A/N This story is in response to a contest initiated by Zaratan, the subject of which was, "Create a story with a pairing that you've never done before."
This story was also inspired by a hilarious book called "I love you Beth Cooper" by Larry Doyle
Ok so you'll probably notice that I couln't tell this tale in one shot. Because it has too much potential for hilarity (and some angst) that I couldn't rush it. So those of you waiting for me to actually finish certains stories. I apologize but I've got another multi chapter story on my hands.
So um enjoy I guess.. I'm pretty sure no one's done this pairing before
JFTheano41 has joined the conversation
JFTheano41: Sorry about that AOL is the most incongruous piece of software that has ever been used for communication purposes.
EmanuelLaskerFTW: I love it when you talk dirty to me
JFTheano41: Hardy, har, har, har. So what were we talking about again?
EmanuelLaskerFTW: Your unstable molecule transmitter.
JFTheano41: I'm through with that; a little too dangerous. The mayor would be surprised at how close the city came to a nuclear meltdown.
EmanuelLaskerFTW: Hey if you're going to go out, what better way than to be atomized in a blinding flash of light and heat. That's how Chuck Norris spends his mornings.
JFTheano41: Dear God not the Chuck Norris jokes :(
EmanuelLaskerFTW: One time Chuck Norris was walking in the forest looking for hippies to use as firewood, when a grizzly bear crossed his path. Chuck lifted the bear into the air with his mind, spun him around, and digested him telekinetically.
JFTheano41: You are the stupidest intelligent person I've ever met.
EmanuelLaskerFTW: And Chuck wasn't even hungry
JFTheano41: Groan
EmanuelLaskerFTW: LOL
JFTheano41: BTW Did you get a chance to read the initial draft of my speech? It was quite amusing, don't you think
EmanuelLaskerFTW: You should do it.
JFTheano41: Do what?
EmanuelLaskerFTW: Do this speech, go with this version.
JFTheano41: I for one would be worried about the lack of kinetic energy in evidence among the amplitude of your cerebrum.
EmanuelLaskerFTW: I must disagree I happen to be at the height of mental clarity. This speech will be unforgettable; akin to the Emancipation Proclamation except it'll be a lot less important.
JFTheano41: Tell me again why you didn't make the debate team?
EmanuelLaskerFTW: Listen it will be the talk of Middleton High for years. Besides think of it this way, you may never see him again. This might be your last chance to release your hidden feelings; then you can move on.
JFTheano41: Now that is a persuasive argument; recent studies have shown that repressed feelings can lead to future emotional complications.
EmanuelLaskerFTW: As if you didn't have enough emotional complications already. I say this as your closest confidante. This can nay it will be a good thing for you.
JFTheano41: Or it could be a monumental blunder of epic proportions.
EmanuelLaskerFTW: Either way it'll be one memorable evening, if you don't do this you may end up regretting it. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow but for the rest of your life!
JFTheano41: Ok Bogie I will be sure to give it a considerable amount of consideration.
EmanuelLaskerFTW: And maybe, he'll reciprocate those feelings.
JFTheano41: Sure except for one insurmountable, inconvertible fact.
EmanuelLaskerFTW: What?
JFTheano41: He's dating Kim Possible
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"I give up. All you're going to do is turn things around and make me feel like I'm wrong," Kevin Guberman's mother huffed loudly as she stomped out of his room.
"That's because you are wrong mom. It's called logic!"
He sighed and stared at himself in the mirror. He was short and slim; his hair topped with thick dark curls. Glasses…check….braces…check….acne…check….
Ah Kevin you handsome devil, no wonder the girls are lining up around the block.
Low self esteem…..check.
He sighed again as he slipped on a green rugby shirt to go with his recently purchased brown cargo pants.
"Aww, you look super cute!" his mother crowed.
Kevin was crestfallen at being called super cute. "Didn't you just storm out of here?"
"Oh yes, but I forgot to ask if you could please pick up some soy milk on you way back."
It was like they didn't just have a fight.
"Sure."
"Oh and we're having vermicelli for dinner tonight so don't be late. Toodles!"
