Drawn to scale, a bleach fanfic

Disclaimer: We don't own Bleach. If we did we'd parade them around all day and take them to school. Em would put Ishida in her pocket…we won't get into what I would do. Or what we would have them to each other…muahahahahahaaaaaaa…coughgagcough.

So, this is the first story we wrote together…It's a mix of bleach and amp. Not that we put bleach in our amp or anything…but it would be about the same thing; a few dead brain cells, a good fanfic. Carry on!

ALERT! This fanfic switched POV from Ichigo to Ishida. Just a heads up!

Drawn To Scale

Ishida hasn't looked up from his desk once since class started. That's not like him. What's that spazmatic up to? He's staring at something very intently under his desk. Not like I was looking at the thing under his desk, although I know something is there…

Honestly, I'm not peeking…I just wanna know what he's doing. I wonder if I scowl at him intently enough, he'll pick up my 'look at me' vibe and turn around…okay no such luck. I wonder if the sewing prodigy is up to something new. Like sewing Quincy crosses onto everything he owns…like his pencils. Is that even possible? Or maybe…he's just asleep and no one can tell from the constant glint of his glasses. Perhaps I will interrogate him after school. There are many ways of making one talk…or scream. It can include a large variety of accessories including whips and handcuffs…

Mmmmm, interrogation…

Whoops, I hope no one caught me drooling.

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Almost done…almost. Fucking eyebrows. I swear, Ichigo has no idea how hard it was to find the perfect color thread for his fine, downy hair. It's not just orange, its mandarin. It has to be perfect. My strawberry deserves the best, after all. Once this is done, Ichigo will forever be on the side of my handkerchief…how romantic: Snot. I've been up since five o'clock last night working on this cross stitch and it's consumed my mind so much that I'm now working on it in class. Good thing I'm a Quincy and I already know what the teacher is talking about since I know everything. Ah, I'm so wonderful.

A loud obnoxious sound suddenly rang through the room, causing my concentration to break, my hand to jump, and Ichigo's beautiful eyebrow to shoot up in a look of surprise and astonishment. I guess he didn't see it coming either…oh god, now I'm think of my stitch as the real thing. I'll just fix it when I get home, but for now I should pack up my stuff. I'll just stick it on top of my desk and put it in my pack last so it doesn't get wrinkled…

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Ah HAH! Finally I can see what Ishida keeps in his pants…wait, by his pants…in the general direction of his pants. Dammit, stop thinking about his pants! But if you think about it, we don't really need the pants…STOP! Okay, back on track. The thing Ishida was doing all class period.

In attempt to not scare him away, I silently snuck up behind him. It's not like I was stalking my prey or anything…nope, nothing like that. I don't have any plans of eating Ishida, nope, nope, nope. When I got close enough, I noticed that Ishida had been up to his usual sewing habits. And what, was that a flash of orange? No, not orange. That was mandarin.

As I tried to get closer and see what was on the cloth, Ishida suddenly noticed my presence and jumped up and turned to face me with the most adorable…blush?? Of course, with him looking at me like that, all suave-ness fled from my mind and all I could think of to say was…

"Yo." Brilliant. Absolutely fuckin' brilliant, moron.

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Holy crap, how did Ichigo manage to sneak up on me like that? He practically leaks spirit energy like a large…leaky…what's the phrase again? I can't think, his scowl is making me go weak in the knees. Oh ya, like a faucet that's been smashed with a sledge hammer…

…or something like that. Luckily, before he came in with his brilliant line of "Yo," I managed to grab my creation and shove it into my bag. Turning and looking back at Ichigo's face, he asked me,

"What were you doin' all class period?" What? He was looking at me? How could I not feel it, normally I can feel the scowl up to 2.5 miles away! This being beside the point, I quickly grab all my things, push up my glasses and declare "Nothing," before practically fleeing the classroom. Smooth.

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Here I am, sitting at a park bench, talking to a recently home-made creation of mine. I like to call him Ichigo the portable. I hooked him onto my keys and now I can say that Ichigo's been in my pants…not that I want to tell someone or anything…it's just a nice feeling. He's an all cotton blend with hand stitched eyes. It took me forever to get him lifelike, and he's exactly to scale too! Hunched over with my three-inch Ichigo in the palm of my hand, I practice my confession in soft, dulcet tones.

"I like you. No wait, that's stupid…Do you know how long it took me to make you? No that's just weird…" Come on, get this right!!

"Okay, I've liked you for a very long time, Ichigo. I'm not sure exactly why, but I guess that comes later. All I know is that I like you in a very un-friend like way, because friends don't push each other against wall and ravish each other's mouths in between classes. Which, granted, sounds like a really, really good idea to me. So there you have it." Being very proud of my confession, I smile…

Which very quickly turns into a frightened look and I let out a very un-many squeak as a familiar, sexy voice sounds from behind me, "really?"

Fuck. And not in the good way.

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So I was just innocently walking through the park when I saw Ishida hunched over on a park bench talking to something in his hand while mothers walking down the path quickly pulled their children away and told them 'not to look at the strange man'. So, being the extremely curious man and the concerned friend who only cares about Ishida's well being and mental health, I walked over to check it out. And check him out. Eye candy, bonus.

I had reached the bench and was about to tap Ishida on the shoulder, hopefully scaring the crap out of him when his previously inaudible voice became clear and I heard what he was saying…all of it. And of course, being the eloquent person I am, instead of saying "I like you too, lets go ravish each other in the nearest bush", I said,

"Really?" Once again, I am amazed at my complete and utter stupidity when it comes to the 'moment.'

