Strange Love 1 – My Partner and I

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Hidan flung himself to the side just in time; a long, thin pole of bamboo; sharp and jagged, zipped past him as it whistled in the air, and barely missed impaling him in the stomach. Grabbing hold of himself he scrunched together, becoming as small as possible to reduce the surface area where he could take damage, and took a brief moment to glance upwards at the man that was approaching him.

Step. By. Slow. Step.

On the ground, he could see that man coming closer, framed from behind by rays from the afternoon sun that peeked through the canopy. A tall man with a muscled, strong body, high cheek bones, a long, straight nose, and the most sensuous eyes he had seen in years. This man was his first and newest partner in crime, the S-class renegade ninja who went by the moniker Kakuzu.

Unbelievably Dangerous. Mouth wateringly sexy. And after his beautiful platinum blond head.

Just perfect, he thought, with the slightest hint of irritation. It was his first day on the job and he had already pissed this guy off so much that he was going to kill him. He smirked. Or at least try to.

He watched calmly as Kakuzu extended his hand from beneath his black, cloud emblazoned robes, reaching to one of the hundreds of shoots in this bamboo forest and easily snapped a branch from its base, launching it again with terrifying accuracy.

Hidan briefly entertained the idea of letting Kakuzu gut him a few times, to assuage his anger, but a quick mental checklist in his mind cleared up any doubts that the positives outweighed the negatives.

So he dodged once more, doing an awkward frog hop from his prone position on the floor, but his reflexes were a split second too slow, and the pole clipped his side, sending him tumbling back.

He clutched his stomach, his hand coming up red.

He looked back. The bamboo shoot had imbedded itself halfway into the boulder behind him. He let out a low whistle; that would have hurt like a bitch if it got him in the stomach. He'd be feeling it for at least a week.

"Hey, it was an accident! Accident! Mistake!" Hidan yelled, just as two more poles whistled past his face. Kakuzu plucked up more bamboo shoots and snapped them like twigs as he marched his way over to Hidan. "Fuck it! Not the face damnit, not the face!"

Didn't this idiot know how long it took him to ready his hair in the morning?

Kakuzu ignored him, continuing his barrage.

"You're seriously starting to piss me off!"

The son of a bitch! Hidan rolled his eyes. He'd had enough of this. Since this was a new partnership, he had thought that he would give it a few days and see how things were. Testing the waters, per se. But he didn't think that a small mistake or two would set this guy into a murderous frenzy.

He had tried to be the better man. Had even attempted an apology of sorts. But no, this was Akatsuki, and every single goddamn ninja here had some spiked butt plug shoved up their ass since time immemorial.

He didn't care anymore if he had to complete this mission flying solo and he didn't care if he'd be punished; this idiot was going to die. He retracted his three-bladed scythe, licking the top edge. A bead of blood dripped down the red blade, glistening as it touched the light.

Still sharp, he thought with hint of morbid satisfaction, good.

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They had left the Akatsuki meeting place a little more than two hours ago. It had been a barren, dank little cave that was cold and moist, and not in any good way. It had smelled of mildew and bat guano, a horrible combination that had Hidan's breakfast rolling in his belly. With the enormous budget at Akatsuki's disposal, they could at least have shelled out the cash for a conference room. Heating optional. It's not like it would have bankrupted them.

He supposed that it was a bit more secretive and hard to find, and there were most likely many organizations and individuals interested in peeking in and listening to the plans of a dangerous S-class organization like Akatsuki, but still, that didn't mean that he had to suffer this meeting without a clean restroom or proper heating.

It also didn't help that he was the last member to arrive, since the directions had come in a convoluted form, from a messenger who had contacted a messenger who had sent a bird with a note to him, that allowed him to contact a summons that indicated where to find a scroll that listed the location of the cave. It had not been a fun treasure hunt.

But now that he was here, his interest was piqued. One of these S-class renegade ninjas was going to be his brand new partner. In a way it nearly made him gag with laughter. Having a partner? What was this, kindergarten?

