A/N: This is DEFINITELY not my best, but I was feeling extremely random and, after talking to a friend about her bf, like writing something kinky. Fluff, little graphic physical stuff, nothing too bad. Maureen being an idiot, but what else is new? Remember, NOT MY BEST.
"Okay, if I have to correct one more misspelling of the word 'analyze', I'm going to go out and commit multiple homicide," Collins moaned, stabbing the paper's margin with his pen. Angel, who was sitting beside him with his arm going around her waist and her back up against his chest, rolled her eyes and looked up from her book, The Lipstick Approach.
"Honey, if you hate grading so much, why not just stop assigning papers to the poor kids?" she suggested, trying to sound as innocent as possible. Collins sighed and pinched her side lightly. Angel squeaked and jumped, batting his hand away with the flimsy paperback book. Collins rolled his eyes and squeezed a little tighter.
"Would it be too much to ask that you not play devil's advocate?" he asked pleadingly. Angel turned her head and stuck her tongue out at him, then snuggled up to his broad chest, her head falling back onto his shoulder.
"I'm just taking pity on them, baby. After all, look who they've got for a teacher."
"You've gotta let them know who's boss," Collins argued back. Angel sighed and marked her page by dog-earring the corner of the page. Then, still in the embrace of his single arm, she wriggled around so that her chest was pressed against his and their faces were inches apart. The book dropped to the ground, a now unwelcome intruder.
"Is that right?" she asked, her breath playing over his face. "Let them know who's boss?"
Collins grinned and pushed the semi-graded papers off his lap. One of his hands slipped under the hem of her shirt and caressed the small of her back. Without warning, he suddenly pushed her back, forcing her into a reclining position on the couch. She let out a giggle as her head bounced gently off the armrest of the couch. But before tat giggle could even really begin its short life, Collins caught it, pushing it back as he kissed her hungrily. His lips were on hers, his tongue in her mouth, his hands on her skin. She could feel his hips pressing into the side of her thigh, and it sent a tingle up her leg. Angel grinned as she kissed him back with equal force, his weight resting pleasantly on her pelvis and chest. It did not get any better than this. Quite honestly.
Before long, he'd worked her shirt off and thrown it to the side. Angel squeaked as the buttons on his shirt poked into the skin of her chest. She fought back against him, her hands sliding down his front and searching for some way to slip past the fabric of his clothing. She'd just worked her way up under the hem when they heard it. When they heard her.
"Hell yes! I told it would be worth it!"
In most awkward situations, there is a split second where those who feel awkward are left staring at those who make them feel awkward. Sometimes both parties are awkward. Sometimes not. Either way, there is always that single second where all the parties' brains struggle to piece together the circumstances, awkward and not. This awkward situation was no different.
Collins and Angel just stared at Maureen and Joanne, who were standing in the doorway. Joanne looked as though she couldn't decide whether to laugh or hide. Maureen however seemed all too happy to occupy the spotlight. She was practically posed in the doorway, smiling widely at the two on the couch. Her gaze said everything as clearly as her voice had moments ago; I don't care what happens, this second is worth it.
And the spell broke. Collins broke it by leaping off Angel and charging Maureen in a single motion. Maureen's eyes widened; she shrieked and disappeared down the stairs outside the apartment. Collins followed, threatening her with a litany of profanities that would have impressed practically anyone. Joanne and Angel could hear his shouting and Maureen's yelps echoing as the two of them ran down the stairs.
"Dear lord, the two of them are something else," Joanne said, rolling her eyes and shaking her head. Angel laughed and sat up, trying to subtly locate her shirt. Joanne sighed and pointed to it with her foot. Angel got up and retrieved it, giving Joanne an embarrassed look.
"So…I'm assuming that Maureen was the engineer of the nonexistent knocking plan?" Angel ventured, slipping her shirt on. Joanne snorted and crossed her arms.
"No, I thought it'd be fun to commit B&E. What do you think, Angel?"
"All right, all right, I'm sorry." Angel shrugged and smiled at Joanne, giving her a small hug as a hello. Joanne returned the greeting, then started when she heard a bloodcurdling scream erupt from out in the stairwell.
"Feeling sorry now, Maureen? Feeling like the worm you are?" they heard Collins shout. Angel stifled laughter and went to the door, leaning out a little.
"Honey, are you doing any permanent damage to Mo?" she called down.
After a slight pause, Collins answered, "Depends on how you look at it!"
"Be nice," she told him. There was a loud moan.
" Angel, come on!"
"Fine, be nice enough," relented Angel. Collins laughed, and Maureen started swearing loudly. Inside, Joanne was doubled over in laughter. Angel glanced back at her, eyebrows raised.
"Don't think you're getting off easy. The next time I find out you two are playing tonsil hockey in a closet or something, I'm grabbing Mark's camera and capturing it on video forever," Angel warned. Joanne just chuckled and shook her head. She joined Angel at the door, leaning against the frame.
"Look, Maureen just wanted to do exactly what she did; catch you in the act. She's suffering for it now, isn't she? And anyway, we came because you two obviously forgot that there's a party at the Life tonight. Rosie and Peter, remember?"
Angel moaned and slapped her forehead. "That was tonight? Tell me you're kidding."
"Nope. But I don't blame you. Horniness can screw pretty well with memory." Joanne ducked a flick on the head and grinned at Angel. Joanne wasn't an extremely vindictive person, but she was a lawyer. Angel sighed and shrugged.
"So has it started already? Are we late?"
" Angel, it's the Life Café. You can't be late to a party that will last past midnight, guaranteed."
"Good point. Hey, baby, give it a rest! We have to get going to the Life, hopefully with Maureen in one piece!" This last bit she yelled to Collins, who gave a reluctantly groan in response, but obviously released Maureen from whatever torture he was inflicting on her, because she stopped swearing at him and started listing all the things he had just done that she could get him arrested for. Joanne shook her head.
"They just don't change, do they?"
"Nope. Stay here and make sure the two of them are still relatively intact, I'm going to go change," Angel said, disappearing back into her apartment. Joanne sighed and rolled her eyes. Sometimes she felt as though she was the only sane one around.
"And then after I charge you with assault, battery, and inappropriate treatment of a…a…of me, I'll get you chopped into lots of little pieces! And then I'll boil those pieces and burn them into little piece-y ashes! And then when I'm done with that, I'll jump on them!" shrieked Maureen.
Okay. Sometimes, she knew she was the only sane one around.
She really, really is. Dear little Jo, you have to love her. Tribute to Doug Adams and Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy on the last Maureen thing.