Disclaimer: As usual, I don't own Slayers in any way, shape, or form!

Woo, made my deadline! I want to give a big thanks to kitsplut for the wonderful comment that made my day. (And got me working!) As always, C and C is welcome! Hope you enjoy

Keeper's Wake - Chapter 12

"Xelloss…please come in."

With an empty nod of thanks, Xelloss stepped past the woman and entered her house. Even before taking in the changed home around him, he began reflecting on similar changes in Sylphiel herself.

Just when did the timid priestess gain the courage to use my name plainly? Ah, but then how much of that bravery is still illusion?

The strong mother, willing to show courage and - if he had been so inclined - defend her children from the monster in their midst. She could use his name now that the threat he posed had become so remote, but her heart still clenched in fear when he stood too close.

Perhaps I should have ignored her little invitation after all.

Truth be told, such niceties tired him these days. Once they had simply been part of his job; humans generally loved their interactions, so he would use their verbal screens against them. Where better to hide bitter truths than behind kind words? But eventually those lies took on a ring of truth…Lina saw to that, even if she hadn't intended to.

Now she was gone…and things had changed.

As Sylphiel herded him into the kitchen, Xelloss almost laughed at the picture they presented. Would that some could see him now. The feared general-priest of Zelas, the once-lover of the dreaded Lina Inverse…casually sitting at a cozy kitchen table, a plate of cookies to one side, a cup of tea to the other. Where was the powerful Mazoku now?

Refusing to take a seat herself, Sylphiel instead shed some of her nervous energy by puttering about the kitchen, tending food that obviously didn't need so intimate a touch.

"I didn't know what you liked, so I figured a light snack might be safest…" As if hearing herself for the first time, the woman paused. "Oh! Though you don't eat like we do, now do you?"

Taking pity on the woman - a reaction he still blamed Lina for, even after so many years - Xelloss waved off both the concern and as-yet unsaid apology.

"Don't trouble yourself on my behalf. Though I do believe you asked me here for more than lunch, yes?"

Finally taking a seat, Sylphiel obviously steeled herself, then looked directly at him for the first time since he'd arrived.

"I found something I think you should have."

.

"I didn't even realize we had it, until I caught one of the children playing with it." Sylphiel said, pulling a tied scroll from a shelf. Unrolling the paper, she winced a bit at the large blotches of color. "I'm afraid a few sections have been colored in…but otherwise it seems fine."

His eyes slid past the new additions, fixing on one point that bore no colors, no lines. Never would text label one special location, a private monument to one that no other deserved to remember.

"I don't want it." He said simply, turning away from their history laid bare.

"But-"

Unbidden, old thoughts crossed his mind for the first time in years…and old wounds were savagely reopened. He sidestepped Sylphiel's clumsy attempt at comfort, the outreached hand falling dully to her side.

As if the past were so easy to color over. Ah, but perhaps it is, if the others are to be believed.

They would remember what they wished. Anything else could be changed with time, chipped away until it fit the mold they so desired.

"It shouldn't be forgotten…" She started.

How like Sylphiel. Where the others had drifted away, wallowing in their pretend happiness, believing that if they said it enough, they really could be content with their new lives…against all odds, the one that truly was happy continued to try drawing them back. There was no malice behind it; she simply believed it was best. You couldn't move forward if you refused to face the things holding you back. Running solved nothing.

If it were anyone else, I would swear she enjoys twisting the knife in what passes for my heart.

He turned on her with a thousand insults in mind, but finally said nothing. It was she that silenced him, her reaction briefly snuffing out the fires of anger that still burned.

Concerned eyes said what words could not, a history of pain reflected in brimming tears. But just when he started to feel himself swaying, she ruined it with a single sentence. "Would you really let it all be forgotten, just to sooth your hurt pride?"

A wildfire began raging inside him at her words, briefly reminding him of Lina. If her displays of kindness had rubbed off on him, her anger had embraced him wholeheartedly. What little of it Sylphiel could glimpse behind his narrowed eyes was more than enough; stifling a gasp of horror, she took a step backwards, her shaking hands covering her mouth.

Who runs from themselves now? Do you even know why you hurt? For one moment I honestly believed one of you could see…one of you understood! But you're as blind as the rest!

"Pride?" He whispered, scorn dripping from the single word. "Try to remember just who Lina died for, priestess…then talk to me about pride!" He continued, taking a step forward.

Somewhere a door closed, marking the return of her husband. They both heard Gourry's call, his voice echoing faintly through the house. "Sylphiel?"

Her supposed guardian was still elsewhere though, which meant he had time yet. It might have been beneath him, but some insults had to be repaid, if only in words. It didn't matter that it wouldn't bring her back, that she wouldn't have wanted him to. Logic could only stand so long against a growing torrent of chaotic emotion. He could only choose how it struck…and if a promise bound him from using actions, words would have to do.

