Author:DreamBrother
Summary:(Summer Alphabet Challenge 2007) extremely, uber-silly one-shot, would be nice if you read it before B is for Bowled Over but it won't be a great loss. But no matter how silly and idiotic this is, don't forget to read B.
Disclaimer:Not mine.
Author's Note:I was writing my B when I got this idea. Thought I should jot it down quickly to make my B have a little more sense (Sense? Me? My stories? snort). Brother #2 introduced me to what you shall read about.
Would be a good idea if you knew the episode with the poker tournament thingy, the one Charlie participates in, Season 3.
F is for Facts of Life
Don shuffled down the steps of his childhood home, rubbing at his eyes, trying to remove the last vestiges of sleep. Having the day off, he was in no hurry to get to the office and if there was one thing he wanted at the moment, it was a hot cup of coffee before he took a nice long shower. He wasn't sure where his father or brother was at the moment, and frankly, he didn't care. He just wanted coffee. Noticing the day's newspaper on the dining room table, he paused for a second to skim the headlines on the front page. As he was doing so, he heard the doors to the kitchen swing open and heard his brother's voice call out a good morning. Looking up, Don was about to return the greeting when the words froze on his lips and he stared at his little brother. And kept on staring.
Unnerved by his brother's actions, Charlie ventured a cautious, "Don? Bro, you ok?"
Don blinked. And then blinked again. His eyes still on his little brother, Don asked "Charlie? What. The Hell. Is THAT?"
"Is what?" asked Charlie, perplexed.
"That," repeated Don, pointing at the object of such interest.
Charlie looked down to see what his brother was referring to and sighed as he understood, "Stop acting as though it's an other worldly creature, Don. These are my pyjamas, plain and simple, and I like them, so no comments."
Don did not take his eyes of the red and black striped monstrosity that were his brother's night clothes, "Has Amita seen you in them?"
Charlie rolled his eyes and answered, "Yes, she has," before quickly making way to his room so as to avoid the eventual reaction of Don as soon as the shock wore off. He wasn't quite quick enough as before the bedroom door behind him closed, he heard his brother's laughter ringing loud and true.
FOURHOURSBEFOREMYBROTHERARRIVESTOTAKEUSTORAMSGATEANDIHAVEN'TSLEPT!
Charlie slipped into his office after a long and tiring lecture to his undergrad students. He had just placed his briefcase in the chair in front of his desk when he noticed a brown paper-bag parcel placed in the centre of the clutter that inhabited his desk. Any queries regarding the origins of the parcel were answered by reading the note stapled to the front of it, Don's tidy and meticulous writing declaring:
"No comments bro, like you said, just offering you an alternative which I strongly advise you to consider –D"
Curiosity aroused, Charlie rolled open the paper bag and stuck his hand inside, his first foray earning him a pair of normal gray sweatpants suitable to wear while asleep. Somewhat put off guard by this, Charlie dipped his hand into the bag again and pulled out another item of clothing, this time a grey t-shirt. Unfolding the garment, Charlie groaned as he saw what was printed on the front and back:
Underneath an imposing picture of Chuck Norris aka Walker, Texas Ranger, were the words "Chuck Norris has counted to infinity…twice" and on the back there was a second caption, this time declaring: "There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live." Taped to the hem of the shirt was another piece of paper, on which Don had written, "And that's a fact bro. A Chuck Norris fact."
TRUSTMEITDOESNTGETBETTERYOUHAVEBEENWARNED
Wandering into the office the next day after a quiet night spent at his apartment, Don made his way to his desk and after greeting his team-mates who were all busy with paperwork. He hadn't talked to his brother since breakfast yesterday and any attempts at reaching him by cell-phone had proved fruitless. Knowing that his brother hardly ever answered his voicemail, Don hadn't bothered to leave one, instead deciding to drop by for lunch at his brother's place and seeing his reaction to Don's 'present' then. He did not have to bother, however, as he noticed a similar looking paper bag as the one he had left in Charlie's office yesterday, sitting on his desk. For a second, Don thought Charlie had returned the gift in annoyance, but that idea was soon dispelled by the note Charlie had attached to the bag, and written in his untidy but somewhat childish scrawl were the words:
"Tit for tat, bro –C"
Smirking, Don quickly opened up the bag and pulled out a navy t shirt, and started laughing as he noticed what was printed on the front of the shirt:
Underneath a picture of Keifer Sutherland in his Jack Bauer persona, were the words: "On a high school math test, Jack Bauer put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Jack Bauer solves all his problems with Violence." Taped to the hem of the t-shirt was another note, and on it Charlie had written, "Bring it on, brother."
Khatum (The End)
Now was that silly or what? Since my angsty muse has abandoned me, my cuckoo muse is filling the space. All apologies. I am willing to take recommendations of good mental health clinics in any review you might decide to leave. I'm sleepy. Uh oh.