"The Switch"
STANDARD DISCLAIMER: The
characters belong to George Lucas. The
idea is mine and he can't have it, so THERE (not that he'd want it anyway).
"Well, I think that went VERY well, don't you?" Sabé
asked. Padmé, dressed as a handmaiden and
following a respectful step behind "the Queen," caught up with her and gave her
a smile.
"Sometimes I think you do a better job of being me than I
do," she joked.
"You are certainly a more patient handmaiden than I,"
Sabé admitted as they continued through the halls of their hotel. They were visiting Coruscant to negotiate a
trade agreement with representatives from Dantooine. "I am afraid I frequently lose my temper and shout at the
others." Rabé said something under her
breath, which Sabé chose to ignore. When they reached the Queen's suite, Padmé dismissed the other
handmaidens.
"I will see to Her Majesty's gown," she said
ironically. The handmaidens bowed to
her and filed out of the room in silence.
"I
just had a thought," Sabé said as Padmé unfastened the elaborate closure on the
back of Sabé's gown. "I may be good at
being you around people like those ambassadors we met with today – people who
don't really know you. I wonder if I
could fool someone who knows you well. Now that would be the mark of a good decoy."
"I wonder if you could fool Anakin," Padmé mused. "It would be tough. I doubt I could pretend to be YOU
convincingly."
"I don't look much like you without the white make-up,"
Sabé noted. "It's the make-up, the
clothes, the accent, and the attitude that do it more than anything else. So if you were dressed as the Queen, but
acted like me… well, you might be able to pull it off." They looked at each other.
"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Padmé asked. Sabé grinned.
"Probably."
Two hours later, two virtually identical Queens of the
Naboo stood in the Queen's suite. Both
wore elaborately braided hairstyles covered with black lace veils. Both wore thick, concealing white
make-up. Both wore identical long black
gowns. They surveyed themselves and
each other critically in the mirror. They smiled virtually identical smiles of approval.
"Shall we make a bet on who will manage to go
undiscovered the longest, Your Majesty?" Padmé asked in her normal voice.
"By all means, Your Majesty," Sabé replied in the Queen's
strangulated Nubian accent. "Is ten
credits too rich for your blood?" she joked.
"I
think I can manage that amount," Padmé said. She held up her cell voicephone. "Whoever gets discovered first calls the other."
"All right. Let's
set them on vibrate, though. That way,
if we run into a really major problem, we can call each other."
"Sounds good." Padmé said.
"I am going to win, you know," Sabé said quietly.
"Think so?"
"Oh yes. I'm much
more used to pretending to be you than you are pretending to be me." Padmé smiled.
"We shall see."
Padmé Amidala, Queen of the Naboo walked into Liam's
Lounge, flanked by two of her handmaidens. She scanned the crowd and quickly located Anakin sitting alone at a
booth in the very back, a beer glass in his hand and half-empty pitcher of
Guinness on the table. As usual, the place was packed, and Sabé prepared to
fight her way through the crowd. Tonight, however, the crowd parted respectfully to make way for her as
she proceeded to the back of the club. I
could really get used to this, Sabé thought. The royal treatment…
"Your Majesty," Anakin said jokingly when she reached the
table where he was sitting. He stood
and sketched her a slightly ironic bow. She laughed.
"Hello, Anakin," Sabé said, sliding into the booth next
to him. Her handmaidens took seats at
the next table.
"Aren't you worried that you're a bit overdressed for
this place?" he asked. She shrugged.
"My meeting with the ambassadors from Dantooine ran
longer than expected, and I did not have time to return to my hotel and
change."
"Don't get me wrong," Anakin said. "You add class to this dump." Sabé raised
her eyebrows.
"Is
that supposed to be a compliment?" she asked.
"What
do you think?" he asked, leaning over to kiss her lips. She jumped in surprise. "Are you OK?" He sounded concerned.
"Yes, I'm fine," she said, trying out a smile.
"You seem jumpy tonight."
"I guess I'm still nervous from the negotiations this
afternoon." Oh my goodness, he's
supposed to be my boyfriend, of course he'll want to kiss me… Sabé
thought. On the heels of that thought
came another. Oh my… She giggled, picturing Padmé with HER
date for the evening.
"Something funny?" Anakin asked.
