Secrets

Secret: seekrat – acting or feeling in a particular way without admitting to it.

He listened to her sobs for the longest time as she finally gave into him. Could he resist the smile on his face for that reason? Lois Lane had finally opened to him, willingly.

Her relief was evident, but could this moment last longer?

He was begging for it to last just a second longer.

As if hearing him she extracted herself from him and looking into his eyes, pushing him back into his place of care giver as he saw her pain hadn't completely dissipated.

What could be left?

"You know, for the longest time I resented you for being able to comfort people so easily and to get them to tell whatever it is that is wrong." She smiled and shook her head before casually wiping away her tears.

"And now?"

"I understand why people run to you when they need someone to vent to. You're always there."

He smiled. "But yet there's still a problem?"

She turned away from the faucet and looked at him yet again. "Why do you allow people to run to you?"

He thought for a second and simply returned her stare, unsure of what she meant.

She rolled her eyes and turned away. "Ok. Well let's see. When there's a problem with Chloe or Lana they run to you first. 'Help me Clark! I'm just so helpless!'"

"Yeah. And?"

She shook her head. "Never mind. It's stupid."

He walked up beside her and put a hand on her shoulder. "Tell me Lois. I want to hear."

She sighed and shook his hand off of her shoulder. "Can you turn to people with everything in your heart?" She gazed into his eyes.

"Not exactly. I mean-" He fumbled with the words.

"It's because you don't trust most people. I get that really I do. I understand that a person like Lex isn't worthy and stuff like that but what if you loved someone Clark? Would you tell them every little word? Or would you hold back out of fear?"

"Are we talking about Lana?"

She shook her head angrily. "No. No. I don't like talking about her. I'm trying to talk about you."

"And possibly Chloe right?"

In a small meek voice she whispered. "She has powers doesn't she?"

"Lois…" He turned her towards him. "I only know that she is meteor infected. That's all. If there is anything else she hasn't told me or maybe she doesn't even know."

"Do you really believe that or are you just covering for her?"

"I understand your anger. I do. But Lois. Chloe didn't even know she was meteor infected until a couple of weeks ago."

"A couple of weeks ago! And she didn't have the nerve to tell me." She began angrily chopping up a carrot which she just pulled from the fridge.

He noticed her trying to subtly turn her face away from him. She was crying yet again.

"What's wrong? Are you afraid of her or-"

She dropped the knife and slapped him across the face. "How dare you say that? How dare you?"

He grabbed her hands. "I'm just trying to figure out why you are so upset Lois. That is one of the possibilities."

"I could never be afraid of her. It's just…everyone I seem to care about seems to be keeping something from me. And when they do that…they just leave. Leave me here without explanation or a goodbye."

"And what do you think the reasons are?"

"I don't think that they don't trust me. Oliver trusted me and so does Chloe. I really don't know why they hide part of themselves."

"Maybe it's because you are so open with who you are that you don't understand."

She eyed him and waited, the knife tapping on the counter.

"Or maybe they fear you would change around them if they told you, that you would have different expectations or see them differently."

The started tapping harder, her foot joining in.

"Why on earth would I see them differently? Wouldn't they just be the same people with an added bonus?"

She turned away from him as his jaw dropped.

Would she really react that way towards him? Would he still be the same person to her?

He had thought about it before, he had wondered what it would be like if she knew.

But he never really thought about what she would see him as after.

Acting or feeling in a particular way without admitting to it.

"Like you Smallville."

His mouth quickly closed.

"You have some big secret that Lana has been after since I've known her. You and your mom keep it under wraps so tight…I just can't imagine what it is. But I have learned that around you I have to be careful about what I say about that secret. Because you end up hiding ten time worse than before. And I figured if Martha Kent would keep it then it's important."

He gulped. "My secret isn't something I can just offer out to anyone."

"Why is it you never told Lana? You know the love of your life, girl of your dreams?"

He starred at the floor and counted the tiles. "I never felt like I could truly trust her."

"Is that the way Ollie felt about me?" The clicking of the knife and shoe becoming faster. "Did he never completely trust me with his Green Arrow crap?"

His head snapped up quickly a her words. She had put the pieces together. "He never really gave me a straight answer as to why he never told you. I guess he has the same fear as I do."

"Ending up alone? That's the dumbest thing ever invented Smallville!"

"Why is that?"

"It's not a legitimate fear! Look at the facts! Every person on this planet is looking for a soul mate, every single day! How big are the odds that you would miss the person right for you? Keeping yourself from other people only pushes them away, because they start to feel that they can't trust you."

The knife stopped tapping and the phone rang. She starred at him for another moment as he soaked in the words then walked away to answer it.

He watched as her face lit up to the sound of Chloe's voice on the other end of the line.

When did Lois become so wise? Where did she learn the things that she says?

He could only smile at her courage and frown at her fears.

But right now she looked so angelic. The sunlight poured through the window at just the right angle across her features and her smile. The words come from her mouth as a blur, but the blur is a zephyr, floating easily to his ears.

The phone was sat down and she turned looking at him.

"You don't know how many times I've wanted to tell you."

"I wish you would. Because I'm actually getting sick of this friendship becoming one sided. But I'll never push you Smallville. Ever."

"You wouldn't believe me."

She crossed her arms over her chest. "You do realize that you're trapping yourself right now into telling me?"

"I'm trying to convince myself to tell you."

She furrowed her brow and watched him as he began to pace.

"My parents taught me when I was younger that I couldn't tell anyone. That if I did bad things would happen to them and me." He looked at her and her curious look. "And for that reason I've never openly told anyone. I've only told them if they've already found out."

"Then you haven't accepted it yet."

"I haven't and I don't want to."

And for reasons unbeknownst to her, tears filled her eyes as she watched him struggle to find the right words to say next.

She wrapped her arms around him and pulled his head onto her shoulder.

"You may protect everyone else, you can hide all you want from them but know I'm always here. I'm always listening. I'm always your friend."

He threw his arms around her body and sighed heavily in relief.

She bound herself tightly to him and ran a comforting hand up his back.

"Do ever come to me thinking I'm going to hurt you. That's never my goal. You know that right?"

"Yeah." He whispered.

"I'm your rock. You are mine. Don't ever forget it."

She kissed his cheek and squeezed him flush against her. The tears slowly slipping out of her eyes as she remembered times like these don't come that often.

She wasn't ready to let him go.