You know, I could say a lot about the fact that it's been over a month since I've updated, yet I've only gotten two reviews, but I won't.

I don't own Transformers.

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Sam looked up at his Autobot comrades, who were all staring at the newcomer slack-jawed. He also had a feeling that if their weapons weren't part of their bodies, they probably would have been lying on the ground. Sam looked around and saw that the Decepticons were reacting similarly.

The being that called itself Unicron slowly looked at everyone present in turn, making a noise that sounded like sniffing the air. Moments later, it let out a piercing shriek that sent human and Cybertronian alike clutching their heads in pain.

"Allspark!" Unicron roared. "Where is the Allspark?! I can sense it; you reek of its stench, all of you!" Unicron growled as it spread its arms apart. "You befoul my presence. Begone, wretched spawn of the Cube," it snarled before bringing its hands together. As its hands clapped together, a blue shockwave spread out from its hands, engulfing everyone around him. In a flash of light, everyone had disappeared, and Unicron stood alone in the city. "I will take great delight in destroying this planet," it hissed, before spreading its arms out. A giant pale-blue force field expanded from his body, engulfing nearly a mile of the city. The tremors continued to grow in frequency and intensity.

Sam felt a rush of energy pulling at him from all directions. A moment later, Sam found himself and his comrades standing in the middle of the desert. He felt nauseous and immediately fell to his knees, vomiting the remains of the protein bar that had served as his breakfast that morning. Around him, Sam could hear his fellow soldiers following suit.

"What the hell happened?" Lennox gasped as he continued heaving, his stomach now empty.

"Our bodies were converted into energy, and then instantly transported to a new destination," Jetfire said, unaffected by the experience. "Fascinating."

"In English?" Lennox said, standing up unsteadily.

"We were teleported," Optimus said, accessing GPS satellites to ascertain their location. "We are approximately ten miles south from Mission City."

"Teleport?!" Sam exclaimed. "Is that even possible?"

"Not to this extent," Optimus said. "There is one Decepticon with that ability, but he could transport himself no more than a few meters at a time, and used it primarily to commit practical jokes on his comrades." Sam sighed as he ran his fingers through his hair worriedly.

"Okay, new question: Who is Unicron, and why did he make you freeze up like that?" Optimus sighed tiredly as he began his tale.

"Unicron is the ultimate embodiment of darkness and evil in our culture, much like your Satan," Optimus explained. "The myths said that he was a Transformer as big as a planet, who drifted throughout the universe, consuming worlds that he came across. There is no recorded way to defeat him."

"But," Bumblebee continued, trying to inject some optimism into this news, "since he is clearly much smaller than a planet, hopefully defeating him will only require us overpowering him." Sam groaned as he held his head in his hands.

"Great," he said glumly. "We've got the son of Megatron and the Transformer devil running around. I assume that the Decepticons won't point at him instead of us, right?" All the Autobots shook their heads negatively.

"A more reasonable commander would," Optimus said, "but Megatron – and by extension, Galvatron – was far from reasonable. It is far more likely that he would let Unicron destroy all it could until we managed to subdue him, then he would swoop down and destroy us all. No, unless there is a mutiny within the Decepticons, I do not believe we can depend on their assistance."

"Shit," Sam muttered darkly.

Unknown to the Autobots, a mutiny within the Decepticons was very nearly happening.

"This is madness!" Barricade shouted to his superior. "This is suicide! You cannot expect us to just sit idle on this planet while Unicron devours it! It would spell the doom for us all!" The other Decepticons yelled their agreement.

"It is better that Unicron destroys this wretched planet than let the Autobots continue their pathetic existence any long than necessary. I refuse to side with those Autobot scum!" Galvatron ranted. "Oh, and Barricade..." he trailed off, clutching the much smaller scientist by the throat and lifting him up into the air. "Never speak against me again." Releasing his grip on Barricade, Galvatron stomped away, Soundwave loyally following him. Even Starscream would be better than this, Barricade thought bitterly as he massaged his sore vocal processor. At least he knew when to run for help.

Back at the Autobot base, nearly everybody was sitting nervously. The only one who seemed unaffected was Jetfire, who was currently analyzing a recorded video of Unicron, in an attempt to find some sort of weakness that they could possibly exploit. Ratchet was systematically checking all of the Autobots to ensure that all aspects of their physiology was operating at peak performance, particularly their weapon systems. Mikaela and Lennox's family was taken to the base for protection. Lennox was currently in a corner of the base, holding his wife and young daughter, and Sam was sitting next to Bumblee. Mikaela's head was lying on his lap, resting after a particularly nasty bout of morning sickness.

"'Bee?" Sam whispered, so that he would not wake Mikaela. "Can I ask you something?" The yellow Autobot bowed his head, and his holo-avatar flickered next to Sam, this time dressed in jeans and a yellow shirt.

"What do you need, Sam?" Bumblebee asked.

"I was just curious..." Sam said, hesitating awkwardly, "how are new robots made?" he asked, bowing his head, embarrassed. Bumblebee snickered lightly before answering.

"All sparks contain a very small amount of the life-giving energy that the Allspark contained, so a new spark can be made when two parent sparks combine their energy. However, the initial product looks and acts much like an infant, and it needed time to mature. When the war erupted, we needed a way to generate soldiers quickly, so fully-grown bodies were directly exposed to the Allspark. We were born, given a briefing on current events, and sent to the battlefield. While Autobots value all life, because of the way we were created, we were slightly more expendable. I was one such soldier." Sam's eyes widened slightly. Even though Bumblebee was considered a stock soldier, he would never have considered the yellow robot expendable.

"So," Sam said, trying to change the subject. "Are there any..." Sam trailed off, too embarrassed to finish his question. However, Bumblebee seemed to understand what Sam was trying to say, since he grinned.

"While we are technically genderless, and any two sparks can procreate, as individuals, we tend to gravitate to those whose personalities complement our own. For most, that means a masculine and feminine combination, but there are exceptions. So, to answer your question, yes, there are gay Cybertronians," Bumblebee said, unable to wipe the grin off of his face.

"Okay, changing the subject," Sam said quickly. "Did any of you guys have girlfriends or...whatever when you left?" Bumblebee furrowed his brow as he tried to recall his past.

"I cannot speak for the new arrivals, but from the original crew, Ratchet didn't seem particularly interested in a spark-mate, but one of his assistants seemed rather smitten by him," he said, smiling at the memories. "Jazz was something of a ladies' man. According to the others, he seemed to have had a different femme-bot hanging off his arm every night. I'm fairly sure that Ironhide and Optimus had spark-mates. As for me..." Bumblebee's smile faded as he faltered. "As for me, I was too busy trying to stay alive to court anybody." A ringing brought everyone out of their reverie, as well as waking Mikaela from her nap. Cursing silently, Sam pulled out his cell phone and looked at the caller ID.

"Unknown number?" Sam asked to himself before answering it. "Hello?"

"Is this LadiesMan217, also known as Private Samuel James Witwicky?" a familiar voice growled on the other end of the line. Instead of responding, Sam looked at Optimus and held the phone up to the red-and-blue Autobot.

"It's for you," Sam said, paling. Frowning, Optimus intercepted the cellular signal that Sam's phone was generating.

"This is Optimus Prime, who is speaking?" Optimus said.

"This is Barricade, chief science officer of the Decepticons. I am contacting you to negotiate my surrender."

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Hmm...things are getting interesting.

Don't forget to read and review. And PLEASE give me more than two this time!