Here comes the time when everything falls apart, and the real story begins. Nope, it's nowhere near its end yet, people 

Chapter Nine
The Way We Were

"I'm quitting this assignment." Kenshin said firmly to Katsura. "I won't be going back. I've been away from Tomoe for three times longer than promised, and I need to be with her again."

Katsura gave him a disgusted look that Kenshin didn't really manage interpreting.

"It doesn't matter, anyway. Secretary Okubo had met Kaoru the day before he died, and she told him about the Ishin Shishi's exceptional protection bestowed upon her. He decided to accept our deal that same day, but he died before he could put it into action. The man replacing him has done as he wished. You may return home."

Kenshin nodded, but as he did the light hit the tearstains on his cheeks. He turned to leave.

"Himura," Katsura said suddenly.

"What?"

"Are you… all right?" he asked.

Kenshin nodded suspiciously.

"You can stay with her if you want."

Kenshin scowled at him. "You know I'm married, Katsura-san." Kenshin spat. "When does my train ticket allow me to leave this place?"

"In an hour." Katsura said, sitting back in his spot. "Now get to it."

Kenshin left without another word. Katsura stared at the now empty doorway, sighed, and decided it would be best if Kenshin figured this out on his own.

He touched the window of the steam train and stared wistfully at the passing countryside. He was anxious to see Tomoe again, but Kaoru's face kept entering his mind. What the hell had he done? Did he just walk out on the most perfect female being ever to exist? Did he abandon her after taking from her what she values most? Kenshin was unable to keep his feelings inside. Tears rolled down his cheeks.

Why did he have to discover her when it was too late?

Why did he have to lose her?

Why did he have to walk away?

He didn't have to walk away.

He just did.

"I had to!" He forced himself to understand why he did it. "It was best for Tomoe and I. On the day when I know for a fact that these words are no longer true, I will seek Kaoru."

Kenshin couldn't help but picture her laughing face in his mind. Suddenly, he wasn't sitting on a steam train anymore. He was in the middle of a snowball fight, next to a clear, shimmering lake and below a navy blue sky and a full moon, holding a snowball in his hand and seeking out a laughing Kaoru to throw it at. But before he could get the chance, she took him by surprise and hit him.

Kenshin couldn't help but think about it. Had he ever felt more relaxed, or innocent, or carefree, or just… happy?

Kaoru made him happy.

Did Tomoe?

He'd been with her for the past few years. He was satisfied and content.

Kaoru…

He pressed his head against the window, closed his tear-filled eyes, and let himself dream.

It was Kaoru. She looked just the way he remembered her, tearstained and reddened and disheveled… but still magnificently beautiful. She was smiling at him, though.

"I won't wallow in my misery. I'll get up and look forward to what's coming up next."

Kenshin knew he would never forget those words. They were the first words he heard from her that revealed her optimistic, beautiful soul.

Suddenly, Kaoru's smiling face was replaced with Tomoe's serious one. Kenshin could almost smell the white plum emanating from his elegant wife. He reached out to touch her, and she turned towards him. But she did not reach out for his hand. She stood there staring at him blankly. But when Kaoru appeared again, she took a step forward, lingered on her toes, and took Kenshin's hand, the same way she had on the day all was revealed. She was smiling again. The sight was soft on his sore, red eyes. But then she was replaced with Tomoe, who drew away, and then, the presence in his dream disappeared and he felt himself shaking.

"Sir," the attendant shook his shoulders. "You wanted to stop off here, am I correct?"

"Where are we now?" Kenshin asked groggily, wiping his tearstained face.

"On the outskirts of Otsu, sir."

Kenshin retrieved his travelling trunk and thanked him. He stepped out of the train and onto the cement floor. He took in a deep breath. "I hope I'm ready for this…"

When Kenshin arrived in Otsu from the train station, the sun was gone and the world was dark. Everything was the same; the village children gathered around the fires to listen to stories or laugh as they chased one another in a confusing game. The trees rustled and swayed in the wind. He passed most of the neighbors, and they greeted him warmly.

Nothing had changed. This was home. His home. And his woman was waiting for him. He was almost excited as he rushed up the hill to meet her.

