*Revised*
======================================================
A story based on the characters of Sailor Moon.
The Side Less Seen (PG-13)
by Christina Anton ([email protected])
aka Hydrophobic
http://angelfire.com/anime2/dayanjell/antons/home.html
======================================================
This is a side of me that few ever see. The gentler
side of me has made few appearances in my sixteen years of
life.
Usagi and I have our share of fights and can really get
on each other's nerves sometimes, but over the time we've
known each other, we've come to understand one another. I
tease her about being a crybaby and call her Odango Atama,
she cries and whines for me to stop, I keep doing it and
then we get into a shouting match. Our friends don't seem
to know what to do with us during out fights and generally
try to stay out of them. What they don't know is that Usagi
and I had a little chat about a year ago.
It was a little while after the defeat of Pharaoh 90.
To this day I don't exactly know what started the fight
between Usagi and I that day. Everyone was here at the
shrine, going over the events of the battle. The next thing
I knew, Usagi and I were yelling at each other and both of
us were truly pissed off.
Now fights between Odango Atama and I weren't that
uncommon and still aren't today. But fights between _Usagi_
and I were. You see, it is very hard to get Usagi truly
angry, but day I had seemed to strike a nerve. I don't even
know we yelled at each other, but when we calmed down enough
to notice the room around us, everyone had left.
Apparently, they had decided to let us settle our
differences by ourselves that time.
One thing that I do remember from that shouting match
was that the last thing I said had shocked us both into
silence. Now that I think about it, Usagi may well have
blocked my memories of what had been said somehow.
For a few moments we just stared at each other. I had
tears in my eyes and noticed that Usagi had a few running
down her own cheeks. On any other day, I would have teased
her about them, but that time I knew that our arguing had
gotten serious. The things that we said had made us so
angry that even our friends had to leave the room.
In one of the few times in my life, I gave a sincere
apology to Usagi. Usually, my apologies to her were from
glares and pokes from the other girls, or just the need to
get her to quiet down. But that time I truly _was_ sorry.
I knew what I said had been totally out of line. "Gomen,
Usagi-chan," I whispered.
By then, the anger was completely drained out of me,
and looking at Usagi's weary face, hers was gone too. "Oh
Rei-chan," she said, "why do we do this?"
"I don't know." I was still whispering. My throat had
felt raw from yelling, and somehow it didn't seem right to
raise my voice any higher. I closed my eyes, damning myself
to any hell that would take me and thinking that I shouldn't
have the right to even _look_ at my princess ever again in
this lifetime nor any other.
But, at the same time a little angry fire was building
in my soul, ranting about how irresponsible she was, how she
took risks that could easily get her killed, how hard she
made it for me to protect her when she disregarded all the
dangers of the world--
"Rei-chan."
Her saying my name in such a gentle way stopped my
mind's ranting, and made me remember that I had just gotten
into the worst argument I ever had with her. With my
princess. The one I was supposed to protect. And I had
SCREAMED at her.
Why the hell was she always so nice to me? I treated
her like crap and she's still nice to me. I didn't deserve
it, and still don't.
My legs refused to support me and dropped me to my
knees on the floor. My hands were between my knees and a
few tears had gotten past my eyelids.
And then that gentle voice came again, reminding me of
all the reasons why I protected her. She was PURE. She had
a heart that would embrace _anyone_, trust _anyone_, and be
damned if that person rejected her because it would be HER
soul that suffered. "Rei-chan, open your eyes."
And, for the reason that I _never_ wanted that pure
soul to suffer by my actions least of all, I opened them.
It was times like those that I could see the future
queen in her. She was kneeling before me, looking straight
into my eyes. She reached out and wiped the tears from my
face with her hands. I wanted to scream at her again. I
didn't deserve her forgiveness! She should have been hating
me. She should have been turning away from me and shoving
me out of her life! But, she didn't, and my tears started
again.
