A/N: The sequel to Ronnie Diamond Private Eye is here at last. This story will be loosley based upon the show Gorilla Fist...very loosley based. For this story to make sense please read Ronnie Diamond Private Eye before this story. I do not own Kim Possible, Chrysler, Lindsey Lohan or any other characters from the Kim Possible Universe.
There are many references in the first chapter to a previous story that was going to be based on The Blues Brothers. I just never got around to writing it. So that answers that.
I'm also going to try to write the remaining chapters in first person perspective from Ronnie Diamond's point of view. I've never done this before so it should be interesting.
Write a review, receive a reply. I hope you enjoy my story.
Bubba
There was a loud thumping on the trap door that led to Kim Possible's loft bedroom. It was not quite 6:00 in the morning and Kim was in no mood for visitors. She ignored the knocking as she pulled a pillow over her head. It wasn't time for her to get up yet and she wasn't going to budge not for anyone or anything.
"Kim, Ron's in the driveway standing on top of dad's car."
Jim or Tim called to her. She really couldn't tell at this hour of the morning. Kim lifted the pillow off of her head, "Tell him I have another 20 minutes of sleep and then...I'll be there in about an hour or so."
"I don't think he's going to like that too much. He claims we've kidnapped you and he's laying siege to the house."
Kim lifted her head off the pillow, "Really? Who does he think he is this time?" She asked almost fearing what the potential answer could be.
There was silence for a moment and then Tim answered, "I don't know some caveman guy."
"You better get down there he's wielding a hockey stick and throwing sticks at the house." Jim added.
She groaned as she crawled out of bed and went to the window. She looked outside, "Overcast day...great...Yep, there he is...Oh no he's spotted me." Kim thought as she unlatched her window and opened it.
"RON STOPPABLE WHAT ARE YOU DOING? GET OFF DAD'S CAR." She yelled to him.
Ron Stoppable a slightly brain damaged former sidekick was crouched on his hunches on top of Mr. Possible's new silver Chrysler 300. He stood erect to his full 5'6 height and held up the hockey stick proudly.
"Ronga here to save Kimga."
Kim shook her head, "Naked, why does he have to be naked...Of course he thinks he's a caveman." She said under her breath as she walked to the closet and pulled out a bag of extra clothes that he had left at her house in case of emergency.
She looked at the bag, "Standing on top of a car and bellowing at the house naked...Yea I'd call this an emergency." She thought as she put on her bathrobe and lowered the trap door.
The twins were waiting for her at the bottom of the stairs, "Oh yea, we forgot to tell you..." Tim began.
"...He's naked." Jim finished the thought.
"Thanks for the warning." Kim said as she pushed past the two and headed towards the driveway.
The first thing that Kim noticed was other than Ron's private parts being shriveled up which let her know it was going to be a chilly day, was that Rufus was nowhere to be seen. "Now where is Rufus?" A sudden wave of panic swept over Kim as she reasoned it out and then shuttered at what could have happened to him, "He thinks he's a caveman...Oh man, he's going to be so upset if he finds out he ate Rufus."
"RON, GET OFF DAD'S CAR RIGHT NOW." She screamed as she stomped towards him.
Ron thrust the hockey stick victoriously into the air, "Ronga knew they would set Kimga free." He said as he leaped off the roof of the car.
Kim thrust the bag towards him, "Here put on these...skins."
She didn't want to broach the subject but decided she had better, "Uh...Ron..."
"Ronga" He said as he eagerly accepted the bag of clothes.
"Ronga...have you seen..." Kim tried to think what she should call Rufus, "Uh...Rufusga?"
Ron looked at her strangely, he didn't answer as he was busy trying to put his pants on his arms. Kim yanked the pants away from him and handed him a shirt that he promptly put on backwards. Kim sighed, "Ronga was there a small pink animal around you this morning?"
Ron smiled, "The Oracle is wise. He hid under the steel hill while I lay siege to the evil castle."
She turned around and saw Rufus peeking out from behind one of the car tires. Kim smiled, "Come here Rufus."
Rufus ran to her and she picked him up, "You OK?"
"Uh huh" Rufus answered as he watched his pet human try to dress himself.
Jim poked his head out the front door, "Mom says breakfast is ready."