The man's name he had been told, was apparently Kakuzu. His previous partner had expired somehow for reasons he hadn't bothered asking. No one had thought to fill him in on the details either, but he wasn't especially worried. The precepts of Jashin prescribed that the weak were weak, and strong could do whatever the hell they wanted. And Hidan was definitely not weak.

He would normally have needed to prove himself by killing one of the existing members and then replacing him, but his case was special. Since this mystery misfortune had befallen Kakuzu's last partner, there was an exception being made just for him.

D'awww. How sweet.

He didn't fool himself. He knew what Akatsuki was; a powerful organization of S-class criminals that looked up to no one except themselves. They were each individually strong, independent, and didn't take any kind of shit from anyone.

By himself, he had found out where the leader was, and approached him. After a short little test where Hidan proved that he was more than capable of being an Akatsuki member, mainly by letting himself be a stick figure as various injuries were inflicted on him, the leader had strangely welcomed him into the group, even giving him a ceremonial Akatsuki ring.

Hidan's special abilities, especially his propensity to not die, interested the leader in more ways than he realized.

He met the other members as they shuffled around, waiting for the head honcho to arrive.

They all looked pathetic to him. Missing-nin from the five main villages didn't impress him at all. The five main villages were turning soft, with their demilitarizing countries. Missing-nin from any villages didn't impress him.

A grin crossed his face, a characteristic dimple dotting his bronzed skin as the first Akatsuki member approached him.

The man had appeared before him faster than the blink of an eye, shocking him when he realized he had been approached without him knowing. Hidan had been surprised, to his chagrin. He didn't like surprises much. Except presents. Those were always nice.

He knew he wasn't the slowest ninja, and he was actually very agile, as quick as any jounin, a result of vigorous training. But this man was on a different level when it came to speed. He was so fast he could probably take a piss without pulling down his pants. It didn't matter to him though, because he knew it wasn't only speed that determined superiority.

After all, no matter how fast he was, the man could never kill him. It was dark, so he narrowed his eyes for a better view. The man had deep, inset lines that fanned down his eyes, and black hair that framed his face. He was an Uchiha, though for jashin's sake he couldn't remember his first name. He had killed a few in his own time. They made very tenacious opponents, with their sharingan that could copy techniques.

The little Uchiha then asked him "So, you are the newest member?" in low, mocking tone, giving him a once-over from head to toe. Needless to say, Hidan gave him a once over too, but with much less enthusiasm. He was unimpressed with what he saw. He liked his men strong, not lean and lanky like this one.

Hidan laughed. The little Uchiha was arrogant too, a personality trait he despised in anyone but himself. He leaned close, and whispered beneath his breath, – "I am. You wanna try me out, bitch?" The Uchiha's eyes had widened at the display of disrespect, before narrowing angrily.

"…Guard you words carefully, here. Fools with loose lips have a tendency to disappear." The Uchiha boy said.

Hidan rolled his eyes. He wasn't impressed with concealed threats, either. He shot back, "you're pretty fast. Are you that fast in bed too?"

The air trembled as the Uchiha gathered an influx of chakra to himself. Now that was impressive. But the Uchiha boy was calmer than he expected, and he responded with words, not actions. "We shall settle this…later." He nodded his head in goodbye and flashed away quicker than he had appeared.

Wow, Hidan thought, he was fast.

The Uchiha's partner had come after him. He was tall, sharky, looking man from Mist Village. Hidan spent a few good minutes staring dumbfounded at his mottled blue skin. Hadn't the man heard of moisturizer before? Or was that a birth defect, he wondered? For this man's sake he hoped so, because a swimming pool of the most expensive quality moisturizer wasn't going to help him. The razor sharp teeth had seemed suspect too, but Hidan guessed it was some sort of blood line. Or maybe he swam too much in some toxic waters as a kid. Hidan had heard that the Mist village wasn't known for being environmentally friendly.

It definitely wasn't known for resort spas.

"You've gotten on Itachi's bad side. Congratulations." The man said. "I'm Kisame, by the way."

