This is based on me coming to the realization that I need to humiliate characters more in my fan fictions. So what better way to do so than at their 30th birthdays? I am getting a bit more evil each day; soon I'll be my sister.

Oh, and for the sake of making this complete, Sasuke will be involved. Don't hate me for it, I know it's not the first time you've seen it.

Warning: his fic contains many moments from FRIENDS, so if you don't like the show, this might not be your cup of tea

-

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, and some of the birthday scenarios are 'borrowed' as well.

-

The big 3-0

-O

-L

-D

Chapter one: Happy birthday Hinata-chan, it'll be better than the others.

-

December twenty-seventh, around seven thirty, Eastern Standard Time, and the guest of honor had yet to arrive. They all waited, until finally the signal was sounded, and they all crouched in wait. He doorknob turned and the door slowly opened.

"Surprise!"

Hinata nearly dropped her bag in shock as her friends and teammates leapt out (mostly) for her birthday. She had arrived with Neji after he convinced Hiashi to let her go to a friend's house after a family celebration that was a right awful bore. Now that the guest of honor ad arrived, a real party could get started.

She picked up her bag and regarded them happily. Even she inwardly thought the thing at home was boring, and was thrilled that her friends thought of something so nice. It would probably to good to mention that they were at Ino's house, and it was decorated with balloons and a banner. It was the usual birthday fix for Hinata's milestone.

"Th-thank you for all this." She said, "I didn't think you would do all this."

"Nonsense birthday girl." Ino said heartily, "It's not everyday a person turns thirty and we all wanted to make it special. My parents are away and said it was alright to do this."

As she was led to the couch, the other Konoha twelve had gathered to wish her a good one. She sat down and started up a conversation with the others.

"I'm glad all of you are here." She smiled, "Who came up with this?"

"Well, Kiba told us about it and suggested a party." Sakura told her, "Shino too, sort of."

Naruto bounded up, "Of course, Ino went into hostess mode and went wild. She raided party stores and planned the heck out of this thing."

"She was barely tolerable." Shikamaru said, earning him a smack to the back of the head by Ino.

Hinata laughed at them, it was so thoughtful and she was happy. Despite that, there was only one thing that could make it absolutely perfect. She knew it full well as she glanced at Naruto. It was not as easy as it sounded, and while she had grown bolder and closer to him, it was not as how she wanted. Lucky for her, Ino had also planned that in her own meddling way.

"Kiba!" She hissed, out of earshot from the others, "You had better have everything ready for this!"

"Relax, Ino. Things will be fine, for crying out loud."

Ino released the death grip on Kiba's jacket and he slid to the floor. She just had to make things go off without a hitch, although if it involved Naruto, it probably would, so she had several backup plans made just in case.

Meanwhile, the others were talking and mingling, when the number actually came up. The number that caused enough trouble for the others.

"I can't believe Hinata is now thirty. That makes all of us over thirty." Lee said, reveling in the thought.

"Yeah," Tenten sighed, "It seemed like only yesterday when we were all just kids."

"Sometimes we still are." Neji smirked, looking at Naruto arguing with Sasuke for what must have been the umpteenth time.

Some things never changed. Of course when that topic sprang up, interesting memories came with it.

"We are now all officially the old club." Chouji joked, only to find that it wasn't al that funny. A good half of them slumped in their seats. Hinata tried to keep the mood up.

"It's not that big a deal." She said, "Just another notch in our lives."

"Well, you're taking it better than some of us." Ino said, giving Lee a look.

"What?" He questioned, "I didn't freak out that much."

"…"

Flashback

"Oh, yes what a lovely 29th birthday." He said to the rest of them standing there, "Just think of how I was born in (insert year) and how time just flies."

"Wait a second Lee," Tenten said, "If you were born in (insert year) you're thirty."

"…Huh?"

"She's right." Said Shikamaru, having done the math in his uber smart head.

Pause.

"WHY KAMI-SAMA, WHY?"

Everyone jumped at least three feet at his sudden outburst.

"WHY ARE YOU MAKING US SO OLD? WHY DEPRIVE US OF OUR YOUTH?"

End flashback

"That wasn't he only thing that happened." He defended, "Besides, I wasn't nearly as bad as some of you guys."

