Pirouette Chapter 9

The show Grey's Anatomy and the characters are the sole property of Shonda Rhimes and does not belong to me.

And so it was, that early the next morning, after making those phone calls the night before, she arrived at his hotel, her daughter in tow. Now, looking at them she couldn't help but feel sad. It shouldn't have been that way, Arianna needed her father, and she blamed herself for not recognizing that need before. She hoped that it wasn't too late. That having had a step father in her life would help to ease whatever anxiety Arianna may feel about not having her own father in her life. Deep down, Cristina doubted it. Having a step father in her own life didn't ease the pain of losing her dad. The only difference was that while Cristina lost her father at age nine, Arianna was just discovering hers.

The elevator doors opened and with that Burke looked up, seemingly unaware that Cristina was leaving. Upon seeing her, he called out her name but the door closed and she was gone. He quickly turned to his daughter, "baby, can you stay here for me just for a minute, I have to talk to your mommy."

"Ok, daddy"

Burke smiled, he loved the sound of those words. "I'm closing the door, don't open it until I get back, ok, I won't be long,"

He closed the door and instead of waiting on the other elevator he took ran down the stairs. When he got to the hotel lobby, he didn't see her. He stood at the elevators and waited. When the doors finally opened, she was surprised to see him standing there. "I'm getting too old to be running down staircases after you."

"I didn't ask you to run after me."

He took her hand and lead her to a section of the lobby where there was no one else, and asked "Why are you leaving? ...You can't just leave her, she doesn't know me, Cristina."

"You should have thought about that before you introduced yourself to my daughter . . . You promised me that you'd wait . . . Why couldn't you, and how did you know about the recital?"

"Cristina, I didn't introduce myself to her, I tried to leave before the end, it was quite by accident that I ran into her . . . I had no idea that she would know who I was."

"She knows who you are, and, she thinks that you didn't know who she was, she didn't sleep well last night."

"How did she know who I was?"

I asked her, she said you smiled, and you looked like your picture . . . "She's not stupid Burke, in fact she may just be the smartest nine-year-old you'll ever meet."

"Come back to the room with me, just for a while, I don't want to leave her alone for too long."

" I can't, I'll pick her up at five o'clock, she already knows that. Just make sure that she sleeps some time during the day. She has school tomorrow." She turned to walk away and he held onto her hand.

"Thank you for bringing her to me. Thank you for having her and for taking such good care of her all these years. She is a beautiful child, and I am so proud of you for being the kind of mother you are. I don't know what kind of father I'll be, and to be honest I'm a little bit scared, but I promise you, I won't do anything to upset her further, to interfere with her life the way it is. I just want to be a part of her life. I want to know her and for her to know me."

Cristina tried hard to keep her composure, but between last night with Arianna, and now with Burke she was drained. "She thinks that I lied to her. I've always told her, that you would know her, if you see her. She said that you didn't know her yesterday, she wanted to know how come she knew you, and you didn't know her . . . please let her know that you knew who she was."

"I will."

He watched her walk away, and his heart ached. They should be a family, he, Cristina and Arianna. They should be spending the day together, instead she was dropping their daughter off for a visit. It seemed so surreal. He had never imagined his life to be like this. She was probably going back to spend the day with her husband. For the first time he actually envied the man, for not only did he have his daughter, he had the woman that Burke loved, but was stupid enough to let go.

He ran back to his hotel room, not wanting to leave his daughter unattended for more than he had to. As soon as he opened the door she was standing there as if she never left the spot.

Now that Cristina wasn't with them, he felt even more nervous. But she immediately set his mind at ease. "Mommy said that you should take me for breakfast. I couldn't eat this morning, I was too excited."

He looked at her and smiled, thinking that they both had something in common. "Ok, so we'll go to breakfast then. What do you like to eat?"

"Lots of stuff"

"Ok, lots of stuff it is . . . what would you like to do after we eat lots of stuff."