"Thanks."

Kisame. And the other man's name had been Itachi, Hidan realized. It sounded faintly familiar. They exchanged a few more pleasantries, and Kisame walked away to find his partner

Then came an ugly old man that seemed to be made of wood – Hidan could tell it was a doll or at least something of that nature – shuffled over. "Hidan, was it?" He had said in this rasping voice. "I've heard about you."

Hidan sighed. If he met someone, he would say something friendly, like 'yo', but it seemed a requirement of being Akatsuki was to whisper some dire warning as a greeting.

"And you are?"

"Sasori. Sasori of the Red Sand." The doll had told him slowly, grandly, each word drawling out over a ten second interval. As if he should have known and be impressed. Hidan gave a mock 'wow' and said, "I stand in awe."

Next up was a sarcastic blond with nature defying hair and what Hidan had thought was a lazy eye, but turned out to be a tiny mechanical eyeglass. His protector showed he was from the Rock village. "Ah. The newest member…yeah."

Hidan gave a smile-smirk. "Yup."

"I'm Deidara." Deidara leaned in and whispered conspiratorially in Hidan's ear. "Watch out for Sasori. Sometimes he get's…angry…yeah."

"Ooo…okay…I'll watch out…yeah." Hidan kept a serious face, but laughed when Deidara's face pinched back at the implied insult of his speech pattern.

The man with the double banana leafs wrapped around his head came next, then a cute but quiet girl, and finally the mysterious Kakuzu.

Even in the dim light of the cave, Hidan was impressed by what he saw. All of what he saw. Kakuzu was his type, strong, tall, and built in just the right places, with a silent, imposing personality. He exuded manliness and a tang of danger. Hidan smiled. He loved breaking down those types, and making them cry in the ground as he manhandled them onto the floor, grinding into them as they begged to die. Or begging for more.

He had a thick white cloth wrapped around the lower half of his face, and with the Akatsuki robe covering him; all Hidan saw was a pair of intimidating milk-white eyes drilling into him. Hidan felt an instant pull, an undercurrent of attraction, and finally a pang of disappointment one after the other as he realized that this Akatsuki probably didn't burn his candle at the other end.

All the members had gathered. Each of them was some sort of freak or had a weird eccentric personality, and Hidan wasn't sure he was too happy to be stuck in with them, but it wasn't as if he had any grounds he could judge them upon. He had his own issues. And he was also sure than some of his eccentricities were much more odd than anything anyone here had.

The introductions were the same to him, half-veiled threats and warnings not to step out of place. Don't do this, don't do that, don't step on my toes, don't make my coffee to hot, yadda yadda. Boring power jockeying and testosterone being bandied back and forth. Politics had never been Hidan's strong point.

They were strong he knew, every single damn one of them. He could even feel the chakra of sharky from the mist village, Kisame, emanating freely, too large to be contained, deep as the sea and dangerous enough to make a shiver crawl up his spine. But he wasn't intimidated.

What could they possibly do to him?

What could anyone possibly do to him?

After they had all gathered, the leader had appeared out of nowhere in a flash of fancy pyrokinetics, and introduced Hidan as the newest member, though the introduction was redundant, as everyone had probably already researched his background and then some. They probably even knew how he liked his eggs done. Sunny side up.

The leader continued, but he didn't mince words, and quickly gave missions to everyone. He also assigned Hidan to be Kakuzu's partner. He thought he saw the blondie with the weird mechanic eye giggle, but it was too dark to be sure.

He flipped him one just to be safe.

As the leader continued speaking, it appeared Akatsuki was planning something very important and Hidan arrived just in time to be smack dab in the middle of it.

"Dismissed." The Leader said at last, and then everyone left, leaving Hidan and Kakuzu alone.

After they had left the cave, neither Kakuzu nor Hidan said a word to each other. Kakuzu was exceedingly quiet, though he did squeak out the occasional condescending order of 'follow me'. It grated on Hidan's nerves that someone was bossing him around so easily, but this was the first day, and he wanted things to go smoothly today before he had a little chat with his new partner and they divvied up the responsibilities.