She wordlessly gathered me in her arms and put my head
on her shoulder, just letting me cry. They were tears of
guilt and frustration. I had rarely ever let those tears
fall, and then only in the company of the fire or the sheets
of my bed.
Usagi waited until my sobs subsided to sniffles before
speaking. She left my head on her tear-soaked shoulder.
"Feel better now Rei-chan?" she said softly. I nodded
slightly against her shoulder in response. "Good, you
needed that." Usagi paused, but continued rubbing my back as
she had been throughout my bout of crying.
"We need to talk about why we're always arguing.
Today, we both over stepped bounds we shouldn't have."
"Gomen, I--" She didn't let me finish, making a
hushing sound.
"You have no reason to apologize, Rei-chan. We've both
been having a stressful last couple of days." That was
true. Everyone had been scrambling to catch up on missed
schoolwork. All of us had also been having nightmares about
what had happened at Mugen Gakuen. I should know, they had
come to me often enough to work through them. "Can you
answer a question for me?" she asked me. Again I nodded,
still too sick of myself to be able to refuse her anything.
"What makes you so angry with me all the time?"
Oh, and there was the question. The one that would
bare my heart and soul to her. Maybe it was time, I thought
to myself, that she knew that I was so protective of her
that I couldn't control myself when she acted, quite
frankly, stupidly.
Taking a deep breath, I lifted my head from her
shoulder and looked her in the face. At that moment, she
looked just like her mother except for the missing silver
hair. "I get so angry with you because . . ." I trailed
off, agonizing over how to say it without it sounding angry
again. I had no right to ever get angry with her ever
again, I-- It was then that something within me finally had
enough.
Coming to a decision, I grabbed that annoying thing
that made me feel like I wasn't doing my job, shoved it into
a convenient closet, and slammed the door behind it.
"Because damn it, you don't take care of yourself! How am I
and the others supposed to protect you when you won't even
protect yourself! Always tripping over this or that, then
wasting time crying about it! And then you decide to get so
stubborn sometimes that you won't listen to us!" Usagi's
eyebrows rose, but I was on a roll. Nothing was going to
stop me from telling her how I felt and why I felt that way,
the consequences be damned! "You use your heart too much
and don't listen to your head. You want to know why I get so
angry with you!?! Because I'm freaking SCARED for you! Do
you know how worried I get when you trip in battle or follow
your damn heart when we're fighting? By God, Usa, you're so
brave when you follow that heart of yours that you don't
listen to common sense! The way you disregard your own
safety sometimes makes me feel useless!" I broke down into
tears again, except these were tears of both frustration and
relief. I finally got it out, and felt the better for it.
Taking me in her arms again, Usagi rocked me back and
forth, murmuring things I can't remember in a soothing tone.
She waited until I'd calmed down before addressing the
situation again. "I'm sorry I don't act the way you think I
should, Rei-chan, but following my heart is instinct. It's
who I am. I know I get myself into trouble doing it, but I
can't go against who I am. I see someone hurting and I have
to help them; it doesn't matter if they've been deemed an
enemy or not. And you want to know why I take as many risks
as I do? I do it because I'd rather do it by myself rather
than have you or the others get hurt. I have complete and
utter trust in you all that you'll do your best for me, but
I can't help but worry that your best will get yourselves
killed. And I really can't help being clumsy, I guess
that's who I am too." Usagi laughed at the last part.
"But all we want, all _I_ want to do is protect--" She
had cut me off again, this time with words.
"I know, and I still want and expect you to. I still
expect you to yell at me for being stupid and taking risks I
don't need to. In case you hadn't noticed, your yelling has
gotten through, albeit slowly. Am I as bad as I was when
you first met me?"
She had had a point there. She _had_ gotten a little
better than when I had first met her. The way she was
acting that day was proof of that. I didn't have to say
anything, Usagi knew that I had realized it.