Kim turned, "Jim come here and help Ron get dressed."
"Awwwwwww"
"JIM" Kim hissed behind gritted teeth.
"Alright." The boy said as he walked towards Ron.
Kim held Rufus up to her face, "Ready for breakfast."
Rufus nodded his head and Kim started walking towards the house, "Let's go see what's to eat."
"NOOOOOOOOOOOO, EVIL Castle..." Ron said urgently as he tried to pull away from Jim.
"Ron you want to wear underwear or not." Jim said angrily.
He froze and thought the question over very carefully, "Not"
Kim yanked the boxers away from Jim, "Here put on this skirt then and come inside and eat."
"Ronga, no wear underwear he wear skirt." He said happily to Jim.
She shook her head and walked back inside the house. She suddenly felt very tired. She had just spent 3 days and nights on the run with Ron when he thought he was Ronnie Blues.
It was fun at first wearing a suit and trying to put a blues band together to save an orphanage but the ramifications of the 3,000 moving violation tickets they received not to mention having to reimburse the state of Colorado for the full deployment of the National Guard had made it seem less and less likely that she or Ron would ever be able to attend college. Unless they attended college from behind bars.
Kim sat at the kitchen table, put Rufus on the ground and put her chin in her hands as she watched her mother prepare breakfast. Her mother glanced over at her and could see she was feeling kind of down, "Rongo dressed yet?"
"Ronga" Kim corrected, "...and no he's still wrestling with Jim in the driveway."
"Kim I think it's time we sought professional help for Ron..." Mrs. Dr. P. advised patiently.
"NO...Wha...what if they can't do anything for him and want to lock him up? He got hurt on a mission with me...I...I...can mange him..." She said sadly as she looked away from her mother.
Mrs. Dr. P. sighed and hugged her daughter, "Honey you can't keep blaming yourself for what happened to Ron...It was an accident."
Kim allowed the warmth of the embrace to flow through her body but she knew the truth. Ron had gotten hurt on a mission with her and woke up the next morning thinking he was a Private Eye from the 1930's named Ronnie Diamond.
Then just as she was getting used to Ronnie Diamond and even beginning to kind of like him. He changed, he changed into Ronnie Blues and he and Kim had all kinds of fun breaking traffic laws trying to save an orphanage from closing down. She shook her head, "Now he thinks he's a caveman...Maybe we should get Ron some help."
"Did you ever get Ronald off of my car and into some clothes?" Mr. Dr. P. asked sternly.
Before Kim could answer the kitchen door was flung open and Ron bounded into the room followed closely by Jim who looked a little worse for wear after helping Ron get dressed.
Jim pointed to the table, "You see! I told you she was safe."
Mrs. Dr. P. handed Ron a plate of pancakes and eggs. Ron took the plate, sat on his haunches in the corner and began eating his food with his fingers. Now he was the center of attention for the whole family.
Mr. Dr. P. eyed him warily, "Uh...Ronald wouldn't you rather eat at the table with the rest of us."
Ron narrowed his eyes and began to growl, "GRRRRRRRR"
"I guess not." Mr. Dr. P. said as he turned away from him.
Jim elbowed Tim in the ribs, "Gross he's eating with his hands...and I know where those fingers have been."
Kim closed her eyes, put her fork down and stood up, "I'm going upstairs to get ready for school." Ron looked up at her. She held out her hand and firmly told him to, "STAY"
Ron nodded and continued to eat.
Mrs. Dr. P. leaned over and whispered into her husband's ear, "What do we do when he gets done?"
Mr. Dr. P. glanced back towards Ron, "Have the boys put a leash on him and take him for a walk around the neighborhood."
The twins made Ron wait in the driveway until Kim came downstairs for school. She put her book bag over her shoulder, "Ready for school Ron?"
"Ronga no wanna go to school."
Kim frowned, "Uh...Kimga going to school..."
There was no immediate response from Ron until he reached into his pocket and pulled out Rufus, "We must seek the wisdom of the Oracle." Ron began to shake Rufus violently and when he stopped Rufus's eyes continued to roll around in circles in their sockets.
"Oh mighty Oracle, what should I do? Should I go to school or hunt the prairie for game?"
Rufus still looked dizzy but he gave the answer Kim wanted, "Go to school, go to school."
