Title: Song my mother taught me
Author: Lilya
Genre: Angst/General
Summary: Before Obi-Wan Kenobi, there was Ben. Before the Jedi, there was a son.
Main characters: Obi-Wan Kenobi, OCs
Rating: G
Disclaimer: Obi-Wan "Ben" Kenobi belongs to George Lucas and so does Qui-Gon Jinn. Leena, Euan & the rest of the family belong to me. The song used, known as "Mellow the monlight" or as "The Spinning Wheel" , is a traditional piece and not boud by copryright laws.
Author's note: 1) English is not my native tongue. If you find any mistake – which I'm sure you will – please correct me.
Song my mother taught me
I. When Angels Fly Away
Year 57 B.B.Y.
The sun was setting over Coruscant, painting the sky in red and purple as brilliant as the finest silk.
Somehow, a few rays had found their way through the maze of skyscraper and into the room above the fabric shop.
The house was clearly old – as old as the shop, as it was proudly announced on the sign at the front – but the rooms were all large and warm, full of light and air.
On the cream-colored walls hanged tasteful pictures and various diplomas, while one side was completely occupied by a large bookshelf. Nearby, two comfortable-looking couches, some chairs and some small tables had been arranged to form a cozy corner for conversation.
A few precious details – a cushion not plumped here, a book left on the table, a forgotten toy-robot there – showed that the room was indeed used for everyday living and not preserved for "official matters" like a cold museum.
A woman sat on a rocking chair by the window. Her needlework lay forgotten on her lap while her blue eyes gazed at the city, drinking in the fading light.
A heavy sigh escaped her lips as she turned to look at the cradle at her feet – and the baby peacefully sleeping inside of it.
Leena's eyes filled with tears. Her own heart seemed to beat more slowly, as if about to break or burst.
She didn't know how long it would be – she had forgotten again, but she refused to look it up.
What was the point?
Only to receive another stab in the heart?
It would be all too soon anyway.
Her baby, her Ben…soon he would be gone.
Since it had become final, Euan, her husband, had told her over and over again not to spend too much time with him, not to think too much about what had happened – but Leena didn't want to.
She would think about it every day – reliving every single day through her memory.
How happy she had been one she had found out she was pregnant… This time she hadn't been as afraid as she had been with Owen, their firstborn.
She had done it once, she could do it again – and that calm confidence had allowed her to concentrate completely on the small life growing inside of her.
The pregnancy hadn't been exactly a smooth journey – none ever was – but it could have been much worse.
She had anticipated the birth instead of dreading it – she couldn't wait to properly meet her son.
Leena smiled to herself as she remembered the joy and awe of holding Ben for the first time. He was perfect, simply perfect.
A thousand wishes had filled her heart – she wished for him to be happy, and healthy and loved and…
And then she had noticed something strange about the Healers' behavior – right after they had performed the first tests on Ben.
The Jedi Knights had showed up the day before they were discharged – and had been forced to beat a hasty retreat by a rather well-flung vase of Corellian Lilies.
(Leena would smirk to herself in grim satisfaction forever for this)
As soon as she had seen them, she had understood – and consequentially freaked out.
Later, after the Healers managed to calm her down and give her a mild sedative, Euan had sat down beside her and confirmed what she already suspected.
He had tried to tell her just how high the count of those blasted midi-chlorians was, but Leena had refused to know – she still didn't know it.
Even through the sweet mist of the drug, her answer had been only one: no.
It had began then a war between her and the rest of the family that had dragged on for months and months – almost one year now.
In the end, she hadn't been able to old out against all of them. But even through she had accepted, her feelings were all but quieted.
Right in that moment, little Ben woke up and began to fuss and squirm.
"M-ma. M-ma." he mumbled in his babyish, unsure voice.
Leena smiled and picked him up from the cradle.
"What's wrong, little love?" she said, checking if he was wet. But he was not, and he couldn't be already hungry. "Bad dreams?"
Was it even possible for him to have nightmares? So soon?
Perhaps he felt what was about to happen – or had he only caught on her own mood?
Ben kept on squirming and she adjusted her hold on him, gently rocking him in her arms. Standing there against the window, Leena began to sing.
"Mellow the moonlight to shine is beginning
Close by the window young Ailyn is spinning
Bent o'er the fire her blind grandmother sitting
Is crooning and moaning and drowsily knitting"
It was an ancient song she had learned from her grandmother – luckily. She didn't think many people knew that kind of songs anymore. And this one was the only one who'd get Ben to sleep or calm him down when he was upset.
Leena smiled at him, mesmerized by his big blue eyes and his soft features.
He must have gotten that affinity for old songs from her as well as the color of his eyes.
"Merrily cheerily noiselessly whirring
Swings the wheel, spins the wheel while the foot's stirring
Sprightly and lightly and merrily ringing
Trills the voice of the young maiden singing"
She still couldn't believe her Ben was going to leave.
How had it come to this?
Not that she had something against the Knights – they were honorable and famous and, well, vital to their Republic. There had been a few Jedi among her relatives already, but still, the Order moved and operated on a completely different level, and even if their Temple was in the city, it might as well have been one hundred light-years away.
