who the hell just landed on me!?
Lavitz: um...? heh?
Director: For the TENTH AND FINAL TIME... do NOT flatten LLOYD into
the far WALL!
Lloyd: *toys with his retractable dragon buster* hehehe!!
Rose: .... he's gonna have brain damage. Oh yeah.
Director: TAKE TWO!! GO GO GO!!!
Lavitz: I ... can... entrust..
Everyone: *look horrified*
Lavitz: *dies*
Dart: LLLAAVVVIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTZZZZZ.!!!!!!!
Lavitz: *laughing his ass off* BWHAHHAHA!!!
Dart: .....
All: .....
Lavitz: im sorry!! im sorry!! its just so... BWHHHAHAHAHAH!!!
Albert: oh not AGAIN.... I'm getting a chill!
Lavitz: NO!! REALLY!! I can do it this time!!
Director: *eye twitch* good. ACTION!
Dart: LLLAAAVVIIIIITTTTTTZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!
Lavitz: ROTFLMAO!!!!!!
All: ......
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Scene: Disk 1 -- Popo's Secret path
Popo: Who do you want to win? Basil or Sandora? *status
bar pops up and gives three answer choices.*
Dart: ..... hey... wait... one of the three choices is 'neither!'
*sobs* I HATE trick questions!
Popo: Well?
Albert: Basil.
Popo: Thats not right. The important thing is to end the war quickly,
not-
Albert: Shut up. I'm going to win and then I shall take over the
world. MOVE. *Tosses Popo off a cliff.*
Director: CUT!! Albert- what the HELL is wrong with--!
Albert: -INSOLENT PAUPER! BOW BEFORE ME!
Director: *bows*
Albert: DAMN RIGHT!
-------------------
Scene: Disk 1 -- Battle Doel
Doel: I have been waiting for you...
Albert: Uncle!
*ten minutes pass*
Dart: .... Aren't we supposed to be fighting by now?
Doel: yeah, I know... my elevator throne is stuck again. I can't
really get down....
Albert: you just CANT be traditional can you!?!?
Rose: *sighs* I'll go call the fire department....
--------------------
Scene: Disk 2 -- Meeting Princess Emily
Director: now Remember Emily.. Be BITCHY... your actually Lenus!
BECOME Lenus!
Emily: Okay! *walks down the steps outside her castle*
townsfolk: The princess is coming! *start running around*
Emily: *arrives* hello everyone! ^_^ Isn't it a beautiful day?
Director: CUT!!!! *slaps forehead* be MEAN Emily!! you are a BITCH-
okay!?!?
Emily: .... okay!
Director: From the top!!
Emily: *walks out again, picks up a store clerk, and throws him
into a nearby fruitstand.* DIE!
All: .....
Emily: *giggles and waves at Albert*
Albert: ^_^
---------------------
Scene: Disk 2 -- Talking to Martell in Fletz
Martell: have you found any stardust!?
Dart: Yeah... but lets talk business lady. I want 400 gil per stardust
from now on.
Martell: WHAT!?!
Dart: you heard me. *Gives her three stardust* Now cash it up!
Director: DART!!!
Dart: Aw come ON!!! I need more money!! You pay us with IOU's!
Director: IOU's printed on PREMIUM paper, I'll have you know!!!
----------------------
Scene: Disk 2 -- Arriving in Donau
All: OOOOOOoooooo, AAAAaaahhhh!!!
Dart: Look at all the beautiful flowers!
Shana: *breaks out in hives* THE POLLEN!! NOOOOO!!!!
All: .....
----------------------
Scene: Disk 2 -- Meeting Meru
Meru: HEY!!! Who just grabbed my ass!?!?
Gang member: uh....
Meru: Do it again!!
All: ......
Director: Um... Meru... this is the part where you beat up the gang
members and join Dart's team!
Meru: .... psh! BORING!
-----------------------
Scene: Disk 2 -- Vally of the Corrupted Gravity
Dart: I wonder why this place looks like this!?
Meru: yeah, man.... wwooo.....
Rose: *shrugs* it was once an area where a great magical battle
was fought.
Haschel: So... it has nothing to do with the pot they hand out at
the door?