His possibly schizophrenic mother now gone Kevin returned to the mirror. It was the day before graduation; after tomorrow night he'd officially be done with high school.
Ah high school, an institution where the social hierarchies created in elementary school were reinforced, and the divisions between students deepened. Anyone not yet belonging to a social group was unmercifully teased until he would conform and join a group that would accept him. Then said student would be further mocked for joining a "loser" group.
A vicious cycle
At least, that's how it was for the first three years. Things changed a bit after the Junior Prom thanks to the actions of one Ron Stoppable. Whether they changed for better or for worse depended on how you felt about the food chain.
Kevin snatched his chess board off his bed and walked out of his room.
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Kevin and his best friend Peter Cooper shifted uncomfortably on the cold, stone benches they sat on. The chess board lay on a small stone table between them.
"So where were you last night?" Peter asked
They were currently immersed in their game, or more specifically Kevin was immersed in the game, which was status quo when it came to chess for the Middleton High chess club captain.
"Nice move…..I was out." Kevin answered
"Out? You sure you weren't carving Justine's name into your arm as you listened to some classic Journey songs?" Peter chortled, pleased with his taunting prowess. He and Kevin had been good friends since the first day of their freshman year at M.T High (M. T High was what it was called by the "cool" kids). They were always together, and surprisingly enough when they were apart, people would often mistaken one for the other. Even though Peter was taller, skinnier and didn't wear glasses.
Peter had a theory that people thought all losers looked alike
"I'm over that." Kevin said as he deftly captured one of Pete's pawns. "I'm all about the platonic now."
"Sure."
"In fact, I'm so over it, I convinced her to finally make her move."
Peter's interest in the game was now at its lowest level. This new announcement was very interesting.
"She's been holding it in for like two years. I told her it was 'time to let it out'……. I've got you pinned."
Peter laughed. "I'm shocked."
"About what?"
"That my head didn't explode from the sheer irony of your actions. Dude, why don't you follow your own advice?"
"I'd rather give advice than take it."
"Maybe you're a bit of a coward. An intellectual coward but a coward nonetheless"
Kevin sighed.
"By the way, that wasn't a question that was a statement." Peter rested his chin on his hands for a moment before making his next move. "So when is this all going down?"
"Tomorrow at graduation, and believe me, it's going to be a memorable one."
"What if he says yes?"
He's not going to say yes, he's dating Kim Poss…. Kevin shrugged. "Whatever." He placed his hands over a bishop piece. "My mom was on my case today."
"Ooo, nice change of subject, you are a master of conversation cues."
Kevin moved his bishop. "Check."
"Alright, I'll bite, what was big mama Guberman's problem today?"
"She can be so annoying sometimes you know. All I asked was for her not to blurt out a question at me when she first walks into a room. It's a well known fact that when your parents ask you a question out of blue, your natural instinct is too lie. She's turning me into a liar."
"I don't follow."
"For example, she walks into the room and out of nowhere she goes 'what are you doing later?' So I start to stall in my usual manner."
"Ah, the traditional Kevin Gubberman uhhhhhhhhh."
"So my mind starts constructing scenarios….."
'You're still constructing scenarios, we're graduating tomorrow!"
"And every single scenario was not a pleasant one. My mom has the tendency to impulsively decide it's time to clean the garage. So my brain is screaming lie, lie, lie….."
"Holy crap!" Peter quickly placed his hands over Kevin's mouth. "Check out who's here."
Kevin tore his face away from the chess board for the first time in half and hour. He followed Peter's eyes and he saw them.
There in the distance, hand in hand, strolling and chatting were the two celestial figures of Ron Stoppable and Kim Possible.
"Speak of the devil," Kevin muttered.
"This guy, this guy didn't just break the food chain last year, he shattered it."
"Don't point you idiot, they'll know we're talking about them."
"So what, everyone still talks about them, even though they've been going out for a year already."
Kevin opened his arms up wide. "I don't understand what the big deal is about! They've been friends forever."
"Friends, schmiends! He was pecking along at the bottom of the food chain last year, doing arguably worse than us socially, and she's a top five hottie in the school. It doesn't make sense."