"No, just thinking." He put his arm around her and pulled her close. This time, determined to win the bet, she
returned his kiss enthusiastically, trying very hard not to picture what Padmé's
face would look like if she could see them. Oh yuck, Sabé thought. Someone
should tell this child that slobbering all over his date's face while kissing
her is neither romantic nor necessary, and that eau de beer is NOT sexy
cologne.
"Hello, Your Majesty," Obi-Wan said, sliding into the
seat across from them. "You're
certainly dressed nicely this evening. You make Anakin and I look like bums."
"You
ARE bums," Sabé replied. She
frowned. "Anakin, you didn't tell me
Obi-Wan would be joining us." Anakin
gave her a funny look.
"When has he NOT joined us?" he asked. Obi-Wan goes with them on their
dates? How strange, Sabé
thought.
"I guess I don't have to ask what we're doing tonight,"
she said.
"What do we always do?" Anakin asked. Sabé decided to hazard what she figured was
probably a pretty safe guess.
"Sit
here and drink?"
"Exactly,"
Anakin beamed.
"Hey,
want to order some wings?" Obi-Wan asked.
"Sure," she replied, smiling at him. This won't be so bad, Sabé thought. At least I don't have to worry about things
getting too out of hand with Anakin tonight. Having someone else around kind of kills the romance. She smiled to herself. Something tells me that before the
evening is out, Padmé will be wishing that she had a chaperone too.
How strange it was to be garbed and made up as the Queen,
but to be alone. Usually a retinue of
handmaidens followed Padmé everywhere when she was acting as Queen. But tonight, she reminded herself, she was
not acting as the Queen. She was
pretending to be Sabé pretending to be her. She shook her head. This is
confusing, she thought. I'm
really going to have to be on the ball tonight… She rang the buzzer. A
moment later, the door slid open.
"Good heavens," Palpatine exclaimed, looking her up and
down. Padmé smiled.
"Aren't you going to invite me in?" she asked. "We DO have a date tonight, don't we?"
"Of course," he said, ushering her inside.
"Sorry about my attire," she apologized. "The meeting ran a bit late and I didn't have
time to go back to the hotel and change."
"Well, it's
probably for the best that we'll be eating in this evening. If I were to take you out dressed like that,
there might be the sort of misunderstandings that lead to talk." He put his arms around her and pulled her
close. "But we don't have to worry
about that here." Uh oh, Padmé
thought. Determined to win the bet, she
closed her eyes and tipped her face up to be kissed. To her surprise, his lips barely touched hers. She opened her eyes and looked up at
him. How would Sabé react to getting
a kiss like that? She narrowed her
eyes.
"That was a pretty lame kiss," she said
archly.
"Well,
I know how upset you get when someone kisses the Queen and ruins her make-up
after you've spent hours putting it on her," he said. "I would hate to incur the wrath of the handmaiden who put this
make-up on you." She smiled.
"How considerate of you - " Yikes, she thought. I
almost called him "Chancellor"! This is
going to be tougher than I thought. "Though most of the other handmaidens aren't as hot-tempered as I."
"I'm sure you don't get excited without a good
reason," he murmured. He bent to
kiss her neck. She swallowed hard.
"Um," she said, totally at a loss for
words. He looked down at her, eyes filled
with concern.
"My goodness, darling," Palpatine
murmured. "Your eyes are
absolutely huge. You look like some
helpless little wild creature caught in a snare." Oh great, she thought. I know Sabé wouldn't look like that. If he were holding HER, she'd be a wild
creature all right, but not like he's describing.
"I guess I'm still a little tense from that meeting
today," she said lamely. Palpatine's voicephone rang. And
rang. And rang… "Aren't you going
to answer that?"
"No, I thought I'd let the message center get
it."
"Oh, I think you'd better answer it," Padmé
said, grateful for the excuse to move out of his arms. "It might be important." He shrugged and picked it up.
"Hello… Yes, of course it's me, who else would it
be? Oh? Yes, I did notice that…. what do you think is going on? Mmmm… do you think? Well. Yes, that could be an effective strategy, but I'm concerned about the
long-term effects…. How far are you
prepared to go? My goodness, that
far. Well, I'm not…. no, you must understand
that the situation is different for me… What? You'd bloody well better
not! Well then I will too! No I'm not bluffing! Right! Well, that's all there is to say then, isn't it?" He hung up.
"What was that about?" Padmé asked. Palpatine sighed.
