Author's Note: I was just listening to I'm Here by Aly and AJ on their Insomniatic CD, and I was like, man I absolutely love this song! Thus, this was born. XOXO Love all my readers and reviewers, enjoy!
Disclaimer: Oh, shut up.
In the midst of discovering others, I've discovered myself.
- Anonomous
She couldn't stand not being able to touch him, to hold him, to feel his presence right next to her. She couldn't stand being alone at night, feeling this way, thinking about him but never being able to make at least one tiny dream come true.
Lilly sighed, and sank her feet farther into the sand. Life was hopeless.
She laughed bitterly and looked up at the stars for an answer to her questions, a cure perhaps, to her pain. Wherever it was, she couldn't find it, and looked back down at the sand with no intrest. This was the meaning of being alone. Miley wouldn't understand if she tried to explain it, and Oliver- hell, she might as well give up Miley's secret as well.
Oliver didn't feel the same way. He never would, and never had. She guessed being nice to people for their crayons wasn't a very nice idea. Look where she was now.
She looked around at her surroundings and instantly regretted it. The empty beach center was ghostly, somewhat haunted in a way without the laughter and presence of it's daily customers. Rico's Surf Shack set off a dark shadow as the rest of the center was filled with darkness. Luckily, the Malibu sky was bright that night, and the moon and stars served as her candles in the eerie darkness.
The proof that she was the only one there made the hallow, empty spot in her heart grow even larger. If she had to fake-laugh one more time, she'd scream. If she had to plaster on another smile, someone would pay. If she had to keep pretending that everything was ok for one more week, blood was going to spill, and lots of it.
She heard a soft, barely audible noise, like sand, and looked around for the suspicious sound. Her heart sprouted wings and got ready to fly away. The familiar feeling of love, nervousness and panic swept over her, and she prayed she looked ok.
Oliver was walking towards her.
She wanted to see him the most, yet she didn't want to see him at all. Lilly knew this wasn't the night that she would tell him how she felt, even though she wanted to. I guess she'd just have to scream when she got home, because she knew he'd try and act dumb on purpose to make her crack a smile.
Smiling was the last thing she felt like doing.
He sat next to her softly and silently, giving her time to think before he spoke. Why was she so moody all the time? Shy was her laugh so unreal, her smile so fake? He wished he could tell her that it was ok, that she could stop pretending that she was fine. He wanted to hold her and kiss her over and over, and over again.
"Hey," he said softly.
Lilly didn't speak, just responded with a tiny glance from her eyes.
"See anything in the stars that interests you tonight?"
She shook her head slightly and sighed. "I've been looking, but no luck."
"Lills..." he called to her softly, and put his arm around her, but she turned away, letting him know that she didn't want to be touched.
"Don't touch me, Oliver. I can't deal with that right now," she whispered to him. If they made skin contact, she didn't know what she would do...most likely something irrational.
He siged, mad at himself that he wasn't helping. Lilly had no idea that he would give everything just to see her smile like she used to, again.
"How's you know I'd be here?"
He laughed softly. "Hi, I'm Oliver, and you may not know this, but I'm your best friend," he joked, but she seemed to sink into a deeper sadness at his attempt of making her smile. "We both tend to run when we're hurting," he told her, his voice gentler. "This is where we've been going since, like eighth grade."
She felt angry at his kindness. For some odd reason, she wanted him to be angry at her for being such a difficult brat. She wanted him to be mad at her, because she didn't deserve him.
"Don't dwell on the past, we're juniors now, Oliver," she said irritatedly.
He shrugged. "Yeah, well, if we can't dwell on the past, what chance do any of us have?"
She shrugged.
He kept his eyes on the sand, trying to make her feel as comfortable as possible. "Look, Lills, whatever's hurting you, I need to know, or else it's going to keep hurting you."
"No one needs to know, I can take care of myself," she snapped.
He nodded. "So there is a problem. Does is involve your best friends?"
She sighed and bent her head back to look to the the stars. That was the point. They were best friends, something she didn't want anymore. She had felt like they should move on from that since...since forever. She had even lied to herself. She really liked Oliver, not just his crayons, but Miley couldn't keep a secret like that. She'd blow it all out of porportion and tell her to flirt or something. It wasn't like that. It was deeper than a crush.
"Best friend, more like it," she answered him.
"Is this about Miley?" he asked her, hoping it wasn't. Then there would be no point in him being here. The best he could do is promise he won't tell and urge her to talk to Miley herself.
To his pure joy, she shook her head.
"So...this is about me?"
She didn't respond, making him feel stupid about asking that question. The answer was obvious, but for no reason he just repeated it.
She laid back for a full view of the stars. He was so caring. It made her sick. He really knew how to make her look bad, like some cranky girl with problems that wants people to worry over her, like an attention grabber.
He laid back with her, admiring the stars, even though in his opinion, they had nothing compared to Lilly. She was beyond the definition of beautiful, and any synonym related.
"What's happened between us, Lills?"