"He taps into something," Kevin replied as he fingered his rook
"What?"
"When you see a couple who are not compatible like in the….looks department….you can bet that the guy tapped into something in her."
Peter nodded. "I get it; you're saying he's carrying an Eunectes murinus (anaconda) in his pants. One big enough to swallow Jon Voight….."
Kevin sputtered. "No, that's not what I'm saying at all…."
"Makes sense, I've always wondered why he slouches so much."
"Listen you idiot…"
"Idiot? My S.A.T scores weren't that much lower than yours……"
"Pete listen, I'm talking about basic psychology here, ok? I've done the research, some people have compatible archetypes."
Peter folded his arms over his chest. "Well Freud, explain."
"Alright" He glanced back at Kim and Ron. They looked so much in love.
Damn them.
"Let's look at Ron. His archetype would be Best Friend/Free Spirit. The best friend is the guy with the shoulders you can cry on. He'll happily lend the sympathetic ear; he's decent and kind. The BF is a buddy you can count on when the chips are down and when things are looking their worst. The truth is the best friend can be a very loving partner, and in the working world, a loyal employee. But he's not very ambitious and he tends to welcome complacency."
"Make sense."
"Ron also falls into the category of free spirit. The free spirit skips through life, he is genuine, sincere and fun loving. The free spirit makes decisions with his emotions. While others might see his plans as whacky and impractical, to the free spirit, it's only natural to follow his inner voice. People are always surprised when the free spirit comes out on top, though in more cases than none, his impulsiveness will get him in many jams."
"Is this what you do with your free time, profile our fellow classmates?"
"Hold on, I'm on an inspired roll. The free spirit/BF is compatible with two kinds of people, one who happens to be the Chief/Crusader."
"Let me guess, Kim Possible."
"Yes Kim Possible. Let's analyze her, alright. The Chief is a leader. He/She, in this case she, is a person who seizes control whenever possible. Active, dynamic, stubborn, strong willed, occasionally pig headed, she has a need to fix problems and produce results. Challenges never discourage a Chief, in fact they relish the opportunity to defeat said obstacles. Chiefs exude confidence; they're fiercely protective of those they care for, which can lead to jealousy issues. And finally their independence is vitally important to them."
"How much longer is this going to take? They're getting closer."
Kevin was cranking now. "She's also a crusader….tenacious and head strong. She's a fighter in the truest sense of the word. Courageous, resolute, persuasive, she's a one woman army."
"I hate to say it but that does sound like Kim."
Filled with unprecedented vigor Kevin continued "Now you might say, wait a minute, those profiles don't sound like they would synch up at all!"
"Why would I say that?"
"The Chief thinks logically while the Free Spirit works on emotions. The Best Friend would say, the crusader is too wound up. The crusader would say the best friend is too laid back."
"Uh-oh trouble in paradise."
"But if you think about it, it works. In a relationship, the Chief learns that traditional ways are not always the best. She learns not to take life too seriously; he becomes more focused because she brings direction and stability to the table. He appreciates the way she gets what she wants, she enjoys his presence. They're never bored with each other.
"Ok I get it. They work together….."
"And the Best friend/Crusader connection is even simpler yet equally as profound, the best friend and Crusader both like to help. The BF likes to help his friends while the Crusader wants to help others and make the world a better place. They both appreciate someone who actually cares about people other then themselves. In addition, the BF finds a passionate partner in the Crusader and the Crusader finds a man she can trust in the BF. And viola the ingredients for a happy couple!"
"Hey guys, what's going on?"
"Oh jeez!" Kevin clutched at his chest before giving Peter a look that said 'why didn't you tell me they were so close?'
Peter shrugged. "Ron dude; never expected to see you around these parts."
Ron scanned the immediate area; there were dozens of stone tables and benches surrounding them, each created specifically for chess lovers who for years had frequented this section of the park.
"What, you saying I don't belong here?" Ron replied in a faux New York-y accent. "You saying I'm stupid? Are you saying I'm so dumb that me just being here is funny to you? Is that what you're saying?"