"There's no meal called lots of stuff, daddy, I just mean that I eat a lot of things."

"Really, one day I'll take you to Alabama, and you'll meet my mother and father, and my mom will make you a meal in her restaurant and I'll tell her to call it 'lots of stuff' in honour of you."

"My grandma owns a restaurant?"

"Yes, and she will love you."

"Do you love me, daddy?"

"I love you, princess, more than anything."

Arianna thought for a moment, and he could tell that she was trying in her own way, to understand how he could love her and not be a part of her life.

"Your mommy didn't lie to you, Arianna. I would have known you anywhere. I knew who you were yesterday, but I wasn't sure if you would know me, and I didn't want to scare you."

"You wouldn't scare me."

He reached out and touched her cheek, "I know that now, princess, now, lets find us a restaurant where we can eat 'lots of stuff.' "

His daughter laughed out loud then, and he could hear Cristina even in the way she laughs. "You sound like Cristina when you laugh."

"I know. Everyone says that,Why do you call me princess?"

"Because that's who you are, you're my little princess."

They took the elevator to the hotel restaurant on the ground floor, and spent an hour eating and getting to know each other. He learned that his daughter was brilliant, although he wouldn't expect anything less from a child of Cristina's. It didn't occur to him that his daughter exhibited a lot more of his characteristics, than Cristina.'s. They talk so much that they didn't realize how much time had passed, until the waiter came over to see if he could help them with anything else.

They went back to the room for a short time, then to the beach where they walked bare feet in the sand, and talked some more about their lives. They built a sandcastle and watched as it was washed away by a giant wave, and sat on the sand and talked some more. She told him about school and dancing and about a boy whom she said she didn't like, but talked a lot about. At one point Arianna, thinking that he wasn't seeing her, sat quietly watching him. Then out of the blue she said, with a touch of wonder in her voice, "I really do look like you!"

Burke, startled by the revelation, smiled at his daughter, "Yes, you do look like me."

"I've never looked like anyone before,... well, like mommy a little bit... but I don't look like the rest of my family . . . I'm glad I look like you."

It almost brought tears to his eyes to hear her say that, but he didn't want her to see the effect her words had on him. So for the second time in as many days, he was saved by the presence of his dark sun glasses. "I'm glad you look like me too, princess"

On the way to the beach he had stopped at a store and purchased a camera, and he took many pictures of her that day. He had pictures of her walking barefooted on the beach, her hair blown by the wind. He had pictures of her playing with a dog she befriended on the beach, casting a stick and watching the dog fetch it, an expression of pure joy on her face. He asked someone to take a picture of the two of them, making castles in the sand. There was his favourite picture of her drawing hearts in the sand, below one heart she wrote Arianna and her dad was here, and the date, then she wrote Arianna Yang, crossed out the Yang and wrote Burke.

The pictures they took that day would be a permanent reminder of their first day together, but nothing could take the place of the mental picture that he would carry in his hear forever. It was a day of firsts, and for him it was like watching his baby take those first wobbly steps toward a parent. It was their first time alone together, the first time they shared a meal, first time she called him daddy, at least to his face. She told him things about her life in California, about dancing and her friends. She told him about the time when she took his photograph to school for show and tell, without Cristina knowing. She explained to her class mates, that she wanted to take her real dad but that he was busy taking care of people's hearts, so he couldn't make it. So she brought his picture instead. Then she introduced the class to her second dad, the scientist. Their only awkward moment came when she referred to her step dad as dad, and she quickly tried to rephrase it by saying 'my second dad'. He could see the uncertainty on her face, she was afraid of offending him, by calling her step father dad, but he quickly set her mind at ease.

"You have a heart as good as gold, and it's big enough to love two fathers, so I don't want you to be afraid to call your step father dad when you're with me. He is your dad too, ok."

She nodded her head and smiled, her eyes sparkling bright as the California sunshine, then she very innocently mentioned something about her 'other father' that caused Burke to question everything that Cristina had told him about her marriage.