After all, first impressions were important.

About two hours of walking later, Kakuzu stopped and raised his hand, signaling for Hidan to come to a halt.

Hidan sighed in relief. The soles of his feet had begun to ache. But he knew the reason they stopped was not for his comfort. He had noticed something too – a slight whisper in the trees that had followed them for a while now, for about the last half hour or so. Quiet, almost unnoticeable.

But he wouldn't be in Akatsuki if he couldn't.

Suddenly, two ninjas – jounin, from the way they were dressed and the confidence they exuded even in the presence of Akatsuki members– ambushed them, apparently realizing they were spotted.

Hidan recognized their forehead protectors. They were from different villages, the Waterfall village and the Mist village. That was surprising. The Mist village had a poor reputation, and few villages would cooperate with them in any capacity, especially when it came to renegade ninjas? With another shock he realized that the Waterfall village was Kakuzu's village. This was going to be fun. Perhaps there was about to be some epic melodramatic showdown between the two. He was always ready to take in some drama.

Hidan tugged out his scythe, but another wave from Kakuzu stopped him.

"Well, well." Hidan said to Kakuzu, who was eyeing the two. "Seems like there are some people really angry at you…"

"To think someone would actually know where we are…there must have been a leak..." Kakuzu said more to himself.

Hidan rolled his eyes. Well duh, that's what happens when meeting up is a tedious 10-step process.

"Who sent you here?" Kakuzu asked. Questions flashed through his mind. His analytical brain needing to find answers. Who, what, when, where, why.

For Hidan, his thought process was much, much simpler. It was a merely simple how.

How was he going to sacrifice these two to his god?

The silence stretched, and Hidan was growing bored, tapping his foot against the ground like an irritated three-year old. "Who cares? Kill now, ask later. So much easier. There needs to be a policy on people ambushing us ya know, because I swear to jashin-sama that I don't like being ambushed."

Kakuzu had given him a look that said 'shut up or die'. Hidan returned it with another look that said 'I don't care. Eat me', but he wasn't sure if the stoic ninja noticed or not.

Kakuzu spoke again, "...how did you find us?"

The enemy wasn't interesting in bantering, "That's not something a dead man should be concerned about."

Hidan laughed. "Hey, kid," he said to the ninja nearest them, the one from the waterfall village, "do you know who the fuck you are talking to right now?"

One drew a kunai from his side while the other slowly peeled off a scroll from his chest pouch.

Woot woot, Hidan thought, at least someone was making a move. He hated battles where everyone just talked and talked and talked some more. If he wanted to listen to talking so much he'd go and watch a movie in his off time.

"Hmm…" Kakuzu rubbed his chin, remembering something. "…you are Iguro." He looked at the jounin with the knife then turned to the one that was quickly unrolling his scroll. "And you are Menma. Upper-level Jounin. Still chasing after me, are they? Don't you learn from your mistakes?"

Hidan was puzzled. "Huh?"

"Hunter-nin. They tried to take me a few months ago. They had more people with them that time. About six more. And I was alone." Kakuzu explained.

"And now I'm here with you." Hidan thought aloud. "That more than triples your strength!"

Kakuzu shot him a withering glare before turning his attention back to the jounin. "They have a death wish."

"This must be a gift from Jashin." Hidan said, his eyes widening, reverent. He grasped his pendant in his hand and mumbled a quick prayer. "A banquet to god."

"So my new partner is a religious fool." Kakuzu was disgusted.

"And mine is an ignorant heathen." Hidan finished his prayer, a new fire burning in his blood at the prospect of a Jashin ritual sacrifice.

The shinobi ignored them; quickly preparing themselves for what they knew would be a vicious life or death battle.

"How do you know who they are?" Hidan asked, curious.

"They each have a 70 million ryo and 90 million ryo license for their live bodies. Half if dead." Kakuzu recited directly from his photographic memory. "One of them has a bloodline limit. The manipulatation of water pressure."