Ron nodded, "Oracle is indeed wise...I shall go with you to school Kimga."
Kim's smile was forced as she expressed her overwhelming happiness at his decision, "Oh Goodie...Whoaaaaaaaa, RON WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" Kim screamed as Ron picked her up and threw her over his shoulder.
Ron started to run, "Ronga carry Kimga to school and make her his mate..."
Kim protested feebly until finally giving up and letting her body go limp, "Well it beats walking...I guess."
Monique stood outside Middleton High School waiting for her friend Kim Possible so she could trade the latest gossip of the day. She was also happy because she was informed that all charges against Ronnie and Kim Blues band had been dropped so now she was officially ungrounded for life.
"See I told the band it was cool...They didn't believe me but hey...Whoaaaaaaaa" Her thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the sight of Ron running towards the school carrying Kim over his shoulder.
Monique ran out to meet them, "Kim, Kim are you alright?"
Ron quickly sat Kim down. He was sweating and panting heavily, "Kimga very heavy."
Kim pulled back to slap him for calling her heavy but thought better of it. They were after all on school grounds. She turned to Monique, "Yes, I'm alright...Ron is someone new today though."
"Ronga"
Monique smiled queasily, "Uh...Hi Ronga"
Ron's eyes grew large, "CROMMMMMMMM" Then he spat on his hand and tried to rub Monique's cheek.
"Boy, get that nasty ass hand away from me." She said angrily as she slapped the hand away from her face.
Kim stepped between them, "Uh...He thinks he's a caveman."
"Gee, do you think."
"Ronga not caveman...Ronga part of the Saverteam who's ship that flies through space crashed on this planet many generations ago." Ron explained.
Monique nodded her head, "Glad we got that all straightened out."
An evil grin crossed Ron's face, "Me no like Kimga anymore...Me like Momo."
"Ackkkkkkkkk NO YOU DON'T!" Monique tried to protest but it was too late as Ron quickly slung her over his shoulders and carried her screaming and kicking into the school.
Kim sighed, "It is going to be one of those days."
Having Ron transformed into one of his more disagreeable persona's could make the entire school day go by incredibly slowly. During the first half of the school day Ron received no less than three detentions for carrying girls from class to class.
Much to Kim's amusement and Monique's relief it was a different girl each time. The most disturbing thing that Kim found was that Tara actually seemed to enjoy the ride as she squealed, "Wheeeeeeeeee" down the hallway as Ron ran past her towards Tara's next class.
Finally it was lunch time. Monique and Kim sat at their usual table while Ron huddled with his tray in the corner of the room sniffing various foods and eating with his fingers. Monique shook her head, "I never thought that boy could be any grosser when he ate."
Kim didn't hear her, "He showed up at my house this morning naked and swinging a hockey stick as a club."
Monique raised an eyebrow, "Naked?"
"Oh yea"
"So...uh...You like what you see?" Monique asked coyly.
Kim rolled her eyes, "So un-erotic Mo."
"Not the right time I guess."
Kim frowned, "What am I going to do? Mom wants to get him professional help and I'm afraid if we do get him some help...They might not...help him too much."
"You're afraid they are going to lock his crazy ass away." She finished Kim's unthinkable thought.
"Yea"
"Well girl we've got to do something...At least let's get him a distemper shot." She said as she fought back a laugh.
"MONIQUE, this isn't funny..." Kim said angrily.
"Sorry, sorry...Have you noticed any trend on when he changes personalities?" Monique asked trying to be helpful.
Kim thought about and then shook her head, "No...Wait...Yes...It's always in the morning. Ronnie Diamond showed up the morning after Ron got hurt. Ronnie Blues showed up several days later and..." She pointed towards the corner, "He showed up this morning."
"That's a start." Monique said hopefully.
Ron stood up and left his tray on the floor for Rufus to finish up. He came and stood behind Kim. He began to pick at her hair. Kim slapped his hands away, "RON quit grooming me."
Monique tried hard not to laugh, "OK what does he do at night before he goes to bed?"
Kim looked at Monique strangely, "Oh and how am I supposed to know that? Wait...The night he was hurt...He was watching Duke DeRosa movies on cable."
