Author's Notes at the end of the fic, because I don't want to spoil the surprise.
Brainwaves
"Hello?" Sam's voice seemed to disappear into the darkness that surrounded him. He thought that perhaps an echo would have been reassuring, giving him a sense of dimension, an idea of where he was, but there was no echo, indeed, no sound at all in this place, if indeed it was a place.
He just didn't know.
He didn't know if it was day or night or what day of the week it was. He didn't know if he was breathing, he didn't know if he was standing, sitting, or lying down. In fact, he couldn't feel his body at all.
"Is anybody...?" Out there? In here? Where was he? A wave of panic clenched at him, like a giant fist.
"Sam?" That familiar, soft voice...
"Bee!" Sam thought he might pass out from the relief.
He sensed the approach of his robot guardian, crossing what seemed like an unimaginable distance in a fraction of a second. One instant he was alone, and the next a huge, comforting presence seemed to have wrapped around him, cradling him in warmth and security.
"How are you, Sam?" Bee asked.
The question was posed in a neutral tone, but Sam thought he could detect an undercurrent, something that pulled at the corners of his mind, pulled him towards something... Then a minute shift of some incomprehensible variable, and the feeling was gone again.
"Okay, I guess..." It was the truth, more or less. The one problem he could think of had been taken care of the moment Bee arrived. But arrived where, exactly? "Bee, where are we?"
"You're dreaming, Sam." Again the neutral voice, calm and soothing, offering the statement as simple fact.
He latched onto that fact with instant acceptance, and a gratitude that surprised him, even frightened him, distantly in some part of him that... shut down almost immediately.
"Dreaming, huh? Well, that explains everything. I've had some pretty weird dreams." He recalled one particular dream in which there had been fish swimming through the air, and an apple screaming its head off as he was about to bite into it. It had been one crazy, surreal dream, and he laughed about it now, but for some reason his dreaming mind hadn't found the imagery at all funny. In fact it had scared the daylights out of him and he had woken up in a cold sweat.
The memory of the horror coursed through him, along with the confusion, almost as if he were reliving the dream. It didn't mean anything, as far as he could tell, so why had it frightened him so?
"Perhaps that was what frightened you?" Bee's voice answering what he had thought were his unspoken thoughts seemed so natural and so right that he didn't question it, but even the possibility of a question was gently answered. "I am with you, Sam. I can see what you see, feel what you feel, know what you know... I know how afraid you were. It will be alright." The soothing presence of the other pulled tighter in an intangible embrace that was somehow very real. Bit by bit, the fear faded, replaced by peace.
"But it was just a stupid dream, it shouldn't have bothered - " What he would have said was cut off as a wash of acceptance flooded him, wrapping around the shreds of lingering embarrassment and turning them to dust.
As he paused, shocked in the aftermath, he sensed the emotion changing, becoming livelier, twinkling with amusement, no, fascination. All the fascination a colossal, three-story tall alien robot car could possess, focused solely on him.
So many things about himself Sam took for granted, silly dreams, embarrassing memories, nervous habits, but the emotion Bee was projecting suggested that he, on the other hand, did not find any of it dull. He looked forward eagerly to any new discovery, not just because it was about humanity but because it was about Sam, who was, quite possibility, the most interesting example of humanity to have ever existed.
Sam was overwhelmed. "You think I'm interesting."
"Very interesting." The charge of electric understatement in those two words could have powered most of the continental United States.
Sam had known Bee was his friend, why else would he have stayed and put up with living incognito in a world where the concept of cybernetic life forms was pure fiction, and machines were seen simply as tools to be used and thrown away? He had often wondered, though, what sorts of thoughts went on in that shiny, yellow head with regard to him. He wouldn't have blamed Bee if he had felt a little superior. He was bigger, he was stronger, he could download the Internet in his head... But instead to find out that the coolest, most amazing life form ever found him interesting...
It was flattering and exciting, and as he became aware of what he was feeling, he received another rush of emotion from Bee, mirroring the sentiment, flattered and excited by Sam's own flattery and excitement. It bounced between them for some moments, magnifying with each bounce, vibrating faster and faster like a water molecule heated to the boiling point.
Dizzy with wonder and yearning, Sam instinctively reached out for the presence engulfing him, seeking something he couldn't quite define. It was like standing on the high diving board, looking down towards eternity. The jump would be terrifying, but he knew everything would cease to matter once he submerged in the water below him, and the water below him was Bee.
Gravity's pull was inexorable. He took the jump.
Only to be caught, halfway, and set gently back, away from the precipice. He was aware, suddenly, of monumental efforts of restraint, a restraint that was nonetheless strained almost to the breaking point. The presence around him, Bee's presence, shuddered uncontrollably.
"Too far, too fast..."
Sam couldn't tell who had spoken, Bee or himself.
