An Uneventful Dinner

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I don't own One Piece

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It was a normal dinner on the Thousand Sunny. Luffy was shouting at Sanji to bring him more meat. Franky was chugging down a bottle of soda while pounding on his chest in an attempt to clear his throat of an ice cube he was choking on. Usopp was telling a wide-eyed Chopper a story of how he had defeated a thousand mermen single handedly. Sanji was yelling at Luffy to finish the meat he had in his mouth before asking for more. Nami, Robin, and Zoro were just eating quietly. The sky was clear, the waves were gentle, and the ship was on course. No one could have expected what was about to happen.

It started with the sound of glass shattering. Nami had been raising a glass of wine to her lips when suddenly, for no apparent reason, she dropped it, letting it shatter and spill all over the wooden floor. The banter that had filled the dining room came to an abrupt halt as the Strawhats all stopped what they were doing and stared at the orange haired navigator. She had an odd, dazed look on her face.

At the same time, though it went unnoticed, the three grilled salmon that Luffy had been chewing on fell out of his mouth as he took on the same dazed expression.

"Nami-san, what's wrong?" Sanji asked.

"Ah.." was the only response she provided.

Then, before anyone could register it, Nami and Luffy, who had been sitting at opposite ends of the dining room, had both leapt out of their seats and onto the table.

Knocking off plates, spilling beverages, and staining their own clothes with Sanji's soufflé, the two charged at each other on all fours at an alarming pace and met at the center of the table where they immediately embraced and engaged in an extremely passionate kiss.

Franky coughed up the ice cube he had been choking on. Chopper let out a yelp due to the steaming soup that had just been knocked into his face. Zoro spit out the salmon head he had been chewing on. Robin jumped backwards to avoid a knife that had been catapulted into the air. Usopp let out a startled "GAH!". Sanji dropped the plates he was carrying and his cigarette fell out of his mouth.

Luffy had Nami on her back, his arms wrapped around her neck, while Nami rubbed her hands up and down his spine. All the while, they kissed fiercely, shaking the whole table.

Everyone backed away from them, watching with astounded eyes and gaping jaws.

Chopper rolled around on the floor shouting, "My eyes! The soup got in my eyes!"

Everyone started yelling.

"What the hell are they doing!?"

"Na-Nami-San...?"

"What's up with those two!?"

"The soup got in my eyes!! It burns!!"

"They're going to break the table!!"

"I think Chopper is in trouble!"

"THE SOUP GOT IN MY EYES!!"

Luffy and Nami rolled off the table, landing with a loud, "THUMP!" then continued to make out on the floor.

"Can they even feel pain!?"

"When are they going to stop!?"

"Why do they have to do this right here!?"

"I can't see! I think I'm blind!!"

They moved towards the corner of the room where Luffy sat up, holding Nami's waist and the back of her head as she kneeled into his lap. Nami flattened her forearms against his chest and leaned into him as they wrestled tongues and traded saliva. After a few moments, they pulled apart slightly, locking tongues in mid air, thus leaving no detail unknown to their gaping and shouting spectators.

"Maybe..we should leave them alone.." Franky suggested.

"BUT THIS IS THE DINING ROOM!" Zoro exclaimed.

"I'm going to take Chopper out. He needs to get his eyes rinsed." Robin announced.

"Why is this happening!?" bellowed Usopp.

Zoro, Usopp, and Franky continued shouting for the next ten minutes while Robin helped a screaming Chopper clean out his eyes and Sanji stood, motionless.

Ten minutes passed and Luffy and Nami were still at it. They were sweating intensely and five minutes prior, Luffy had removed his vest and Nami her shirt. They were currently switching places as the one on top in a heated skin to skin battle for dominance.

Sanji, Zoro, Franky and Usopp still remained in the room due to Sanji's inability to move and Zoro's insistance that they shouldn't have to leave "just because Luffy and Nami decided to be selfish asses".

Usopp was running around with his hands on his head shouting, "What should we do!?" over and over.

Sanji remained completely silent, still staring at Luffy and Nami like he had been frozen in place.

Zoro and Franky were arguing.

"Like I said! Just because Luffy and Nami decided that dinner was a suitable time to "get it on" shouldn't mean that everyone else has to miss out on their meal!"

"And just what do you suggest we do, then!? Eat right here while listening to them kiss and moan!?"

"We can just pick them up, and throw them outside!"

"Why don't you stop and consider their feelings for a second!? How would you like it if someone picked you up and threw you while you were bonding with the one you love!?"

"I WOULDN'T START "BONDING" IN THE MIDDLE OF DINNER!!"

Zoro and Franky's debate was cut short when Usopp yelled, "OH MY GOD! THEY'RE TAKING OFF THEIR PANTS!"

"WHAT!?" Zoro and Franky cried at the same time.

"What's wrong with them!?" Zoro yelled. "Don't they care that we're RIGHT HERE!?"

"Do you agree with me now?" asked Franky, pulling Usopp and Zoro towards the door by their arms.

"Hey! Curly brows!" Franky shouted, gesturing towards Sanji. "This is no longer something we should be watching!"

Sanji, having not once moved from his spot since everything started, was watching Luffy and Nami remove the last pieces of their clothing. "Hey! What's wrong with you?" Franky asked, running in front of Sanji right before he saw the two completely nude. "Aren't you co-" Franky stopped when he saw Sanji's face. "Are you crying!? Come on! This isn't something you should be watching!"

The cyborg put the heartbroken chef on his shoulder, carried him out onto the deck, then slammed the door shut behind him.