Why her baby? Why Ben?
"Lazily, easily, swings now the wheel round
Slowly and lowly is heard now the reel's sound
Noiseless and light to the lattice above her
Then maid steps and leaps to the arms of her lover"
In a few months, he would turn one –
and she wouldn't be there to celebrate his birthday.
She would
never sing to him or hold his hand as he learned to walk. He was
already beginning to talk, but she would never hear him call "mama"
again or know how his voice sounded beyond that first, tentative
word…
They had told her he could be great. That she had no right to deny him his future.
But that was precisely why she had been so contrary – she hated the thought of making this choice for him.
Who could tell what he would have chosen, if he had been old enough and had known enough of both worlds?
What right did they have do deny him a normal life?
How could anyone know if he would have been happy in the end?
"Slower and slower and slower the wheel swings
Lower and lower and lower the reel rings
'Ere the reel and the wheel stop their ringing and moving
Through the grove the young lovers by moonlight are roving"
Leena was torn in two, between her loyalty to the her world and her love for her son. Nobody had realized that, but the bloodiest battle she had fought had been against her diverging emotions.
Either way, guilt devoured her.
Alone, she hadn't resisted the pressure put on her.
Everybody agreed – deep down, she still didn't.
There was really no choice, Euan told her so from the beginning.
But she couldn't give up her child without a fight, without trying…It was hard enough living with that.
Ben was smiling and laughing that soft, indefinite baby laughter. Leena smiled back and kept on cradling him and singing.
"Merrily, cheerily, noiselessly whirring
Swings the wheel, spins the wheel while the foot's stirring
Sprightly and lightly and merrily ringing
Trills the voice of the young maiden singing,
Merrily cheerily noiselessly whirring
Swings the wheel, spins the wheel while the foot's stirring…"
A light-haired man lingered in the doorway – watching his wife dress their second born. She was singing something, but so low that he couldn't make out the words or the melody.
"Leena?"
"Yes, Euan?" She said, without looking at him.
"It's almost time."
"I know." Leena replied calmly, wrapping Ben up in a blanket.
"What are you doing?" Euan said. "They'll have their stuff at the Temple and you know they're not allowed to have…things…"
She didn't say anything, but a definite change in the atmosphere around her clearly stated that he had lost a good occasion to keep his mouth shut.
He hung his head. "I'll let you know when we must go."
Leena nodded, still without turning around. As he left, she started singing softly again – as if she was whispering a secret meant only for her and the child.
One hour later, their air taxi left the couple as close to the Temple as civilians were allowed to get. A Knight and a woman waited about 6 meters away.
Leena had the feeling all of this had been staged for her benefit – as a way to make her accept she was giving up Ben.
Instinctively, she hugged him closer, ignoring Euan's exasperated look.
Both couples moved toward each other – meeting a little more than half way.
The woman stepped forward to greet them, a warm smile on her face.
Leena took advantage of this brief seconds to study her. She was older than her by at least 15 years – her features spoke of kindness and firmness of character, while the soft, gentle tone of her voice suggested a caring and compassionate personality.
She seemed to understand Leena's sorrow.
"I am Shiri Kalas." she said, looking straight at her. "I'm one of the Crèche Masters. Your son will be assigned to my group of wards." She glanced at the small bundle in her arms, noting the blanket and the clothes. "Good thinking in covering him like that, madam. Even in this season, the nights are still chilly."
Leena nodded dully. Part of her was glad for Master Kalas' display of common sense, while the other was howling she didn't need that woman's acknowledgment.
She resolutely met her eyes – a silent conversation seemed to take place between the two women.
Meanwhile, the two men present shifted uncomfortably.
Slowly, as if her arms were made of stone, Leena reached out. Master Kalas gently took Ben from her arms and adjusted him more comfortably in her arms.
"Thank you." She said solemnly.
Leena just stood there, staring at them.
"We shall go now…" Euan said nervously, afraid his wife would might pull a crazy stunt.
As he took her arm, she forcefully
wrenched it from his grasp and moved toward the Crèche
Master.
Before her husband or the Jedi could stop her, Leena
pressed one last loving, desperate kiss to Ben's forehead.
Then she stumbled back, even through no one had touched her. Tears were already streaming down her face.
She stole one last glance, then she turned around and run back into the air-taxi. Owen hastily bowed to the Knights and joined her.
The taxi took off.
Leena curled on the seat and cried, cried all the way home, unable to stop. Broken by her sobs, Ben's song quietly flowed through her lips.
This is the first thing I've managed to write after a bad case of writer's block and several problems in Real Life that didn't help at all.
This means I'll really need your honest opinion on this.
I've also thought of a couple of possible chapters to follow – whether I try to write them or not, depends on how the story will be received.
Please, review and let me know what
you thought of this story and if I should add those two chapters.
Thank you
EDIT: I have corrected a couple of mistakes – thanks to phantom-jedi1 for signaling them – I just hope I didn't add more. Now that would be embarrassing. I also changed Obi-Wan/Ben's father name from Owen to Euan – having him share a name with his oldest son was getting too confusing.