Okay, in this fic MerDer are married and have a daughter who is just over one. Cristina is still living with Burke, Izzie and Alex are both single. (George and Izzie never slept together, Addison has not left for warmer climates, Callie and George are married, and Burke and Cristina never attempted to get married. The Chief is still the Chief…I think that is all you need to know. If I left anything out, feel free to ask!!) Rated T for mild sex scene. Feel free to review if you wish to. The story doesn't really start until the end of chapter two-ish. Hope you enjoy.

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"I have spiders! Freaking eight-legged spiders! They're everywhere! I swear one was in my coffee this morning! Oh my God...I'm the young lady who swallowed a spider!" Izzie exclaimed, grabbing her water bottle, and twisting the lid. "What do I do?!"

"You get your flat exterminated, and you stop discussing insects while I'm trying to eat my lunch,' Cristina retorted, annoyance dripping from her lips, her fork hanging limply between her fingers. "Then I can go back to digesting my lunch, and you can go back to digesting your spider."

"Eww...Cristina!" Izzie groaned. "I was trying to forget about it!"

"Well, it's so not my problem that you ate a faux spider." Cristina replied, popping a ketchup covered fry into her mouth.

"It was not a faux spider! It was an eight-legged, giant, black, creepy crawly...who succeeded in ruining my morning!" Izzie whined.

"Really? You actually saw this supposed spider? What, he just decided to go for a swim in your morning cup of coffee?" Cristina asked, her tone sarcastic.

"Okay, so I didn't actually see it, but I swear that with the amount of spiders in my apartment...there could easily have been one in my coffee." Izzie admitted, taking a sip of her water.

"Riiiight. So the sheer number of spiders means you have to ruin my lunch? That's great. Thanks a lot." Cristina snapped, pushing her plate away in disgust.

"Wow, someone's pissed this morning. What happened?" Izzie enquired, moving her chair a little further away from the cafeteria table, and out of Cristina's immediate reach.

"Nothing! That's what happened. I was on call last night, and nada! Zip! Zilch! No serious injuries, no accidents, no dying people. Not even a bloody leg that needed stitching!"

"Well, that's good, right? No one was injured, no one dying...that's a good thing." Izzie said, looking genuinely confused.

"You know, Izzie, sometimes it is physically hard to be around you! Think like a surgeon, for God's sake! I didn't complete my medical degree just to stand around all night, diagnosing the odd case of the flu! Where the hell were all the sick people! I'm a cutter...I cut! And when I don't cut, I get cranky." Cristina grumbled.

"So now would not be the time to ask if I can stay with you?" Izzie asked, a hopeful look on her face.

"What? Why?" Cristina asked, turning in her chair to face Izzie, who had inched her chair even further from the table.

"Did you not hear me talk about the spiders?! I can't stay there. I can't sleep knowing they are out there…stalking my coffee cups." Izzie shuddered. "I need a place to sleep while I get my apartment de-spidered."

"No." The answer was instantaneous.

"Oh, come on, Cristina, I'm neat, I bake, I clean." Izzie reminded her, eagerly.

"Exactly." Cristina replied, pulling her lunch towards her, apparently willing to give it another go.

"What, you have a problem with a clean, tidy apartment with snacks?"

"No, I have a problem with the fact that that scenario comes with another person. I'm having enough trouble with Burke as it is, I don't need extra hormones in my house."

"Fine. Forget it. I'll stay somewhere else." Izzie said, exasperated.

"That's all I ask. Anywhere that doesn't have Yang or Burke on the door, and I'm good to go."

"Gee, thanks, you are so helpful," Izzie mumbled sarcastically.

"Whatever. I have to go find a surgery, any surgery, to scrub in on," Cristina said abruptly, picking up her tray and walking back inside.

Izzie sat at the table alone, thanking her lucky stars that Cristina hadn't asked where Meredith, Alex or George were. If Cristina knew that they were currently scrubbed in…well, Izzie hated to think what her reaction would have been. In her mind, the three of them leaving her with a post on-call Cristina was mean on so many levels. She couldn't believe Cristina seriously wasn't going to let her stay with her. Well, no, that wasn't true. She could believe it, she had just wanted to be surprised. Now where was she supposed to go to get away from the man-eating spiders? Izzie shuddered at the mere thought of the spiders that were slowly taking over her house, and picked up her tray, following in the wake of a very pissed off Cristina.