Rose: Well, that too.
------------------------
Scene: Disk 2 -- Rose remember Zeig w/ Dart in cave.
Rose: *holds Dart's head in her lap* but... Dart is Dart. He is
not Zeig...
Dart: I can be if you want me to be, baby!! MEEERRROOWWLLL!!!
Rose: .....
Dart: ...... what?
Rose: ALBERT!! LLOYD!!!
Albert and Lloyd: *jump Dart and beat him to a bloody mass of pus*
Director: CUT!!! Will you two STOP DOING THAT!?!?!??!
Albert and Lloyd: ....
Rose: ^_^
--------------------------
Scene: Disk 2 -- Dart and Shana are interrupted in their reunion
at Lidiera
Shana: OH Dart! *runs into his arms*
Dart: Shana.... *holds her protectively*
Director: okay! Meru, Haschel, Albert... bust in NOW!
Albert: *kicks down the door and machine guns them both*
All: .....
Meru: .... Was that supposed to happen?
Director: ..... Sh*t.
----------------------------
Scene: Disk 2 -- Lloyd and Lenus share a *moment*
Lenus: Now I'm expecting to get a hot gift from you... *leans into
him*
Lloyd: Get the HELL off!! *pushes her off a cliff*
Director: DAMNIT LLOYD!!! How many Lenus look-alike's do you think
we HAVE on this set!?!!?
Rose: I'll play her part! *jumps up to Lloyd*
Director: uh-!!!
Rose: (as Lenus) Now I'm expecting to get a 'hot gift' from you...
Lloyd: yeah baby!!! *kisses Rose passionately and then picks her
up and carries her to the dressing rooms offstage.*
All: .....
-----------------------------
Scene: Disk 2 -- Albert visits Emily in her Chambers
Director: Okay! Start in with the cute story!!
Albert: Do you know about the Legend of the Mermaid?
Emily: Less talk. More make out time. *Jumps him*
Albert: O.o!!!!!!
Dart: .... Can they DO that on SET!?!?!?
All: .....
Director: ..... *gets a camcorder*
------------------------------
Scene: Disk 3 -- Saving Kamuy the wolf
Shana: White silver dragoon spirit... please.... save... Kamuy!!!
Dragoon Spirit: *heals wolf with help of lighting effects*
Kamuy: *begins to get up and wag his tail*
Teo: Kamuy!!!
Kamuy: *Mauls Teo and Shana*
All: .....
Director: .... Clean up crew to stage 12....
--------------------------------
Scene: Disk 3 -- The Library In Deningrad
Dart: Um... Albert... do you ALWAYS obsess over books like that?
Albert: .... LIBRARY OBSESSION IS NOT A CONDITION!! Now get away
from my books before I am forced to BURN you.
All: .....
Director: I knew we were going to have problems with this scene...
--------------------------------
Scene: Disk 3 -- Miranda becomes a dragoon
Shana: I... I just don't think I can go with you anymore... *rejects
her dragoon spirit*
Miranda: *watches the spirit near her* oh HELL no! *takes it and
chucks it back at Shana.* Don't be such a wimp!!!
Shana: *dies*
All: ....
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Scene: Disk 3 -- Battle Divine Dragoon
Dart: *runs away screaming*
All: .....
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Scene: Disk 3 -- Lloyd saves Wink a second time
Director: okay!! Charge up that blast of magic and hurl it at Wink!
Wink: *gulps* okay... lets do this!
Bardell: DEATH TO ALL HUMANS!!!! *fires an energy blast at her*
Wink: *dies*
ALL: .....
Director: WHERE THE HELL IS LLOYD?!?!?
Albert: .... Um- he and Rose went back to the dressing rooms again.
--------------------------------
Scene: Disk 3 -- Battle Lloyd!
Dart: Psh!!! you are SUCH an easy boss!!!
Lloyd: *pulls Dart's head off and feeds it to a cat.*
All: ....
Lloyd: Anyone else care to comment?
--------------------------------
Scene: Disk 3 -- Rose and Miranda fight
Miranda: *slaps Rose*
Rose; BITCH!!! *pulls out a fistful of Miranda's hair and begins
to pummel her to the ground*
Lloyd: WHOOOOO!! GO ROSIE!!!
