With A Chance Of…

Kasumi swayed gently aside from the swinging blade's path and did a quick limbo under a spring loaded spear, with a smile on her face, thinking it was just so nice of Ranma to redesign and expand both the laundry room and the kitchen for her. She'd been concerned that she hadn't been getting enough exercise lately and worried because she didn't have the time to work out like she wanted to, but Ranma's little additions did the job, with the added bonus of making doing the chores seem like a bit of an adventure.

Setting the washer for a load of whites, Kasumi turned and took a running leap as she leapt out over the pit of vipers, grabbing a trapeze and using that to do a triple somersault to clear the electrified flooring, she considered what she should make for lunch, after she released Akane from one of the vine traps near the kitchen entrance of course. Kasumi knew she shouldn't be happy that her youngest sister kept running afoul of the various extras Ranma had put in, but it was just so nice not to have to worry about Akane destroying her kitchen or the fathers turning all the whites pink again.

And it wasn't like Kasumi was doing anything wrong by enjoying having her kitchen all to herself. Why this even benefited the entire family as they were forced to give up between-meal snacking. Still, she did feel a slight twinge of guilt because Ranma had shown her the house he'd built next door and she'd know what kind of changes he'd make when she asked if he minded expanding their house a bit.

Of course none of this explained why he'd redesigned her bedroom, making it look like an ancient temple and her bed an altar.

He'd designed the entire thing so that she could walk through it without setting anything off, but anyone else would have found a plethora of traps. Why P-chan tripping them always sent the little pig through a slide into the bath, while Mousse or Shampoo were sent to the laundry room she didn't know, but Akane's rushing into the bath anytime the slide sounded was beginning to seem suspicious, even to her.

And why did he put a gold lever in front of her bed that stripped the person naked and chained them to the bed? She'd had a brief naughty thought about it, but Ranma had never come in the one time she'd tried it- okay, when she'd tried it every night for the week before he left, and her slender wrists slipped out of the cuffs anyway.

Oh well, Ranma always did things that were a mystery to her and her bed was much more comfy now, even if she was beginning to sadly resign herself to always being alone in it.

Dr. Tofu examined the scroll again. He'd gotten it in the mail with a note from Ranma promising him a cure for his little problem.

The Temple of Hearts Desire was proving to be a tricky customer. He'd had to come back to Nerima to find it, right where Ranma said it was, and the underground passageways left him not too far from the Tendo house if his calculations were correct.

The sheer number and variety of traps had kept him on his toes, making him lose track of exactly where he was, although he knew the general location, and now he had to wait behind a stone door at the top of the steps that would only open at certain times into the temple's heart.

Ranma had provided some advice and a warning. Don't look directly at the altar, because it would tempt him with a vision of his greatest desire. He was to make his entry as quiet as possible and move quickly to pull the lever no matter what or be unmanned. Ranma had also said to bring a scale and make sure he weighed exactly two hundred and ten pounds for some reason.

Tofu decided to take a nap as the door wouldn't open for a little over ten hours and he was more than a bit worried because Ranma's warning had been erased in parts and holding it up to the light he was almost sure what was erased was a threat that Ranma would unman him personally with a dull spork if he screwed this up and would take the heart for himself.

The two black cloaked figures with cybernetic eyes went down the list.

"Tomb-Robbing?"

"Check, with honors."

"Seriously?"

"He has the original Idol, got it when he was ten."

"Cool!"

"Does construction in his spare time and is willing to hire out?"

"He outperformed the spiderlifts, but note the non-combat clause."

"Check, he's got a triple A rating for those stats, he'd make almost as much from that as he would from robbing banks."

"I have to rob banks?" Ranma asked surprised.

"Sure, kid. What do you think we do here? This is the big leagues. No knocking over mom and pop stores, here you learn to use powers beyond mortal comprehension and change the destiny of all mankind!" the caped man finished loudly as the lights flickered and thunder sounded in the background.

"It'd be more impressive if I didn't see his hand on the light switch and the speakers in the corner."

"Ahh," they both sighed, embarrassed.

"Now seriously, I'm a practical kinda guy, what do we do here?"

"Well, being villains it's easier to list the things we aren't allowed to do."

"Yeah. No killing any city workers for one and that ranges all the way from your city judges to your sewer workers. Truthfully the only people we usually kill are criminals and civilians."

"Civies to make a point or if they get in the way, we don't go out of our way to raise body counts, that's a rookie mistake and can get the big guns in Hero Inc. after you."

"Exactly! We generally kill criminals who get in our way or who invade our turf. Of course if you want to send a message to all the local criminals nothing beats framing their boss and having him sent to jail and arranging to have him share a cell with King Gorilla."

