On The Way To School

Flibber T. Gibbet

Rated: T

Warnings: language, inappropriate situations (?!), AU, possible OOCness, and the ever present horrid writing

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto nor do I gain pleasure from writing these disclaimers.

Notes: Life has been shitty lately. Which could be a reason for the level of writing. I like the idea, but I butchered the writing.

And I had no idea exactly how dependent I am on my beta, i'd even wait in the rain. She reads most of my fics before I post them, so I have the comfort of knowing that at least one person will like it. But this is just me. By myself.

Which is not good.

Read and hopefully enjoy.

o0O0o

Glancing at the flashing digits on his watch, Iruka Umino mused on how incredible it was that he had yet to murder his surrogate son in the eight years he had known the rambunctious, boisterous, loud blonde. It wasn't that he didn't love Naruto, because he did. It was just that Naruto could be so...

"Naruto Uzumaki, get down here-"

"Here, I'm here!" replied Naruto, hurtling down the stairs and through the front door, banging the door shut behind him. He came to a wobbly stop in front of Iruka. Grinning at the man cheekily, he said "You make a great mom, Iruka!" Taking the vein throbbing in the brown haired man's temple as a warning he hurriedly slid in the back seat of the car. A strap of Naruto's orange messenger bag caught in the door and he quickly opened the door, pulled the strap inside, and shut the door just as quickly. Iruka scowled and his mood didn't improve with Naruto's next words: "C'mon, Iruka! You're making us late!" And then, "Slamming doors is soooo immature, Iruka!"

o0O0o

Iruka was once Naruto's teacher and the blonde had never really stopped considering the older man as a teacher and mentor. Naruto now attended the exalted, ridiculously expensive Konoha Academy on a full scholarship and not without a little pulling of strings by Iruka. And it didn't hurt that the school's principal considered Naruto a little brother, in spite of the forty or so year age gap...

And Iruka thought that Naruto seemed to enjoy it there because he had kept his pranks tame enough not to risk expulsion, something that had never happened before. He had friends who seemed to understand and appreciate him and the art scholarship he was on had spurred him to work with more diligence and more passion. And as a reward, Iruka decided he would drive Naruto to school every so often instead of making the blonde maneuver his bike through the crowded streets the three miles to his school.

They sat in a comfortable silence, Iruka concentrating on the road, Naruto watching the dark car in the lane next to them. It was one of those classy, richass cars that seemed to gravitate towards his classy, richass school. But he had to admit that he wouldn't mind having one of those.

He tore his eyes away from the sleek lines of the vehicle and strained to make out a blurry profile of the backseat passenger through the tinted glass. As if on cue, the rear window lightened, revealing a pale, dark-haired male who looked about his age. The boy turned towards Naruto and the blonde grinned brightly. The dark-haired turned his head away from the window haughtily, an amused smirk playing about his lips. Naruto couldn't see the smirk but still he scowled at the sheer arrogance that seemed to emanate from the other teen, even from a car away. As soon as the boy turned to him again, he stuck his tongue out, careful not to let it touch the smudged glass. Car windows didn't taste especially yummy. The pale teen just raised a mocking eyebrow in return.

Oh, it's on, Naruto thought, glancing briefly to the front seat to gauge Iruka's obliviousness. Satisfied that Iruka wouldn't notice anything but the most extreme actions, he turned to his newfound rival to see him staring straight forward. Musing on his luck that the only two cars visible had remained close for so long and hoping that that particular trend would continue, he opened his bag and pulled out a notebook and a thick black pen. Uncapping the pen, he held it away from his nose, but the overpowering scent made his nose itchy and his eyes water. As many times as he had practiced his artwork on the school walls (something unappreciating people called vandalism) with this pen, the smell never failed to overwhelm him. Tearing a piece of paper out, he moved the pen across the page, writing a single word. A single word that had been outlined and darkened and accentuated with angry strokes and that had been written large enough to be seen from, oh say, a neighboring car.

He held the paper against the window, leaving just enough space to view the other teen's reaction. The word had bled through the paper and was easily readable from Naruto's point of view, if you could read mirror image.

