One Horror of a Picture Show

A cross between Naruto and the Rocky Horror Picture Show, naturally. Warped to fit, so don't flame me for not sticking true to either play or anime. It's tough, I'll tell you that much.

Anyways, it's very AU-ish (like, in an alternate universe). Like, there are cars and stuff that aren't in the anime. You'll live, right? It's centered around the formation of the Sound Five, so if you were comming in hopes of seeing Sasuke or Naruto, you'll be deeply disappointed.

Disclaimer: I don't own The Rocky Horror Picture Show (no one can by now. XD) and I don't own Naruto. I do own a copy of Microsoft Word, so you better watch out.

This is in a play format. I had to, so there could be some form of justice.

Cast:

Jirobo- Tayuya's brother-in-law to be.

Tayuya- Jirobo's sister-in-law to be.

Kabuto- Orochimaru's right hand man and main manservant.

Orochimaru- Master of the Oto Mansion.

Kidomaru-One of Orochimaru's servants.

Sakon- Another one of Orochimaru's servants.

Ukon- Sakon's brother. A little bit of an odd misfit that Orochimaru never liked.

Kimimaro- Orochimaru's latest obsession.

Narrator

Now we all know about the Sound Five; Orochimaru's prime bodyguards and henchmen. How is it though, Orochimaru being one of the most selfish and unkind men, that these five came to be under his net? Did he drug them, poison them, hypnotize them until they were dead in the brain?

No. All it took was this ghastly scenario, so outrageous that it could only occur in an alternate dimension. And maybe a little mix of all that other crap.

So welcome to my little play. Yes. I know it's a rip. Sue me if you can find me! XD

Act 1 Scene 1

Jirobo and Tayuya are driving on an unpaved road, on their way to their parent's wedding. Having been on the road for several hours, they seem to be utterly lost. Night is falling, and Tayuya is at the wheel; Jirobo is in charge of the map.

Tayuya: "For the last fucking time, how long until we reach SR 60!?" Looks back. "Did we already jump the damned border?"

Jirobo: "Watch your language. Keep going straight for a few more miles and—"

Tayuya: "What the fuck? We've been on the road for seven hours. SEVEN HOURS! We were supposed to, according to the map, turn at the interstate, but NOOOOO! I bet you sent me to Tim-buttfucking-to just to piss me off!"

Jirobo: (Snaps) "Stop cursing! Cursing doesn't solve ANYTHING!" He crumbles the map and tosses it out the window. " It didn't help us get to civilization two hours ago, and it won't help us now! I don't even think we're on a road anymore! We might just be in hell already! This is the devil's cruel joke! I see it now, leaving me in the god-forsaken car with you for the rest of eternity! STOP ASKING ME ALREADY BECAUSE LOOK! I DON'T HAVE THE MAP!"

Tayuya: "Did you…did you just toss the map out the window? YOU DID! YOU JUST TOSSED THE MOTHER FUCK-ING MAP OUT THE MOTHER FUCKING WINDOW!"

Jirobo: "That's it. Stop the car."

Tayuya: "It's darker than the inside of my eyelids out here! Hell no! YOU TOSSED THE FUCKIN--"

Jirobo: "STOP THE FUCKING CAR!!!" Grabs steering wheel and jerks it to the right.

Tires screech, the car veers off the road and swerves dangerously through the trees. Both scream and clutch each other as the car rampages onward, coming to a halt via contact with a large stone structure of sorts. Both fly through windshield and land in a crumpled heap before the driveway of a dark edifice. Lights dim.

Act 1 Scene 2

Jirobo and Tayuya stir, now miraculously in near perfect condition, and at first they look at each other, amazed, and then they look at the car, which is damaged beyond simple repair.

Jirobo: "Hey. Are you okay?"

Tayuya: "Yeah yeah…I thought I busted my a—butt though…" She glances back at the car again. "Jirobo…we should be dead. Look at the windshield. We flew right through it."

Jirobo is about to turn and look until someone near them clears his throat. Both look up at the stranger immediately, hardly getting a good look at him in the dark.

Kabuto: "Hello…?"

Jirobo: "Oh…um. Hi. Listen, we ran into some—heh ran—into a little car trouble. My name is Jirobo, by the way. This is my sister-in-law, Tayuya. Sorry about the gate, but it looks like the car got screwed up more. Anyways, you got a phone we can use?"

Kabuto: "You both flew through a windshield."

Tayuya: "So we don't wear fucking seatbelts. We lived, didn't we?"

Jirobo: "Looks like it." Glares at Tayuya for a split second.

Kabuto: "Suuuure…heh."

Both catch the hint of sarcasm in Kabuto's drone, but before Jirobo or Tayuya could respond, a flash of lightning reveals several other cars parked in front of the mansion. Many, in fact.

Jirobo: "Crap. Witnesses." He fidgets and then manages to get up, despite his girth. "Maybe we should just find a pay phone up the road."

Kabuto: "Don't mind the fence. Like you said, no real damage done. Now the car…Well, just come inside."

Tayuya: "Sure!" Whispers to Jirobo. "Are you serious? I for one, am tired of staring at the road in front of me. Maybe we can chill a bit before we go on the road again. You get me?"

Jirobo shrugs and nods, following Kabuto as he leads them both inside. As they enter, staring at the large snake statues, they are lead down a long stairway, where the sound of music begins to grow louder. Tayuya is transfixed by it, but Jirobo is starting to get a little edgy.

Jirobo: (whispers) "This is a bad idea. We should have walked."

Tayuya: (whispers) "So the music's not your thing. Relax. I'm sure these Oto people aren't all that bad."

Jirobo: "Oto?"

Tayuya: (whispers) "Don't you read, dumbass? There was a plaque on the door. "The Oto Mansion". They probably own all of nowhere." Gestures wide with her arms, yet discreetly enough.

Act 1 Scene 3

They arrive at a hall at the bottom of the stairs. There they find an eight-armed man, Kidomaru, disgruntledly cleaning out spider webs yet secretly saving the ones in the corners and saving the spiders whose homes he destroyed. Jirobo and Tayuya watch with interest, but Kabuto just watches with amusement.

Kabuto: "Come on. We're almost there."

Tayuya: "Is there a party going on in here?"

Kabuto: (laughs) "Oh, no. You came on a rather special night. This time our master has had a tremendous breakthrough…so he's celebrating."

Tayuya: "Nice…" (bit of sarcasm)

Kidomaru: "Yeah. You can say he's one lucky bastard." Gets up and dusts off his many hands. "At least he's inviting me this time."

Both Jirobo and Tayuya are now more transfixed on the oddity, and they note that he is nearly around their age.

Kidomaru: Stretches. "We're all pretty lucky. Heh…" Drones on. "A bunch of lucky bastards."

Narrator

And because I can't deprive the play of this, I put it. XD

Next Chapter: The Time Warp. Yes. And then some more stuff both random and weirder than the last. It's not all going to be exactly like the RHPS, but it's impossible to do, and I wanted it to be a little different. Anyways, keep on your toes! You can burn me if you want in the reviews, but if you do I might be too hurt to post the next scenes. ;;