When Kenshin reached his house, he opened the door and found Tomoe waiting for him, dressed up and elegant as always. Her kimono was a somber white, and her obi was the same dark purple. Her length of hair was put up in the usual style, and she smelled of white plums. She watched him for a moment, then got to her feet with practiced composure.

"Anata…" She said in her quiet, monotone voice. "Okarei nasai."

Kenshin lingered where he was for a second longer and then let himself rush to her. He took her in his arms and hugged her body close. "Tomoe…" he sighed. "My koishii…"

Tomoe hugged him back, but a little less readily. She seemed to remember the state of their relationship when he first left. He kissed her. The kiss was… it wasn't passionate, or lustful, or affectionate, or even loving. Somehow it felt so wrong! But it was familiar. It was the kind of feeling one would get when they returned home after months wandering. He was returning home. Tomoe let the kiss wither out and walked away.

"We'll have dinner together." Tomoe said.

Kenshin smiled and nodded. Dinner together was another familiar thing. He looked forward to it. He walked to the bedroom and changed into a fresh sleeping yukata. It smelled like Tomoe. He smiled and prepared himself a bath, and soaked until he was sure Tomoe had finished cooking.

He was still thinking of not thinking of Kaoru as he lay in the hot water and stared at his hands. Just the night before, they had been all over her. Now they were ready to be all over his wife. Almost disgusted with himself, he grimaced and got hurriedly out of the bath, throwing on a robe and walking through the grass to the house.

"Hello, anata…" Kenshin said with a smile.

Tomoe paled when she saw him walk out in a bathrobe. "Um… anata… don't you think that's a little bit…"

Kenshin frowned at her, then looked at his bathrobe. "Oh." He'd picked up the habit from Kaoru's house. "I guess it's all right. It's only the two of us, right?"

Tomoe nodded unsurely and watched him as he sat down with a strange, almost disgusted look.

"So…" she said awkwardly.

Kenshin looked up at her and smiled.

"How was it?"

Kenshin raised his eyebrows. That was probably the first time she'd ever started small talk. Then the words registered in his mind. Kenshin instantly felt guilty for being so unfaithful. He shouldn't have kissed Kaoru in the first place, no matter how much he wanted to. But that really was one night to remember.

"Kenshin…" Kaoru moaned, throwing her head back and trying to fight her wrists from his hold. He didn't let her go. The feeling of dominance only made him want her more.

"Kenshin!" She writhed as her inexperienced body registered the feelings going through her.

"Kaoru…" He moaned into her hair.

When the wave of heat had run its course and left him, he collapsed completely onto her and relished the feeling of her chest as it heaved against him. When he looked at her, she was gazing at him.

"Your eyes…" she whispered. "They're so beautiful…"

"Kenshin?" Tomoe prodded.

"Oh… it was all right." Kenshin said. "It took too long. I missed you…"

Tomoe accepted the answer and went back to eating. Her back was perfectly straight. Her movements were practiced and measured down to the last angle. While she reached for the food with her chopsticks in one hand, her other hand held back her sleeve to make sure it didn't get into the food. Her eyes remained blank and lacking in emotion.

When Kenshin began eating, wondering on Tomoe's perfect manners, he sat back and savored every taste with relish. He closed his eyes and sucked on the sauce in the small cuts of beef. When he finally realized Tomoe was watching him, he saw suspicion in her eyes.

"You've changed." She said.

"No I haven't," he replied nervously.

"Yes, you have. Something is different."

Kenshin shrugged. "I guess I just changed a little…"

"You keep on smiling randomly while you eat. And you close your eyes and slouch or sit back. And… you're here in a bathrobe! You really have changed."

Kenshin shrugged. "I guess I just feel more comfortable around you, now." He said. But he knew the real reason. In the Kamiya Dojo, there was no practicing, no formality, no perfection. There were no etiquette classes. Everybody was free to be emotional or to savor every taste and every moment. They had no reason to be conservative or elegant around their friends, and went to dinner wearing a bathrobe. Everybody in Kaoru's house left the formality behind. They knew when to be formal and when not to be. The policy happened to grow on him.