"Oh, and it's considered very bad form to kill the person you're arching. Those relationships are supposed to be long term, although it's expected that you young folks will arch around a bit before settling down with someone. Heck, I've even heard of some hero-villain pairs that switch off on occasion, but you didn't hear it from me!"

"What kind of *shudder* relationship are we talking here?" Ranma asked.

"Well, heroes and villains tend to pair off and this is just the natural extension of that. We find you a hero that fits you. Someone to fight with and foil each other's plans. Of course villains are very protective of their property; try and kill Superman and Lex with destroy you. Look the wrong way at Mr. Fantastic and Doom will rip out your heart. There is some leeway, for instance if you are committing a crime in your usual territory and a hero that's usually in another part of the world shows up even your usual arch can't say boo if you have a little rumble."

"Just as long as it doesn't become a regular thing!" the other corrected quickly.

"That goes without saying."

"You may run into a hero or two while on vacation and let nature take its course, but don't do it too often or you'll get a reputation."

"Ok," Ranma said a little weirded out.

"Mostly we commit large flashy crimes."

"You get caught a fair amount, but the Guild has the best lawyers money can buy to get you out, along with judges and juries if you're high enough ranked."

"Exposure really helps with rankings, but try not to be a camera hog. You have to get a feel for when publicity will help and when it's just grandstanding."

"A little moderation is a good thing."

"Especially during sweeps when the big names are out and about. It takes a mighty impressive crime to break into that time bracket."

"Knock off criminals, commit flashy crimes, and get the news to film you battling your arch. Basically help the economy and increase tourism."

"Shhh! Are you trying to get us kicked out? We are evil and do evil things, remember that. If it's good for the economy just claim it's because poor people are the worst ones to rob."

"Sorry, but this kid needs to know."

"Fine, but find a more diplomatic way of explaining it. And don't forget we also cause riots and chaos at times so it all evens out."

"We're in the entertainment industry, robbery division, but still less evil than popcorn concessions."

The other cloaked figure sighed. "Please don't make him explain it again; I hate to think of what he'll come up with next."

"Ok, gotcha. Loud and flashy. We are the Gods walking among the mortals making them dance for our entertainment and sheering them when we feel like it," Ranma said quoting Nabiki's opening speech for her 'Future Financial Wizards' club.

"Whoa! That's better than what I said. I'm going to use that next time."

"Ignore him. That attitude will take you to the top, as long as you remember to read the Evil Overlords List and make sure you don't get overconfident."

"I'm not too worried. I plan on starting slow and planning thoroughly, at least until I graduate college," Ranma replied.

"Good choice, a lot more career paths open for you after you've graduated, plus you can add Professor or Doctor to your name with the right credentials. Professor Chaos has a nice ring to it too!"

"And you can hire a military graduate to be General Disarray!"

"You have any idea what he's talking about?" Ranma asked.

"Not a one," the cloaked figure with the slightly deeper voice replied.

"Come on, you guys watch South Park?"

"So Rei's not really a man hating bitch, she was just brainwashed by a cult?" Minako asked.

"That about sums it up, yes," Ami confirmed.

"I don't think the Catholic Church considers itself a cult," Makoto said.

"And terrorists consider themselves freedom fighters, but the details are the same," Minako argued. "Repetitive chanting, indoctrination, peer pressure, restricted diet and threats. I've gone through training with the police in England on various cults since the Dark Syndicate often worked that way and there really isn't as big a difference as you'd like to think between a cult and a church. Mostly it's all a numbers game; get enough people into your cult and you've got a church."

"I didn't know you felt this strongly about the subject," Ami said shocked.

"None of the rest of us are in a cult and I thought what Rei had learned from her grandfather was enough to resist their corrupting influence," Minako explained. "I hadn't realized how deeply they'd gotten to her. Well at least her arguing with Usagi makes sense now."

"Yeah, resisting her attraction to her and blaming her feelings on Usagi," Makoto replied.

"I wonder if their behavior will change, now that they know why Rei was acting like that," Ami wondered.

"Damnit Meatball Head, I haven't read that issue yet!" Rei yelled, chasing a giggling Usagi who stopped in the middle of the room, turned around and cleaned Rei's tonsils before running off again leaving a frozen Rei with a slowly growing grin on her face.

"The skies are clear with a 10% chance of lesbian sex before eight pm and the chances rising to 100% after ten," Artemis announced from his place on the couch.

"You really think they'll get together tonight?" Ami asked.

"No," Artemis replied.

"Then why did you predict 100% after ten?" Minako asked.

"Because that's when Michiru and Haruka go to bed," he replied smugly before the girls attacked him with the couch cushions.

Typing by: The Last Primarch!