Disclaimer: I wrote it all, it's true, yet I was inspired by that much greater and thus I own but a grain of sand in this giant ocean.
Sirius Black was standing in the centre of the Gryffindor common room brandishing majestically a piece of crinkled parchment.
"Oh god no," thought James Potter. James was Sirius's cohort, his friend, his partner-in-crime, his associate and accomplice in all things of magical mischief. They had a bond; a deep, meaningful connection (and very manly, full of manly hugs and manly flexing of muscles, of course) Sirius wouldn't do this. He couldn't do this.
But he was going to do this.
Sirius cleared his throat and finally gained the attention of the sole person who didn't already have their eyes fixed on his cheeky grin.
"Ladies and gentlemen," he declared, winking at Freckle O'Rourke who blushed furiously, "It is my honour and my privilege to present to you here today, "The Blooming Lily", a poem by our very own James Potter!" He gestured carelessly a crimson chair, which seemed to be consuming James as he tried to sink further into its depths.
"A mere bud, she bashfully began
I ardently watched her grow.
And as I followed her life's span
These things I came to know."
Here Sirius paused for effect. All eyes were glued on him, sniggers emerging from various groups. There was a scuttle as someone ran to fetch Lily Evans. For the select few who managed to tear their eyes away from Sirius, they were rewarded with the mortified despair taking hold of James. "Sirius, please. I'll give you anything; I'll do anything. You can have them, all sixty-four. That's nearly six years of Ensorcelled and Erotic. Including the Entranced Enchantresses edition!"
He continued to blabber but Sirius ignored him. With a regal flourish of his hand he continued.
"Your smile dost vividly shine
Like no smile ever should
My heart's no longer mine
You've stolen it for good.
"You whirl in worlds enchanted
Beneath that fiery glory.
My view? Completely slanted,
As I write our fictitious love story."
Lily had appeared at the entrance to the girl's dormitories, pushed hurriedly by a blonde friend.
"What's going on here?" she mouthed at James, before throwing her glare at Sirius. "Get off that table, Black, unless you're in the mood for a week of detention!"
James had leapt up and was making his way towards Lily at an alarming rate. A first year found himself thrown violently forward, his face plastered with his game of Exploding Snap.
"Lily, dear, darling! Lovely to see you!" James proclaimed. Lily looked at him strangely and then kissed him soundly.
"I've never dated someone so eager," she said to no one in particular, "It's almost sweet, if you forget that stalkers exist…"
Sirius coughed. He was still high above the rest of the group, stationed firmly on his table. "Lily, we're busy, you know."
There were grunts of accord and several cheers. James turned around.
"You people are crazy! Is my humiliation this fascinating? Do you not have lives? I was fourteen when I wrote that! It's terrible and horrible and should be drawn and quartered then horribly mutilated and fed to cannibals, I know, I know. But nobody else needs to, right? Am I right?" He was red in the face and Lily was now fixing her glare on him. "You know that freaks me out, Lils" he added, shrinking in her gaze. Gryffindor seemed relatively uninterested in their Head Boy's pleas and many were heckling Sirius to continue. Several had conjured popcorn.
A flash of light erupted from a distant corner and James found himself unable to speak or move or, most importantly, complain.
Lily stalked over to Sirius and reached for the parchment.
"What's all this fuss about, then?" she questioned in her best I-am-an-authority-figure-and-I-can-rip-off-your-balls-Sirius-Black voice.
Sirius grinned, "Just a little poem Jamsie wrote for his Lily-flower."
Now it was Lily's turn to grin. "Let's hear it then." The muffled protests from James were neglected and forgotten as Sirius began again to read.
"If I had clay to make a girl
As perfect as I could wish
Your image would unfurl
And your earth lips I'd kiss.
"But here I sit, forgotten
As you live your life, supreme.
Any chance I have is rotten
I'm with you but in dreams."
Sirius bowed, "The End!" he yelled to the room as they broke out in a mixture of applause and laughter. Lily giggled, snatching the parchment out of Sirius's thieving hands.
"I believe this is mine," she said smugly, "Reversio!" She pointed her wand at James who stumbled and started stuttering.
"You see, the thing is, I went through this weird phase in forth year, you know, and I did some strange things, you know. That was the year I baked you things. It was kind of an exploring-my-feminine-side-" he said this very rapidly with his head facing the floor, "-kind of time. And poetry, well, you said you liked it one time so I guess I may have written something for you but you know, that was ages ago and so you really shouldn't even associate it with me at all." He paused for breath.
"James –" Lily tried to get a word in as she approached her recent boyfriend, but he was off again.
"In fact, let's burn it. Ok? Burn it and never speak of it again."
"JAMES!" Lily shouted. "James, I think it's sweet. Yes, you're a pretty terrible poet, don't quit your day job, but no one has ever written anything for me before. The message is, oh James, it's touching." And it was true. Despite his lack of meter and careless rhymes, James Potter had yet again proved that he was the singular individual that could melt her with ludicrousness. Which didn't sound very romantic, nothing like the fanciful love stories where men's tongues dripped charm into the hearts of their beloveds, but she loved it. Every day he did something that made her laugh and love him just that little bit more. It made her dizzy.
She had reached him now and would have continued but the desolate expression on his face made her just want to kiss him. So she did. Some fifth years whistled vulgarly which made Lily aim a neat jinx in their general direction.
She unlocked herself for a moment and was faced with an entire common room of curious faces. "James is right, get a life, people!" And with that she grabbed her boyfriend's hand and led him out of the arena and down to the grounds for a thorough snog.
And perhaps a teasing rendition of "The Blooming Lily". She was only human, after all, despite the proclamations of certain poems.
Like it? Hate it? Review! Come on, you know you want to mock the poem! xo Lilian