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"Spiders, Meredith. They are everywhere! Honestly! I'm surprised I haven't woken up with a web across my face!" Izzie proclaimed, carrying the dishes to the sink of Meredith's kitchen, a wine glass balanced precariously on the top of the pile.

"Oh, are you still on about the damn spiders? I swear, if you don't shut it, I'll put more than a web across your face!" Cristina said, following Izzie into the kitchen, carrying a lone fork, her contribution to clearing the table.

Meredith gave Cristina a 'cut it out' look, before she plucked the glass from on top of Izzie's pile, allowing Izzie to set the dishes down in the sink.

"So, what are you asking me, Izzie?" Meredith asked, an amused expression on her face.

"If I can stay here for a few days? I swear I won't be a bother…I can sleep on the couch, and…" Izzie began, talking fast, tripping over her words.

"Iz, you can stay here, that's fine. And you don't have to stay on the couch, you can have your old room…we only use it for the spare room at the moment, anyway." Meredith interrupted, putting the plug in the sink, and twisting the tap, water springing forth, filling the sink.

"Oh thank you, Mer! If I don't get that place exterminated, I swear I'll go insane!"

"Bit late," Cristina mumbled under her breath.

Izzie merely gave her a withering look, before flashing Meredith a blinding smile and sauntering out of the room.

"Okay, what's with you?" Meredith asked, turning the tap off with a flick of her wrist, and flopping down at the kitchen table.

"Nothing." Cristina answered, joining her at the table.

"Seriously? What…spiders just annoy you?" Meredith asked, picking up the salt shaker, and twirling it around.

"Spiders annoy everyone." Cristina replied, watching the salt shaker as is danced through Meredith's fingers, surveying the way it rolled from the tips of her fingers and back again, swirling across the table.

"Cristina."

"Fine! No, spiders are not annoying me, but right at this minute, you are." Cristina snapped, reaching across the table and snatching the salt shaker from Meredith's fingers.

Meredith just looked at Cristina, waiting for her to say what was bugging her, pulling her hands back onto her lap in case she roused the dragon anymore than she already had done.

"Sorry, I just…" Cristina began, sighing. "It's just…Burke asked me to marry him."

"Seriously?" Meredith exclaimed, getting to her feet.

"Yeah, and I didn't answer him. Mer, I didn't know what to say!" Cristina replied quickly, before the inevitable 'congratulations' spilled from her friends mouth.

"Oh," Meredith said, sitting slowly back in her seat. "Oooh! And how did he take that?"

"Not well. And to top it all off, I was on call last night, and there were no surgeries! No blood to take my mind off it. I mean, what do you say to the man you love when he asks you to marry him?" Cristina asked, leaning back in her chair.

"Well, considering it is not a rhetorical question, Cristina, a 'yes' or 'no' probably would have sufficed." Meredith answered, watching Cristina carefully.

"Well, thank you Einstein, thanks. That helps a lot!" Cristina replied, bitingly.

"Cristina, what do you want me to say? You obviously had a reason not to answer him. Maybe it is better not to answer until you are sure, one way or the other."

"Yeah, in the meantime, where am I supposed to go? He isn't exactly in a talkative mood, and I've had enough of his dirty looks. Going on call was meant to be a respite from that…"

"Well, don't look at me. Our spare room is taken on account of spiders. The fact that you and your…whatever… aren't talking, well, that falls in second behind the spiders, and I don't think Derek would appreciate you bunking with us," Meredith laughed, squeezing Cristina lightly on the arm, a silent show of support, before walking out of the kitchen.

She walked down the hall, and into what was now known as the family room, following the noise. George and Alex were seated on the sofa, in the midst of a game of pinochle. Izzie was seated on the armchair opposite, laughing as the guys attempted to prove just how macho they were. Callie sat on the floor beside the sofa, cheering George on. Meredith was leaning one shoulder against the wall watching her friends, a small smile on her face, when she felt a familiar presence move in behind her. Relaxing, she leaned back into his embrace, grabbing his arms and folding them around her middle.

"She went down okay?" Meredith asked, tilting her head back to rest against his neck.

"Yep. We read a story, and she is now sound asleep with Barney to keep her company." Derek answered, inhaling the soft fragrance of her hair.

"Good." Meredith replied, the exhaustion from the day hitting her all at once.

"You tired?" He asked, leaning down to kiss her neck.

"Mmmm," was all the reply she could muster, his body heat wrapping around her, if anything, making her more exhausted. All she wanted was to curl up in bed, and go to sleep, a dreamless, sound sleep that would leave her refreshed come morning.