JERK

Naruto saw dark eyes widen in surprise and the head disappeared beneath the window, leaving only spiky hair visible. And then the car sped off.

Damn. Well, it was fun while it lasted. But at the next stoplight, the car was next to them once again. With an addition. A paper was stuck to the window where the pale teen sat. Naruto frowned at the foreign word.

"Hey, Iruka, what does dobe mean?" Naruto asked, hoping the teacher could help him, watching the other boy pull the paper from the window.

Without sparing too much thought wondering what brought about the sudden question, Iruka told him, calling upon his years of Japanese in college.

Naruto flushed a bright crimson and pulled out another sheet of paper and scribbled a furious retort. Quite witty, too.

BASTARD

Another piece of paper appeared at the window of the pale, dark haired teen. And it read the same.

DOBE

Naruto let out a stifled scream of frustration and tore out yet another piece of paper.

ASSHOLE

The other teen retaliated, but he seemed to lack creativity, as this sheet was the same as before. But, perhaps, he realized that repetition was one of the best ways to rile the blonde.

DOBE

Oh God, no. He can't have gotten into my head and figured out how to piss me off.

This continued at the stoplights, a thrilling duel of brilliant minds. Naruto had almost exhausted his extensive supply of crude insults, only to have then deflected with the annoyingly effective dobe.

Naruto sighed slightly; he hadn't wanted it to come to this, but drastic times called for drastic measures.

At the next stoplight. He nodded resolutely. His ace in the hole would be revealed at the next stoplight.

He casually opened the window rested his chin on the lowered glass, relishing the chilly air hitting his exposed face. He saw the stoplight and pulled his head back in, preparing himself for the first great act of the day.

The scratchy sound of something being unzipped was Iruka's only warning and that was hardly enough warning to stop Naruto.

The biting wind that had felt so good against his face felt just as good against his bare ass, which was currently sticking out of his open window, in a perfect viewing position for the pale bastard.

"NARUTO UZUMAKI, GET YOUR ASS BACK INSIDE THIS CAR BEFORE I THROW YOU OUT AND RUN OVER YOU REPEATEDLY!"

Iruka focused his attention on hitting the blonde idiot behind him and their car swerved violently, barely missing the expensive vehicle as it sped off.

Head throbbing in pain, stars flashing before his eyes, Naruto still grinned victoriously.

o0O0o

It ended up that Naruto arrived at school fifteen minutes late. He crept into his homeroom, trying to avoid the notice of his perceptive teacher. The books he noisily tripped over and the shriek of the girl whose foot he stepped on didn't help much, but he made it to his seat without being sent to see the old hag, commonly known as the principal.

Once in his seat, he sunk into his usual state of partial daze, hearing the words spoken by his teacher and fellow students but not really processing them. Instead, today he focused on the reason for the pounding in his skull. He wished he could have seen the bastard's reaction, but there was a part of him that was rather glad that he didn't.

He was disturbed from his ponderings by the sudden whispers that filled the classroom. He followed the gaze of his classmates and-

Oh, shit.

"Please welcome our new student, Sasuke Uchiha." Their teacher paused, eyes roaming the classroom as if searching for something. He apparently found it, because he turned to Sasuke with a friendly smile and said, "You can go sit at the empty desk behind Naruto Uzumaki. Naruto, raise your hand."

Naruto raised his hand while trying to sin as low as he could to hide his embarrassingly scarlet face from his class and especially him. But he could still see Sasuke, the bastard, smirk as he walked in Naruto's direction.

In a low, clear, horribly smug voice, Sasuke spoke for the first time upon entering the classroom.

"Nice ass, dobe."

That was the beginning of a long, enduring bond between the two boys.

o0O0o

I totally killed grammar. And her good friend, decent writing. I'm tired. Maybe I'll post a fic soon.

Two weeks before high school::cries silently::

I'm tired. It's 4:03 AM.

Review if this deserves a review. Please.

And I think that's it.

her virgin assed uke