"So if he goes to sleep watching Duke DeRosa movies and..." She began
"...Ronnie Diamond will be back by morning." Kim said excitedly.
"Kimga, Ronga has to go."
Kim turned and looked at Ron, "Back to class?"
Ron shook his head, "No"
She suddenly understood the meaning, "OH, oh, OK, well..."
Monique jumped up suddenly from the table, "EWWWWWWW HE ISN'T DOING WHAT I THINK HE'S DOING IS HE?"
A smile crossed Ron's face as he finished relieving himself, "Ahhhhhhhhhhh"
Kim jumped up in shock, "RONALD STOPPABLE I AM SO NOT CLEANING YOU UP!" She screamed as she threw a bunch of napkins at him.
After the initial uproar had calmed down and Ron was sent home, Kim locked herself crying into a stall in the girl's restroom. She sobbed uncontrollably. The whole thing was her fault. It didn't matter how she looked at it, Ron's brain injury was all her fault.
Monique stood on the other side of the door, "It'll be alright Kim."
"No it won't. It's my fault. If I never would have taken him on that mission...Shego really nailed him with that plasma blast...I'm soooooo sorry Ron." She wailed.
"Kim...come on now. We know what makes him change we'll just go over to his house to night and change him back into Ronnie Diamond...You liked Ronnie Diamond didn't you?" Monique said as she tried to comfort her friend.
"That only puts a Band-Aid on the problem. How am I ever going to get Ron back to normal?" Kim asked as she sat on the stool and put her head in her hands.
Monique shook her head, "I don't know. Let's just get those Duke DeRosa Privateye DVD's and force him to watch them all night. At least he won't be running around here peeing in his pants."
Kim began crying again. Monique bit her lower lip, "Sorry"
"You got the DVD's"
"Yes, for the fourth time I got the DVD's."
Kim rang the doorbell to the Stoppable house. She took a deep breath as she heard footsteps coming down the stairs. Mrs. Stoppable opened the door, "Hello Kim"
"Ha...Hi Mrs. Stoppable...We...we were wondering if we could visit Ron?" She asked nervously.
Mrs. Stoppable took a deep breath, "Well if you promise not to stay long or do anything to upset him...He's had a hard day. With all that...happened in school and seeing the psychiatrist and all."
Kim's eyes became as big as saucers, "Psychiatrist?"
"I'll talk to you about it after your visit...Oh I see you brought him some DVD's...Nothing too violent I hope." Mrs. Stoppable said as she eyed the four DVD's in Kim's hands.
"Uh...no...just some Duke DeRosa movies."
Mrs. Stoppable smiled, "Oh he likes those. Go on upstairs." Kim walked by her and then Mrs. Stoppable stopped Monique, "I don't believe we've met."
"I'm Monique Wilson. I'm a friend of Ron's."
"Oh, nice to meet you Monique, have a nice visit."
"Thank you, Mrs. Stoppable" Monique said as she followed Kim up the stairs.
The two stopped outside Ron's door. They looked at each other in horror as they listened to the music and singing that was coming from behind his door. Kim reached out to knock on the door until Monique stopped her.
"Do you really think we should do this? I mean what we see behind this door might be more disturbing than Ronga."
Kim thought it over for a brief second before knocking, "Ron….It's Kim and Monique."
The door flew open there stood Ron smiling and singing along with the television.
"We're all in this together
Once we know
That we are
We're all stars
And we see that
We're all in this together
And it shows
When we stand
Hand in hand
Make our dreams come true"
Kim stepped into the room and punched her singing friend in the jaw instantly dropping him to the ground in a crumpled heap. Kim shook her head, "I...I'm sorry I had to do that Ron."
Monique pushed past her, "If you didn't I was going to. Ewwwww High School Musical."
Rufus peeked out from behind the TV set, "High School Musical...Yuck!"
Kim nodded her head, "The most evil marketing plot ever launched against teendom…"
"Zac Efron...Ewwwwwwwwwww" Monique said as she gave a shiver of disgust.
"Let's get him into bed." Kim said as she tried to pick him up off the ground.
"Don't you want to strip him first?" Monique asked with a grin.
"NO" Kim said more than a bit tweaked with her friend.
Once they had Ron into bed Kim turned and pointed towards the DVD player. "Monique put in a movie while I try to bring Ron around."