"I uh…I didn't mean it as an insult."
"Oh yeah, well I received it as an insult and that's how I believe it was given."
Peter gulped; Ron laughed a moment later.
"I'm just playing ya."
Kim elbowed him a little less than gently in the gut. "I am sorry guys; Ron was watching Mafia movies all day yesterday."
Ron ran his hand down the back of his neck. "Ok, I may have gone a little too far," he said sheepishly.
Peter smiled. "Well you really had me going. For a minute there, I thought you had finally come done with a case of jockitis."
"Nah, even with a state championship, I'm the same old Ron I've always been. Cept' now, I've got a badical babe hanging off my arm."
Kim grinned. "Well some can make the case that you've always had a badical babe hanging off your arm."
She leaned in for a kiss and Kevin groaned inwardly.
The sickening public display of affection caused Ron to blush. "So you guys hang out here allot." He said quickly
"Yep" Kevin took a look around himself. Memories of the many classic chess games he had seen or been involved with here flooded his thoughts "sometimes you just want to go where everybody knows you name."
"Cool, maybe I can play with you guys sometime. But you'll have to, you know, tech me how to play first"
"No problem"
"Well if you'll excuse us, we've got ourselves a movie to snag. We'll catch you guys tomorrow at the graduation." With that; the highly talked about couple skipped off. High on their own glee
It was horrible
Peter watched them go until they were dots in the distance. "He was of the biggest losers in school for three years. Now he's the best running back the school has ever seen and he's got Grade A babeage to squeeze on whenever he wants. Screw Lou Gehrig dude, the happiest man on the face of the earth just walked by."
"I guess."
"How did he pull it off…..Psychobabble be damned, I still say he must be packing. She probably uses it for shade during hot summer…"
"Are we playing or what?" Kevin seethed.
"Oh right, I forgot about your precious chess." Peter returned to the board. "So who was the second type?"
"What?"
"You said the Best Friend/Free Spirit was compatible with two types. You did Kim's, what's the second type?" Peter made his move.
"I thought it was psychobabble."
"Well listening to psychobabble is better than sitting in silence watching your nostrils flare as you 'concentrate' on your next move."
"The second type, under certain circumstances, and if some conditions are met, is the Librarian. In a relationship between the two, The Free Spirit gains rationality and practicality that allows him to soar to the stars that he's always dreaming of. The Librarian on her own would be so wrapped up in her thoughts she would have no time for anything else. But the Free Spirit's outgoing personality can free her from her own mind and she learns to appreciate life by seeing it's not always ruled by logic."
Kevin stared at the board. "I'll give you three guesses on who's a Librarian."
"Justine Flanner," Peter answered immediately.
Kevin captured another of Peter's pieces. "Checkmate."
They sat there for a minute or two, drowning in an awkward silence.
"So you want to play again?" Kevin asked.
Peter nodded "You know what's strange? Red hair on a girl is very sexy, red hair on a dude," he shook his head, "not so hot. Why do you think that is?"
Kevin shrugged as he placed the pieces back in their default position. "Another one of life's great mysteries I guess."
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Justine adjusted her hair band and cleared her throat. "You see, there's an easy way to multiply by five's, even without a calculator."
The blond boy sitting at the end of her bed looked confused. "What do you mean?" he asked.
"When you must multiply a number by five, simply add a zero to the number and then divide it by two."
"I don't get it."
"Let's say for example you want to find the answer for 243 multiplied by 5. What you do is add a zero to 243, making it 2430. Half of 2430 or 2430 divided by 2 is 1215, which is….."
"243 times five," he said gleefully.
"That's right." She reached for the notebook on his lap, but he was ready for her. He grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her down beside him.
"What are you doing?"
"Justine, you're so smart. No, you're brilliant, and beautiful."
"Oh," she blushed.
"And you're so kind to help me prepare me for the S.A.T's. Kim thought I was a lost cause." He lowered his eyes. "I was beginning to think I was a lost cause as well."
She pushed his chin up with her hand. "You're not a lost cause. You're just, you're just misunderstood."