"See, this is exactly why I didn't answer him," a voice said from behind their backs.

Derek twisted his head around to face the voice, a mixed look of confusion and amusement on his face. He felt Meredith give a little chuckle, as she turned so that they were now both facing Cristina, but he arms were still securely around her tiny waist. He looked down at Meredith, and then back to Cristina, trying to figure out what was going on, but realizing at the same time that he should be used to being out of the loop as far as these two were concerned. They seemed to speak their own language. He could be in the room, and they could be talking, and he would have no idea what they were talking about. Although, often he could manage to pry Meredith for information, using techniques very unique to him, breaking down her resistance. He got the information he was after, and had fun doing it.

"Am I missing something?" He asked, his head going back and forward between the two women.

"Always," Meredith giggled, twisting up to look at him, her smile warming his heart the way it still did after three years of marriage.

"Alright then," he accepted easily, knowing it was pointless to argue.

"Eugh," Cristina said, the look on her face showing how much she didn't appreciate the happy couple in front of her.

"What?" Meredith asked, tearing her eyes away from Derek's.

"Nothing, it's just…you two are so… married!" Cristina replied, before pushing past them, and walking further into the room, her gaze now on the two men still wrestling on the couch, their thumbs caught in the battle of a lifetime.

Meredith pulled away from the warmth and comfort of Derek's embrace, and followed Cristina into the room, fulfilling her duties as hostess, even though she was so exhausted she could barely move. Derek followed along behind her, watching Alex and George, an intrigued expression on his face.

"What exactly are you two doing?" He questioned, sinking down onto another armchair, and reaching out for Meredith, pulling her onto his lap, and resting his hand on her upper thigh.

"I'm proving to Alex that I am just as strong as he is," George panted, twisting his wrist in an awkward position to try to get back the upper-hand, or rather the upper-thumb.

Alex laughed, easily going along with George's contortionist act, twisting his hand while rapidly moving his thumb back and forward, trying to trap George's thumb under his own.

"Dude, I'm kicking your ass!" He boasted, at last succeeding in pushing his thumb squarely on top of George's. He counted to three, before finally releasing his friend's hand.

"Whoo hoo! I'm the man!" Alex yelled, throwing his hands in the air. "Don't take it to heart, Georgie-boy."

"You may be the man, Alex, but you will be missing some vital parts that allow you to make that statement if you wake my currently silent daughter," Meredith said, frowning at Alex.

"Hey, Miss Becky and I get on fine…If she wakes up, I'll deal with her," Alex said with a wink, before he reached over and rubbed George's hair. "Oh, don't look so sad birthday boy…I'll let you win next-time to preserve your manhood."

George brushed Alex aside, and stood up.

"Whatever. I don't need to win a thumb wrestle to prove my manhood." George remarked, trying to distract his audience from the dull red flush working its way across his cheeks.

"Probably a good thing," Alex said, laughing.

Meredith could see an argument forming, so did her best to distract the two men, one glaring, and another grinning.

"Did anyone want a coffee, or…?"

"Thanks, Meredith, but we really should be going. I have to be up early," Callie said, reaching her hand up to George, who grasped it and pulled his wife up from the floor.

"Who doesn't!" Izzie said, uncurling her long legs from the armchair and getting to her feet.

"You need a ride home, Iz?" Alex asked.

"Yeah, that'd be good. If you don't mind," Izzie replied, flicking Alex a quick smile, and bending down to pick up her purse.

"Nah, it's no problem. You don't live far from me!" Alex answered, grinning back at her.

George and Callie retrieved their coats, and the presents, and made their way to the front door.

"Thanks Mer," George said, trying to juggle coats, presents and Callie's hand.

"Hey, I only supplied the house. Izzie organized it and cooked all the food. She also never informed me that she didn't have a venue till yesterday," Meredith replied, turning to look at Izzie, who merely rolled her eyes.

"Well, thanks anyway," George said, watching the play between his friends. "Thanks Iz!"

Izzie just inclined her head, and smiled. "Travel safe, you guys."

"Bye Meredith….Dr Shepherd." George gave Derek a weird look before pulling Callie out the door.

"Happy birthday, George." Meredith said, her eyes warm, before waving them out the door.

"He's never going to call me Derek, is he?" Derek whispered in Meredith's ear.

"Probably not," she whispered back, a laugh tainting her words.

