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Chapter One: A Shaky Start
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One day I did something. Something that probably is both the stupidest thing I've ever done and my most brilliant idea ever. I decided that I was going to propose to my girlfriend.
Now, I guess most of you are thinking something along the lines of 'How lovely!' or 'Good for him, I'll bet she says yes!'
You are very, very naive. My girlfriend is Hermione Granger, you see.
Yes, you've probably heard of her. She's the most brilliant with of her age, she has liberated probably all of the house elfs in Britain, and she will probably become the next Minister for Magic.
Still, you might be thinking that so what if she was brilliant, she wouldn't have a daft boyfriend, right?
Wrong.
Because I'm Ron Weasley. I've got red hair, more freckles than you can count (seriously, Hermione tried once, but when she pulled out something Muggle called a calclator or something, I ran for it), six siblings who are all more successful than I am, and a mother that calls me "her little Ronniedums" when she gets more sentimental than usual.
Sometimes I sneeze when I drink juice, and it pours out my nose. Enough said.
But I had made up my mind. Alright, Harry convinced me.
"You have to do it, mate!" he said, grinning as if Christmas had come early.
"But why?" I groaned deeply.
"You love her, don't you?" Harry asked, frowning slightly.
"Er," I said uncertainly, "yeah, I guess so."
My best friend stared at me in open disgust.
"You're such a chicken," he said. "I know you love Hermione, you've loved her since we were fifteen."
"Yeah, yeah," I said, waving his words away. "But I don't understand why we have to get married."
"That's just because you haven't experienced it, mate," said Harry, something coming over him. "It's truly great."
"You just think that because it gives you an unlimited resource for shagging," I said, chuckling.
Harry laughed out loud. "Please, Ginny and I haven't had sex since before the second baby was born."
I blanched. "Billy is two years old."
"I know," sighed Harry. "It's getting quite painful. Literally." He shifted slightly on the couch.
I thought about not making love with Hermione for two whole years. My chest hurt, and my toes twitched.
"Yeah, I don't want to get married," I said, shaking my head.
"Of course you do!" Harry yelled, making me shriek in a very manly way.
"Why do you want me to marry Hermione so desperately, anyway?" I asked him, still clutching my chest in horror.
"Because I want you two to be happy together forever," said Harry, smiling slightly. "And you'd be excellent babysitters."
"You've convinced me, mate," I laughed.
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Harry said that I should get a sapphire ring with a gold band, so I decided on a diamond ring with a silver band. It was for the best.
I wanted the ring to fit Hermione directly after I had proposed to her, so I had to get ring finger measurements without making her understand what I was trying to do. During sleep was obviously the perfect time to make my move.
So one night I took my measuring band with me when we went to bed. After some genuinely amazing sex, I had to repeatedly pinch my own thigh to prevent me from falling asleep. Hermione seemed surprised that I was awake for longer than three seconds after we had shagged, so she took the rare opportunity to snuggle. For a long time. I will probably have to amputate my leg from all the pinching.
When she finally started snoring (she was heavy on the snoring, sometimes I woke up in the middle of the night, grabbed my wand and spun around in panic before I realized that Hermione had just let out an impressive snort) I leaned over her to reach her left hand. She let out a wracking grunt and turned around, curling into foster position with her left hand under her head.
Let's just say I had gone through a lot before I realized that her left ring finger and her right ring finger probably was the same size.
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So there I was. I had decided to propose, I had a beautiful ring, I had…
I had pretty much no idea whatsoever how I should propose. I talked to Harry, but only learnt that he had proposed to Ginny during a Quidditch match. Not exactly what my Hermione would go for.
The only other people (except my parents) who were married in my family were – you guessed it – the Twin Menace, the Menacing Twins, the Joking Pranksters, the Pranking Jokesters…
Fred and George.
This should be interesting.
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