"Keep the map, Sylphiel. Hold onto it for as long as you want. And when your little ones look at it, or draw on it…better still, when they ask you about it, try telling them all about the woman it once belonged to. Tell the stories no one else will have the courage to tell; mention the good times and bad, the faults and flaws that they used to bring up every day they traveled beside her." Narrowing his eyes, he ignored the approaching steps of her husband. "And if you ever have the courage…if your pride lets you, try to remember the true last gift my Lina gave you. You, her supposed friends!"

When her eyes widened with what he hoped was realization, he forestalled anything she might have said with a hiss. "Save your words, your empty apologies! None of you thought beyond your own comfort, your own happiness in those final months! When things changed, not a single friend asked her-"

With tears running silently down her face, Sylphiel darted forward, throwing her arms around him. It was a daring act, given his anger. It would have been nothing to shake her loose; exert a bit of power, mutter even one word…and a life would go out, snuffed as easily as a candle. Yet her hug…so desperate, so raw with emotion, stopped him cold. Yes, he could have done any number of things, but instead he just stood there, for once completely out of his element.

"Your Lina…" She finally whispered, grief mixing with understanding. "It was never like we thought it was. Even now you…" Looking up suddenly, he could feel her gaze judging him, weighing him against something.

Giving him a single nod, she made her decision. "Even now you love her." With a sad smile at knowledge gained too late, she finally looked away. "Something terrible happened…and we never even noticed, did we?"

"…How can you see what Lina herself no longer knew?"

The whisper caught her off-guard, enough that she pulled away reflexively. "What-"

He was gone before she'd gotten her thoughts together enough to ask. By the time Gourry found her a few moments later, she'd recovered enough to lie about the reason for her tears.

When even one barely understood, what hope did they have of explaining to another?

And they wonder why I keep secrets…

...

"Xelloss?"

The present came rushing back all at once, prompted by the sound of Lina saying his name. If it was within him, he'd cheat death itself to answer that call.

"Mm?" More a sound than an actual answer, he'd nevertheless proved that he'd heard her.

"What's wrong with the map?" Glancing down, she chuckled despite herself. "Well, aside from the colorful additions I mean."

"It also wasn't part of a book the last time I saw it."

Lina's eyes widened immediately, surprise rendering her momentarily speechless. In another time he would have delighted in catching her off-guard, and while he still loved surprising her, this time it all rung strangely hollow.

A reminder that, for all that things are starting to feel the same, they are obviously not.

"You've seen this before?" Lina finally asked. It was then, when he really looked at her, that he finally understood.

Time was such a fickle thing. How long had he been considered ancient, his experience…hell, his mere existence dwarfing all those around him save two? Yet he'd found an equal in Lina despite that. For one condemned to such a brief moment of being, she'd still managed to cram lifetimes of experience into those years. She saw the world with wisdom far beyond most, and for once mortality only bound the form, while the soul remained free.

He'd been drawn to her from the start, and if some wondered how he could see so much in such a tiny life, he held the truth among his most precious secrets. Even when the flame was finally extinguished, he'd been content to wait. After all, how could a single life ever hope to contain Lina Inverse?

Yet now…now I look at her and I plainly see the difference. For all that she's trying to find herself, some thing have yet to be reclaimed.

For the first time in a long time…longer than he really cared to think about, Xelloss felt his age. He needed Lina, the complete Lina, more than he had ever realized. Trying to reclaim herself…could even Lina hope to reach such a goal?

I could give all my secrets away, tell her all she needs to know…and it might never be enough. Could he really handle the results of such failure? Yet who else could accomplish such a thing? If anyone had the ability to match themselves…

No, simply being herself would never be enough. This is Lina, after all. Nothing would do but to surpass her best. Her life was - is - always about moving forward, achieving more.

There would be no repeat of Rezo; this wasn't some mad copy, a mere charlatan obsessed with attaining what would forever be beyond his reach. Lina Inverse didn't need to try being someone else. She was forever herself. Once she made a decision, it was only a matter of time before thought became deed…and both became reality.

Who am I to stand in the way, trying to define her? If I couldn't before, I can hardly start doing so now.

Rather than secrets meant to control and channel her knowledge, the time had come to speak plainly. She, above anyone else, including her sister, needed to know the truth.

Not about everything; he hadn't changed that much. But some questions - even if she didn't exactly know what they were, or how to ask them - had to be answered.

"Indeed I have." He answered softly, the delayed response startling Lina from her own thoughts. "You gave it to me."

.

Running down the hallway at breakneck speed, Lina managed to keep both her footing and her grip on his arm. Somehow it never occurred to her than he could vanish at any time…or perhaps it did, and she dismissed the threat.

She'd been quick enough to leave Gourry back in the library, grabbing her book before dragging Xelloss off behind her. If the swordsman wondered about the sudden departure, for once he refused to risk his health by asking.

What followed was a mad dash across the temple, the few people in their way hastily running elsewhere when they saw the determined look on Lina's face. By the time they actually reached the guest rooms, Xelloss wondered if some had even considered finding a new faith, if only to escape the sorceress' path.

