A/N- Sorry for not updating; my eighteen-year-old brother built a potato cannon, and I've been checking it out. Yes, a potato cannon. We don't shoot potatoes, but tennis balls, as the former would definitely kill you. When my brother and his friend shot it (it takes two to hold it) it broke the wood covering the fence, broke the actual fence, and the tennis ball. And that's only a third of its potential. It was sweet.
Ah, but that's not why I didn't update; I was in the Emergency Room as I got food poisoning and, well, you can't update there. When I got home I couldn't exactly stand either, or eat food, so sleeping was really my only option.
Anyways, this will be the K/D wedding (no, not Kraft Dinner), as I fear decapitation from my reviewers otherwise.
The day Domitan of Masbolle asked Raoul what married life was like was also the worst day of his life, he decided later.
"Dom?" asked Raoul, sitting in his chambers, sorting through his reports. He looked like he was nearly drowning in them, but gave his full attention to the Sergeant. He had a grin that stretched from ear-to-ear. "Someone special in mind?"
Dom blushed vividly, scuffing his feet on the floor. "No, sir! I was just…curious. Nothing more, sir. Nothing. It's not like I need woman either, I get plenty of them at the villages around here, even though I haven't recently-"
Raoul put his hands up. "Please Domitan, no more! I don't need to hear of your frolics in the village."
Slowly, Dom put himself on the bed. "Sir? Really, how is it? Marriage?"
Raoul shifted in his seat, putting the quill in the other hand. "Like your soul is ripped out of your chest. Your independence drained. 'Raoul' is no more."
The younger man stared at him with an open mouth. Raoul, astonished, saw that Dom believed him.
"Dom, it's not that bad," he added. Actually, getting married was the best thing he had ever done, but he didn't say that. "Just do what you want with it. …Why do you ask?"
Realizing his time was running out before Raoul chased the truth out of him, Dom bowed and drawled, "By your leave, sir."
When Dom had left Raoul's chambers, the latter put his hands together evilly.
"I can't wait to tell Alanna!" he exclaimed to himself loudly.
By noon Dom had learned Raoul was never to be trusted with a secret. In the practice courts, the other men of the Third Company jeered at him.
"So who's the lovely, lucky lady?" asked one of his men while he went sword-to-sword with Wolset. "How is she in bed?"
"Aww, come on!" shouted Lerant, sitting on the fence. "Like Dom's ever been in bed with someone!"
Sweat trickling down his face, Dom grinned while the fifteen or so odd men laughed.
"Men!" he yelled. "I've been in bed more times than all of you combined."
"Is that so, Domitan? That's news to me."
Dom turned towards the voice, allowing Wolset to come and hit the sword out of his hand. He scowled and held his throbbing hand, but still came up to the fence where Keladry of Mindelan now perched. Wolf-whistles filled the courts. It seemed that all of New Hope –where Third Company, as well as the Lioness was temporary stationed- knew of Dom's courting the Lady Knight.
"Why yes, my dear Keladry, it is," he said, voice slick. "In fact, I personally believe that I have broken the palace record."
Kel punched him on the shoulder. "And what was that- zero?"
Dom paled, and grasped his heart. "How did you know?" he gasped, voice sarcastic.
-
"Oh, this will be great!" called Alanna. "I think I've outdone myself, really. Dom will never have seen it coming."
"My dear Alanna, isn't this a bit…cruel?" remarked Raoul, sitting in his chair. They were both watching the scene below in the practice courts with interest.
"I can't fight my second nature, Raoul," she grinned. "If this goes well, we'll see if Dom is really in love with Keladry. If not…"
"Then you'll have broken up the relationship," he finished. Standing with a sigh, he added, "Alanna, you're outstretching yourself here. Gods, Dom will see right through you."
She looked directly into his eyes. "Well, they say love is blind, so I guess I won't have any problems."
-
Alanna's plan was to take into affect that evening, in the mess where the Third Company would all be in attendance.
Standing outside of the main doors, where no one could see her, she asked Buri, "So? Did my spell work?"
Buri looked over her friend, and scowled. "Are you- are you supposed to look like a wench who works the upstairs rooms in inns?" she asked.
"Yes, that was the desired affect. Actually, I modeled it around your using face paint on me."
Buri grinned; Alanna had spelled herself to look like the cliché version of a wench. The body was "full" and had large assets, the face was hollow, large blonde hair, large lips and eyes, and had face paint plastered on.
"So wait, Alanna, what are you trying to do?" Buri asked, confused. Alanna had simply come to her that evening, asking for assistance.