Monique walked over to the player and took out a movie, "Duke DeRosa and the case of the Monkey's Uncle….Sounds interesting." She said as she slipped the disc into the machine.
Kim was finally getting Ron to respond and open his eyes, "Ron we want you to watch this…OK"
Ron turned his head towards the TV and mumbled, "Duke DeRosa…"
"Let's hide the cases so he doesn't get confused in the morning." Kim suggested.
Monique nodded and slid the cases behind Ron's desk, "This should be out of sight for now."
Kim nodded, "Let's go ahead and sneak out."
"Murder, Murder at the Brooklyn Zoo…" The TV set blared as Kim and Monique let themselves out of the room. They walked downstairs to find Mrs. Stoppable waiting on them.
"Monique, can I trouble you to wait outside. I need to talk to Kim alone for a minute?"
Monique looked at Kim, "Oh…sure."
Kim scrunched up her face, "Uh oh here it comes."
Mrs. Stoppable paced back and forth wringing her hands, "Kim, the psychiatrist thinks that Ron's problem is due to suppressed memories of a childhood trauma."
"Uh" Kim began.
"I'm almost afraid to broach this subject with you Kim but you and Ron were always inseparable as children. There used to be this creepy man who drove the ice cream truck…Kim to your knowledge was Ron ever molested as a child?"
Kim's mouth dropped open, "NO"
Mrs. Stoppable took a deep breath and try to remember dear, "Were you or Ron ever molested as children?"
"NO" Kim said as panic began to overtake her mind. She pushed past Mrs. Stoppable, "Uh…I hope Ron feels better I have to go now." She said hurriedly as she ran out the door.
Kim made it outside, "That psychiatrist is going to screw Ron's head up so bad." She thought sadly.
"So what did she want to talk with you about?" Monique asked.
She shook her head, "Nothing really, just saying thanks for looking in on Ron."
The Kimmunicator in her pocket sounded with the familiar jingle. Kim was glad for the diversion as now she wouldn't have to face anymore questions from Monique. She pulled the device from her pocket and keyed the receive button.
"What's the sitch Wade?"
The face of computer genius Wade Load appeared on the small screen of the Kimmunicator, "Break in at the Middleton Museum of Science."
"We have one of those?"
Wade shrugged, "Yup"
Kim lifted an eyebrow, "Anything missing?"
"Not sure, I've got a ride headed your way to pick you up in 10 minutes."
The connection ceased. Kim turned to Monique, "Feel like going for a ride?"
Monique took a step back, "Oh no, I'm so not doing any freak fighting."
Kim shook her head, "The burglar has already come and gone. We'll just be investigating."
"Well alright then."
"Thanks for the ride Mrs. Lohan."
The middle aged woman smiled, "Oh it's no problem Kimmie after you convinced my daughter that booze, sex and drugs were a sure way to remain in the tabloids after dismal movie failures. Lindsey might still be living at home with me and as you know we both don't want that now do we?"
Kim blinked, "Errrrrr...No, of course not."
Monique and Kim quickly exited the SUV and waived at the strange woman that had just dropped them off at the crime scene. Monique turned to Kim, "You really told Lindsey Lohan to go on a sex, booze and drug binge?"
Kim shrugged, "Well not in so many words."
"Well how many words then?" Monique demanded.
"I...I just told her do what made her happy."
"Booze, sex and drugs make you happy? Hey works for me."
Kim smirked as they approached the yellow tape that surrounded the police crime scene, "What happened here Officer Hobble?"
Officer Hobble was still sporting the large metal appliance that held his jaw together after Kim had accidentally punched him in the mouth during a riot at a high school basketball game. A riot started by none other than Ronnie Diamond.
He turned towards Kim and tried to smile, "Ouch that hurts."
Kim pulled in her neck like a turtle, "Sorry again Officer Hobble. How's the jaw doing?"
Office Hobble blinked, "Ah well you know. I hardly notice it. Except for when I try to sleep, eat, breath, smile, talk, sneeze, cough, or laugh."
It took some time for Kim to fully digest what the officer had told her, "Oh...well...I'm glad your doing...better."
"I got good news for you Kimmie."
Kim smiled uneasily, "You...you do?"