"All right. But comfortable isn't sloppy. Remember that." Tomoe said. As she cleared away the dishes, Kenshin covered her pale hand with his. She looked up at him, her eyes wide with supposed surprise. "What is it?"

"You know you're important to me, don't you?" Kenshin asked her, playing with her limp fingers.

Tomoe gave him a tiny, lifeless smile. "Hai." But even as she agreed, something was sad inside those deep, sparkling black eyes.

///

For the next few weeks, Kenshin was happy to be back into the routine of things. It snowed heavily, and he told a story or two about his adventures to the little children of the village. During the day he worked, growing potatoes and travelling back and forth from the winter market to his home. He was content again.

But he and Tomoe hadn't gotten any better. She was always so distant, and sometimes he felt like he was living with a stranger. It was back to the way things were when he left to kill Gohei.

He spent the season the way he spent every winter. He made sure the larder was always full, entertained the neighbors, bought heavier clothing, and ate dinner with Tomoe next to the fire in the evening. Of course, it brought back memories of that snowy night on the veranda with Tomoe, when she dove into his arms for some unknown reason and embraced him, and proceeded to take his virginity gently from him. But the memory was so distant compared to the Tomoe he knew now…

Katsura returned from his back and forth trips to Tokyo for good. He wasn't going to be returning very soon. His alignment with lord Okubo had gone exceptionally well, he was satisfied, and he had no more business in Tokyo. He moved back to the outskirts of Otsu in his new hideout, very close to Kenshin's house, so he visited often.

Kenshin found himself thinking of Kaoru. He was so busy with other things, and he had wished she could only be a distant memory in his mind, one that he rarely picked up on. But it was not so. Everything he saw reminded him of her. A certain feeling would remind him of that night. If his fingertip touched a cherry petal, he'd remember running his hands over Kaoru's skin. If he smelled jasmine, he'd remember the feelings he went through while his lips were against hers in the back seat of the carriage and her jasmine scent was at its strongest.

He had other things to worry about, but he couldn't stop thinking of her. And in his dreams… every night he dreamt of the same thing. It could have been just the scent of jasmine, or the feeling of a supple, familiar body beneath his, shining with sweat and arching into him, or maybe even just the sound of her voice as she'd whispered his name… it didn't help.

Winter always seemed longer than summer, and it displeasured him every time. He had to take extra precautions, food became harder to get, he had to dig in the cold, hard dirt for the mountain potatoes… He didn't like it at all. Four months passed in a similar manner with a similar schedule before the snow finally melted.

The beginning of spring was warm enough to melt the white away and bring out flowers, but still cold enough to wear heavy clothing. He was called back to Katsura's office for an assignment, and was very surprised to find a noticeably pregnant woman standing in the waiting area and arguing with one of the Ishin Shishi spokesmen. Her long, dark hair was tied into a braid that reached her waist, and she was wearing a warm haori and a long, side-slit skirt. Her outfit was blue, and she wore battle gloves on her hands. Her rather large belly looked huge compared to her small body.

Kenshin rushed right past her. He didn't even want to think about who he knew she was. When he rushed into Katsura's office and slammed the door shut, he looked up at his employee and sat forward.

"I have the commander of the most powerful ninja clan in Japan standing in my waiting area. Do you realize that???" He looked a little stressed out.

"The one in blue?" Kenshin asked.

"Miss Makimachi, I believe."

"Misao…"

"Yes. You got that right. I finally saw her in person. The girl is tiny!"

"But she's terrifying, Katsura, I'll tell you that much."

"I have no doubt about that. She's pregnant and tiny, so she's bound to be the leader for some reason or another. I guess they elected her because she's terrifying." Katsura chuckled and gestured for Kenshin to sit down.

"So… what's my assignment?"

Katsura eyed him seriously. "This is an assignment you cannot take lightly. Not even if somebody you love is in danger. Do you understand?"

"Will Tomoe be in danger?" Kenshin asked immediately, sitting forward.

"No, no, no. Don't worry. Tomoe is fine in Otsu."

"All right…" Kenshin settled down.

"Do you remember anything of Miss Kamiya's two male friends?" He asked.

Kenshin frowned. "Yeah. One of them is miss Misao's fiancé, Aoshi Shinomori. The other isn't a friend any longer. He is Sanosuke Sagara."