"Raoul came to me today saying that Domitan, a Sergeant in Third Company, wanted to know what married life was life-"
"Did he say it was agony and that he had no soul left?" Buri asked, smiling.
"He might have mentioned that. Anyways, Domitan's famous with the ladies. I'd like to see what would happen if his past caught up with his present. I'm going to go in there, as a woman who Dom 'supposedly' had a relationship with, and see what'll happen, if Dom goes with me or not. I doubt so. I just want this as proof he loves Kel. "
Buri nodded, but said, "Alanna, that's not a good idea. What if Dom and Kel have a fight over this? Or find out it's you?"
Their conversation was interrupted momentarily when a man from the Own came out of the mess and saw them. His dark hair was sweat-streaked and his eyes had bags under them, meaning he was drunk. After one glance at Alanna he raised his eyebrows. "Hey there, lady, I can show you around tonight. How 'bout it?" he asked.
Oh, my, thought Buri. This won't be pretty.
In three seconds flat Alanna had him pinned to the floor.
"I like ladies who fight back!" he added, feebly. Seeing he wouldn't go anywhere with Alanna, he turned to Buri.
"How 'bout you? A bit young, but hey, they're tender then."
Alanna, despite herself, grinned. Buri was only a few years younger than Alanna, but beside the spelled version of the Lioness she looked much younger than she was.
Buri stalked over to him, picked him up, and threw him to the wall. "I don't know how you got in the Own, or why you don't know who I am, but I personally will have you thrown out."
He shivered at the tone of her voice. "Aye, mistress," he said. Freed from her grasp, he ran down the hall.
Dusting herself off, Buri turned back to Alanna. "Anyways, continue," she said.
The mess hall was a place Kel had eaten for the past months, but ever since she had returned from Steadfast months ago it had turned into a brighter place. Every rat, rodent, smell or mysterious substance was turned into something marvelous. She had deduced that Dom, being near her almost every moment of the day, had caused this.
After eating with the refugees for the past two weeks, it came time for her to dine with the King's Own men. She had to admit this was her favorite day; Dom never left her side with his flirting and playing small pranks.
Kel was about to comment on Dom's lack of talking, suddenly-
"Zee pain! Zee agony!" screeched a voice from the mess hall doors. All of the heads turned to the voice. It was a painfully-pretty site of a woman who looked like she had nothing better to do. Her expanse of bosom flowed out of her light-green cotton dress, forcing some of the men's eyes pop out of their sockets.
She picked up her skirts she ran to Dom, shrieking the whole way. "Domeeetan! I thought you promeesed me zat you would love me 'orever!" She picked him up by the collar and forced him upwards- Dom was shocked by her strength.
The refugees and King's Own men stood, all looking for a better view of this…woman…thing…
"And who might you be?" he asked, while Kel stood close to him, worried.
"Me? You do not remember me? My name ees Henrietta Von Liechtenstein! A month ago Domeetan an' I were lovers!"
The crowd whispered to themselves; Kel fought a gasp as she came to face the woman.
"And how did you come here, Ms. Liechtenstein? My name is Sir Keladry of Mindelan and-"
"Trollop!" she shouted. "You stole m' man, bitch!"
Kel's breath was knocked to her heart. "Excuse me!" she said, raising her voice. "But you cannot simply barge in here saying-"
"Enough!" shrieked Alanna, under the pretense of Henrietta Von Liechtenstein. Feeling only slightly guilty, but knowing it was for the better, she continued, "Domeetan promised me his heart and his hand in marriage! I await you, Domeetan!"
With a swish of skirts, she vanished from the hall.
Kel stared at the astonished Dom. In a low, deadly voice she asked, "What was that about?"
"I- I don't know," he stammered. "Kel…"
"Trouble in paradise!" shouted Derom, Dom's second corporal. In one fluid movement Dom had thrust him onto the table. He did not say a word, but instead gave him a glare he would remember for the rest of his life.
Kel had her Yamani face on, meaning that she wanted out of the situation. Dom had never received that look from her before.
"Kel, I don't know her. Even if I did, she meant nothing!"
For the first time in her life, Kel couldn't think of any type of response. Instead, she wheeled herself around, out of the mess hall.
Dom put his face in his hands. Derom, seeing that he couldn't get on worse terms, said, "Really, Sergeant, you don't know a damn thing about women."
"Gods, Alanna! You idiot! You've saved Tortall, got us the Dominion Jewel, brought a queen to us and now look what you did."
Raoul's voice bled poison. Knowing Raoul was a second father to Kel, Alanna knew she would never hear the end of this. "I know, I know," she responded. "My plan back- failed. Dom's ready to get rid of his past, but apparently, not Kel. Who knows how much he's told her, anyways."