And that's when the 'what the fuck' face appeared on Ishida's sexy façade. It quickly passed, and Ishida looked at me straight in the eyes and said calmly, "Yes, Ichigo, really." And then he left. And like the moron I am, I couldn't say anything.

After he had disappeared from sight, I walked over to the front of bench and slumped down into the spot where the object of all my thoughts, and fantasies, has been sitting. I let out a large sigh and rest my face in my hands, cursing whatever God for making me emotionally challenged in the face of romance. It was then when I noticed mandarin out of the corner of my eye. Strange how that color's been appearing lately. Wait…is that me??? I'm a three-inch, cute chibi, fit to scale keychain with hand-stiched eyes! Oh, this just reeks of Ishida. He's good with his hands like that.

mmmmm….hands….

dammit, that drool again! Wait, his keys are on here too. This means…

gasp! An excuse to go see him. School, his apartment, they both have walls, so I'm sure we'll be fine. Hehehe….

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Dammit, dammit, dammit! I'm locked outside of my apartment, I'm cold, I'm hungry, and my huggable Ichigo complete with to scale Zangetsu and two sets of changeable clothes is on the other side of this thick concrete wall of doom.

Damn you, evil concrete wall!

Why did he have to come up at that exact moment? Romantically challenged mandarin idiot. And honestly, why did he have to say 'really'? He doesn't say that in my dreams. That's not suave. At least he didn't seem completely disgusted at the idea. Just stunned; like I punched him in the face. Oh well, he'll get over it. He's tough.

But I'm not going to get over it that easily. I'm a delicate blossoming flower who needs love and nourishment. Like milk, or mayonnaise. I'm sure Ichigo could give me nourishment…

Okay, now I'm getting too emotional. I need to sew, stat!

I wonder if I could blast thought the door with my arrows…

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Well, I'm almost at Ishida's house. Not that I stalked him home one day and knows where he lives…

Is that a blue light? Oh my- is he doing what I think he's doing?!? This is where a calm, sane person would have shouted or called out his name to get him to stop using his supernatural powers to blast down doors. Unfortunately for me, I'm not calm, sane, or rational—so of course, I tackled him to the ground.

"You psycho hose beast! What were you thinking? What would you tell your landlord? Yes sir, that blue light was a BUS!!" I shouted at him from atop his sweating shaking body…

mmmmmmm….

Wait, did I just 'mmm' sweat? God, I've fallen hard.

Mmmmmm, hard…

God, I have to stop this damn drool!!

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I wish Ichigo would stop drooling, it's falling on my glasses. Not that I mind this close proximity or anything but come on. Personal hygiene is a must!

"It started it!" I started talking in a rush now, feeling extremely flustered with Ichigo's hard body pressed against me. Oh God, oh God…

"Who started it?" Ichigo asked, his beautiful scowl creating that exquisite wrinkle between his eyes.

"That damn door, It wouldn't open!!"

"I have your keys, four eyes!"

All four of my eyes opened wide and I froze. "You saw it…"

"You mean that homemade made to scale keychain of me with hand stitched eyes? You did a good job, I have to say, but the scowl wasn't prominent enough…"

"Well forgive me for imagining you smile every once in a—wait. You liked it? You weren't disgusted by my overzealous appreciation of you? You didn't run away in shock and terror over my obvious obsession over you? It didn't appall you that I obviously am crazy about you and wanna kiss you and wake up in your arms and get a house together after school and shape our future together?!"

"You got all that from a keychain?"

"You don't care that I love you?" All of a sudden, romantic music started playing in the background and sparkly bubbles appeared around Ichigo's head. Damn that neighbor and his weird obsession with "Titanic".

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When did we get an audience? And why is that kid blowing bubbles in my face? Personal space, kid.

Stop. Hammertime.

I mean, wait! Did Ishida just confess his undying love for me? And his desire for a white picket fence and a traditional happy family in the future? Well, maybe not traditional family, I'm against Mpreg.

Anyhoo, time to speak words. Words, right. Words would be good.

"Cool." And after a brief awkward pause, I decided to suggest a brilliant idea.

"Wanna go make out in your apartment?"

"You have my keys?"

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It's been several months since Ichigo's and my unusual confession on my doorstep, and I must say things have been quite peachy.

It's also given me the time…and measurements…to complete my Ultimate Project. I call it Ichigo 003. Ichigo has yet to see it, and I think we would both live out long, happy lives without them ever meeting eye to eye.

Literally.

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Ishida's keeping something in his closet. You'd think everything would be outta there by now.

Maybe I can strategically bump into the closet while we're making out. You know, something inconspicuous like that. Yes, brilliant.

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This is unusual. Ichigo and I are making out, but we're headed toward the closet and away from the bed. Usually Ichigo is more direct than this.

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My plan is working brilliantly!!! Muahahahaaaa, soon the closet mystery will be solved and Detective Kurosaki will be taking his payment in full.

Mmmmmm, payment….

Old habits die hard.

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Is he grabbing for the closet door handle? Oh God, 003!!!

Before I could do anything to stop him, the closet door burst open and my wonderful Ichigo 003 was revealed. There was an awkward moment of silence and then Ichigo asked…

"Uryuu, why is there a life-size plushie of me in your closet?"

Old habits die hard.

THE END.