"So," she paused to move me so she could look me in the
eye. "Now that we understand each other, I want you to keep
yelling at me to shape up. I understand why you do it now,
so it won't hurt my feelings as much anymore. In fact, I'll
probably listen to you more. But you can't change me
overnight, and probably a thousand years from now I'll still
be childish. But just maybe, due to you and the others, I
might know when it's time for being childish and when it's
time for being a queen."
"Usagi-chan, if it's the only way to get you from being
hurt or killed, I'll keep doing it. I just want you to know
that I don't always _like_ yelling at you. And sometimes it
truly does make me feel useless. And the thing is, your
being childish and happy all the time is what I and the
others love about you. I guess part of what makes me angry
is jealousy. I can't be happy like you all the time.
There's this need to protect you for the very reason of
wanting to see you happy, but also not wanting to see you
dead."
The smile that blossomed on her face was brighter than
a thousand moons. "Thank you Rei-chan, for trying to keep
me on the right track. Let's agree to try and get along a
little better from now on, ne?" At my smile and nod she
continued. "Let's also forget whatever we said to each
other earlier too. Neither of us meant any of it anyway."
That day has been etched into my memory forever. That
was the day that Usagi and I realized that we cared about
each other more than words could say. Since that day, we
have been the best of friends, even though we do get into
the same old arguments as we always have. Our friends have
noticed a change in us, and Mina-chan has even asked me
about it. All I told her was: "We talked."
As for what I'm doing right now . . . This is
something I wouldn't have done before our little talk. You
see, Usagi is really afraid of thunderstorms. I'm sure
there's a name for the phobia, but it escapes me. At the
moment, it's pouring rain outside and thunder is shaking the
whole temple. Every flash of light and every peal of
thunder has her jumping and wailing, and clinging to any
warm body she can get her hands on. Namely me. But, I
don't mind at all. Though for pride's sake, if any of the
others were here I wouldn't have been letting her do this.
But, we're alone here in my room, and I'm protecting
her. That's all I really care about.
End
Hope you all enjoyed that. I'm not usually one to write Rei
stories, but I've read so many of them that this popped into
my little noggin. Remember, feedback is always welcome.
Revised: 7/18/02
======================================================
A story based on the characters of Sailor Moon.
The Side Less Seen (PG-13)
by Christina Anton ([email protected])
aka Hydrophobic
http://angelfire.com/anime2/dayanjell/antons/home.html
======================================================
This is a side of me that few ever see. The gentler
side of me has made few appearances in my sixteen years of
life.
Usagi and I have our share of fights and can really get
on each other's nerves sometimes, but over the time we've
known each other, we've come to understand one another. I
tease her about being a crybaby and call her Odango Atama,
she cries and whines for me to stop, I keep doing it and
then we get into a shouting match. Our friends don't seem
to know what to do with us during out fights and generally
try to stay out of them. What they don't know is that Usagi
and I had a little chat about a year ago.
It was a little while after the defeat of Pharaoh 90.
To this day I don't exactly know what started the fight
between Usagi and I that day. Everyone was here at the
shrine, going over the events of the battle. The next thing
I knew, Usagi and I were yelling at each other and both of
us were truly pissed off.
Now fights between Odango Atama and I weren't that
uncommon and still aren't today. But fights between _Usagi_
and I were. You see, it is very hard to get Usagi truly
angry, but day I had seemed to strike a nerve. I don't even
know we yelled at each other, but when we calmed down enough
to notice the room around us, everyone had left.
Apparently, they had decided to let us settle our
differences by ourselves that time.
One thing that I do remember from that shouting match
was that the last thing I said had shocked us both into
silence. Now that I think about it, Usagi may well have
blocked my memories of what had been said somehow.
For a few moments we just stared at each other. I had
tears in my eyes and noticed that Usagi had a few running
down her own cheeks. On any other day, I would have teased
her about them, but that time I knew that our arguing had
gotten serious. The things that we said had made us so
angry that even our friends had to leave the room.
In one of the few times in my life, I gave a sincere
apology to Usagi. Usually, my apologies to her were from
glares and pokes from the other girls, or just the need to
get her to quiet down. But that time I truly _was_ sorry.