"Hmm. That's it?" Hidan said. He wanted to yawn already. Bloodline limits were interesting, but he'd killed enough bloodline users in his time and most were one trick gimmicks. They relied so much on whatever birthright they had that after that was defeated, they quickly fell with their shoddy skills.

It was surprising though that Kakuzu knew that little bit of information. Hidan himself had never bothered with the bingo book. He always left his enemies dead, and it wasn't as if he cared much for money. There were much more important things in life.

For example, the bliss of an untainted, pure death was more than worth its weight in gold.

Besides, that book was thick. You could practically use it as a bludgeoning weapon. Hidan hadn't even gotten past the page of contents before he tossed it aside.

"They'd probably die from shock if they knew my head bounty." Hidan smirked. In a way, he was proud of how much he would be worth on the black market for bodies.

"You'd probably die from shock if you knew mine." Kakuzu responded with the faintest hint of superiority, and Hidan frowned, wondering just how much and if he was worth more.

The two ninja interrupted them. The one with the scroll, now a long katana in hand, spoke out. "Kakuzu, you are wanted for crimes committed against the Waterfall village and for assassinating a feudal lord. You die here today. I need only bring your body back as proof."

"That still doesn't tell me how you found me." Kakuzu laughed. "And you think you can kill me? Who do you think you are talking to, little boy? I've killed hundreds before you were born. I killed the elders of the Waterfall village, men much stronger than you'll ever be. If anything rested between those ears of yours, you'd turn around and run away as fast as you can with your tail between your feet."

"I'd still catch you," Hidan commented offhandedly, waving his scythe emptily in the air, "but a chase does sound fun."

The ninja responded by shifting his sword to his left. A line of water blasted out from the tip of the sword, and twirled around like a sentient snake. It whirled around him, creating a shield of water.

Oh. This was the bloodline ability. It wasn't very impressive after all.

"I'm going to bet my life on it, and on my name as the greatest nin-hunter of the Waterfall village!"

Hidan clapped his head with his head in disappointment. Did this guy even know what he was saying? Kids these days just couldn't pull off dramatic statements as well as they used to, if they ever did. Oh well.

"Looks like I'm gonna have to sacrifice them. Both of them."

Kakuzu's eyes shifted color, from a milky white to a deep black and his skin flashed dark. "Leave them alive. I need them for interrogation and the bounty. If you kill them, I kill you."

With a scream of praise to his god, Hidan rushed forward.

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A few minutes later, Hidan stood over the decapitated bodies of both ninja. The battle had been brief and violent. He hadn't even needed to switch forms.

A pity that these two had been weaker then they bragged about. If that was the greatest nin-hunter of the Waterfall village, the Waterfall village was in major trouble. Battle lust slowly left him, and something tickled him in the back of his mind as if he were forgetting something very important…

"Oh shit." He realized. He turned around to see a livid Kakuzu. His eyes were still pitch black. This time they simmered with anger.

"I warned you what would happen if you killed them. I warned you." Kakuzu reached out and snapped off a nearby bamboo shoot. "I can always get another partner that will obey me."

Hidan was speechless. The religion of Jashin stated that he had to kill everyone! It was sacred! In the edicts! It's not like he could have stopped anyways!

"Well, damn." He whispered as the bamboo shoot shot towards him.

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Hidan leapt into the air, flying high as chakra enhanced his movements. He swung his arms, the muscles straining, and the scythe crashed into Kakuzu, who in the last minute blocked the sharp blade with his arms.

"Bingo!" Hidan cried, fully expecting to sever Kakuzu's arms off with a single stroke. What he didn't expect was when Kakuzu simply swat the scythe aside as if it were tin foil and take him by the throat. His scythe went flying wide, landing in a nearby bush.

Ah shit, Hidan thought. He didn't see this during the previous fight! He thought that the change of skin color only made him stronger, not impervious to weapons! He should have measured the others abilities first. He always forgot to do that.