"Aa. I see," Katsura said. "They managed to stop the grand inferno with the rest of the Oniwabanshu. Sagara and Shinomori worked together to kill most of Shishio's henchmen, but Shishio remains untouched. Shinomori has impressive skill, but we don't think he can stand up to Shishio. As for Sagara… he was mortally wounded during his last kill. He's been in recovery for the past few weeks, but his chances of survival are all too slim."

Kenshin lowered his head. For Kaoru's sake, he'd hated Sanosuke for doing such things to her. But he'd never wanted him to die. "So…" he began. "What you're saying is that you want me to kill Shishio?"

"It'll be a difficult task, but we need you… you're indefinitely Japan's best swordsman."

Kenshin nodded slowly. "I already know all I need to know from my master. All I need is to make sure everyone I leave behind will be safe."

Katsura's eyes flashed with something he couldn't interpret. "Tomoe will be safe." As for Kaoru… he added silently. I'd best let Miss Misao tell him.

"You are to leave tomorrow morning to get to Kyoto. As always, everything will be taken care of. You may leave."

Kenshin bowed and took his leave. He decided on getting out of there as fast as possible so Misao wouldn't see him. But she was sharp as always, and as soon as he touched the door out she was there.

"Himura!" she cried.

Kenshin bolted through the door and started running. He knew she was slow due to her pregnancy. But he felt something whiz past his ear and then felt warm liquid trickle from a new wound.

"HIMURA!!! If you don't stop I'll aim a little LOWER!"

He froze. No. She wouldn't. And she didn't, seeing that he'd stopped. He'd noticed a lack of playfulness in her voice, among other things, and got worried. She came towards him panting and holding her hand to her swollen belly. But she was still running.

"You need to help! It's very important that you help us! There's no way I can do it by myself like this, and Yahiko's too little, and—"

Kenshin stopped her with a finger on her lips when he noticed the tears running down her cheeks. "Hold on a second, and calm down, Makimachi-san."

She wiped her tears away angrily with one hand, while the other stayed on her stomach. It seemed to serve as a comfort to remember that another being was always with her and she wasn't alone.

"Kenshin, you need to help. It's Kaoru…"

Kenshin froze. Kaoru…? What's wrong with Kaoru? He grabbed Misao's shoulders desperately. "What's wrong with her, Misao? Tell me!"

Misao was still crying as she told him, wiping her eyes with her arm as she went. "She's been kidnapped…"

"By who, Misao? Who!?" he shook her shoulders.

She sniffed again and wiped her eyes. "Shishio, Kenshin… he's too rough! He's probably killed her already, and she's been gone since the beginning of winter, but nobody could help…"

Misao's words withered away in Kenshin's mind as a white noise filled his ears.

"Kaoru…" he whispered.

///

Kenshin sighed as he trudged through the melting snow to his house. He had to leave again, and not only that, but the news Misao brought him disturbed him deeply. There was no sign of Kaoru. Nobody could tell if Shishio had killed her or not. Kenshin was so disturbed by the news… and he had to leave tomorrow, too! Damnit…

He slid the door open and he couldn't hear anything going on. Tomoe was probably out for the day doing her usual rounds. He wanted so badly to cry, he practically threw himself onto the futon in the bedroom and roared furiously into his pillow. Eventually, sleep overtook him.

He was sitting against a tree. A sakura tree. The silence was overpowering and the air was heavy with suspense, and his head hung so low his neck ached. His eyes were closed. He had started noticing another presence… one that made him feel guilty and nostalgic and in love all at once. He opened his eyes and rose slowly to his feet, and he began to see the person watching him. He saw the white kimono, patterned beautifully with cherry blossoms and branches, reaching out all over, with a dark purple shade at the hem, paling as the fabric reached up. He saw the dark pink obi bound by a golden chord. He saw hands, clasped together, and he saw the collar, reaching low to show pale, pale skin. That long neck, that beautiful skin, those smooth collarbones. He didn't even need to see the face before he knew who it was. It was Kaoru. He lifted his head all the way, and then he saw all of her, her kimono, her obi, her beautiful face, her dark, bluish raven hair. As he looked into her beautiful sapphire pupils and they made eye contact for the first time, all the snow on the floor and all the snowflakes in the sky turned into sakura petals, and all of the cold wind turned into a warm breeze. The scenery of a sorry, gently snowing forest turned into a bright plain of sakuras. There were so many petals falling that they covered the ground like snow. Her black hair waved in the wind like flowing water, and her blue eyes were watery with tears, and she smiled at him. She looked so alive that he could've sworn it was the real Kaoru standing before him.