I knew what I said had been totally out of line. "Gomen,
Usagi-chan," I whispered.
By then, the anger was completely drained out of me,
and looking at Usagi's weary face, hers was gone too. "Oh
Rei-chan," she said, "why do we do this?"
"I don't know." I was still whispering. My throat had
felt raw from yelling, and somehow it didn't seem right to
raise my voice any higher. I closed my eyes, damning myself
to any hell that would take me and thinking that I shouldn't
have the right to even _look_ at my princess ever again in
this lifetime nor any other.
But, at the same time a little angry fire was building
in my soul, ranting about how irresponsible she was, how she
took risks that could easily get her killed, how hard she
made it for me to protect her when she disregarded all the
dangers of the world--
"Rei-chan."
Her saying my name in such a gentle way stopped my
mind's ranting, and made me remember that I had just gotten
into the worst argument I ever had with her. With my
princess. The one I was supposed to protect. And I had
SCREAMED at her.
Why the hell was she always so nice to me? I treated
her like crap and she's still nice to me. I didn't deserve
it, and still don't.
My legs refused to support me and dropped me to my
knees on the floor. My hands were between my knees and a
few tears had gotten past my eyelids.
And then that gentle voice came again, reminding me of
all the reasons why I protected her. She was PURE. She had
a heart that would embrace _anyone_, trust _anyone_, and be
damned if that person rejected her because it would be HER
soul that suffered. "Rei-chan, open your eyes."
And, for the reason that I _never_ wanted that pure
soul to suffer by my actions least of all, I opened them.
It was times like those that I could see the future
queen in her. She was kneeling before me, looking straight
into my eyes. She reached out and wiped the tears from my
face with her hands. I wanted to scream at her again. I
didn't deserve her forgiveness! She should have been hating
me. She should have been turning away from me and shoving
me out of her life! But, she didn't, and my tears started
again.
She wordlessly gathered me in her arms and put my head
on her shoulder, just letting me cry. They were tears of
guilt and frustration. I had rarely ever let those tears
fall, and then only in the company of the fire or the sheets
of my bed.
Usagi waited until my sobs subsided to sniffles before
speaking. She left my head on her tear-soaked shoulder.
"Feel better now Rei-chan?" she said softly. I nodded
slightly against her shoulder in response. "Good, you
needed that." Usagi paused, but continued rubbing my back as
she had been throughout my bout of crying.
"We need to talk about why we're always arguing.
Today, we both over stepped bounds we shouldn't have."
"Gomen, I--" She didn't let me finish, making a
hushing sound.
"You have no reason to apologize, Rei-chan. We've both
been having a stressful last couple of days." That was
true. Everyone had been scrambling to catch up on missed
schoolwork. All of us had also been having nightmares about
what had happened at Mugen Gakuen. I should know, they had
come to me often enough to work through them. "Can you
answer a question for me?" she asked me. Again I nodded,
still too sick of myself to be able to refuse her anything.
"What makes you so angry with me all the time?"
Oh, and there was the question. The one that would
bare my heart and soul to her. Maybe it was time, I thought
to myself, that she knew that I was so protective of her
that I couldn't control myself when she acted, quite
frankly, stupidly.
Taking a deep breath, I lifted my head from her
shoulder and looked her in the face. At that moment, she
looked just like her mother except for the missing silver
hair. "I get so angry with you because . . ." I trailed
off, agonizing over how to say it without it sounding angry
again. I had no right to ever get angry with her ever
again, I-- It was then that something within me finally had
enough.
Coming to a decision, I grabbed that annoying thing
that made me feel like I wasn't doing my job, shoved it into
a convenient closet, and slammed the door behind it.