"Bumblebee..."
"Yes, Samuel?"
"Yuck, don't call me that." He found himself laughing and Bee joined in, but he knew, somehow, without having to ask, why Bee had called him by his full name.
"Humans seem to do this when something serious is on their minds." Bee's reply was merely a confirmation.
"What just happened?"
"Something you aren't ready for."
"Bee?"
"Please, Sam..." A faint, stressful vibration communicated itself to him. It was oddly familiar, the way it felt when... Just as he was about to capture the essence of the emotion, it was gone as if a valve had been closed off. "Do you have something you can share with me?"
"Something I can share?"
"Something, anything... Preferably something pleasant." The tone was desperate, the fractured, anxious vibrato teetering on the edge... So very familiar... "What's food like?"
"Food is awesome!" His enthusiasm radiated between them and Bee seemed to gobble up the emotion like a kid tasting ice cream for the first time.
Ice cream. Triple chocolate fudge brownie sundae. Though this memory was definitely in the past, Sam felt like he was reliving it in perfect detail. With the brownie so warm, and the ice cream so cold, melting slowly, getting absorbed into the brownie, and the crunchy nuts, and the real whipped cream, and the chocolate sauce... Dipping into the bowl for that first spoonful, the delicious anticipation of how it was going to taste and feel in his mouth, and then the explosion of flavours, temperatures, textures, so perfect...
And the tiny, avid whimper at the edge of his mind that most definitely had not come from him.
"Bee, you're..."
"...enjoying this more than I ever thought possible," the robot finished for him, sounding a little breathless, if robots could even get out of breath.
"Well, I probably wouldn't go trying ice cream for real." Sam relished the humorous mental picture of a 16 foot tall robot hunkered down outside Dairy Queen scarfing down sundaes as fast as the employees could bring them. "I'm sure your body isn't made to handle human food."
"It wouldn't taste the same to me as it does to you in any case," the robot remarked, seeming amused. "My flavour receptors are not designed for the enjoyment of foods incapable of sustaining my function."
"So how come you liked ice cream just now?"
"I experienced your perception of it." With those words Sam received a hint of guilty pleasure that was every bit as succulent as the memory of the sundae.
"This is has to be the weirdest dream I have ever had." He realized it was probably one of the best, or even the best, strange as it was. Here in this almost empty world, with Bumblebee not just near him, not just holding him close, but utterly surrounding him.
"Like in the womb. Appropriate, because you are being reborn."
Again the voice, or thought, whatever it was, whose source he couldn't identify.
A vague sense of unease filled him, and he felt Bee do something that was akin to wrapping his arms tighter around him. Felt the fear being gathered up and tucked away as gently as a parent tucking in an errant child who had gotten out of bed in the middle of the night.
Bee's presence had been gradually relaxing, Sam realized it only now because it was no longer relaxed. Instead it had an aura of vigilance, of resolute protectiveness, that worried him.
"Bee? What's going on?" He felt the comforting tendrils caress him again, but this time he slapped them away, immediately regretting it at the sharp spike of hurt that radiated briefly from the other before it was quashed. "Oh Bee, I'm sorry..." His guilt was genuine because this time when Bee reached out, Sam allowed himself to be touched in that way that was not a touch at all, and yet so much more, that touch he was beginning to crave. Sam felt Bee's relief that Sam had not meant to hurt him, and the answering reassurance that one microscopic incident was not going to change how Bee felt.
"I think you should go back to enjoying your dream, Sam," said Bee. "I am glad that you like it so much."
There was a flow of sensation again, of holding back, of being held back from something amazing. Suddenly the flow fragmented, and the impression Sam got was of a water balloon with a hole in it, and somebody trying ineffectually to prevent the water from escaping.
Bit by bit, other impressions filtered themselves outwards towards him, and he again felt the tickle of familiarity. There was a rushing sensation around him, an awareness of a great deal of frantic activity, like a house of cards falling and being reassembled at the speed of light. This time light speed wasn't quite fast enough.
When he caught the escaped emotion he held it close, and smiled down on it, surprised to find he wasn't at all disturbed by what it was. He wrapped himself around it, examining it from all angles with a twinge of sympathy, as he in turn was wrapped in swathes of huge relief at his acceptance. Sam began turned the emotion over and over, feeling it grow in intensity, in persistence, feeling the warmth of it melt, seeping inside of him. He could feel Bee shuddering again, and reaching towards him, trying to take the feeling back, but Sam held on greedily. "No fair, mister, I caught it from you, so now you're just going to have to accept the consequences." He examined the feeling closer.
"Bee, I can see you're frustrated somehow. I've got to be reading this wrong, but if you were human I'd suggest masturbating, but I know you robots aren't really interested in that sort of..." His mind called up a vision of one of his best masturbation moments, and it immediately closed around him, like a venus flytrap snapping shut on a helpless fly.