Cristina walked to the front door, brushing past Meredith and Derek, yelling, "I'll see you later," on her way out.

"Okay, Iz, we have to go to!" Alex said, slapping his hands on his thighs, and leaping to his feet.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm coming. Oh, Mer, if I come over tomorrow night sometime? That okay?" Izzie asked, walking slowly towards the door.

"That's fine, Izzie. Whenever," Meredith replied.

"Oh thanks you guys, so much! I asked Cristina but she was all…well, Cristina, so I really appreciate this, and I promise…" Izzie began, interrupted mid-ramble by Alex, who pushed his way past her, and out the front door.

"IZZIE! Stop rambling, and get your ass in the car!" He shouted.

"You know, a nice 'hurry it along' was all it would have taken…there was no reason to be rude. You know, sometimes, Alex…." Izzie's voice faded away as Meredith shut the door, closing out the sound of her friends arguing their way to the car.

Meredith locked the door, and leaned her back against it, facing Derek.

"Meredith?" Derek asked, raising one eyebrow and staring at her.

"Mmmm?"

"What exactly did Izzie mean when she said she would be back tomorrow?"

"Oh…crap! I forgot to tell you! She's getting her apartment exterminated tomorrow, and she needed somewhere to stay…" Meredith said, trailing off, a guilty look on her face.

"And it didn't occur to you to ask the man of the household?" Derek asked, the corners of his eyes wrinkling into a smile.

"Actually, no, it didn't. Where is he? I'll ask him now," Meredith teased, a cheeky grin crossing her face.

"Okay, that's it, you asked for it!"

Derek walked towards her, and swung her up into his arms, one behind her knees, the other cradling her back, and headed up the stairs.

Meredith giggled, and Derek gave a hearty laugh in response.

"Shush!" Meredith whispered loudly, hitting his chest with the back of her hand. "You'll wake up Rebecca!"

"And that would be a problem because…? I'm the one who will have to get her back to sleep." Derek grinned.

"Oh… no! You don't get to complain about that! You leapt at the chance once you realized that my leaving left you to clear the table. Besides, if I had done it, you would have been left alone with a very excited Izzie, and a pissy Cristina." Meredith reminded him, as he carried her down the hall, and through their bedroom door, kicking it closed behind him.

"An excellent point," he whispered, lowering her onto their bed, before following her down, covering her soft body with his much harder one.

Derek leaned into her, kissing her softly on the lips, gradually increasing the pressure, until she was kissing him back. Her mouth opened beneath his and his mind spun, his body barely controlling the desire rampaging through him like wildfire. She made a small sound in the back of her throat as he thrust his tongue into her mouth, sliding it along the inside of her lower lip, teasing a response from her. Meredith slid her hands slowly up his neck, threading her fingers through his hair, while arching her back slightly, bringing him in closer contact with her entire length.

"How tired are you?" Derek asked huskily, tearing his lips away from hers, breathing heavily.

"Not that tired," Meredith moaned, pulling his head back down to hers.

Derek slid his hand under her top, his warm flesh connecting with the soft skin of her stomach, as he slowly inched upwards. Cupping her supple, warm mound in his palm, he brushed his thumb over the tip, sending shock waves to the very core of her being. Her head fell back against the pillow, and she let out a soft sigh of delight. He continued teasing her, brushing his thumb back and forward, back and forward. Why was it that all this man had to do was touch her and she literally melted?

Meredith slipped her hands under his shirt, running her hands up and down his back, feeling the muscles bunch beneath her touch. She fiddled with the buttons on his shirt, pulling them through the buttonholes, before slipping the shirt away from his shoulders, and tossing it to the floor. He shuffled his way out of his pants, leaving him naked, before tugging at her clothes.

Meredith was barely aware of him pulling her shirt over her head, and snapping the clasp of her bra, before all barriers were gone, and he had free reign, running his hands and lips down her neck, across her breasts, and back up to her mouth.

Derek unzipped her jeans, easing them gently down her legs, before they were off, then he was hooking his fingers in her panties, and slipping them down. He moved his hand slowly up the inside of her thigh, teasing her, watching as her legs opened slightly. He pressed the tip of his finger on her throbbing centre, and she arched against his hand, needing more, wanting more, demanding more.

Derek slid up her body, his legs tangling with hers, before she rolled him onto his back, rising up over him, taking him in, in one swift movement. He filled her, heart, body and soul, and she clung to him, trusting him to take her higher, farther, deeper than he had before. Derek whispered her name, reaching up to draw her lips back down to his, his mouth hot and hungry, his tongue demanding entry in the depths of her, while he took her with such tenderness that her body melted into bliss, and shortly after he followed, releasing into her.