She walked slowly towards him, her hands still clasped together. He took a hesitant step forward; so afraid that if he moved the beautiful vision of his obsession would disappear. He could see the smile in her eyes, her love for him unspoken but so obvious in the way she looked at him. It took not a moment longer before they broke into a run, sprinting towards each other with ardent desperation. When they met, something happened. Everything felt light and easy, and the sky was brighter. They held each other so tightly they both could barely breath. Kaoru pressed her cheek into the nape of his neck and closed her eyes Her fingernails pinched his back, but every bit of pain was dear to him so long as it came from her. Light emanated from the two people, so intrigued by each other but still so distant. Everything about Kaoru seemed real. He could smell the jasmine around her and he could feel her warmth and smooth hair. He pawed his hands through her hair and down her back, just to make sure she was real.

He felt Kaoru tense up. He felt her move her hands from his back to his head, making a shaky fist in his hair, and she began trembling as a sob racked her body. "I'm sorry, Kenshin, I'm sorry…" she wept, burying her head in his shoulder. Her fingers tensed and shook even more. Kenshin could even feel the pull on his hair. He grabbed the back of her head and held her securely against him, fearing if he didn't hold her, she'd disappear. "I'm sorry, for everything that happened, for causing you such pain," She sobbed vehemently. She let go of him, but he still kept his hold on her. But all it took was one tug, and he found his arms wouldn't let him keep her anymore. She started backing away from him, her eyes still on him, shiny and red rimmed with tears and glowing with sexless longing.

Kenshin tried to reply with those same words. He tried to apologize for letting this happen, and he tried to tell her how much he'd loved her ever since the day they met. But it just wouldn't happen. Kaoru lowered her eyes sadly. She wasn't looking at him anymore, but instead she was staring down at the ground, which seemed to be getting cold and icy again. The cherry blossom petals turned back into snow, and soon the breeze became a biting cold blizzard. Through the swiftly flying snow, he could see Kaoru, tears streaming from her eyes, her body shaking. She doubled over and held a hand over her mouth, as if she were making a weak attempt to suppress those heart-wrenching sobs. He ran forward, reaching out for her, but she closed in on herself a little more and she was suddenly gone. Everything turned black and blood fell like rain from the sky. It pattered on his head and his back, painting his hair deep red with the horrific blood. He ran frantically, desperate to get out of the shower of blood, though it just seemed to fall heavier. He looked around for Kaoru. Somehow, he could still feel her and he knew she was still there. He tried to call out her name, but he still couldn't talk. He tripped and fell forward onto his knees in the pool of blood that had now replaced the petals and the snow. The rain of blood still pattered against his back. He leaned forward, staring at the blood he was kneeling in, and visions of his victims as they died came flashing before his eyes. He dropped his head, groaning, and suddenly bellowed a loud scream. He felt like he was going insane. He wished he could come out of this living hell. He wished he could close his eyes, cover them, and blind himself to these visions. Suddenly, a pair of hands reached out and covered his eyes. Immediately the visions stopped.

"You are the healer, Kenshin… you are worth everything… even though you kill… even though you take lives for a living…" He heard Kaoru's desperate voice whisper frantically in his ear. "You are two people… but it didn't matter to me, not one bit. Who you are inside… was more important… than… the things you did."

