Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha et al. It belongs to Rumiko Takahashi.
Saigo no Deai: Our Final Tryst
"Sesshomaru...do you have something to protect?"
He is wounded, and bleeding, yet he strains to make sure his son learns one final lesson from him.
He is saddened by the answer he receives, but it only serves to assure him he has correctly devised his possessions.
His son shall receive Tenseiga, the sword of the heavens which gives life to those who have lost it.
He prays it will guide him as he, himself, could not.
They part ways, both with a heavy heart.
The smell of blood floods his nostrils and his heart nearly stops. It is his father's blood. His father had been wounded when they spoke, but not to this extent. Mixed in is the scent of smoke and something bitter...a smell he knows too well.
No! Chichi-ue!
He runs, madly dashing above tree-tops, stretching his muscles to their limits until he reaches the source. Fire, ashes and there in the midst of it all he can make out his father's silhouette. He knows even before going into the house that he is dead, but it is of no importance.
He has to get him out!
His father feels light for someone of his stature, almost too light. Once outside he takes in the haggard appearance of the one so revered by him. His clothes are in tatters, splattered with blood and burnt in places. His magnificent armour is cracked, and his usually immaculate hair is matted with blood – his own blood.The great Inu-no-Taishou looks vulnerable and...weak! Sesshomaru hates it with every ounce of his being because it is all a woman's fault. It is all that woman's fault!!! Surely she must have bewitched his honourable father in order to hasten his death!
Years - no, centuries - are to pass before he understands no spell was cast on his father, and that his end was not dishonourable, but right now all he knows is rage and deep despair.
He hates this...it...his father! How dare he die! Alone, defending a human no less! The most powerful demon brought to his knees by a mere human! The sting of shame cuts his heart deeply.
This is the man he wanted to become! This haggard, weak, creature who would sacrifice themselves for a worthless human!
How dare he die! He thinks he will never forgive his father for denying him the chance to battle with him and steal his title. No, this is a betrayal of unforgivable proportions!
The embers of anger shining brightly in him extinguish at the touch of a hand on his.
His father is still alive!
"Sesshomaru..." The voice is so weak – it sounds nothing like his father.
"Chichi-ue"
"I had something to protect."
His eyes widen.
"Your half-brother, Inuyasha and his mother... You have always been a good son. I know you will make me proud."
"Chichi-ue" It is the only thing his anguished mind will allow him to say. Hearing his father plead is disturbing for him. The hand tightens its grip on his wrist.
"Sesshomaru! You are a fighter...the best one, my son...but to road of a warrior means not battling alone. It is a path of the heart as well. Only when your heart will be as strong as your fighting skills will you be the best warrior out there."
Once again he is surprised, but hates the emotional nonsense his father spouts.
"I am the best there is." He says haughtily.
His father smiles but great sadness is shown on his face.
"You must be angry with your father, hey Sesshomaru? I am regretful that my choices made you unhappy, but as you will come to learn, the right choices do not necessarily grant happiness."
"My father's decisions are his alone, and I can be no judge to them."
"Always so formal. Even when you were little. I remember..." he is interrupted by a series of coughs wracking his body. "I remember...when you were a mere child who climbed on my legs to reach my lap...one day we were in the garden...do you remember that? I was admiring the plants, and you said they are all stupid apart from the rose. Do you remember the reason you gave me?"
He shakes his head all the while feeling his resolve crumbling. He cannot hate his father, cannot hate this man in his arms who even now is trying to reach out to him, and then it hits him. It will hurt. His father's loss will hurt so much he almost wishes he could avoid it. It is a futile wish.
"You said the rose has thorns, so it fights anyone who would have its flowers. And then you said, it would be easier if they could wield swords. Ah...my dear son...even then you were a fighter at heart."
"I cannot change who I am."
"No, you cannot; but you can discover who you are. And some day, you will be renowned not only for your strength, but for your integrity also. Remember though son, strength without kindness is cruelty, and a life of cruelty is never rewarding."
"Kindness? It is kindness that has lead you to the state you are in, chichi-ue."
He chuckles and shakes his head.
"That was not kindness. That was love."
"One of your position should know better than to allow themselves to be manipulated by their heart."
"You have not been in love yet, my son; and I can tell you fear it."
"This Sesshomaru fears nothing."
"Nothing that you are aware of." He chuckles ignoring the flecks of blood that splatter his son's pristine top, and instead reaches to grasp the slender hand. "Do not fear to speak of your fears. We are none of us perfect, my son."
I thought you were. The thought brings bile to his mouth. He cannot admit that he is concerned for his father, much less that he is aghast at the thought of losing him.
I will never forgive you! He wants to scream. I was the one who was meant to defeat you! I was going to prove myself worthy of being your heir by winning against you, and you took that from me! I will not forgive you!
"Sesshomaru, have you ever wondered why I chose this particular name to give to you ?"