There was some uncomfortable shuffling as they all glanced around the room, knowing he had a point. Compared to them, his was like the Macy's parade that just had a rogue balloon.

"True, Lee's was a bit out there, but at least he got over it." Sakura admitted.

"Yes, because we have a new deal." Lee smiled, looking up.

The others laughed at Lee's clueless behavior as they recalled their milestone birthdays.

"Let's not forget the lackluster moment that Shino had."

Flashback

"Happy birthday Shino!"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Well?"

"…"

"Forget this! Let's go get some brunch."

End flashback

"Who wants to have some dinner?" Ino called.

They all received the food heartily, still recalling the fiasco's known as thirtieth birthdays. They had all done some wild stuff. Kiba was relieved that they didn't mention the little fiasco at his party.

"Remember what Kiba did for his party?"

Darn it.

Flashback

"Hey, I got a great game for us." He suggested after they all ate his cake.

Everyone had a sudden feeling of terror wash over them as he began to lead them outside and too the roof of his apartment building. They all had a conniption when they saw appliances of various sizes sitting on the edge of the building.

"Who wants to push the refrigerator off?" Kiba said.

"Me!" Naruto raised his hand.

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME WITH THIS?" Sakura shouted,

"Do you have any idea how much trouble we could get into if we do this?" Neji pointed out.

"S-someone could get h-hurt." Hinata added.

"Relax you guys." Kiba assured them, "I've made absolutely sure that nobody will pass by. I put up road blocks for just this reason."

"Are you sure about this?" Chouji asked.

"My mom did this for her 30th birthday." He told them, now let's get pushing.

End flashback

"And what a time that was." Ino said sarcastically.

"Hey, we didn't get into that much trouble." Kiba defended.

They all rolled their eyes at him, it seemed nothing ever changed anymore.

"Whatever." Sakura said, "Remember what Chouji's party involved?"

Flashback

"AND NOW CHOUJI?"

Lee was sobbing on the birthday boy's shoulder as he was trying to blow out the candles.

"WHY ARE YOU MAKING US SO OLD?"

Everyone glared at Lee as he blew his nose on a hankie he pulled from thin air. Knowing what they had to do, they all grabbed hold of him, and threw him out the window. There was a crash as he landed.

"I'm okay!"

End flashback

"I only did it twice." He insisted, "And after all, from what you told me the rest of the party went pretty good."

They all sighed at him as they finished dinner. Reminiscing seemed to make time pass by a bit better. Hinata didn't mind, in fact she thought it was nice to just talk with her friends. It was something that made life good.

"Anyway," Ino said, "It's almost time for cake!"

Most everyone perked up at the thought of cake. After all, cake is life and makes the world better. (Sorry, I really love cake.) Ino started to light the candles as Tenten turned off the lights while the rest of them geared up for the birthday song.

Hinata smiled, she was the last of them to hit thirty, and she recalled other birthdays that made the ones they visited seem like walks in the park. They all sang the birthday song.

(It turns out the birthday song is copyrighted can you believe that?)

When they were done. They cut and began eating the delicious yellow cake with chocolate frosting. (I'm drooling) Sakura brought up what Hinata had on her mind.

"You know, those other parties were rough, but not compared to Ino's."

"Oh, no. Yours was worse billboard-brow!" Ino shot back.

Naruto laughed, "What about Sasuke's? I thought I was going to die of laughter."

"Shut up." The Uchiha growled. "Hyuuga's was worse."

Neji did his best to ignore them as they argued over who's party was worse.

"I'd have to say Shikamaru's." Tenten smiled.

"No way." He said, "Not compared to the fiasco you had."

"Everybody QUIET!"

Ino's louder than normal shout brought them all to a silence, she reserved that for special occasions. Now that they had all shut up, she took the opportunity to continue eating her cake and continue.

"It's Hinata-chan's birthday." She said, "So no arguing or something that will make her upset. We can talk about the old parties, but none of those pain in the butt fights."

They all agreed and sat in silence for a moment.

"Sasuke's was way worse."

-

--

End of chapter one, I hope you liked it so far. The ones in here were the ones that I couldn't fit. The other chapters will include my favorite pairings.

-

Next chapter: While Hinata's party continues, Neji recalls his 30th birthday in all its hell and glory.