He licked his lips. "How can I ever repay you?"
"A simple thank you is enough."
"No, that would be never be enough!" Without warning, he grabbed her by the waist and forced her down onto the bed.
She did not resist.
For a moment he lay on top of her, letting their bodies rub together, studying her face.
"But my parents," she cried.
"I don't care. You don't know how long I've waited for this moment; you will never know how many times this very scene has visited my dreams only to disappear with the mornings light."
"How many times?"
"What?"
"How many times have you dreamed of me?" She breathed heavily.
"More times than there are numerals in the solution when one is to divide 22 by 7."
"Oh……I have dreamed of you as well my love."
"Then let us make this dream a reality!" He flung her arms over her head and with one hand held her wrists still until she lay flat.
"So strong," she panted.
He trailed his hand idly over her body, then cupped and pulled at her flesh.
"No, we're from two different worlds, this cannot happen, it's wrong," she huffed.
"That's why it feels so right" He nibbled at her earlobe. "I'm prepared to go where no man has gone before. Then I'm going to go back again and again, and again."
"Oh my goodness!" She gasped. "I…I've never done anything like this before!"
He let her wrist go and began a trail of kisses that started at the base of her neck and slowly continued further south.
"Wait, where are you going? Oh…." She gasped when she realized what was happening. "Oh, oh, oh….MY GOD RON.!" She clutched his hair in a fierce grip
"Justine."
"Ron."
"Justine."
"Ron."
"Justine."
"Justine."
"Justine."
"MS. Flanner!"
Justine's eyes flickered open and she stared at the staunch face of Steve Barkin. "It's time for your speech Ms. Flanner or have you forgotten you're the valedictorian."
"Oh, oh the speech, of course."
She was in the backstage of the Middleton High auditorium.
Note to self, no more of my mother's Harlequin romances. Stick to classical literature. Pride and Prejudice, Tom Sawyer, Walden
"Ok I'm ready sir."
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Three minutes into the speech:
"Today we look forward to the future. And to do so, we must look back to our pasts with no regrets. To live without regrets, we mustn't be afraid to confess, and to confess we must be courageous.
Pause.
"Courageous enough to admit that there's nothing cool about being a stuck up witch. And the only reason I put other people down is because of my own insecurities. Insecurities possibly caused by my family."
Confused murmurs filled the auditorium. Dozens of eyes landed on Bonnie Rockwaller who greeted the glances with a growl.
"We must be courageous enough to say I'm gay and I'm proud. And I don't care what the others in detention might say" Justine glanced at a non specific section of the audience.
Big Mike almost jumped out of his seat. Justine saw him mouth. "But I'm not gay," from the corner of her eyes
"Let us be courageous enough to criticize and say some teachers do not have the necessary tools to teach every class."
"Hey, was that a shot," Barkin shouted from behind the curtains.
"And let us be courageous enough to say the things we've longed to say, but we've kept our mouths from saying." She leaned into the microphone.
"I love you Ron Stoppable."
There was a delay in the reaction from the audience.
"I love you Ronald Stoppable." She repeated
Some gasped.
Bonnie howled with laughter
Girls whooped.
Kevin stared forward as the melodic song "Bittersweet Symphony" echoed in a continuous loop in his mind
Kim stood up and cried, "Ron!"
Boys in the row behind him teasingly patted Ron on the back.
Ron blushed, babbled to his G.F with a look on his face that said three things "I have no idea what's going on, what happened, and what did I do?"
Barkin placed a hand on Justine's shoulder to signify the end of the speech.
But she continued. "I have loved you from afar. I once thought you were just another boy. But I saw your dedication, your loyalty and your kindness and my heart began to long for you."
Barkin grabbed the mic. "Thank you Ms. Flanner, you have given us much to think about."
She snatched it back. "I loved you in Biology class, in Latin class, in Algebra…."
"Thank you Ms Flanner…"
"I have loved you for a long time. But I didn't say it before because we barely spoke. Now I say it with no regrets."
Barkin pushed her away from the podium. "Ms Flanner everyone…"
The applause was deafening as she shuffled across the stage.