Meredith collapsed against his chest, resting her head above his heart, listening to the rapid beat, while he stroked her hair, rolled them both onto their sides, and pulled the blanket up over them. It was the last thing she remembered before she succumbed to the darkness.

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Derek awoke some time later, reaching for Meredith, but he was grasping at nothing but air. He rolled over and saw her side of the bed was empty and cold, indicating she had left some time ago. He swung his feet over the side of the bed, reached down for his boxer shorts, shoved them on and went in search of his wife.

Derek wandered down the hall, heading for Rebecca's bedroom, and peeked inside. Meredith had moved the rocking chair from the corner of the room to place it beside the cot, and was sound asleep, her head tilted at an odd angle, the baby monitor sitting in her lap. He walked quietly over to check on Rebecca, looking down at the sweet face, sleeping so soundly, her dark curls standing out against the stark white of the sheets. He reached in and gently pulled the blanket back up so that the baby was covered, and ran his hand tenderly over her forehead, a soft smile turning up the corner of his mouth. Her skin was so soft, just like her Mother's. Rebecca had inherited his hair and his eyes, but her nose, mouth and personality were all Meredith. She was an easy baby, which was helpful with two parents with demanding jobs. Meredith had taken a year off after the birth, and had only gone back to work a few months ago.

He turned to look at Meredith, who was clearly exhausted. She was still adjusting to getting by with little or no sleep, as taking a year off for maternity leave had adjusted the 'surgeons clock' she had perfected. That, on top of waking up to deal with Rebecca…it was taking it's toll, but thankfully Rebecca slept through the night most nights, and slowly but surely Meredith was getting used to waking up early and functioning on very little sleep.

Reaching down, he pulled the baby monitor out of her lap, and sat it on the floor, before bending over and slipping his hands under her knees, lifting her up into his arms. She murmured something incomprehensible, draping her arms around his neck, trusting him even in sleep. He carried her down the hall and back to their room, laying her gently on the bed, and covering her up. Then he returned to Rebecca's room, picked up the baby monitor, checked she was still asleep, and made his way back to his room.

He walked in quietly as not to wake Meredith, and slipped in between the sheets, turning to face her, and pulling her into his body, her back pressed up against his chest, his leg draped across both of hers. She gave a little sigh, wiggled a little, and then relaxed against him, her breathing even. Derek kissed the top of her head, before shutting his eyes, and letting sleep overtake him once more.

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Derek groaned as the alarm clock started beeping, forcing him out of a deep sleep. He rolled away from Meredith and hit the button with the back of his hand. He slowly opened his eyes, blinking twice, stretched, sighed and got out of bed.

"Meredith." He called from across the room, waiting for her to wake. She didn't so much as stir.

He walked across the room and knelt down beside the bed, brushing a strand of hair off her face.

"Meredith, you have to get up," he said softly, slowly rousing her from a heavy sleep.

"Mmmumpph," she mumbled, turning her face into the pillow, and sighing deeply.

"What?" Derek laughed, pushing gently on her shoulder, and turning her around to face him. "What did you say?"

"Nothing important," she mumbled, slowly sitting up, rubbing her eyes, and yawning widely.

"Alright," he said, tilting his head, and looking at her intensely, a frown marring his forehead.

"What?" She asked, yawning again, swinging her feet over the side of the bed, and running her fingers through her long blonde locks.

"You look tired. Too tired," raising his hand to cup her cheek, running his thumb over the soft skin.

"Thanks. Just what every woman wants to hear before she gets up to face the day." Meredith remarked dryly.

"Meredith…" Derek warned, his eyes twinkling.

"I'm fine, Derek. Yes, I'm tired, but only because Rebecca woke up last night, and it took forever to get her to go back down, but I'm fine."

"Why didn't you wake me? I could have done it." Derek said, watching as she stood up, hunting around the room for some clothes to wear.

"Derek, you worked a long shift yesterday, and you put up with having everyone over last night, even though you were tired…I couldn't have woken you. You need just as much sleep as I do." Meredith replied, frowning as she walked around the room, obviously looking for something.

"What are you looking for?" Derek asked, grinning a little at the frustration evident on her face.

"My black bra I had on yesterday…"

"Which black one? You have many black bras." Derek asked, watching her hunt around the room.