Albert: KILL!! KILL!!
Director: .... and yet ANOTHER of my star characters is going to
end up comatose... *cries*
--------------------------------
Scene: Disk 4 -- Dart and Rose fight in the desert
Director: Now, REMEMBER Rose, Dart defeats you.
Dart: *pulls his sword*
Rose: I'm 11,000 years old, and that ditz-blonde is going to beat...
ME!?
Dart: Come on rose!! you know I'm better then you anyways!
Rose: .... *kills Dart with one blow*
All: ....
Rose: Stick that up your ass and smoke it.
---------------------------------
Scene: Disk 4 -- Lavitz' final farewell. (ie: The infamous 'Male
Bonding' moment.)
Director: And... ACTION!!!
Dart, Lavitz and Albert: *join hands*
Director: Que dramatic music!!!
Dart: ... *blinks* Does anyone else find this.. Really... a little...
um.. Fruity?
Albert: .... yeah, actually...
Lavitz: Does the director think we're.... gay or something?
Dart, Lavitz and Albert: *look at each other nervously*
Director: What!? What the hell!!? Look into each other's eyes and
FEEL THE FRIENDSHIP!!!
Dart: .... THE (@#*&$!?
Lavitz: ..... *runs away*
Albert: ..... Can I be freaked out right now?
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Scene: Disk 4 -- On the moon
Claire: *runs by*
Haschel: *shoots Claire with a shotgun*
All: ....
Haschel: What?
----------------------------------
Scene: Disk 4 -- Meru battles the archangel
Archangel: Meru!! I know you hate human kind!
Meru: .... Um.... can I ask a question before we get into this?!
Archangel: ..... um?
Meru: Are you a girl, or a guy?
Archangel: ......
Director: CUT!!!!
-----------------------------------
Scene: Disk 4 -- Melbu Frahma!!!
Rose : oh he is so UGLY ass!!
Shana: *laying on the ground, twitching*
Director: yeah, yeah... whatever!!! okay everyone!! Start saying
all your dramatic ending speeches before the big battle!
Dart: We can do it, everyone!!
Meru: whooo. go dart.
Dart: *GLARES* Albert, Rose!!- do your speeches!! your always poetic
and deep!!
Rose: ... you expect me to spend my last moments before this climatic
battle giving words of reassurance? hell with you! *walks over to
Albert and starts kissing him*
Albert: ... !!!!
All: ....
Director: I DID NOT AUTHORIZE A ROSE/ALBERT SCENE IN THIS GAME!!!
Albert: *blinks* And we care... why?
Rose: *coughs* To the dressing room!
All: .....
Lloyd: Hey!! *IM* the one that just died!!! Damnit Albert....
------------------------------------
Scene: Disk 4 - The Final battle
Dragoons: We shall defeat you!!
melbu: yeah right!! HHAHAHAHH!!!
*two minutes later*
Melbu: *lays twisted and mangled in a bloody heap*
Meru: ... wow... they really don't make boss fights like they used
to....
Lavitz: *busts on to the scene* okay everybody!! END OF THE GAME!!!!
lets all go make out and get drunk!!!
Dragoons: WHOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
*theme plays*
~~~~~ T H E E N D ~~~~~
=============================================================
MWHAHAHHAHH!!!! So how'd ya like it!? Bah... ^_^ i've always wanted
to do something like this!! eheheh!!! Er- I apologize for the Rose/Albert
part. But you cant blame me... can you!? im STILL a supporter of
that couple!!! I just happen to PREFER Rose/Lloyd!! MWHAHAHHAHHH!!!!!
Lloyd and Albert: *glare at each other*
Rose: it's a good life. ^_^
heheehh!!!! okay then!! Bye now!! I hope to get out new chapters
to my other stories soon! *grabs Albert and starts thwacking him
over the head* DO THE STANCE!!! DOOOO THHHEEE STAAANNNNCCEEEE!!!
Albert: ... ugh- NO!!
Rap's: NOW!! DAMNIT!!!
Albert: Ra~ap's!!!