"The usual squabbling between petty paper pushers
with nothing better to do with their time than harass me when I'm otherwise
engaged. Now where were we? Oh yes, you were telling me that you're
still tense from your meeting today." He took her hand and led her to the sofa, where he sat and drew her down
next to him. "Why don't you just
lie down here with me on this sofa and I'll see what I can do to help you
relax, hmm?"
Anakin returned to the table with another pitcher of
Guinness. Sabé couldn't believe it. She
had never seen one person consume such a large amount of beer in such a small
amount of time. If I drank like he
does, I'd be hung over for a month, she thought. And how does Padmé tolerate this? They've been sitting here all night, drinking and talking about
life at the Jedi Temple. It's enough to
drive a person mad.
"Mmmm, not funny is it to call the Temple from a
cell voicephone and ask if our refrigeration unit is running!" Anakin
mimicked, sending both Jedi into fits of laughter.
"My turn," Obi-Wan said. "Not funny is it to fill out
subscription cards for dirty magazines for Master Windu!"
"Not funny is it to teach the Padawans how to give
people a hot foot!" Anakin
supplied. Sabé wondered if she would be forfeiting the bet if she left
early. She feared her sanity might
depend on making an immediate departure. Finally, she couldn't bear it any longer.
"Not funny is it to sit around all night talking
about this stuff when you're supposed to be on a date with your girlfriend!"
she snapped.
"What's wrong?" Anakin asked.
"What's wrong? Are you seriously asking me that question?"
"Well… er… yeah," Anakin replied. Sabé's famous
temper finally reached the boiling point.
"I'll
tell you what's wrong," she said, rising to her feet. "I've been sitting her for hours
listening to you two brainless twits repeat the same lame stories back to each
other, and I'm getting damn sick of it!"
"I
thought you said you really like hearing about what goes on at the Jedi
Temple," Obi-Wan said, puzzled.
"Well
obviously that was before tonight." In the back of her mind, Sabé realized she had probably blown it with
her outburst. After all, Padmé would
never have exploded like that. In fact,
she would never have gotten tired of their stupid stories in the first
place. She sighed.
"All
right, take it easy," Anakin said. "We'll just finish this pitcher and go back to your hotel
room."
"Fine,"
Sabé said, relieved that the two Jedi were evidently too drunk to notice her
odd (for Padmé) behavior. Then she
realized that she'd just agreed to take Anakin back to the hotel with her. I'll just tell him no, she
resolved. I don't have to give a
reason. A woman is entitled to refuse
if she wishes, no matter who is asking. I'm sure Amidala will be doing plenty of refusing herself this evening.
"Oh
yes," Padmé gasped. "Yes! That feels SOOOO
good! No, don't stop! Please! Oh gods! Oh don't
stop!"
"But
my hand is cramping up," Palpatine complained. She groaned in protest,
then sat up and stretched luxuriously.
"That
has GOT to be the best back rub I've ever had in my life," she said. "Thank you SO much!" He smiled.
"You're
quite welcome," he said, rubbing his hand.
"Here,
let me see it," Padmé said. "One good rub deserves another." She took his hand and began massaging the cramped muscle.
"You
certainly seem more relaxed than you were when you got here," he
observed. She smiled.
"You
could relax durasteel with those hands," she said. "Incredible!" He smiled modestly.
"I'm
glad you enjoyed it." Her stomach
growled loudly. They both laughed. "So dinner is next, is it?"
"Yeah,
that would be great," she said, following him to the kitchen.
"I haven't made anything really special," he said
apologetically. "I hope you don't
mind. I simply wasn't expecting you to
be dressed so grandly. We could move
into the dining room if you like." She
smiled.
"No, this is fine."
"Actually," he confessed as he set a plate before her. "I
didn't spend all day slaving over a hot cooker. I'm afraid the credit for this feast belongs to my cook, not
me. I would only serve you something
I'd cooked myself if I didn't like you very much." She laughed.
"Don't worry, I'm hopeless in a kitchen myself." She took a sip of the cold white wine he'd
poured for her.
"You know, when I was first elected Senator, I ended up
being selected to host a reception for the Twi'lek delegation. Well, naturally no one thought to tell me
about their particular dietary requirements…" Soon, Padmé was laughing
helplessly at his accounts of various inauspicious encounters with alien
cuisine. She in turn shared with him
several hilarious mishaps involving food and alien races that had not been at
all funny at the time. They ate a lot,
drank a lot, and laughed a lot that evening. Padmé wondered if Sabé were having as good a time with Anakin as she was
with Palpatine.