Two days after the mess hall encounter, Kel had barely spoken a word to Dom. Alanna realized that it was her fault, but couldn't say anything to Kel or Dom that would incriminate herself.
"We have to get them back together!" shouted Buri. Seeing as they were in the stables and anyone could hear, she was quickly silenced by their looks. "It's our fault. We could have at least stopped you," she wryly told the Lioness.
"But how do we help" asked Raoul. "We'd have to make it inconspicuous!"
Alanna, not speaking for a moment, paused brushing Darkmoon. "Maybe," she started, "maybe Dom will go to Neal. Dom trusts Neal, however much they both dislike saying so. Perhaps Dom will ask Neal for help- he'd the only person he'd ask. Anyone else would most likely punch him for treating Kel that way or ignore him for making himself known with the women and not telling them about the ladies."
"That's for sure," snorted Buri. "We know for a fact Dom hasn't seen someone for nearly a year now, as well. We would have heard it through the rumor mill, otherwise."
"So," came in Raoul, "we tell Neal what to tell Dom?"
Alanna nodded. "Exactly."
"But what if Neal tells Dom that we told him to tell Dom what we told him?"
Thinking through Buri's complicated sentence, she slowly responded, "We'll bribe him. Or, blackmail him. I have my ways," she said to her questioning look. "Four years with him teaches one a lot."
"But what if Dom doesn't ask Neal?" questioned Raoul. "Then we're back at the start!"
"We can't doubt ourselves from the beginning," responded Alanna. "So, here's what we tell Neal…"
-
Horrified, Kel found a tear running down her cheek. The only other times she had cried were when someone, or something in her sparrows' cases, died. How could she cry over a stupid man?
She had taken sanctuary in throwing herself in the refugees' plans for New Hope to keep herself from pining over Dom. Either way; her thoughts always came back to the Sergeant.
He betrayed me for another woman, she thought to herself. He doesn't even deserve to be in my thoughts.
Dom was appalled at himself; he didn't even know the woman who had marched herself into the mess hall! Did he become drunken one day, and find an inn somewhere?
Realizing that his men did not like conversing with him anymore, he knew what he had to do: talk to Meathead about what to do in this case. He was married; he knew woman.
-
"Me? Know about women?" asked Neal, shocked. "Really, I might as well try and figure out those cursed monthlies."
Yuki, reading a book over in the far side of their chambers, fingered her shukusen carefully, her eyescrinkling at the corners.
Neal, sitting down, shuddered. "So, I heard about your little incident. Fruithead," he added.
Raising his eyebrows, Dom asked, "First of all, everyone knows about 'my little incident'. And secondly, Fruithead? Couldn't you think of a better name for me? 'Meathead' shows originality, 'Fruithead' shows stupidity. 'Lumphead' or 'Dunghead' would have been better."
Neal sighed. "Domitan…nevermind."
Yuki put down her book. "Domitan," she said, properly pronouncing his name in Common, "if you don't mind me asking, but why are you here?"
He sighed. "I- I wanted to know what to do. Seeing as you're married, Neal, I thought you might know how to help me gain her trust back. Even so, I didn't know that woman!"
Neal looked at his cousin with interest. "You didn't?" he paused. "Sorry, but I have no idea how to help."
Yuki, for the first time in her life, rolled her eyes. Alanna, Raoul, and Buri had previously come by to tell Neal what to do if Dom came to ask about Kel. Apparently, he had already forgotten.
He yelped; Yuki had hit him with the base of the shukusen. "Nealan! How can you be so thick?" she asked, amused. "Domitan, your answer is simple."
Dom's eyes lit up. "How?" he asked, desperate.
"Woman want their affections to be won," she told him, relaying what Alanna had originally told Neal. "You must convince Kel of your love!"
"Ahh!" Neal said, remembering. "Didn't Ala-"
Luckily, Dom didn't hear. "Convince Kel of my love?" he asked. Yuki nodded.
"This will be interesting…" Neal muttered.
A/N- Woah! Two-parter! Please, don't say, "I liked the last one better, it was funnier" in your review. This is the starter-chapter for the next one. –heh heh- And, I just got over food poisoning. Not fun.
My document manager tried to kill me while I was uploading this; it said it was an 'empty file'. Anyone else get this problem? I bypassed it by going into the 'edit/preview' mode of a previous chapter, and pasting this into it.
So please review, it'll help me heal faster. Actually, I'm fully recovered, but it's a good excuse. If you have any ideas for any pairings, please tell me! I'll give full credit to those who do.
Please review!
-pokes pretty purpley-blue button-