"Surprised?" Kakuzu said, as he brought Hidan down to eye-level. "It's really too bad you couldn't stay. I could have enjoyed you longer."

"Goodbye."

Then he snapped Hidan's neck and Hidan fell limp.

With a sigh, Kakuzu tossed Hidan to the side, not enjoying the prospect of the cleanup that was going to follow or the explanation he was going to have to give at the next meeting. This was the fourth one he'd gone through. Maybe he should request to be without a partner. It would make any paperwork faster. His skin slowly began to revert to normal.

Something rustled behind – years of training and instinct screamed for Kakuzu to duck. He did, as Hidan's scythe cut a thin, crimson line across his cheek.

Hidan was alive. And he was mad.

"Surprised, fucker! I needed a good neck massage anyways!" Hidan screamed and cracked his neck for good measure, his spine straightening. He had been a bit surprised with Kakuzu. The man seemed the calm type, but he had a vicious ruthless killing intent. In the back of his mind, Hidan thought it was kind of sexy.

Kakuzu flipped backwards to stay out of the scythes range and his eyes widened. "I snapped your neck." He said, the words more of a question that a statement. "How are you still alive?"

"Well, I am immortal after all. Did you think you could escape holy punishment? Did you expect to raise a hand to a servant of Jashin without consequences?" Hidan bragged, enjoying the look of disbelief on Kakuzu's face. He licked his scythe where it had trailed a line of blood across Kakuzu's face, and smacked his lips at the coppery taste of blood. "I guess it's my turn to say good-bye now." Hidan taunted.

"Bye bye."

Before Kakuzu could come up with his next plan of action the dust twirled up around Hidan to reveal a blood colored pentagram. Hidan's body changed. It took the appearance of a black skeleton, his skin bone white with outlines the color of tar.

A crazed look appeared on his face, twisting his beautiful features into something primal. "You're already dead!" He spat.

Hidan savored the moment. It had been a while since he had sacrificed someone to Jashin-sama in a holy ritual. Far too long. With a cry, he removed a thin spear from his scythe and readied to impale himself by positioning the spear high above his rib cage, over his beating heart.

Kakuzu's eyes widened. He didn't know what was happening, but he knew he had to stop Hidan from doing whatever it was he was doing. He could sense it. Whatever the new man was doing, it was dangerous. His skin changed color again, signaling the hardening of his skin, and he leapt at Hidan.

"Too late." Hidan smiled and pierced his own chest as Kakuzu was still in midair. Hidan screamed out in a strange mix of pain and pleasure as the lance sunk into his heart, driving through the beating flesh and exiting through his back.

Kakuzu's body bowled over him. His eye's registered shock and he grabbed his chest. His other hand grabbed Hidan's free hand just as he fell still, his heart pierced forever by Hidan's technique.

Hidan let the feeling of pleasure subside. "Fuck you're heavy." Hidan said. He hadn't expected for Kakuzu to react so quickly. He remembered something else. "Shit! I forgot the mission info." He had let Kakuzu remember all the dreary details of what to do and who to kill.

Damn.

And he couldn't finish the Jashin ritual with a body over him. On another hand, he wanted too. Hidan had always taken pain for pleasure, and the spear through the heart was arousing to him in a way he couldn't begin to describe. Completing the ritual with a dead body sounded very kinky to him.

But…it was too…sacrilegious, he thought with a sigh of regret.

As he attempted to peel off Kakuzu's arm, he realized that Kakuzu's arms remained tight around his. "What the hell…" He wondered. Is he still alive? Did I miss?

Hidan put his cheek next to Kakuzu's chest, and listened. He froze and his eyes popped open. There was more beating…he counted…four more beating hearts from within him. The beating sounds were non-continous, as if it were a legion of horses galloping. "What the hell!" He said. He tried to pull away.

Kakuzu's other hand gripped his, forcing the scythe out of Hidan's hand. "You're not the only immortal here." Kakuzu said and leaned over Hidan. The two struggled, and the stronger Kakuzu pushing the two out of the pentagram limits. "Been a while since I lost a heart. Congratulations."