It was the most memorable day of his life. Far exceeding anything that he ever expected. They went back to the hotel and he let her shower and washed the sand out of her hair. Afterwards she ate, Then she fell asleep almost immediately afterwards. Cristina was right, she was exhausted. As he watched her sleep, Burke realized that being a father was something he enjoyed, and all the fears he experienced earlier that morning had disappeared. Arianna was a blessing and had come into his life at just the right time. He never imagined that he could have such strong feelings for a child that he had only just met. But with Arianna it was like they have known each other all her life. He couldn't see his life without her now, and dreaded having to send her back, in just a couple of hours.

As promised, Cristina arrived just before five o'clock, and although he was glad to see her, it made him sad because he realized that his daughter would have to go.

Cristina looked at her daughter fast asleep in the bed and she smiled and instinctively reached out and stroked her daughter's hair. "I hope she didn't talk your head off."

Burke smiled, "no, she didn't, my head is still in tact."

Silence followed, then he directed Cristina to a chair, but she insisted that she didn't want to sit "I can't stay long. She has school tomorrow."

"I know, but I just wanted to tell you, Cristina, that you've raised the most amazing child. Thank you again, for bringing her today."

"You're welcome"

He felt awkward being in a hotel room with her. The last time that they were together in a hotel room, she had spent the night in his arms. He had swore to himself that it would never happen again. It was too much to pretend that being so close to her, didn't affect him in ways he didn't want to admit, and no matter how much he believed in the sanctity of marriage. Cristina was still the woman he loved, and every single fibre of his being responded to her.

After another moment of uncomfortable silence, he spoke again. "We're sitting here like strangers. Like we're just strangers who had a one night stand and a baby resulted. Arianna is not the result of a one night stand. She came about because the two of us loved each other. I don't know how to do this. I don't know if I can be in her life, without being in yours."

"What are you saying, that if you can't have me, you don't want her?"

"No, that's not what I'm saying at all...Arianna is a given, she's loved beyond all reason, and it's not a love that can be negotiated"

"Good, because you can't have me."

"I think you take a great deal of pleasure saying that." he told her, "but I'm a patient man, and I can wait"

She got up and went toward the bed, where Arianna was still fast asleep. Burke went to stand next to her, and for a moment they just stood there watching their daughter as she sleeps. Then Burke left Cristina's side and went into the bathroom. It was the only place where they could have some privacy, should Arianna wake up. He called for Cristina to join him in the bathroom, pretending that he wanted to show her a painting that Arianna did. As soon as she entered the bathroom, he locked the door.

"Do you enjoy torturing me?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"No! I spent a night in your bed in London, holding you while you sleep. Afraid of making the slightest move because I didn't want to turn you into an adulterer...You spent the entire time there telling me that you were married, and how wonderful a father your husband was to my child...you don't think that was torture?"

"I should have known that you were going to question my daughter"

"Our daughter, and I didn't question her...I don't think she realized what she was telling me."

"I'm sure that made you happy."

"Yes, it did. I'm ecstatic, but what I don't understand is why you lied to me."

She turned toward the bathroom door, "I'm taking my daughter home."

But before she could open the door, he came up behind her, and pulled her backwards into his arms. It was a familiar place, and the passage of time did nothing to dissipate that familiarity.

She could feel every muscle in his body, spasm as she leaned into him. She could feel his warm breath as he breathes at the back of her neck. "I've waited ten years" He told her, "to do this" and he turned her around and kissed her. She didn't resist, didn't participate, she just stayed where she was, in his arms, and he kissed her until she was breathless. Until all her defences crumbled. Until she could resist him no longer, and she joined in the kiss. "I love you" he told her. "It's impossible for me to love anyone else, because, ...I love you...You don't have to say anything, don't have to do anything. Just remember that we once had something very special, and that we are much better together, than when we are apart.

She opened her mouth to speak, but was rendered silent when a voice from outside called out, "Dad, are you in there?"