Opening her door with one hand, Lina pushed him into the room with the other. By the time he'd stumbled into the middle of the small room, she'd already closed the door and taken a stand in front of it. Pointing at the room's sole chair, it was obvious he wasn't going anywhere for a while.

"Alright, talk." Crossing her arms over her chest, Lina struck a defiant pose, looming over him despite their difference in height.

"Just let me-"

Her glare stopped him short. "No. There'll be no catching your breath, no pausing to gather your thoughts. I want the truth, Xelloss… I have a feeling you owe me that much."

In that she struck closer to the truth than she knew.

"You'd best take a seat then. This may take a bit…"

...

"Victory!"

Opening one eye, Xelloss snorted as Lina struck a pose. Really, there were times it was hard to imagine that the woman before him, able to wield world-shattering spells with a deadly seriousness that took his breath away…was also the same woman practically dancing over the purchase of a map. And a normal map at that; he'd already taken a glance when it had first caught her eye, and there wasn't a single ruin or lost city in evidence.

Abandoning his nap, Xelloss reappeared at Lina's side, shamelessly looking over her shoulder.

"So this is your special purchase then? Why Lina, have you given up the treasure-hunting game?"

With a snort of contempt at such an absurd idea, she unrolled the map, holding it up proudly.

"This isn't for me…but you knew that already."

"As if they deserve such a gift…"

Turning her head sharply, Lina's eyes flashed dangerously. "I will do this, Xelloss. With or without your help." In one of her sudden reversals of mood, she continued in a softer tone, her eyes almost entreating. "You will help though, won't you?"

If I laugh now, she'll never forgive me…assuming I recover from the resulting attack.

"Would I dare stand in the way of the beautiful sorceress and her grand scheme?" He asked playfully.

"Not if you enjoy breathing, you won't." She replied just as lightly.

"So…" Pulling away, he returned to the real point of their so-called secret meeting. "Exactly what are you planning for this little adventure, hmm?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

Turning around, she grinned at his surprise. "Nothing. No grand battles, no great plans. I don't want some high-stakes gamble for the world. If this really is our last adventure, I want it to be fun."

Unexplored lands, letting fate take us where it will…how long has it been since the last time?

"They're tired, Xelloss…even if they won't admit it. And we've both heard their plans, if only by accident."

At her sad smile, Xelloss felt a wave akin to guilt wash through him. As often as his spying had saved their lives, such skills came at a price. For every bit of useful knowledge they'd gained, Lina's newfound spying skills had brought some painful truths to light.

Marriages were being planned, families were being talked about. Though she wouldn't mention such things to him for obvious reasons, he already knew she would never - could never - have such a life. So she would live vicariously through her friends…and part of that meant ensuring they had the chance to live out their plans.

So they get a last adventure, a last chance to enjoy the things that made them who they are. Wild enough to capture their spirits, tame enough to ensure their lives. And her friends get to walk away from it all with no regrets…while she gives them one last gift, before nature forces them apart.

While he didn't think such domesticity suited Lina, he was wise enough never to voice such an opinion. He knew her too well though; while at times she might dream about settling down, it wasn't in her to stick with such a muted existence. Chaos boiled in her blood; the wild places of the world would always call out to her, tempting her with promises of sights yet to see, treasures yet to find…fools yet to slaughter.

That he would finally have her to himself was a thought quickly dismissed. Some truths were too obvious, almost unworthy to even be mentioned really…

Not that the prospect isn't a pleasing one. Still, everything in its appropriate time.

"Miss Lina!"

They both looked up at the voice, exchanging plans in a single look. Even as Lina started rolling up the map, she cursed softly under her breath.

"I love Amelia, really I do…but that girl couldn't keep a secret if her life depended on it!"

Holding out one hand, Xelloss accepted the map without a word.

"At least if you keep it, no one will find the thing accidentally!" She continued with a sigh.

"Miss Lina?" Came a second call, much closer this time.

"Over here, Amelia!" Lina yelled. Then, with a last look at Xelloss. "We'll talk about this more later."

Once her back was turned he smiled smugly, unable to resist making secondary plans. Even planning-not-planning an adventure wouldn't take all night. "See you when your watch starts."

...

"And?" Lina prompted, when Xelloss didn't seem likely to continue.

Without realizing he'd done so, Xelloss had trailed off a few minutes earlier. Startled from his thoughts, he opened his eyes, giving Lina a long look. That she wasn't blushing told him that he hadn't mentioned every detail of the past…or else she wasn't so easily embarrassed.

Still he continued to regard her, discarding casual observation in favor of judgment, which he in turn applied to both her and the situation.

That she met his scrutiny head-on made him proud, but courage alone did not make one ready to hear every truth. Still, he had his answer, and it was worth seeing the tale through to its end.

"And then chaos stepped in, taking everything out of our hands..."