"Because damn it, you don't take care of yourself! How am I
and the others supposed to protect you when you won't even
protect yourself! Always tripping over this or that, then
wasting time crying about it! And then you decide to get so
stubborn sometimes that you won't listen to us!" Usagi's
eyebrows rose, but I was on a roll. Nothing was going to
stop me from telling her how I felt and why I felt that way,
the consequences be damned! "You use your heart too much
and don't listen to your head. You want to know why I get so
angry with you!?! Because I'm freaking SCARED for you! Do
you know how worried I get when you trip in battle or follow
your damn heart when we're fighting? By God, Usa, you're so
brave when you follow that heart of yours that you don't
listen to common sense! The way you disregard your own
safety sometimes makes me feel useless!" I broke down into
tears again, except these were tears of both frustration and
relief. I finally got it out, and felt the better for it.
Taking me in her arms again, Usagi rocked me back and
forth, murmuring things I can't remember in a soothing tone.
She waited until I'd calmed down before addressing the
situation again. "I'm sorry I don't act the way you think I
should, Rei-chan, but following my heart is instinct. It's
who I am. I know I get myself into trouble doing it, but I
can't go against who I am. I see someone hurting and I have
to help them; it doesn't matter if they've been deemed an
enemy or not. And you want to know why I take as many risks
as I do? I do it because I'd rather do it by myself rather
than have you or the others get hurt. I have complete and
utter trust in you all that you'll do your best for me, but
I can't help but worry that your best will get yourselves
killed. And I really can't help being clumsy, I guess
that's who I am too." Usagi laughed at the last part.
"But all we want, all _I_ want to do is protect--" She
had cut me off again, this time with words.
"I know, and I still want and expect you to. I still
expect you to yell at me for being stupid and taking risks I
don't need to. In case you hadn't noticed, your yelling has
gotten through, albeit slowly. Am I as bad as I was when
you first met me?"
She had had a point there. She _had_ gotten a little
better than when I had first met her. The way she was
acting that day was proof of that. I didn't have to say
anything, Usagi knew that I had realized it.
"So," she paused to move me so she could look me in the
eye. "Now that we understand each other, I want you to keep
yelling at me to shape up. I understand why you do it now,
so it won't hurt my feelings as much anymore. In fact, I'll
probably listen to you more. But you can't change me
overnight, and probably a thousand years from now I'll still
be childish. But just maybe, due to you and the others, I
might know when it's time for being childish and when it's
time for being a queen."
"Usagi-chan, if it's the only way to get you from being
hurt or killed, I'll keep doing it. I just want you to know
that I don't always _like_ yelling at you. And sometimes it
truly does make me feel useless. And the thing is, your
being childish and happy all the time is what I and the
others love about you. I guess part of what makes me angry
is jealousy. I can't be happy like you all the time.
There's this need to protect you for the very reason of
wanting to see you happy, but also not wanting to see you
dead."
The smile that blossomed on her face was brighter than
a thousand moons. "Thank you Rei-chan, for trying to keep
me on the right track. Let's agree to try and get along a
little better from now on, ne?" At my smile and nod she
continued. "Let's also forget whatever we said to each
other earlier too. Neither of us meant any of it anyway."
That day has been etched into my memory forever. That
was the day that Usagi and I realized that we cared about
each other more than words could say. Since that day, we
have been the best of friends, even though we do get into
the same old arguments as we always have. Our friends have
noticed a change in us, and Mina-chan has even asked me
about it. All I told her was: "We talked."
As for what I'm doing right now . . . This is
something I wouldn't have done before our little talk. You
see, Usagi is really afraid of thunderstorms. I'm sure
there's a name for the phobia, but it escapes me. At the
moment, it's pouring rain outside and thunder is shaking the
whole temple. Every flash of light and every peal of
thunder has her jumping and wailing, and clinging to any
warm body she can get her hands on. Namely me. But, I
don't mind at all. Though for pride's sake, if any of the
others were here I wouldn't have been letting her do this.
But, we're alone here in my room, and I'm protecting
her. That's all I really care about.
End
Hope you all enjoyed that. I'm not usually one to write Rei
stories, but I've read so many of them that this popped into
my little noggin. Remember, feedback is always welcome.
Revised: 7/18/02