"The black one with the little bow at the front…" she replied, distracted.

"Ah, yes. I know the one. I know it well," Derek laughed, raising one eyebrow suggestively.

She rolled her eyes at him, and got down on her hands and knees, checking under the bed.

Derek gave the room a quick scan, before letting out a laugh, and reaching over to the bedside lamp, and plucking the bra dangling from it.

"This one?" He asked, holding it by the strap between thumb and forefinger, and swinging it gently.

"Yes!" She said triumphantly, bounding over to him, and holding out her hand.

He draped one end of the bra in her outstretched hand, holding onto the other, and looked at her, a huge grin on his face.

Meredith gave Derek a weird look, and waited for him to release his end, dropping it into her waiting hand. He merely looked at her, his eyes brimming with mischief. She shot him a puzzled frown, before attempting to clasp her hand over the dangling bra strap, only to find him jerk it out of her reach.

"Derek, what are you…" Meredith began, only to be interrupted.

"Give me a good morning kiss, and it's all yours," he said, still holding the bra far out of her reach.

"What are you, two years old? I'm not kissing you! You haven't brushed your teeth yet…and, for that matter, neither have I!" She exclaimed, stretching up on her toes to try to grab the end of the bra swaying in mid-sir.

He simply stretched up higher, still grinning like a Cheshire cat.

"Derek," she scolded, trying hard not to laugh, and to keep the stern look of disappointment. She failed miserably, laughter bursting from her as she tried to stretch her small body even higher.

"Would… you… just…" she panted, still laughing, leaping in the air for the bra dangling just out of her reach.

"Come on, Meredith, one kiss and it is all yours." He said, wiggling his eyebrows at her, somehow still managing to look determined.

Meredith paused, looking at him for a minute, before she sighed, resigned to her fate.

"Fine," she said, settling back down on her feet.

"Fine? That's all I get? A 'fine' from the woman who is supposed to love me?" Derek mocked.

"When you hold my bra hostage, all you deserve is a fine," she said, waiting as he filled in the space between them.

When Derek put his arm around her waist to tug her to him, Meredith put both hands flat against his chest and pushed with all her might, toppling them both onto the bed, their bodies bouncing twice before coming to a stop. Quick as lightning, Meredith stretched her body up his, and grabbed the bra still clutched in his hand, and snatched it from him, giving a triumphant laugh. Derek looked shocked for a second, before he grinned, and flipped her onto her back, pressing his body against hers.

"You may have the bra, but I have you," he whispered, pinning her arms above her head, and staring into her beautiful green-blue eyes.

"You always had me," she whispered back, the bra forgotten, falling out of her now limp hands.

Derek leaned down and pressed his lips against hers, nibbling at the corner of her mouth, drawing a low moan from her, before he claimed her lips as his own, his hands tangling in her hair, allowing her no escape. Not that she wanted to. He deepened the kiss, putting every feeling her had for her into it, every raw emotion. Meredith ran her fingers up over his shoulders, burying them in his hair, pulling him even closer to her.

The sound of a baby crying pulled them away from each other with a groan. Derek rolled off her and got to his feet, waiting till she grasped his hands, and pulled her up off the bed.

"I'll get her," she said, walking out of the room. "You go have a shower, get ready for work."

Meredith walked down the hall to her daughter's bedroom, bending down to pick her up. Immediately the tears stopped, and Rebecca gave her Mother a little grin, before snuggling her head into Meredith's neck. It never ceased to amaze her how much comfort she could bring to her daughter. It wasn't something she had ever had with her own Mother, which was why she had been terrified her when she found out she was pregnant. Would she be a good Mother? Would she manage to completely screw up her child, make them 'dark and twisty'? The panic had overwhelmed her at times, and she had convinced herself she couldn't do it. She couldn't raise a child. But Derek had been so excited, going to every check up, driving out at all hours of the night to feed her cravings, painting the nursery. She hadn't had the heart to tell him she wasn't sure she could do it…he never knew about the panic attacks, the hour after hour with no sleep, doubts and insecurities running through her head. He never knew she had cried herself to sleep on many an occasion, sick with fear.

But all that had changed the minute Rebecca was born. The tiny little baby had broken past all her defenses, and filled some of the hole left by her parent's abandonment. Meredith finally had a family, a real family to call her own. She had someone to love and be loved by. She had Derek and Rebecca, and she was happy, she was truly happy. And that was a miracle in itself.
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