A/N: WOOOOOOO!! MY XIAOLIN WOES ARE OVER!! I just found a bunch of episodes on (including several I haven't gotten to see yet!), meaning I can finally update! So here is the new chapter.

AAAAAAHHH I had forgotten how much I love and adore this show!!

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"Oil in the Family, take one!"

The Xiaolin warriors were gathered on the massive oil rig in the middle of the ocean, watching in horror as the colossal T-rex snatched up Jack and Wuya and prepared to devour them whole.

"We cannot just stand by and watch Wuya and Jack be chewed up by a big dinosaur!" Omi fretted.

"You're right," Kimiko agreed. "Someone better get the camcorder!"

"Ruby of Ramses!" Wuya shouted, pointing the gem at Jack and engulfing him in a red glow.

"Oh no. . . AUGHHH!!" Jack wailed as Wuya levitated him into the air and slammed him repeatedly against the dinosaur.

The director was not watching any of this. He was staring and the ground and twitching in fear. Standing behind him were two towering, bulky, ridiculously frightening Cartoon Network executives.

"We've been getting a lot of complaints about this show, sir," one of them growled threateningly.

"There's been suggestions that there have been less than legal goings-on with your actors," said the other.

"Listen, guys, I have no idea what you're talking about," the director said in a shaky voice. "We're all perfectly legit here. This is a kids' show, for God's sake. We haven't done anything wrong."

"We received a report that you blew up the studio filming one of your episodes."

"So? Accidents are bound to happen. This is an action-oriented show."

"The episode was about monkeys."

"Fine then! Go ahead and watch us!" the director snarled. "Just so you can see for yourself that we're a completely innocent show and there is nothing going on with our actors!!"

Meanwhile, Jack and Wuya had freed themselves from the T-rex's grasp, but now the monstrous lizard turned and lunged directly at them.

"Rio Reverso!" Wuya called out, pointing the Shen Gong Wu at the dinosaur. In a split second, it lashed at her with its tail, knocking her to the ground and causing her to inadvertently fire the Rio Reverso directly at Omi.

ZAP!

"Aaaaaugh!!" Omi cried as he was struck by the beam of light, flying backwards. Everyone threw their arms over their eyes to block out the blinding flash, and when it died down, they looked at Omi to find he was somewhat. . . different. Rather than being the bald-headed monk everyone was used to, he now had a full head of hair. . . as well as a full beard.

"What the – cut! Cut!" the director exclaimed.

"Care to explain this?" demanded Cartoon Network Executive #1.

"Omi was hit by the Rio Reverso. It reverts things back to their original states," the director replied. "Which in his case, appears to be a forty-year-old man."

"Fine! It appears the cat has been withdrawn from the sack!" Omi fumed. "If you must know the truth, I am a simple man with a growth defect who wished to star in a TV show alongside a group of young children."

"Wow. . . that's not sketchy at all," Raimundo remarked uneasily.

"Then why is your voice still high?" asked Kimiko.

"I like helium. Very much. It is a sickness."

The director groaned. "Look, people, can we please just finish filming this scene now and worry about the potential child endangerment issues later?"

"Okay, but let's make it fast," Kimiko whimpered, noticing that Omi was waggling his eyebrows at her.

"All right then. Oil in the Family, take two!"

"Okay. . . okay. . . nice lizard. . . ." Wuya said nervously. "Rio Reverso!"

She fired the beam at the dinosaur, but once again it sent her flying with a smack from its tail and caused the blast to fly in a different direction.

"OW!! YOU STUPID FREAKING ASSHOLE!!" Wuya shouted just as the beam hit an unsuspecting Raimundo.

ZAP!

"Holy guacamole!" Clay exclaimed as the flash died down. Everyone else looked equally shocked. Raimundo had just ballooned to over three hundred pounds.

The director slapped himself in the forehead. "Cut!! Cut!!"

"Okay. . . you caught me," Rai sighed sadly. "This is what I really look like."

Kimiko's eyes bulged. "I HAD THE HOTS FOR YOU!!"

"Rai, what in tarnation did you do to yourself?" Clay asked in alarm.

"This is me, from before I had all my liposuction."

The director folded his arms at him. "Liposuction and. . .?"

"And extensive plastic surgery."

"And?"

". . . .And rampant illegal steroid abuse. There, are you happy now?!"

"I knew it! I knew there was a reason you were so irresistibly hot!!" Jack shouted, pointing accusatorily at Rai.

Everyone stared at him.

"What? What'd I say?"

"This is not looking good for you, sir," Cartoon Network Executive #2. "'Nothing going on with your actors,' I believe you said?"

The director tried to ignore him. "Okay everyone, accidents happen. . . let's just try it again."

"Now wait a minute!" Wuya snapped. "Don't you care that I'm currently suffering massive internal bleeding from this infernal dinosaur of yours?"

"No. Oil in the Family, take three!"

"Fine. But you won't be pulling a fast one on me this time," Wuya growled at the dinosaur. "Two-Ton Tunic!"

The dinosaur bellowed in pain as Wuya hurled the massive Shen Gong Wu onto its tail, trapping it underneath and rendering it immobile.

"Looks like I win," Wuya gloated, pointing the Rio Reverso triumphantly at the giant lizard. "Rio Revers – OH GOD MY ARM!!"