Sabé
punched in the code that opened Padmé's hotel room, dismissed the two
handmaidens with a silent gesture, and led Anakin inside. The door slid shut behind them.
"Well,"
she said. "Here we are."
"Don't
you want to slip into something more comfortable?" Sabé frowned to
herself. He talks like an actor out
of a bad holovid, she thought. What
on Naboo does Padmé see in this twit, anyway?
"What,
you don't like this gown? I'll have you
know it cost a fortune," she said. Anakin shrugged.
"All
your gowns look exactly the same to me when they're in a crumpled pile on the
floor." Against her will, Sabé
giggled at that. He walked over to her
and took her in his arms. "First
time I've heard you laugh at something I've said all night," he said
quietly. He bent his head to kiss her
lips. It was a long, slow, thorough
kiss. Without realizing she'd done it,
she put her arms around his neck. As he
kissed her, he ran his hands up the sides of her body. She shivered. Delicious shivers. Now
his hands were at the front of her gown and though she knew she should stop
him, she made no move to do so. Instead, she pulled him closer. He moved his hands to her back and fumbled for the fastenings to her
gown.
"No,"
she protested. His hands moved down her
body again. She felt him lifting her
skirts. "What are you doing?"
"I
thought you wanted to leave your gown on," he replied. "That's fine with me. Could be fun." Before she could protest, he wound an arm
around her waist, drew her against him and kissed her again, using his free
hand to haul her skirts higher.
"No,
Anakin." She removed her skirts
from his hand and pulled away from him.
"What's
wrong, Padmé?" he asked. "You
haven't been yourself all night." You
have NO idea, Sabé thought ironically. "You can't still be tense from that meeting after all the beer you
drank at Liam's." She
shrugged. "I know what you
need," he said.
"What?"
"Another
drink," he replied. She sighed.
"Anakin, to tell you the truth, I think what I
really need most right now is my bed."
"Cool," he said. He began loosening his tunic. She shook her head.
"Listen, I don't think you're getting the picture
here. I need to get some
SLEEP." His face fell.
"Oh," he said. "Well, OK. I guess I'll see
you tomorrow night at Liam's."
"I'll be there," she told him. She walked over to where he stood, his head
bent dejectedly.
"Are you OK?" she asked him. He looked at her and smiled.
"I've really missed you, Padmé. I was looking forward to tonight." Her heart sank. She felt bad for him, really she did. She just wasn't prepared to sleep with him to prove it. Anyway, she doubted neither he nor Padmé
would appreciate such a gesture on her part, no matter how well intended.
"Oh, Anakin," she said sadly. "There will be other nights. Just not tonight, OK?" He sighed.
"OK." He turned to go.
"Wait," she said. She put her arms around his neck and kissed him thoroughly, then
removed a small white lace handkerchief from the sleeve of her gown and wiped
her make-up off his face. As she
worked, she spoke. "Now you have
something to dream about tonight. It
will make tomorrow night even sweeter. Anticipation adds spice to the dish."
"Culinary metaphors from the lovely Queen of the
Naboo," Anakin said wryly. Sabé laughed.
"Good night, Anakin." She watched the door slide shut behind him. "I did it," she said quietly. She broke into a huge smile. "I did it!"
Padmé woke when Palpatine switched off the holovid. He had his arm around her, and she had been
sleeping with her head on his shoulder.
"I apologize for falling asleep like that," she
said, yawning.
"Coruscant News Network always puts me to sleep,
too," he told her mildly. "Anyway, you've had quite a busy day, haven't you?" She smiled.
"You have no idea," she told him. He patted her knee reassuringly.
"It's all right, you can relax now," he said
soothingly. That's what YOU think,
she thought, suddenly very conscious of his arm around her shoulders. Sabé
would never even think of refusing him. It's going to take all my wits to stay out of his bed without arousing
suspicion… or anything else. He
touched her cheek gently.
"You're going to mess up my make-up," she chided. He shrugged.
"Hmm, oh well," he said quietly. He leaned over to kiss her, and this time it
was not anything that she could have described as "lame". When she finally opened her eyes, she realized
she had fallen backwards onto the sofa, with Palpatine lying half on top of
her. This is not good, she
thought. How am I going to get out
of this? Even worse, do I really WANT
to get out of this? Suddenly, she
remembered her cell voicephone. She
wound one arm around his neck and pulled him down to kiss him while she used
her free hand to search her pocket for her voicephone. She found it and hit the "self test" button,
producing a rewarding little buzz that sounded quite loud in the large, silent
living room. She pulled the voicephone
out of her pocket.
