Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or the book so please don't sue.
A/N: this is just a one shot and hopefully a very different take on being given The Talk. Hope you like it, please do review!! Pairings are a slight mention of Harry liking Ginny while the others are JPSB and RLLE, so yes, there is very mild slash! Nothing explicit though.
James breathed a sigh of relief as he finally finished giving his son, Harry, The Talk. He had managed to go over everything Harry would be going through at his age and in the near future without embarrassing either of them too much.
'Dad, how do you have sex then?' Harry finally asked after a few seconds of silence as he took everything in. James looked at his son in shock; he knew there had been something he had forgotten to explain.
'Erm, are you gay?' James realised his son had never mentioned a preference to him.
The family was large compared to a normal family with him, Sirius, Remus and Lily all taking care of Harry, his and Lily's biological son. After he and Sirius had gotten married and Lily and Remus had gotten married, they realised they all wanted children, however Remus was very weary of passing on his werewolf genes and Sirius didn't want any reason for his family to be able to lay claim to his child, and so James and Lily had been the obvious pair to have a child, and so Harry was born, the son of all four of them.
Harry shook his head, he was certain he was straight, especially with the way he felt about Ginny Weasley. James' heart sunk. He could tell Harry quite a bit about gay sex, but sex between males and females, let's just say he had never done it nor been interested in doing it and so it was one area he had no idea about.
'Is that okay Dad, that I'm straight?' Harry looked uncertain.
'No, its fine with me. Just because I'm gay doesn't mean I think you should be.' Harry gave him a surprised look.
'I thought you were bisexual.' He admitted causing it to be James' turn to be surprised.
'No, I've never been interested in women. Sirius is bisexual but I'm not. Who told you that?'
'Mum and Remus. They told me you'd dated a few women at Hogwarts.'
'Ah, now I get it, there were rumours of me dating women, but they were all lies. Guess I just forgot to tell them that and probably why I was asked to give you this chat.' He paused, trying to decide where to start in answering Harry's question. 'So, er…sex, you…um…er…it happens when you love someone very much and you want to erm...well take it to the next step, making sure you really love the person and don't just want to do it for fun because you shouldn't…you…erm…er, maybe I could just give you something that would explain it.' James stumbled out, much to Harry's amusement; his father was normally very articulate; so to see him like this was certainly different.
'So where do babies come from?' Harry decided to ask the other question he wanted to ask.
'Well, for males to get pregnant, you take a potion and then…er …have sex, so I suppose it's the same with women. With you, Lily took a potion and then I gave some of my DNA to put in the cup and in a few days she was pregnant.' James guessed, as his mother had known early on her son was gay, she had only given him the gay sex talk and not the straight version, leaving large gaps in his knowledge. Deciding Harry needed to know what sex was, he summoned a large part of Sirius' porn collection, remembering to leave behind the gay stuff he had.
'Here, watch these; they should give you a better idea of everything.' James instructed his son, pleased with his solution.
'I thought you said you were gay?' Harry queried as he realised he was looking at porn.
'I am,' James replied as he stood up and slipped the first tape into the TV's video player, 'these are Sirius' since mine are no use.' An idea suddenly struck him and he summoned all of Sirius' play wizard magazines, which were a lot, maybe he ought to be worried about the amount Sirius had, and gave them to Harry as well, who flicked idly through it, blushing as he saw the explicit pictures.
'Sirius' as well?' Harry asked; amused as well at just how much his godfather had.
'That obvious?' James answered wryly as both of them chuckled at it. The porn flick started.
As Sirius walked into the house, he realised James and Harry were nowhere to be seen, while Lily and Remus were sat at the table as reading different newspapers.
'Hey guys, where's Jimmy and Harry?' Sirius asked as he took off his cloak and joined them at the table.
'James is giving Harry The Talk at then moment.' Lily answered, barely looking up from her paper; Sirius' eyebrows shot up.
'Isn't Harry straight though?' Sirius queried, this made both of the others look up.
'Yes, why, is there a problem?' Remus looked slightly puzzled at what the problem was.
'James is gay; he knows nothing about straight stuff.' Sirius answered. At this Lily became alarmed at what her baby was being told upstairs.
'I thought he was bisexual.' Remus remarked idly, he knew James would never do anything on purpose to harm their son.
'Nah, that's me mate. Those girls he went out with were just rumours; guess he thought you knew that.' This got Lily onto her feet immediately.
'So you're telling me we sent a gay man who has absolutely no idea what to do with a woman especially how to have sex with one, to tell my son exactly how to do just that?' Lily demanded, getting more agitated.
'Yeah, pretty much.' Sirius replied with a causal shrug of his shoulders. Lily ran upstairs and soon her voice was clearly heard throughout the house.
'JAMES WILLIAM POTTER, WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING SHOWING MY SON PORN! I DON'T CARE IF IT IS SIRIUS' OR NOT NOR HOW EDUCATIONAL IT IS. JUST BECAUSE YOUR HUSBAND HAS ENOUGH PORN TO STOCK UP THE ENTIRE COUNTY DOES NOT MEAN YOU SHOULD BE SHOWING IT TO OUR SON, I DON'T EVEN CARE IF IT IS STRAIGHT PORN AND NOT GAY!'
You know that's hardly fair,' Sirius muttered to Remus, who was doing his best not to laugh too hard. 'I don't have that much!' Remus shook his head, refusing to get into an argument about it.
'OUT! I'LL DO IT MYSELF!' Lily's voice trailed back to them again before the sound of a door shutting and someone walking down the stairs towards them reached their ears.
A few seconds later, James appeared in the kitchen, looking very relieved. Going over to his husband, he kissed him first lightly on the nose before meeting Sirius' lips.
Sitting down at the table, he conjured up a mug of steaming coffee before speaking.
'So, where do babies come from?'