'Cause we lost it all
Nothin' lasts forever
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late
And we can't go back
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
-Perfect//Simple Plan
It's been a month since the strip turned pink. It's been a month of tears falling on her pillow late at night after she's sure her mom has fallen asleep. A month of carrying this secret around with her, keeping it hidden from her mother, her best friend. The weather is begging to turn warm and yet she's wearing over large sweatshirts to hide the expanding stomach she's sure someone would notice. She's finally gotten the courage up to tell her mom the secret that's been gnawing away at her insides and her hands are shaking she's so scared.
"What is it, baby, you can tell me," Lorelai encourages and for a moment Rory just stares into her mother's eyes, eyes that mirror her own. She closes her eyes for a second and with her eyes closed she whispers the words she knows will break her mother's heart.
"I'm pregnant."
I'ts been four months since he left Rory. Three months since he's been at Truncheon, since he's started to try to bring his writing together into what could be considered a novel. He takes his life one day at a time, sometimes one hour at a time, considering it a victory if he can go five minutes without her face drifting into his mind. He's doing everything he can to keep his head above water, but he knows that without her he'll always be drowning.
He spends his nights at home with an old typewriter and a bottle of Jack Daniels. The burning amber liquid is the only thing that dulls the pain enough to write about a girl with dark hair and sad blue eyes. His mind wanders often to that last night he had with her. He didn't sleep that night for even a second, knowing that when the sun began to shine through the windows he'd have to leave her. He remembers how she'd curled into his side, fitting perfectly against his body, her hair splayed out beneath her head and her face so peaceful in slumber. He'd pressed a kiss softly upon her forehead and whispered that he loved her before gently removing his arm from beneath her and making his escape.
Sometimes he wonders what it was like for her to wake up alone. He wonders if she's angry with him or if she somehow understood. He thinks that maybe it would be better for her if she was angry. He thinks that maybe if she's angry she'll learn to stop loving him and he knows that her life would be so much better without any traces of him left in it.
But the selfish side of him, hopes beyond words that she understands. The selfish part of him prays that she'll wait for him and that she knows someday he'll come back to her. He hopes that she understands he loves her, and because he loves her he needs to be better for her. He needs to be worthy of her. He needs to learn how to be a man instead of a scared little boy.
Then he can come back to her.
Then he'll be good enough for her.
The look on her mother's face is all she can think about as she shoves clothes into an old duffel bag. The way her mother's blue eyes, always so filled with laughter, suddenly turned to ice and the concern on her face was quickly drowned out by anger. Even Rory's tears had had no affect on Lorelai. She'd turned into a disappointment. She was supposed to be the "good one". She was supposed to be the one that would erase Lorelai's mistakes, instead she had repeated them. Rory knew this was the only way. She couldn't bear to live with the disappointment she had caused. This was the only thing left for her to do. For the first time she can truly understand why Jess left.
She walked to the bus station and quietly boarded the bus. She didn't know where she was going, but as she sat on the seat at the back of the bus a breath she hadn't known she was holding slowly exhaled.
A part of her that she'd always kept locked up deep down inside was suddenly unlocked. As she watched Star's Hollow disappear behind her, she finally felt free.
Author's Note: Hey guys! Sorry it's been soooooo long for the update! And I know it's a pretty short one, but I'd really like to get back into this story and I'm feelin' the creative juices beginning to flow. I tell you...I had writer's block for the longest freakin' time, but hopefully it's done now! I'm really excited to keep writing this story and to get your feedback on it! Reviews are greatly appreciated and I hope to get another chapter posted by Saturday. My goal is to have one new chapter posted once a week. Enjoy!