"Let go you fucker!" Hidan struggled to free himself, reaching out for his scythe.

Long tentacles of darkness burst free from Kakuzu's arm, entwining around his and held him in place. He watched in horror and morbid fascination as more strings burst free from within Kakuzu's body.

"So the ritual is a technique that allows the summoner to exact the same damage on whoever's blood is used to summon the circle…huh." Kakuzu said to the bound and struggling Hidan beneath him. "And somehow you are immortal, which allows you to take circumvent dying along with the other. Fascinating."

Deep white eyes peered into Hidan's.

Hidan spit into Kakuzu's face. "So what? Almost got you didn't I? And you think I care! You can't kill me! Why don't you try, huh!" Hidan mocked. Kakuzu was a skilled ninja. To be able to analyze his ability so quickly and figure out the way to counter it was to push him out…Hidan struggled more, trying to get his hands together to cast a technique.

If he could just get back into the pentagram, just a breath away…

"...Ahh. I understand now." Kakuzu said, half to himself, half to Hidan, "The leader was getting tired of me killing all my partners…I just get mad so easily, you see." The truth dawned on him as he realized why he had been paired with Hidan.

Hidan's lightbulb also lit at the same time. His eyes shot open with rage, then narrowed as the question he had asked himself, why getting into Akatsuki seemed easier then it should have been, was answered. He cocked his head, wondering what the dangerous Akatsuki was up to. Fuck!, he thought, the freak had four hearts! Five hearts to be exact, since he had killed one, but Hidan didn't think Kakuzu would have been this formidable.

He was Akatsuki, after all.

Kakuzu grasped Hidan's fallen spear with a hand. Black strings creeping from his body had already fully entrapped Hidan. Kakuzu looked quizzically at the spear, and touched it as if he found a long lost friend. "This hurt. And I don't like pain that much. Not at all."

"And what the fuck do you plan on - " Hidan was cut off as Kakuzu ran the spear straight through his chest. And again. And again. And again.

"My punishment." Kakuzu said through his mask. His spearing movements became more erratic as a mind numbing frenzy began to overtake him again. He was so caught up in his punishment that he didn't notice a bump forming underneath Hidan's coat or that the emotions motivating Hidan's screams might not have been just pain.

Hidan cried out loud as a pool of blood leaked out from his chest onto the floor. And another emotion that he wished to fuck would go away at the time began to build from deep within him.

"No…stop it…" Hidan whispered, his eyes closed.

With one more spear through his chest, Hidan's eyes rolled back into his skull and he moaned out loud, and a puzzled Kakuzu felt a wet spot appear beneath him. "Ohhh." Hidan said over again as a wave of pleasure swept through him. His body changed back to normal and the black and white stripes across his skin faded away as his concentration evaporated and he released the technique.

Kakuzu burned Hidan under his fiery, wild, excited eyes and groaned when he realized that he had excited Hidan. The little religious fool was being sexually excited by this excessive violence. Hidan was beautiful spread across the floor, drowning in his own blood. It was like artwork come to life.

Then suddenly, to Hidan's surprise and immense pleasure, Kakuzu's arms were free and feeling all around him – under his cloak, across his side, everywhere - though Hidan's arms were still bound by those black tentacles.

Hidan moaned again as he felt himself rise again with unexpected ardor. Ah shit, he thought. He sure to hell didn't expect this to happen. Well, if you can't beat' em…join 'em…for now…He tried to free his arms, but couldn't and words came out in a jumble in his pleasure-induced state.

"Kakuzu…you bitch…my arms…easier…go…" He managed to get out between gasps. In another moment, his arms were free, but his body was still bound. It seemed Kakuzu didn't trust him enough to let go. He returned Kakuzu's rough caresses in turn, tearing the man's cloak from his body and feeling his chest and smooth, hard stomach. His whole body seemed to be covered in rough, long bumps. Stitches of some sort, but Hidan didn't mind. Normal people were never his type anyways. He wanted to tear the mask off his face, but when his hands got close to the fabric edge, hoards of tentacles broke free and grabbed his arm. Not the kissing type, Hidan realized. He satisfied himself by letting his lips suck the hollow of his neck.

