SIX AND A HALF

"Jones, Sierra!"

"Hufflepuff!"

Keeping his eyes on the row of shrinking first-years, Harry tilted his head slightly to the right and whispered, "Don't you think this is rather cruel? I mean, really. You're in a strange place filled with people you don't know, and they're so much bigger than you that it makes you feel about ten inches tall, and thenthey make you walk all the way up on to the stage where everyone stares at you, and then they drop a hat on your head like it's some sort of test that, by the way, no one thought to warn you about. Do they have to make a damn show about it?"

Snape's voice came back in an equally low whisper, "How else are we supposed to memorise all their names?"

"Preston, Theodore!"

"Gryffindor!"

"Can you really tell who's going to be in your House just by looking at them?" Harry whispered. "That's rather shallow."

Snape's robes rustled as the man moved slightly to get a better look at the children. "See the small one near the front who's staring down at the floor?"

"No way," Harry said, turning to look at Snape. "He's supposed to be cunning and ambitious?"

"He's been plotting for better things since he was in a crib, mark my words," Snape said.

"Wadsworth, Timothy!"

"Slytherin!"

"That's disturbing," Harry said.

"Quiet. We're supposed to pay attention to our new charges," Snape hissed.

Harry let his eyes wander over the new year's turnout. Quite a few had shot up over the summer, while others looked like they'd been overlooked by the Age-Dust Fairy entirely. Tabitha Cardullo was at a corner of the Ravenclaw table, sitting very still and holding hands tightly with another Ravenclaw girl. The year's new Prefects sat at the very front, shiny badges glinting under candlelight.

"A few announcements before we begin our feast," Dumbledore said. "The Forbidden Forest is off-limits to all students unless supervised by a teacher, no exceptions. Starting this term, Master Longbottom will be taking over the first and second year Herbology classes. We also have a new member of the staff, Professor Lavender Brown, who'll be taking over from Professor Delphi, although she doesn't seem to have arrived at the moment…"

Harry's little finger moved across the tablecloth, just close enough to tap Snape's hand. "Divination's sure to be interesting now."

"Don't you ever shut up?" Snape muttered.

"You can just move right back next to Hungbaur, you know," Harry suggested.

"And deprive Flitwick of the excellent company?" Snape was smirking. "It says a lot that he'd rather sit next to Hungbaur than next to you, you know."

"…and no skinny dipping in the Lake," Dumbledore was saying. "As much as the Giant Squid would enjoy the company, it would only…"

Harry whispered, "He only did it so that Vector could be closer to you."

"What she really wants is to sit between both of us," Snape whispered back.

"You're kidding." Suddenly terrified, Harry turned his head marginally to the left. Vector was smiling benignly, her eyes looking at nothing specific. Harry told himself that he would not shudder.

Dumbledore's voice picked up. "…without much ado, tuck in!"

Snape made a soft hmph sound, though it was barely audible over the sound of two-hundred over students simultaneously attacking their food. Leaning over so to make himself heard, Snape said, "Congratulations. You're the first Defence teacher in nearly half a century to make a second school year. I suppose that'll be your happy thought for the day."

Harry's small finger curled round Snape's. "I'll think about it."

Extended Notes and Acknowledgements:

The original idea behind this fic was to write something humorous around the event of Snape's age-reversal, but when I thought about it, what would really change, if Snape were suddenly twenty years younger? As seen in the fic, I personally think that he wouldn't change (besides the physical bit), and it would be the others around him who'd be affected by it in various different ways. The age-reversal point then took a backseat to teacher!Harry relaxing at Hogwarts and batting away unwanted attention. The pitch for the modified story went something like this:

"Dumbledore: Harry's supposed to be all emo and CAPSLOCKING WITH RAGE, but he's not. Please find out why, kthnx?
Snape: Hell no."

And took off from there.

Many thanks to Katryne for all her laughing and listening. The therapy thing was her idea. Would Harry be punished for revealing sensitive information to a Muggle? Probably, so he'd have to Confound Doc Carol as soon as that situation becomes an issue.

The story's title is a lyric from a song, because you can't have a story about two emo guys bonding without using a song lyric somewhere. Though the phrase may have had earlier origins, I snagged it from Queen's I'm Going Slightly Mad.

Some phrases were directly lifted from Deathly Hallows, among them being "the best part of (Snape)" and the repeatedly-used "all was well".

The "thaumometer" mentioned in the story was based on the word "thaum", which I'd read in Terry Pratchett's Discworld books. In that universe, thaum is one of the smallest measurable units of magic. I've also been told that the word has earlier origins in Ancient Greek, based on the word "thaumo".

That's all, thank you and goodnight.

ETA: Responding to duj's comment in the reviews, Harry's line "I'll only apologise to you if you apologise to Dumbledore for your student behaviour" is not a reference to anything specific Harry is accusing Snape of. It can't be, because Harry doesn't know Snape, let alone know what he was like as a student, because all he's seen are glimpses of memories and third-person reports he knows better than to trust, considering his own experience with biased stories. The comment is more because of Harry's own embarrassment of what he was like as a student, because kids/teenagers do stupid things, and will always do stupid things, and now that Harry is a teacher and can see that stupidity first hand, he's shooting in the dark his belief that Snape is only human, and did stupid things as a student himself. That Snape would "reel softly" against the accusation is an acknowledgement that yes, kids/teenagers are stupid, and as one, he was foolish as well. That's why Harry apologising to Snape (Harry's former teacher) equals Snape apologising to Dumbledore (Snape's former teacher).

The "behaviour" line in this case doesn't mean anything dark in their past. It's just what happens when people grow up and realise "omg, was I really like that back then?" fitting in with the teacher!Harry theme of the story.