"Sorry," she said breathlessly, holding the voicephone up
for him to see. "The Queen is calling
me."
"Is she?" he asked. "Well, do what you did last time this happened," he said, taking the
voicephone out of her hand. "Remember?" He switched the
voicephone off and tossed it onto a nearby chair. "You said she'd get over it." She ignored her voicephone when she was with Palpatine? That horny little bitch, Padmé thought,
amused.
"I can't do that again," she said, worming her way out
from under him and standing. "She got
really mad." She rolled her eyes. "The gods only know what this might be
about. Maybe she had a stupid spat with
Anakin or something." He sat up, took her hand and drew her down to sit on his
lap.
"I wish you wouldn't go," he said quietly. And I wish I weren't tempted to stay! Padmé
thought.
"I'll come back with you tomorrow night, after Liam's
Lounge," she murmured into his hair. Well,
Sabé will, anyway, she thought. "But I have to go tonight. The
Queen will be cross." And I simply
cannot share your bed, no matter how promising your kisses are. Besides, it might be good for that weird
relationship of yours if "Sabé" plays hard to get for a change. She gave him one last kiss before rising to
leave. Being a gentleman, he escorted
her to the door.
"Until tomorrow night, then, "he said, bringing her hand
to his lips to kiss it.
"Tomorrow night. I promise," she said, smiling. She stepped out into the hallway and heard the door slide shut behind
her. I did it, she thought
ecstatically. "I did it!" she said
triumphantly.
"I can't believe we did it," Sabé said, taking a sip of
wine.
"I know," Padmé agreed. "Palpatine didn't suspect a thing."
"Neither did Anakin. I guess we're both pretty good decoys."
"Or they're just not very observant," Padmé
suggested. They both laughed. They were sitting in a booth at the back of
Liam's Lounge waiting for the men to join them. "Here they come," she told Sabé. "Now don't say anything."
"Are you kidding? It'll be our secret."
"Hello, ladies," Anakin said, sitting next to Sabé and
putting his arm around her.
"So nice to see you again, Your Majesty," Palpatine told
her as he slid into the booth next to her. The Queen and her handmaiden exchanged glances.
"What's up with this, guys?" Padmé asked.
"Well, we figured you two had so much fun last night that
you'd want to make this a permanent arrangement," Anakin told her.
"How did – "Sabé began.
"When did – " Padmé began. The men laughed.
"My dear," Palpatine said, turning towards Padmé, "I knew
you weren't Sabé the moment I opened the door. Honestly, did you really think a pretty frock and coat of paint on your
face would fool me?"
"Yep," Anakin told Sabé. "I knew you weren't Padmé the second I sat down next to you."
"But you let us think – " Padmé began. "I very nearly… oh my." She felt the blush creep up her face.
"What's this, dear?" Anakin asked curiously.
"Never mind," Padmé mumbled, ducking her head.
"You have no room to get angry at her," Sabé said to
Anakin. "You KNEW I wasn't Padmé and
you touched my – "
"Um, well let's just forget about that, OK?" Anakin
interrupted.
"You did what?" Padmé demanded. Anakin smiled sheepishly.
"Anyway," Anakin said, "I wondered what was going on, so I called Palpatine to see if Padmé was
there with him. Of course he told me
she was, so we decided to go along with your little game to see how far YOU
would take it."
"That was the call you insisted I take," Palpatine told Padmé.
"You
bastards," Sabé said quietly, but she was smiling. Padmé smiled and shook her head admiringly.
"So what on Naboo possessed you two to switch places last
night?" Palpatine asked. Padmé
shrugged.
"We started talking about how well Sabé is able to
impersonate me," she told him. "Then I
wondered if I could do as well pretending to be her. Then we ended up making a bet on it."
"Who won?" Anakin asked.
"I think you and Palpatine won," Sabé said acidly.
"You know," Palpatine said slowly. "Her Majesty made
certain promises to me on your behalf last night.'
"Yeah," Anakin agreed. "I seem to remember hearing some promises too." Padmé shrugged and raised her eyebrows.
"We shall see," she said.
FINIS.