He looks impassively, trying to disguise the flicker of interest in him; one cannot hide from one's own parents, however. His father coughs lightly before continuing:
"When you were born, your mother was greatly weakened. Seems even then you had a big head." he chuckles. "She was spent, and had I not been aware of her solid constitution I would have feared for her life. You do not know that you spent your first night in this world with me. Your mother needed her rest, and so I took you, and the more I looked at you the more I was awed. You were just...perfect. Not even as big as my arm, you had a killer grip nonetheless as my finger found out when you decided to take your frustration with your mother's absence on it." He smiles at Sesshomaru's attempts to look disinterested. He is still a boy in so many ways. "The first moment I held you I...felt something. We were...are still...connected, my son. I regret I did not have the same chances with your brother."
"Half-brother."
"You were a silent child." He continuea as though he hasn't heard the correction. "You were also incredibly precious, and fragile, but all I could think when I looked at you was that you were perfect: perfectly tiny, with perfectly long ears, perfectly crinkled eyes, perfectly dimpled hands, perfectly beautiful markings symbolising your lineage...just perfect. Choosing a name was difficult. Your mother wanted to call you Tairyokumaru. I agreed on the last character. As you well know, maru represents perfection. But, we couldn't well now call you Kanpeki, could we?"
Sesshomaru inwardly groans at the attempts at humour. "Thus, to represent my faith in you as my heir, I named you Sesshoumaru. A name as potent as it is euphonic, and you certainly have lived up to it so far. Now I only wish I could have ingrained a heart or feeling in the name."
"Chichi-ue! This is no time for word games."
"Why so serious Sesshoumaru? Stop acting like you're going to die if you crack a smile." he grins. "I can tell you, if I die now, it's not because I smiled."
"Why can you not take me seriously, chichi-ue?" He is almost exasperated.
"Because you take yourself too much so."
"Chichi-ue...you realize your actions will have great consequences on the lands."
"I am aware. However, there are still treaties in place should a war break out. I would not leave my son alone like that. You will be alright, Sesshoumaru. Make me proud."
Somehow the thought that his father is not already proud of him makes his stomach churn, but he manages to nod.
"Look after your brother, and Izayoi, and tell your mother I am sorry for everything."
"Chichi-ue..."
"I only wish you find happiness someday. Be not afraid of who it is meant to be shared with."
"My happiness lies in winning battles."
"Spoken like a true two-hundred year old. Wait until life weathers you a bit. You'll see that eight hundreds years pass faster in two, and days can stretch for centuries when you are alone."
"I do not fear loneliness."
"Neither did I, my son. Neither did I." His voice starts fading slowly; so slowly, that Sesshoumaru wants to believe he is imagining it – that his father is just napping next to him, as he used to do when he was little...back when he still believed roses should bear swords, and that stars were the eyes of the ancestors guarding over him; back when his world revolved around his father, and it was alright for it to be so; back when his father would hold him even if he said he was alright, or tried to act aloof; back when he used to feel his parents walk in to give him small kisses thinking he was asleep. He just wants to go back!
"Sesshomaru, my son. Is it raining?"
The voice calls him back, and he sees his father's eyes are closed. There is a wetness on his own face and small droplets on his father's.
"Yes, chichi-ue. It is raining."
The hand tightens on his wrist once more.
"You always were a terrible liar, my son."
His heart skips a beat. A small sigh follows the statement and then his father is gone. The grip on his wrist slackens and he vainly tries to grab onto it, squeezing it like he hasn't done since he was a pup.
"Chichi-ue..."
The silence deafens him more than the thunder he hears. Droplets continue to fall, harder and faster, sliding down his face. He bends down to check that he really is no longer breathing, even though he already knows the answer. More droplets stream down on his father's battered body. He moves closer still until he is enveloping the old man in his arms, and his head is buried in the crook of his neck. It's falling faster now, and the thunder hits so hard it makes the ground shake. He doesn't want to believe it. His father is not dead. He cannot be dead.
The moon rises solemnly in the cloudless sky; its ghostly light falls on the burnt vestiges of the castle, while further away, in the shade, a boy sobs over the body of his father.
Author's Notes: I hope you all enjoy this.
A few notes on the dialogue:
1. When Sesshomaru's father says they could not call him Kanpeki: the word means 'perfect' in Japanese. InuTaishoo is playing on the meaning of the last character in Sesshomaru's name - maru.
2. I only wish I could have ingrained a heart or feeling in the name: another play on words. InuTaishoo is saying that perhaps if he'd named his son differently (including a character for 'heart', or 'feeling') then his son wouldn't be quite so obsessed with being a warrior.
3. Chichi-ue - an old term for 'father'.
4. Tairyokumaru would literally be translated as 'perfectly great power/strength'. The 'great' refers to quantity not quality.
I hope these help clarify the story.