Author: afrai
Summary: Pretty much what it says on the box.
Disclaimer: Not mine!
Notes: These were largely written in response to LJ memes. Many thanks to the requesters.

Kaoru was occasionally afflicted with fits of optimism.

"Milord!" he announced. "We have a mission!"

"My devil son! Have you finally decided to discard your evil ways?"

"What are your feelings for Haruhi?"

"... ah. Paternal affection?"

"Try again."

"Paternalesque affection?"

"Think, milord," said Kaoru. "We're your children too, but you don't feel the same towards us, do you?"

"But you're boys!"

"Think about me and Hikaru's appeal," Kaoru suggested.

"Forbidden symmetry ... " Tamaki's brow wrinkled. "I'm having a scandalous homosexual affair with you and Hikaru?"

Well, Kaoru thought as he dusted off his hands, maybe the status quo wasn't that bad.