She sighed once more. Oh, he had no idea.
He frowned inside at his own question that he could easily answer. Oh, she had no clue.
"I could write a book and never finish. Let's not even discuss it."
He smirked. "But what good will that do? You really want to keep living like this? No one buys your smiles and laughs, Lilly. We all know something's up with you. And I can't stand to see you sad..." he said, whispering the last sentence.
Unfortunately, Lilly picked it up. "Why?"
"Why what?"
Her heart was starting to spread it's wings again.
"Why can't you stand to see me sad?"
He laughed softly. "I'll tell you when you tell me what's up with you."
Oh well. Lilly guessed he'd never know then.
"Just, stuff, ok Oliver? It's no big deal."
He smirked. "Then why have you thrown yourself into depression?"
She rolled her eyes. He was so blunt, yet she liked it. No coverup, no beating around the bush. She sat up.
"Because...it's none of your business," she said lamely.
"If it involves me, like you said, then yes it does," he argued softly, sitting up also.
"Look, Oliver," she hissed, her voice rising and her mood becoming angry. "I didn't ask you to come, ok? It's not my fault you're going to sit here and waste your time trying to pump me for information. Back off, you'll find out nothing."
He frowned. "Is that what you think I'm here for? To pump you for information? What good would that do if I knew what's wrong? I'm trying to help you, not hurt you, and yes, I really can't stand seeing you sad. So there."
She scoffed, even though she knew he was telling the truth. He really did want to help. She just wasn't doing a good job of letting him. Wasn't that what he was here for anyways?
"I'm just..." She sighed and looked down. "I'm just, trying to make it, ok? You don't know how hard it is to want something so, so, so badly, you can barely function."
He laughed. "Oh, I know exactly what you mean. You think and dream about it at night. It eats your insides out until you fall into-"
"Depression," she finished for him, amazed that he was going through the same thing.
He smailed and looked at her. "And everytime you see the thing you want, you can barely breathe. And it just-"
"Kills you to even stand it," she finished, smiling back at him. Maybe she really wasn't alone.
"Exactly."
Oliver gazed at her with such love and passion, she blushed and looked away. He realized that he had his "look" on and stared at the sky.
"What do you want from me?" he asked her softly.
"What are you talking about? Want what?"
He smiled to himself. "You said whatever you're upset about has to do with me. And then you said you wanted something really badly. What?"
She looked the stars with him, and stayed silent for a moment before speaking. "You know, the answers I look for in the sky, I never find. Why is that so?" she whispered.
"Maybe, 'cause they're not in the stars?"
They looked at each other, wondering what the other was thinking. They both looked like they were about to do something regrettible, possibly stupid.
"Maybe...beacuse they're right next to you."
"Maybe...because you least expect it."
They were centimeters apart, fully aware of what they both wanted to do, fully understanding what they've both been aching for. But could they sacrifice everything? Would they sacrifice everything?
She looked down, still very close to his lips. "Or maybe they're not. Maybe this isn't the answer to our problems. Maybe we're about to do something we shouldn't do."
He smiled. "I know you don't really mean that. You don't believe that, and we both know it."
She looked back up. "Could you be something I least expect? Because you could be the answer to all my problems."
And with that, he gently put his lips to hers.
She parted her lips, allowing him access. They had been taking it slow, too slow for her taste. This was everything they both wanted.
The kiss became needier, more forceful, and the passion that drove them was in full drive. Lilly broke apart and pushed him onto his back. She laid ontop of him and kissed him once more, running her fingers through his hair as he wrapped his arms around her waist.
The kiss was everything they wanted, plus more. It was one thing to dream about it, and another to make it come true. This was something unexpected, yet totally beautiful. It was something crazy and uncontrollable, yet passionate and sacred at the same time. It was...something different.
"Lilly..." he whispered, breaking the kiss apart.
"What?" she hissed.
"We can't."
She frowned. "Do what?"
"Do anything past this."
She just looked at him.
"Lills...we can't just jump into it like this. You know that."
"Is that what you think I want? To jump into it? Oliver, I love you, beyond words. And if we did what you're implying, it'd be something we wanted, not something we wanted at the heat of the moment."
He smiled at her. "I love you too, but...we need to take it slowly. We still haven't planned tomorrow."
She laughed. "I see tomorrow with you and me, lying side by side, just us."
He chuckled softly. "I see tomorrow with us sitting at desks, in a row, with a bunch of other kids."
She sighed and rolled her eyes. "Crap, tomorrow's Monday."
He flipped her over and gently brushed a strand of hair from her forhead. "Yeah, but who knows what next weekend will bring," he said, smiling.
She smiled back. He really was the answer to her problem.
Author's Note: Yeah yeah, the ending was crappy, but what's a girl to do? It hink this is a one shot, but perhaps if I get more reviews than expected, it just might turn into something else...and I was thinking about how I wrote in past-tense, yet the fic is set in the future??? Hmmm...Read and review, tell me how it is! And with that, I have just one thing to say: Mwaaa, KISSES!