He could feel her hair spilling over his shoulders. He could feel her body leaning against his back, shielding him from the rain of blood. He could feel her soft palms over his eyes, keeping the visions far away from her innocent, bloodless hands. Heavy footsteps were heard. Kaoru's breath turned shallow and quick. She let out a cry and brought her whole body over him, as if trying to keep him away from an offensive force, the way Sakura had done that night when he was a child and witnessed his first murder. Kaoru kept looking backwards, but never moved her hands from his eyes. As the heavy footsteps got louder and deeper, she started to panic. She pressed her cheek against his. "Kenshin, just stay still. Don't move. I'll be here-" Suddenly her voice stopped, and her body was taken from him. She struggled to keep her hands over his eyes, and then, defeated, she had to let go as she was taken too far away from him. He opened his eyes and he could see again.

He turned around and she was still there, smiling at him through the blood that fell over them both. But those blue eyes began to glaze over, and she closed her eyes before she let a tear drop. He stared at her. He tried to walk closer to her, but as he did she started to cry, as if he were coming to kill her. "Kenshin… don't!" she begged. He kept on coming closer. "Don't! Turn around!" She screamed. Kaoru shook her head, begging him to stay where he was. He reached out, wanting to ask her why she was so afraid. She watched him as he got closer and took a few steps back. Her breathing was getting heavier, and he could tell she was expecting something horrible. "Kenshin! Cover your eyes!"

He dropped his hand. "Why?" It was the first word he'd spoken.

"Do it!" She begged.

"No!"

"Cover your eyes! Don't watch!" She begged, and she was already on her knees and crying, looking up at him with fierce, pleading eyes. He stretched out his arm to touch her, but as he did that she lifted her head and screamed. Kenshin's heart stopped when he saw Shishio behind her. Kenshin screamed in horror as the villain plunged the sword into her back and yanked it in until it came out through her stomach. After he twisted the sword inside her body she fell to the ground like a rag doll. He stared down at her, pinned to the wall by his sword, a note stuck to the blade. He cried desperately for her return, and felt like the world was no longer his to live in.

When she was gone… All of his pain returned.

Only you can heal my heart

Only you can ease my pain

Only you…

Only you can teach me to love again…

When he woke up, he found the tears he had cried in the dream were still there on his cheeks. He wiped them angrily away. In that dream he had been so happy and so sad… he couldn't even make sense of how he felt. When he opened the door, he heard the familiar sounds of a busy housewife, and wandered through the hallway to the light at the end, like a man surrendering to the light of heaven at the end of the tunnel…

And he saw Tomoe drinking tea in the kitchen.

"Hello, anata…" he said to her.

She looked at him and greeted him back. "It's so dark already… why are you so late?"

Kenshin couldn't tell her. He'd been walking around in circles thinking about Kaoru, and how difficult his worry for her state would make the new assignment. It would be so difficult… he knew it was bound to be difficult.

"I just… I had a long talk with Katsura, that's all."

"And your assignment?"

"I have to fight Shishio." He said.

"Then…" she looked at him and set her cup of tea down. "This could be our last night together…" she said. "He's very powerful."

Kenshin winced. But he knew what Tomoe meant. He pulled her to her feet, drew her forward, and kissed her. He walked them to the bedroom and flopped down on the floor. He forced himself to kiss her. He forced himself to untie her obi. He forced himself to do everything. His lips trailed over her jaw and he nipped lightly on her ear. He paid attention to the feeling of their legs tangled together and her small breasts pressed against his chest. He had a good feeling about this. He could handle it. He really could. But as he was about to pull away her kimono shirt and her hip wrap, he brushed a thumb over her nipple and froze.

He thought of a smaller, more muscular, more curvaceous body. He thought of a smaller waist, and rounder hips, and creamier skin… he thought of blue eyes and a face so beautiful it outshined even Tomoe. If only… If only…

Kenshin's eyes widened.

If only it was her…Kaoru…

If only it was back on that night… back when he had kissed her. Back when he'd spent the night pressed against her… Back on the night he would always remember.

///

"You've never felt this before, have you?" Kenshin asked her. He stared down at Kaoru's struggling form as she writhed and tried to suppress her moans. She stared up at him, and her eyes shined in the moonlight just as much as the beads of sweat covering her chest.

"I haven't…" she replied, breathing shallowly. Her eyes were clouded with lust and longing.

