A/N: Okay, so I was REALLY bored and started going through reviews I've gotten recently and there was this one that just JUMPED out at me. Thanks to WingsOfADream for giving me the inspiration…although I'm sure this wasn't anywhere near what she had in mind when she mentioned it…you're a she, right? Yes, no? Maybe?
Whether this is a good fic or not is an entirely different story. Not meant to be good. It's CRACK, people. Use the logic portion of your brains. Rated M for a reason. A very GOOD reason.
The first thing that Ike noticed was hair.
Silky black locks were spread across his bare chest, while blonde hair of equal length was entangled with it, creating quite an interesting contrast. The lord blinked for a moment. Soft breathing on either side of him, and someone was gently nuzzling their cheek against his shoulder.
Dear goddess, what had he done last night?
Very slowly, he eased himself into a sitting position, careful not to disturb the two others sharing his bed. After suppressing a scream of shock, he took in a deep breath and looked back at them.
Soren was curled up on his right side, an arm wrapped loosely around his waist and his lips bruised from kisses. The sage's neck was covered in small red marks, obviously from the night before, and there were slight marks around his wrists—had he been tied up at some point?
Oh, dear…
Reyson was nestled against the sage from behind, face buried in the shorter man's neck and arms wrapped firmly around Soren's waist. The heron's wings were lazily folded behind him and, as Ike looked closer at their bed, there were feathers everywhere.
Oh, dear…
"Mmrgh…"
And now Soren was shifting slightly in his sleep. Ike knew from sharing a tent with the sage before that this meant that the other man was about to wake up. The most the ranger could do was shuffle down into the sheets again and brace himself for the inevitable scream that was going to come.
Some shifting, a stretch, a pause, and then:
"DEAR GODDESS, WHERE AM I!?"
This only served to wake up Reyson, who promptly fell out of bed and let out a shout of pain when he hit the ground. Ike groaned softly and rolled over, eyeing the sage and the heron. Soren's face matched his eyes and the mark on his forehead seemed to be blending in perfectly with the shade of his skin. The blush was spreading all the way down his neck, partially concealing the hickeys that were spread out over his neck, and Ike noted that Soren looked absolutely adorable.
Reyson, on the other hand, seemed to be having trouble getting up off the floor, and when Ike leaned over Soren he noticed that Reyson had landed on one of his wings and seemed to be in an incredible amount of pain. Sighing, the commander looked around for anything that resembled a Heal staff, and upon finding one, handed it to Soren.
"Fix Reyson's wing and then we'll talk about this like adults, alright?"
Soren stuttered for a full minute before actually doing anything, and once everyone had a decent pair of pants on they calmly sat down on the bed as far away from each other as was possible.
"So…" Ike began. "Do either of you have any idea what might have happened last night? Because I'm at a total loss."
These words seemed to comfort the other two slightly and Soren tentatively raised a hand.
"I…I believe I recall…being on the bottom of all this," he said softly, his face so red it was nearly purple. "And if I'm also right, these," he muttered, indicating the marks on his wrists, "are from rope. Someone tied me up."
Reyson sighed softly. "That would have been Ike," he replied. "And if I do recall, he had one hell of a time tying you and needed my help."
Both the commander and the sage flushed at this comment and Reyson smiled softly. "Actually, it was quite amusing…"
"You're saying you remember all of what happened last night?" Ike asked slowly. The heron shook his head.
"Not all of it…just bits and pieces. This and that…" he shrugged and stretched, then lay down on his stomach. "I never pictured you to be in the middle, Ike. You seem more of a top type person to me."
The commander flushed, and Soren laughed softly. "That would mean…that…that you would have taken Ike, wouldn't it?" he asked, piecing things together.
Reyson smiled, running a hand through his blonde hair. "Yes. Yes I did."
The sage chuckled softly. "Not to seem mean, but I'm a bit glad that Ike's the one who took me. Things would be one hell of a lot more awkward had it been you."
The heron nodded. "Amen to that."
"Would someone please tell me what's happening?!" Ike begged, drawing the attention back to himself. Soren glared at him.
"We're still trying to figure it out ourselves; now be quiet before I make you," he threatened. Ike nodded glumly.
Reyson took charge of things from there, since Ike was busy pouting.
"So, then…Soren? What do you remember?"
"Starting at the beginning…Bastian mixed together some of that punch we were all drinking with a shot of vodka…said that it wouldn't hurt to loosen up a little…um…"
"Several shots later Reyson came out of the closet to both of us," Ike continued. "Kissed me. Then you."
"And then Ike decided that we should go somewhere more private if we were going to kiss because…what was it you said…privacy makes things…more goodful?" Reyson laughed. Soren smiled and lay on his stomach as well.
"I'd say this is as 'goodful' as it gets," the raven-haired youth replied. The heron smiled and slowly reached over, running his fingers through the silky black locks. When he received a questioning look from the sage, he simply shrugged.
"You've got sex hair," he explained. "And yours is the worst of the three of us. Might as well get started now."
Soren nodded and allowed the heron to begin untangling the knots with his fingers, and Ike continued.
"Right, right…so we got in here and locked the door behind us…and then Soren said 'to hell with it, Ike, I love you', and he kissed me," Ike said thoughtfully. "And then Reyson sat down and watched us for a bit…and…"
"After I heard Soren let out that little moan, I demanded that you both get your asses onto the bed and let me have a go at it," Reyson replied.
"Right!" Soren suddenly exclaimed. "So then Reyson and I kissed for a bit and then you sort of invited yourself in and it was all three of us."