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The graduates, a few still in their caps and gowns, clustered in the cafeteria in the same clusters they always had, in the same spots they always ate when there were tables in the room.
Kevin had just bitten into an Oreo cookie when a familiar voice shouted out his name.
It was Ron Stoppable.
He ran up to Kevin apparently out of breath. "Hey Kev, I'm glad I caught up with you. You're Justine's friend right? Do you know where she is?"
Kevin eyed Ron suspiciously. "Where's Kim?"
"Kim, where?" His head swiveled from the left to the right. "Man, she's been watching me like a hawk ever since the speech."
"Justine's gone, she went home."
"Crud, I wanted to talk to her."
Kevin's eyebrow arched. "Why?"
"Because I…." He looked over his shoulders "I know how it feels to….you know…to like someone when they've already got eyes for someone else."
Kevin thought about this revelation. "Are you referring to the Eric situation?"
"Yea uh 'Eric'" he said with the air quotes "I know that the uh unrequited sitch can be pretty rough on a guy. Think about how it must be for a girl with all the extra emotions."
Extra emotions? Who is this guy?
"Yeah, unrequited love does suck, doesn't it?" Kevin agreed
"I just wanted to talk to her about it."
Cripes, why couldn't life be like the movies? Ron was supposed to be the popular stupid jock that dated cheerleaders, beat up nerds, and sucked up to the establishment. He wasn't supposed to be a formerly unpopular C average jock with a heart of gold, piercing hazel eyes and adorable freckles sprinkled on his cheeks.
If the universe was fair Ron (under the command of Kim Possible, who is upset at not being the valedictorian) would try to seduce Justine and take advantage of her innocence, forcing Kevin to rescue her. She'd realize she made a mistake and that true love was right under her nose. His best friend Peter would spend the whole night trying to get laid and after some hilarious sequences, he would wake up in the morning naked next to Bonnie Rockwaller. And then everyone would dance at the end to a cheesy seventies pop song.
But the universe wasn't fair……it was actually cruel and infinite.
And Kevin Guberman was a chump.
"Uh, Monique's party is tonight right?" Kevin said
"Right"
"Justine will be there."
"Really?"
"Yeah"
Actually, Justine had expressed to Kevin that she had no intention of going.
"Ok, so I'll see you guys there," Ron said rapidly when he saw Monique flagging him from across the room.
He turned his head away from Kevin "Kim, I was looking everywhere for you! Where did you go?" Ron turned back briefly to give Kevin a slight nod before hopping off.
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An hour or so later Kevin found her in her backyard, sitting up on the porch looking up at the stars.
"Thank you," she told him when he walked into her field of vision.
"Thanks for what?"
"For giving me the courage to do what I was afraid to do."
"Oh," he sat down beside her.
"You're a good friend."
"I guess." They both looked up at the night sky.
"You know," she said, "counting at a reasonable rate of two stars per second. It'll only take a year and half to count all the stars you can see from the earth."
"Cool."
Once he got to college, things would be different. Kevin would reinvent himself; he wouldn't start off another school year as a loser. He wouldn't only be identified as Kevin the chess club captain, because that's all he was in high school. That's probably how everyone would remember him, if they bothered to remember him at all. He was much more then that, much more. And maybe, if the planets aligned correctly, he'd learn how to be a Free Spirit.
"Uh Justine?"
She looked at him "Yeah…"
"I've got something to say."
"It's not another Chuck Norris story, is it?"
"I uh…" he paused, "about the party. I think you should reconsider"
A/N Ok I feel like I've cheated a bit since we've so nothing from Kevin Guberman behind his name being mention in the series. He's pretty much like an OC (Orginal cahracter) on my part. And since we've seen Justine in only one EP well you get the idea.
But conscience aside. Here's what you can expect from this story
A new OC villian I have been thinking about (closer to the KP villians then my others) that I haven't been able to work in any story.
Partying
Nerd Love
Kim jelling
And other Funny stuff (hopefully) As per usual drop me a review and tell me what ya think
Ok my next "projects" will be a couple of updates Alot Like Love and Used to Be a Hero