A/N Darn it what have I gotten myself into? This was supposed to be a short piece from Remus' point of view in answer to the prompt stated below, and then it had to go and evolve into what will clearly be a very long story. It's times like this I wonder, what have I gotten myself into?! Well review and show me I'm not slaving away at a laptop updating for nothing. Lol.

Prompt: Start a story with this phrase 'If it wasn't so sad it would have been…'

Key: Bold –Sirius

Italicized- Remus

Underlined – Peter

Regular- James

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters.

Messrs Moony, Wormtail Padfoot and Prongs present the Marauders Monday Magazine: A Guide to Life at Hogwarts. (Results may very)

If it wasn't so sad it would have been hilarious, I mean who wouldn't laugh at the sight of James Potter dangling by his knees off his broomstick in the middle of the great hall offering Lily Evans flowers with one hand whilst he kept one hand on his heart and serenaded her? But I digress it doesn't matter exactly what it is he's doing, what matters is that he's doing it…

Oh, I disagree, Moony, it very much matters what it is he's doing, that's nine tenths the reason it's so pathetic…hold on I have to go tell James I think she's going to say yes this time.

Sirius, why did you steal my paper?

Well…because you were wrong.

I take issue with that assessment, for your information I think it's a bit more important that our friend is attempting to ask Lily out for the five thousandth time…

Actually, Moony, it's five thousand one hundred and twelve.

I don't even want to know why you know that.

Well, I'll tell you why anyway, I'm running both the How-long-will-it-take-her-to-say-yes betting poll and the how-long-until-she-snaps-and-kills-him betting poll.

Don't they seem to contradict each other seeing as if she says yes she likely won't have killed him.

I never said that she had to kill him because of how many times he asks her out, do you honestly think she can date Jamsie and still maintain her sanity however little she still has?

Well…no, seeing as how I lost mine the moment I became friends with you two.

Alright then.

Sirius will you do me a favor.

What is it, Moony?

Shut up and let me finish my description of the events for our readers.

Yes our underground newspaper gets great following doesn't it?

We're going to lose our following if you don't hush up and let me write the weekly column on James' most pathetic attempt at asking Lily out.

I doubt this will be his most pathetic.

Just shut up.

Fine…but only since you're such a cranky pants.

ARGH! One of these days you're going to drive me straight to the asylum.

…

Just say whatever it is you're thinking and let me write the article.

I can't drive.

SIRIUS ORION BLACK! You had better run.

At this point I, Peter Pettigrew will be taking over the writing of this column as my dear friend Remus chases Sirius through the Great Hall screaming about how he will kill him and then bring him back to life and kill him again. McGonagall is currently screaming at them to freeze. They're ignoring her, Sirius is in favor of living and Moony is hoping to kill him and therefore McGonagall is going unnoticed. However, as of now I am writing the weekly column on James' pathetic attempts at asking Lily out, and am not in fact writing the article on whether Remus manages to kill Sirius (That's James' column) and must therefore direct you're attention back to James. As of now Lily's left eye has started to twitch, which according to our directory of the stages of Lily's anger, means that she is seconds away from launching her attack. Ouch, that had to hurt. I swear you could hear the sound of James hitting the floor all through the entrance hall. I think he's going to need the hospital wing, I better finish this later, we're going to need to go visit him. And I think Remus just caught Sirius, well I guess both James and Sirius will be in the hospital wing then. But I'll let you read about that little chase in James' column although I'll probably have to write it since James is out of commission.

A/N I apologize to those of you who hate Peter, I mean so do I, but for the purposes of this story I shall (sigh) pretend he is a decent human being and not simply ignore his presence or make him a total moron, I know, I know, challenging right? But I think maybe it'll help me grow as a writer…who am I kidding?! I hate him. I don't want to grow. I want Peter dead, I want to let Sirius be in a room with him alone for three minutes, I want to let Fluffy loose on him…okay I'll stop now. But since I love to live in denial (SIRIUS IS ALIVE) I'll just pretend he didn't betray James and maybe I'll make it through the story. Lol. Review, pretty please…