Oh god oh god oh god oh god! He was so close. Hands stroking, hips bucking, he could almost feel that he wasn't alone, that the slickness covering his fingers wasn't the lubrication he had produced on his own, but the warm wetness of a girl taking him inside, making him feel so good...
So good, so very good, sex with Mikaela was so much better than he had ever imagined. He grabbed the seat hard, trying to be gentle, trying not to scream from the burning ache trying to tear itself from inside him. Mikaela was moaning underneath him, by some miracle what he was doing was working even though he had heard it was hard to get a girl off, but she was more experienced and she had already shown him how to bring her off with his mouth, and apparently he was a natural at oral sex... and... and... and...
Then he felt his perspective change... two bodies writhing, crying out their excitement, the seat creaking and slick with sweat... It stopped him cold.
Sam and Bumblebee had never discussed what had happened that day. Sam was too embarrassed and knew he should have found another way to be with Mikaela, but there really wasn't any. He didn't have credit cards to rent a motel room, and neither his parents nor Mikaela's father would have allowed their children to have guests of the opposite sex in their rooms. So they had done it, and Bee had never said a word of complaint, though Sam had often felt guilty about using his friend this way, as if he were, in fact, just a car.
Almost drowning with guilt and embarrassment he was shocked when he felt himself pulled back into his glorious memory, only this time it was different. Bumblebee was inside him, sharing every thrust, every gasp, every moment of exquisite pleasure/pain. Soft groans filled his mind, mingling with the memory sounds of the girl beneath him...
And he felt what Bee had felt: curiosity, understanding, glowing pride at being there to witness a monumental event in the life of his human, the day when he lost his virginity. He had read how important cars often were to this event, and had been prepared to accept this responsibility as part of his job.
"Bee, I..." Sam looked down and Bee was underneath him, neck arched back, and the sounds he made were so inhuman that Sam thought he shouldn't have been able to process their meaning, yet he did, and they aroused him beyond belief. Together they rode higher and higher on the crest of his memory, and their mutual pleasure in it.
The visual component of the memory around them faded, but the rising pleasure remained. Bumblebee's presence swirled around him like a violent storm, yet continued to hold him as if he were as fragile as a piece of glass.
"Oh Sam! Sam, I..." Fragile or not, Bee was the one who shattered.
Brilliant, blazing love burst forth from between the cracks, and Sam lunged for it, determined that this time he would not be left outside. Why would Bee want to shut him out when he felt this way?
And as Sam reached beyond the broken fragments he touched...
Sam, Sam, Sam... please don't go there, please not yet... it feels so good, don't stop... Stop! Please stop, please, you're not ready... Please, please, do that again... Please, no... Please, stay with me forever... we have forever now, it won't be so bad, I'll show you... oh why, why do you have to feel so good, you shouldn't... oh, you shouldn't... know how to do this... youweren'tbornCybertronianeventhoughnowyou'reoneofus...
One of us.
Sam burst from the table, shattering the restraints, dimly aware of things he shouldn't be seeing floating before his eyes: status bars, percentages, and over it all huge flashing warning signals that seemed to terrify him all the more.
Hands grabbed at him, but he swatted them away like flies, turning this way and that until his gaze fell on a distantly familiar yellow figure that stared at him through horrified blue optics. Some sort of cable was stretched between their chests and he seized it in a fist, ripping it free. The other let out a scream that sounded like metal being shredded.
Taking advantage of the yellow robot's distraction, Sam lunged for him, seeing intricately joined, dark blue metallic hands wrap around the yellow and black throat.
"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?" a mechanical voice bellowed savagely. A voice that was coming from him.
He never heard the answer as, mercifully, his vision went dark once more.
Author's Notes:
I've wanted to do a story like this for more than ten years, and I finally got the motivation to try it because somebody's birthday wish happened to be exactly what I was trying to work up the inspiration to write.
My idea was to show how Transformers could have intimacy analogous to sex without resorting to human like appendages. Of course, I cheated somewhat since it appears one of the participants used to be a human, thus could give human readers a frame of reference they might find ahem stimulating. ;)
I owe much to the BeeXSam community on livejournal for re-awakening my fan fiction muse with their little plot bunnies, including the idea of Sam becoming a Transformer. There was a similar plot in the old Transformers series, and, while I have never seen it, my understanding was that being abruptly transferred into a Cybertronian body was very traumatic for the human in question, and he went insane, although he did eventually begin to calm down.
Will this story continue? I can't really say. I haven't been well in the past few years, and even when I am I have a lousy habit of starting huge epic stories that I run out of steam with and never finish. Still, the plot is there, tantalising in my head, and it's all shiny and bright, so maybe, just maybe, I will get to share it with you like I want to.