Title: This is how we break
Author: CI
Rating: T for inexplicit sex, angst, death, and curses. (later chaps peeps)
RabixKanda. Implied AllenxRinali, hints of RabixAllen, KandaxAllen, because damn it everyone likes Allen! A story between the four of them.
ONE
If you asked the Black Order for their number of deaths the amount would reach into the thousands and constantly be increasing. Exorcists, finders, those affiliated with the order, stripped of identity and counted as a number. If you asked the Black Order for their status in the war no one would answer, for the dead speak louder than the living and the living fear their own hearts for the dead.
If you asked the Black Order if their was any hope left in winning the war Komui Li, chief of the science department would say one thing and one thing only.
"Allen Walker is dead."
And if you knew anything about the Black Order you would know instantly what those words meant.
Rabi runs down the hallway, heels clicking, echoing down the stone floors of the castle. It is the fourth day after their last mission. And he is afraid of time and that the earth was collapsing again beneath his feet. Where four was, there are three. Three. Two. One.
Zero.
"Rinali! Rinali, wait where are you going?"
She looks surprised, "Just for a walk. I need to exercise my legs."
"No."
Rabi swallows, "Don't go; just wait a little longer. He'll come back. You'll see." Rinali looks incredulous and places her hands on Rabi's, trying to lessen his grip on her shoulders. It's the middle of the night where rebirth has stolen the moon, and the Earl has stolen their resolve.
"It's been too long" She says softly, because voices echo amongst the hallways and mingle with her own. Hers is a whisper that Rabi can hardly hear over the sound of the dead.
"I can't just wait here Rabi, the silence is suffocating. No one talks about it, like they're trying to avoid it. We're not allowed to mourn." She says as a final out burst and he hugs her tightly as if to retain her pieces.
But he doesn't know she is the wind and in a muffled breath she mutters nothings against his jacket. She's already at the base of the cliff when he notices she's out of his grasp, and he nearly follows her when she walks off. Falling into the fog there are green lights.
She said: "Don't follow me."
He said: "I can't promise you."
She's like wind, he thinks. She floats away.
Kanda tries not to notice Komui anymore. It's terribly awkward around the older man, more so than usual. He's strictly in business mode, going through papers and digesting information. Everyone knows that in the quiet of his paper flooded room he is the one who counts the number dead. It is after four days that missing persons are considered dead or strays. Four days without communication in a war is enough time to be considered dead, time is the Earl's pawn.
Kanda is especially aware that Komui frantically threads through papers to keep busy. As for the rest of them, including the exorcists, there haven't been any missions since their last. Kanda comes each day and each day it's the same thing.
"Sorry Kanda nothing today. No unusual reports, nothing."
Kanda huffs distastefully. He's beginning to hate that word. Nothing. There's nothing to say, there is nothing we could have done, there is nothing.
And like the word he detests so much the long haired exorcist says nothing and waits to be dismissed. Komui is looking at Kanda like a child, trying to make a serious face. Kanda notices how Komui looks dead tired with plenty of luggage underneath his eyes, enough to run away with.
"Dismissed." Komui says and slumps exhaustingly on his desk. Kanda takes the coffee cup on the desk, the one with the smiling pink rabbit, "You should get some rest." He says firmly, more of an order which Rinali should be giving, not him.
Komui is almost laughing, "Kanda you know very well I can't sleep anymore."
For some reason that infuriates Kanda, there are crows feet forming by the chief's eyes, dark circles under his eyes, and a hollow sound of pitiful laughter. Kanda leers and smashes the cup to the ground.
"Well try harder, try fucking harder."
". . .That was a present from Rinali."
When Reever rushes in, Kanda scoffs out the door. Komui watches the young exorcist's back; without ill-intent or malice, he just observes.
"Chief?"
"Reever could you fetch me some more coffee?"
"Why are you going to die?"
"We all die someday, you know."
"I heard you sold away your heart. You shouldn't die like that, without a heart."
"You wouldn't understand. Don't talk about it, don't fucking talk anymore."
"You can have mine."
"A bookman has no need for a heart."
Rabi doesn't like to be in any part of the castle alone, because it's when the voices are the loudest and he starts to feel compelled to comply. So instead he thinks of the years of his youth with Yuu, or happier days with Allen or how he became friends with Rinali; because broken hearts are broken hearts are broken hearts and there are pieces and shards that he always keeps to himself to reminisce.
Rabi finds Kanda in his room with the door slightly open. He knocks first, but enters anyway. Kanda is standing still by the window sill.
"What the hell do you want?"
"I think you know; I want my heart back." Rabi smiles jokingly, and for a second Kanda is reminded of Allen because if it was one thing the two exorcists shared was the same idiotic smile. But Rabi is not Allen, just as Allen was never Rabi.
Kanda doesn't say anything, his back is straight and he continues to count the stars out the window. Rabi approaches and sits on Kanda's bed watching the pale exorcist as his presence seems to seep away through the window. He's reminded of Rinali who took the wind with her; perhaps the night will be lost in Kanda's leave.
"Wherever you're going, I'm coming with you." Rabi says in all seriousness.
Kanda eyes him and smirks slightly. Rabi continues, "You know where Rinali is, don't you? She told you didn't she?"
"Why the hell don't you guys tell me anything? No one talks anymore, that's why Rinali left in the first place! You take a guy like Allen Walker, a guy who was everyone's hope and he fucking disappears and suddenly his name is taboo!"
"Rabi, you're a fucking idiot, stop talking."
"Kanda, those people from before, they're dead aren't they?"
". . . Yeah."
"Do you know what happens when we die, Yuu? Do you?--"
"No because you're sure as hell not going to tell me any—Kanda grabbed his throat and kissed him hard. It was dark so it was a clumsy kiss, but Kanda seemed to be able to see and when he pulled away Rabi was visibly red and bleeding where he was bitten.
"They'll hear you damn it. Let's go." And like a cat Kanda leapt from the window with Rabi closely behind.
"--Exorcists don't go to heaven or hell, we're burnt asunder and cover the earth in ash."
A/N: Why am I writing this? Who knows? I've always wanted to write a RabiKanda though (and omg there is some KA in there?!). Kanda's not one of those people I write, so this will be interesting. Oh, yeahs this is a multichap fic, ppls
Reviews would be nice. :)