Kakuzu felt something he hadn't felt in many, many years. Pure, unadulterated lust. Of course, there was good reason for this. It was hard to restrain his killing instinct in bed, and that meant the other person would almost surely die. And he, no matter what he himself was, didn't like dead people in bed. He could kill people in cold blood and rip their hearts out, but the thought of lying with dead flesh sickened him so he had settle on a life of celibacy. But now there was this warm lithe immortal beneath him with rock-solid abs and a beautiful blond face and a smooth, hard body that moaned against his that sent off all sorts of warning radars in him, and man or woman, he just didn't care. And the man was responding to him, with kisses and caresses and sounds that crept up from his chest. He was confident that Hidan couldn't move free no matter what. Not that Hidan wanted to, at the moment.

Hidan worked his hands furiously. He wanted some mouth action, but it seemed he wasn't going to get any. He settled on Kakuzu's neck, leaving bloody bites on marred skin. Rather than turning Kakuzu off, the bite marks excited him even more. He struggled to undo Kakuzu's Akatsuki robe, and ended up ripping the whole thing apart. Not to be undone, Kakuzu's tentacles ripped all of Hidan's clothes into little shreds, tossing it aside in pieces of now useless cloth.

Then Kakuzu's arms suddenly found his manhood, and began stroking the leaking shaft up and down with fervor. Hidan moaned even louder than he thought possible, the last almost coming out like a whimper. "Fuck you…you're pretty good, huh." Hidan said as a hard, icy hand squeezed, extracting another gasp from him.

"No." Kakuzu breathed back as he leaned up and unbuttoned the front of his pants. "I'm going to fuck you."

Hidan smiled crazily. "I haven't been bottom in years."

"Get used to it."

And suddenly Kakuzu was a rod of solid steel in Hidan, and Hidan screamed out in pure pleasure-pain. Kakuzu rocked back and forth madly. Blood leaked from underneath Hidan to stain the ground even more. The abrupt penetration with nothing to help it had scratched away skin.

"Ah Jashin-sama!" Hidan cried out to his god, then to Kakuzu." You're the fucking sex."

Kakuzu rode Hidan, hard. "This might kill you." He whispered into his ears. "…it's been awhile. You're tight. So tight…" He whispered into Hidan's ear. Kakuzu's arms were tussled in Hidan's hair and he felt their smooth silkiness.

"Go ahead, if you can." Hidan challenged back.

Without warning, more black tentacles burst wildly from Kakuzu's body. With his slipping control, Kakuzu couldn't hold apart the mass within him. Some tentacles flailed wildly in the air, some caressed Hidan. Some pierced his chest again.

Hidan screamed out again at each thrust from Kakuzu and each piercing tentacle through his chest, but in pure euphoria. "Fuck…you…you…are kinky."

He reared his head back and lost himself in the feeling of a hard body pushing into him and a feeling of fullness in him for what seemed like forever.

Kakuzu could feel himself approach the plateau. Then, with three more thrusts, he moaned, and leaned over Hidan breathless.

"So we're even, eh." Hidan struggled to say, caught up in the moment.

"I…" Kakuzu tried to breath out. With the end of his orgasm, he reigned back in his body, and the most of the tentacles that had escaped were forced back in. "I…might let you live yet."

Hidan had come a moment before Kakuzu, and he relaxed as Kakuzu's cold body fell on him. He trembled with post-coital pleasure. "Fuck you. I'm letting you live."

Hidan looked to his left to where there were still two decapitated jounin. And then to himself. Kakuzu's black ropes or whatever they were, still bound him tight, but that didn't hide the plain fact that Hidan was butt-naked, his clothes more viciously torn off then Kakuzu's could possible be. He would need to go to the nearest town for some new clothes. And he had to clean the evidence of these damn bodies.

"Ah damn."