Kenshin smiled at her and ran his hands up her sweat-streaked body. She arched her back and moved her hips into his. Her hands turned into fists in the white sheet. Kenshin grabbed them away and suspended them above her head. Kaoru stared up at him, suddenly looking serious. Her striking face, glistening in the moonlight, was so hypnotically beautiful that he found himself desperate to look away in case she made him fall in love.

"All those times before…" she whispered, "they weren't for my pleasure. I was the toy; the object others would use. I've never felt this…" then she clenched her teeth and arched her back again. She was getting closer, and so was he.

Kenshin smoothed his damp palm down her pinked cheek. "This isn't about anybody but us." He whispered. "This is about me and you." He hugged her closer, and they stared into one another's eyes as they panted heavily. "Only you."

Kaoru's eyes watered and she smiled that beautiful smile he already knew by heart. "Nobody's ever done that for me…"

Kenshin's eyes softened, and he trailed butterfly kisses from her jaw to her neck, then further down to her breasts, and then he stopped at her ribs, savoring the taste of her skin in a way that made her shiver. But he came to a sudden, anticipative halt when It happened.

"Oh god…" Kaoru groaned with her constricted voice. Her arched body pressed into Kenshin's so hard she could feel his heartbeat against her collarbone. Kenshin had known how to handle this a little better, but he'd never experienced the feeling as intensely as he did now, and he was in a similar state, groaning into her neck and clenching his fists in her tangled hair.

"Kaoru…"

"Kenshin…"

When it was over, they held one another close, breathing heavily, clutching each other in cavernous, passionate bliss.

When Kenshin looked into Kaoru's blue eyes again, he found that not only was she smiling, but her smile had reached her eyes for the first time, too.

The sight gave him so much relief and meant so much from all she had been through that he let out a laugh, from sheer joy, and trailed his lips down her body, kissing every scar and every bruise until he could bear the weight of her suffering with her, if only for a moment.

Kenshin kissed her cheek, then her neck, then her breast, worshipping her body the way that only lovers would. She closed her eyes blissfully and hugged his neck. "Think you can go one more time?"

Kenshin's mouth devoured hers in another savage kiss. Their lips tasted faintly of the salty sweat they were both still shedding. He ran his hot tongue along her collarbone, tasting the salt from her sweat and the sweetness from her jasmine scent and the mint in her hot, heavy breath until she arched her back and moaned.

"Yes."

///

Kaoru.

His Kaoru.

"Kaoru…" He whispered… "Kaoru…"

Tomoe frowned and looked up at him. "Kaoru?"

Kenshin stared at her like it was the first time he'd ever laid eyes on her.

Kaoru…

Kenshin pulled away from Tomoe and stumbled back. In a strange way she looked… relieved. He staggered through the hallway and out the front door to the cold air. He took a walk so long he wondered if he'd ever find his way back. He ended up collapsing to his knees at the sudden realization.

"Kaoru…" he murmured again. He felt tears hit his eyes. He felt his body ache with the longing to be near her again and to feel her breathe and see her smile and smell her light, jasmine scent. "This is so screwed up…" he murmured to himself. He'd never be able to concentrate in his fight with Shishio. Not while he believed Kaoru was dead. "She's not dead!" he snapped at himself. "She's not! She can't be!"

But there was no sign of her…

Shishio would have released her…

Shishio wouldn't release her, though…

He's Shishio…

He would…

"She's not dead…"

"She's not dead…"

"She's not dead…"

Kill her.

"She's NOT DEAD!" He cried angrily.

Kenshin held his head in his hands and groaned angrily.

"SHE'S NOT DEAD!" He fell to his knees. "She's not…"

She could be…

It's not impossible…

She could easily be dead…

Kenshin felt his body rack with sobs. Kaoru.

And then he realized.

He realized why he'd been so smitten by Kaoru the first time he saw her, and why he was so protective of her, and why he was so annoyed when she was in love with Sanosuke, and why he was so angry when she'd been betrayed by Sanosuke, and why the mere sight of her made his knees feel weak, and why kissing her had made his heart skip a beat, and why he couldn't stop thinking of Kaoru in these months without her.

It was something deeper than lust and stronger than love – it was as if fate had conspired to bring them together, and that his only purpose in life was to be tangled up in her. The one he was destined to be with, no matter what had happened before, was her.