Office Hobble bowed. He would have nodded but the metal contraption he wore on his face wouldn't allow the movement. "Oh yea, good news, the Governor is not going to press charges. He has also ordered all of the counties and townships that you and that other guy broke the law in to drop all the charges against you."
"WOW, that is great news...Ummm...Not to sound...ungrateful...but why did he do that?" Kim asked.
"Election year and since you were helping orphans it makes him look good to help you guys out." Office Hobble explained.
Monique rolled her eyes, "OK, now why exactly are we here again?"
"Oh" Officer Hobble turned slowly and pointed toward to the building behind him, "The Middleton Museum of Science has been broken into by unknown parties. We suspect Drakken and Shego or we did until we remembered that we have them locked up downtown."
Kim looked at the ultra modern state of the art two story museum. The building had a spiral shape to it as it wound its way up to a point two stories up. The museum was constructed of brick, glass and highly polished aluminum. On the ground floor large 12 ft. high panes of safety glass gave the building a unique appearance from the street.
"So how did they get in?" She asked.
"Follow me." Hobble said as he made his way to a shattered glass window.
Kim and Monique followed Office Hobble around the corner. Kim looked at the shattered window, "So is anything dangerous missing?"
"Uh, we're not sure. You better talk to the curator here." Hobble said pointing towards a thin, bearded, middle aged man with thinning brown hair. He was dressed in a brown suit. The man did not look overwhelmingly impressive to Kim but she decided to make up her mind about him later.
Monique looked at some of the exhibits, "Salute to zinc...Nerd alert..."
"I beg your pardon?" The man said coldly to Monique.
"Uh...I said...uh...sorry." Monique said sheepishly.
"Zinc is very important and nothing to be scoffed at..."
Kim quickly interrupted the man's rant, "Oh I know if I've told Monique once, I've told her a thousand times. Zinc is really cool and important Mr...uh..."
The man turned his cold eyes towards Kim, "Doctor, Doctor Phillip Waverly."
"Ah yes the famous Dr. Waverly who is best known for...being curator of this museum." She struggled to try and sound impressed.
Monique nodded, "Zinc...is cool."
"Uh...Dr. Waverly was anything missing after the break in tonight?" Kim asked as she finally decided to get down to business.
The man shook his head, "No, no nothing at all. I'm almost ready to put this whole evening down as nothing more than vandalism."
Kim nodded, "Except?"
Dr. Waverly sighed, "Except for the fact that we have on loan to us a Grandium Neutron Phase Inhibitor."
Monique frowned and rubbed her chin, "I bet you need it for our friend Zinc?"
The Doctor cast Monique a cool stare, "No it is a device that inhibits the neutron flow and inhibits reconstitution."
Kim nodded, "Oh of course. We wouldn't want that to fall into the wrong hands."
"Precisely."
"Kim, I'm bored, can we leave now." Monique whined.
"We'll go in a minute Monique. I'm sorry she just doesn't get the importance of Zinc...and stuff." Kim said trying to sound impressed.
"Well you can go now there is nothing for you to see here." Doctor Waverly said before he turned and walked back inside the museum.
Kim nodded her head, "We'll be back tomorrow." She said quietly.
Monique nodded, "Yea and we'll sick Ronnie Diamond on your ass."
The knock at the loft door did not come early this day. This made Kim happy as she had a long night and needed as much rest as she could get especially if she was going to have to put up with a certain Ronnie Diamond all day.
"What?"
"You have a visitor downstairs at the door honey." Mrs. Dr. P. called up to her.
Kim crawled out of bed and put on her bathrobe, "Let's see who Ron is today." She thought as she lowered the trap door and walked down the stairs to the front door.
She yawned as she reached the front door and opened it. There leaning up against the door jam was Ronnie Diamond his brown eyes twinkling brightly as he gazed upon her. He was dressed in his finest suite, trench coat and sporting a fedora that sat on his head at a jaunty angle. Kim gasped as she saw him and then felt embarrassed and began to blush because she was dressed in a bathrobe and her hair was a mess.
"Oh Hi" Kim said nervously.
Ronnie Diamond stood up straight, took the toothpick from his mouth and smiled, "Long time no see Kid. So tell me, what's the sitch?"