All three men flushed slightly at the memory of two other tongues instead of just one, Ike's hands slipping down to Soren's backside and Reyson's fingers looping around to untie Ike's headband; Soren's hands lightly flitting up Reyson's chest and playing softly with a nipple through the fabric of his shirt.
"S-so after that…I think it was Ike's knee between Reyson's legs, was it?" Soren asked. "And then Reyson moaned and we all stopped…and…"
"You started undoing my shirt," Reyson replied. "And then Ike took off his…and then he opened up the top of your robes…and then you started kissing me again…"
"Right…" the other two commented. Silence reigned once again at the slightly fuzzy memories of the previous night. Soren sliding his hands across Reyson's chest and gently kissing the soft skin before helping the heron out of his shirt. The top portion of Ike's clothing gone in an instant and bare flesh pressing against Soren's still-clothed back. Their commander's hands reaching around to start removing the sashes and ties that kept Soren's robes closed. Pale skin being revealed and then another searing kiss…
"And then I pushed you down and grabbed one of the ties that keeps your robes closed," Ike commented softly. "I tried to tie you and it didn't work, so Reyson helped…and then…"
"We all finished stripping, except for Soren, because he obviously couldn't," Reyson finished. "So then you and I kissed for bit, just to tease him, and he was begging us to let him go…"
"And then we started taking off his clothes," Ike murmured, flushing. "After that…"
Silence followed, and then Reyson whispered softly.
"Best sex I've ever had."
Ike nodded in agreement, and then both looked at Soren. The sage was looking at the ceiling worriedly, and then slowly turned his eyes toward the other two.
"That…was my first," he whispered. Reyson immediately drew the younger sage into a hug.
"Oh, Soren…I'm so sorry," he murmured. Ike looked at them helplessly before scooting over and pulling the two into his arms.
"Soren…I…" Words couldn't seem to find their way from his brain to his mouth and the young lord sighed softly. "I'm sorry."
The sage smiled slightly, suddenly very comfortable between the two other men. "It's…it's alright. Things could have been far worse…although at the moment I'm not sure how."
"We could all be outside naked," Reyson said playfully. Ike smiled softly.
"Or Mist could have walked in."
All three men shuddered at that idea and Soren sighed, nestling back against Ike.
"Well…there's nothing we can do about it. There's no sense in being upset," he sighed. The commander sighed and for quite a while, the three of them sat there, snuggling further into the warm embrace every so often.
"Soren?" Ike asked several minutes later. "Did…when you said you loved me…was that the alcohol speaking, or was it you?"
The raven-haired youth blushed furiously and Reyson nuzzled against his chest.
"Come on. Don't make me read your mind to get this answer," he threatened teasingly. The sage glared.
"I…I…Ike, I do. It's been years now…and…no matter how often I've told myself not to fall in love with you…you've done something to make it happen all over again." The sage sighed. "And Reyson…I've just met you…but I'm drawn to you. Even in all this madness…you pull through with a smile on your face. Even though you've lost everything…you still continue to be happy. It's…inspiring."
The heron smiled and traced Soren's jaw with one finger. "Well…you…you're a pretty amazing person yourself. You can take on ten enemies by yourself and not get hurt at all. You've kept this army up and running for nearly a year, I've heard. It takes skill to do that." Lightly, the heron kissed the sage, then turned his green eyes to Ike. "And Ike…you protected my sister and I without any second thoughts whatsoever. When we first met I was a terrible person…I refused your help without waiting to see your intentions. I see now that you're an incredible beorc and I was quite wrong to have made assumptions that I shouldn't have." Smiling, Reyson leaned up and pressed his lips to Ike's. The commander met them with little hesitation and lightly entangled their tongues, and then pulled away, playing with a strand of Soren's hair.
"And I…I've fallen for you both. Soren, I've known you forever. We've protected each other from everything since we were little. I promised you a long time ago that I'd never leave your side and I haven't, nor will I ever. And now…I've got another person to take care of. I know it seems like it should be more work…but it isn't. I love you, Reyson. You forgave me and you've shown me so much. Please…don't leave me. Both of you."
Soren grinned and brought Ike's face close to his own. "Never," he whispered, capturing Ike's mouth with his own. Reyson smiled and gently pushed the other two down, joining in on the kiss.
RBLRBLRBL
"Rhys? Why haven't Ike and Soren and Rhys come out of their room yet?" Mist asked the priest. Rhys smiled and rumpled the younger girl's hair as Shinon walked up and gave his backside a casual squeeze.
"Because there was quite a party last night," the auburn-haired man replied, attempting to ignore the hand on his ass. "Everyone's exhausted. I'm amazed that so many people are awake as it is. I'm sure that the three of them are still sleeping."
"In the same bed?" Mist asked.
Shinon poked his head over the priest's shoulder. "Of course. Now scram. Everyone's probably going to have headaches when they finally get up, so you might as well make yourself useful. Get some coffee made! Come on, don't make us do everything ourselves!"
Mist nodded and scurried away. Rhys laughed and turned his head just enough to kiss the sniper.
"You know, I'm still feeling quite tired," he sighed, faking exhaustion and leaning on the taller man. Shinon smiled and hooked his arms around Rhys' waist.
"Well, I'm sure it's nothing a few hours in bed couldn't fix," he whispered, nipping lightly at the priest's ear. "Shall we test that theory?"
Rhys smiled suggestively. "Of course."
RBLRBLRBL
Three hours later, everyone was still in bed.
Nobody was sleeping.
A/N: Gasp, what IS that army of ours up to? Good thing guys can't get pregnant, otherwise Tellius would be overpopulated.
ARGH, I HAVE TO GO TO BED. I'M EXHAUSTED. I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!