The dinosaur had snatched her up in its teeth by her arm and started shaking her around uncontrollably.

"YAAAAAaaaaaAAAAAaaaaaAAAAAaaaaaAAAAA!!" the Heylin witch shrieked as she flew back and forth, her free arm flailing around and firing blinding blasts from the Rio Reverso in all directions. Everyone screamed and scrambled to get away, but Jack wasn't fast enough.

ZAP!

Everyone skidded to a stop and gasped. Jack had suddenly been transformed into a buff, handsome redhead in a sports jersey, and now his skin actually had color. He looked very humiliated as he examined himself.

"Holy &!#!" Wuya exclaimed as the dinosaur dropped her onto the ground.

"Jack! This is the old you??" Kimiko exclaimed, failing to notice she was drooling profusely.

"Yes," Jack pouted. "I made myself into a skinny, freakishly pale techno-geek so I wouldn't have to worry about any rabid fangirls fawning over me." He clenched his fists and threw them up in the air in frustration. "But it didn't work!! Fangirls are CRAZY!!"

"Uh, yeah, they sure are," Wuya agreed, surreptitiously hiding a framed picture of Jack she had been holding with the words "Mrs. Wuya Spicer" doodled all over it.

"Okay, we're going to try this one more time," said the director, massaging his face and ignoring the fact that both executives had withdrawn enormous clubs and were beating them against their palms. "Oil in the Family, take four!"

Wuya snapped back to attention. "All right, lizard breath, this time it's on!!" she shouted. "RUBY OF RAMSES!!"

As she fired the Shen Gong Wu, the dinosaur slowly rose off the ground with a look of terror on its face. Wuya cackled in glee as she swung it around wildly in the air before slamming it against the ground again and again, causing the entire set to shake.

"Cut, cut, cut!! Wuya, that's not in the script!"

"Screw the script! This guy's been messing with me long enough!" Wuya snapped back before slamming the dinosaur onto the ground one final time with a definitive crash.

"HA HA HA!! I finally beat you!" she crowed as she walked right up to the dazed T-rex and began waving her butt at it. "Who's hot stuff now, huh? Huh? Me, that's who!" She started slapping her rear end. "Oh yeah, you want that, don't you?"

"You think she knows that dinosaur's a female?" wondered Jack.

"I reckon I'm scarred for life either way," moaned Clay, covering his face.

"So," Wuya said smugly as she straightened out and faced the dinosaur, "what do you say to that?"

The dinosaur gave her an unimpressed look before grabbing the Rio Reverso out of her hand and blasting her with it.

ZAP!

Everyone was completely unprepared for what was then revealed.

"Dude. . . she's a dude!!" Raimundo gaped.

The now-male Wuya sighed deeply. "Well, I guess my secret's out."

"Hmm. . . the Wuya/Chase pairing has suddenly skyrocketed in appeal to me," Kimiko mused.

"Aw, Kimiko. . . you ain't one a' those girls?" Clay groaned.

"All right, that does it!" bellowed Executive #1, grabbing the director by the shoulder and jerking him away. "It's clear that this show is nothing but a corrupt ring of drug abuse and otherwise questionable behavior! We absolutely cannot allow this to continue!"

"You mean. . .?" the director gasped.

"Yes. No matter how much your fans plead and petition, you will never get a fourth season!!"

"NOOOOOOOOO!!" screamed everyone in the cast as each one of them fell to their knees and began sobbing uncontrollably.

"There is only one thing that will cheer me up now," Omi sighed, slowly creeping his hand onto Kimiko's leg.

"And as for you," snapped Executive #2, bringing his face right up to the director's, "you are going away for a long time. Do you know what they do to television directors in prison??"

"No?"

". . . .Neither do I. But I'm sure it's unpleasant!"

As the executives began to drag away the kicking and screaming director, Wuya suddenly got an idea and leaned over to whisper into Jack's ear. As he listened, Jack's face lit up and his trademark evil grin spread across his face.

"Hey wait, you guys!" he shouted at the executives, reaching into his pocket and hurling something directly at them. In an instant they were surrounded by a thick purple smoke and dropped the director onto the ground as they doubled over coughing.

"What kinda Shen Gong Wu was that?" asked Clay.

"It wasn't. It's my cologne," Jack said with a smirk. "'Just Like Chicken'!"

Once the executives had finally waved the cloud out of their faces, they slowly looked up and realized that they were being stared down by the T-rex, who was hungrily licking its lips at them.

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!" they both screamed and began running wildly around the perimeter of the oil rig, the dinosaur stomping after them all the while.

"Jack, that was genius!" Kimiko cried happily.

Jack just shrugged. "I figure the body count of this show is already so high, what's two more?"

The dazed director slowly sat up and rubbed his head. "What – what's going on. . . ." He stared at all the actors standing before him. "Did you guys just save me?"

"Uh huh," the cast chorused.

"Even after I've been such an annoying jerk to all of you all this time?"

"Uh huh."

The director looked blank for a long moment, then suddenly smiled. "Have I told you all lately that I love you?"

"Mister director! Don't say that!" Kimiko scolded, even as she slowly tried to put her arm around Jack's middle as Omi attempted to do the same to her. "What kind of perverted show do you think this is?"