The Great Hall was abuzz with activity. Students who hadn't seen each other over the summer break eagerly filled each other in on new events and the latest gossip. The teachers were in their usual positions at the Head Table, some of them making idle chatter with each other, and some (or, shall we say, one particular potions master) fended off any type of conversation in favor of looking out over the students.

All in all, it was a normal start of the year feast.

Then, She showed up.

She was the most gorgeous girl anyone could imagine. She had long, flowing, shimmering auburn hair which hung in rivulets down to her lower back. Her eyes were the most striking violet that anyone could imagine - they were even more attractive than Lily Evans' trademark green. They seemed to sparkle with a magnificent inner light. Her skin was flawless - it looked like the finest porcelain. She was tall with long, slender, shapely legs. Her features were perfect! (In fact, She was so indescribably beautiful that one needed a dictionary to find a way to put her magnificence into words.)

Everyone was instantly awed.

Headmaster Dumbledore stood. "We are honored to have a seventh year American exchange student! Please give a warm welcome to Miss. Chantilly Ecstasy Blossom Rutherford!"

Severus Snape was instantly disgusted; all the boys (and some of the girls) drooled.

The girl strutted up to the Sorting Hat, her tight robe clinging to her body and showing off her ever graceful movements. She daintily sat down on the stool and McGonagall put the hat on her head.

"GRYFFINDOR!!" it screamed almost immediately.

Smiling widely, she stood up and, pausing to smooth down her robe (which had ridden up slightly, exposing silky white thighs) and ran over to the Gryffindor Table, amongst deafening applause from the Gryffindors themselves.

"Hello," she said in a soft, sweet voice. She had a slight Southern accent. "I'm Chantilly Ecstasy Blossom."

"I'm - I'm - uh - I'm Henry - uh--" Harry shook his head slightly. "I mean Harry. I'm Harry. Harry Potter. The Harry Potter." He smiled charmingly, until Ron pushed him out of the way so he could introduce himself.

"I'm Ronald Weasley," he said, trying and failing horribly to put on a flirtatious face. "Harry Potter's best friend"

"And I'm Hermione Granger," said the bushy haired girl. "So - you're from America?"

The girl nodded. "Kentucky. I just love it there, but we had to move! I already miss it! I was the best horseback rider in the state! I won fifty medals for jumping!"

"Aren't you a little young to be a seventh year?"

"Oh - I'm only fourteen! But my marks are so good that they let me skip some grades!"

"Wow!" Hermione seemed awed.

"I'm a little afraid though," she said. "What with it being a new school and all. What if no one likes me?!"

"I'll introduce you to people!" Harry and Ron shouted at the same time.

"Oh! Thank you so much! I was so worried that no one would like little old me!"

"Wow," Hermione repeated quietly. "She's humble, too."

Chantilly hugged Ron, then Harry, in thanks.

At the Head Table, Severus Snape seethed with jealousy. Something about this girl was setting off all his internal alarms . . .

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Author's Note: This is my parody of all the Mary Sues out there. I really haven't read all that many Mary Sue stories (as the absolute perfection of the Mary Sue usually makes me want to puke) but I found an archive of Mary Sue parodies and I just couldn't resist writing one. I hope it seems . . . suitably Mary Sue-ish.

Thanks for reading!

-snarryvader81 (aka Anna)