Author's note: A word to the wise. Listening to Saiunkoku's first ED theme "Saikou no Kataomoi" over and over again on your MP3 player at home, in the car and at work will create the extreme urge to write a Shuurei x Ryuuki fanfic. You have been forewarned….
I came up with this story after season 1 episodes 38 & 39 (Shouka's soliloquy to Reishin about how lonely Ryuuki's job can be, and Youshuun's comment about how being Emperor is a path of eternal solitude). Even the Emperor should be allowed to keep one dream.
-K
THE DREAM
The sound of her footfalls against the floor of the covered walkway was all she heard. In the dead of night, with only a bright sliver of silver moon to light her way, Shuurei's feet seemed to possess a mind of their own. Whether out of sleeplessness or the sound of the tree branch tapping at her window, or the long monotony of her journey back to the Capital, something restless stirred in her heart and demanded anything but sleep. The quietness of the hour told her the Palace was slumbering, and morning was a certainty still far away. Underneath a new layer of New Year's snow, the world seemed muffled.
When her feet reached their destination, she was not at all surprised. She had come to the garden gazebo and private pond of the Emperor's inner sanctum in the Palace. Just beyond the pond was the Emperor's private study and royal residence. The lights were out and the perpetual palace guard had just made their way around the bend, carrying their golden paper lanterns and warm light with them. What remained was a quiet, frozen world with hues of silver and purple beneath the mantle of midnight blue. The glassy surface of the pond was glazed over in many places by snow and ice, and Shuurei could almost hear it cracking. In a dark cluster of shadows, the barren cherry and plum trees continued their silent vigil. Where the moon could shine, she noticed that the snowflakes continued to float noiselessly down from heaven.
She pulled out her red, lined paper umbrella and stepped onto the snow-laden ground, walking toward the trees.
"How I have missed this place," she said to no one in particular. "And, yet, I feel as though it I've carried it with me all this time." Just the sight of it, still standing, still unchanged, was a comfort to her. Her visit was a reassurance and confirmation for her own benefit that some things, perhaps, never change. Shuurei felt as though she could almost turn back and go to sleep. But something was missing. There was something else she wanted to see here…. She stopped.
Shuurei felt a little embarrassed to be standing in front of his residence unannounced and in the middle of the night and was wary of the night guards coming again only to see her there. Shuurei wondered how quickly the rumor of Governor Kou stalking the Emperor might pass through Kiyou.
He did not notice that she was standing behind him. Covered only in his dressing gown and robe, Ryuuki was looking up at the falling snow, as if trying to decipher its mysteries. He stood beside the tree where they had first met. So it is true, thought Shuurei to herself. You really do come here everyday. She did not know how long he had been standing there, but surely he was growing damp from the cold. Shuurei walked up behind him and shared the shelter of her umbrella. He turned around, suddenly realizing that he was not alone after all. His expression turned to total surprise and his mouth opened to speak, but no words came forth.
Her face felt hot. The more she looked into her eyes, the more her face flushed, as if she could feel the intensity of his feelings towards her over the past year they had been apart mirrored in his gaze.
"Shuurei," was all he could manage for the time being.
"Please turn around," said Shuurei hastily, looking down to avoid his eyes. He complied.
"Shuurei—" he began.
"I confess I can hardly bear it when you look at me like that," said Shuurei.
"But we enjoy looking at you. The sight of you is the only view that truly makes us happy," he said quietly.
"Please," aid Shuurei, staring at his back. "Please do not say such things." Her body began to tremble and she leaned her head forward, resting it against him.
"We are lonely without you, Shuurei," said Ryuuki, with his back still towards her. "It makes us happy to hear you speak our name. Will you not speak our name, Shuurei?"
"Ryuuki," she whispered. The warmth of his back was so close. She thought she could feel his heart beat.
"Ryuuki," she said again, a little louder. The sound of his name made her heart ache. Her hot tears began to drip from her eyes, falling to the ground and melting the snow.
"Ryu--" she cut off, stopping the sob in her throat. I shouldn't let him see me like this, she thought to herself. Shuurei was so very glad that she wasn't wearing any make-up at that moment.
"Please do not be so kind to me," Shuurei said quietly. She thought she felt him stiffen a little, but he did not dare turn around. His steady breathing told her that he was deeply contemplating the weight of her words.
"We love you," he said simply. "How can we not be kind to you?"
"I do not deserve such feelings from you," she said. "I cannot accept them…I cannot return them…." Her voice trailed away, lost in the snowy night.
"We have never expected Shuurei to return our feelings. We only hope…we dream that someday it may be so. But may we ask…why?" he asked softly. There was a pause.
"A girl with rough hands, born with a bad temper and who lives in a crumbling house and holds no social standing…how is such a girl worthy of the Emperor?" she asked, somewhat spitefully. "She would only tarnish him. All she can hope for is to aspire to be his loyal official, and to commit acts worthy of his praise."
"We are pleased with everything you have done for our people," he said.
"It was also done for you, Ryuuki," she responded. His sudden turn about almost caused her to lose balance but he caught her up in his arms, into the folds of his long flowing sleeves, just in time.
"Shuurei," he whispered. Her name was like a charm to him, but it also brought him such agony. Her umbrella dropped away softly and rolled to the side. Her hands found their way around his waist and she squeezed as tightly as she could, hungry for the warmth he could provide. The two of them were standing amid the falling snow in a silent embrace in their quiet, private corner of the world.
"I'm so sorry," she said with tears rolling down her cheeks. He pulled away slightly and looked into her face, searching for the answer he hoped to find.
"Sorry for what?"
She looked up at him. "I'm sorry that I cannot be with you."
"Will our dream never come true then? Will you never love us?" he asked softy. She buried her face in his robes. "Your dream has already come true," she responded.
Ryuuki awoke with the bright sun in his eyes. His lips were in the process of planting a kiss on one end of his cotton bedroll. The arrival of morning was most unwelcome to the Emperor. He sighed and rolled onto his back, lamenting that he was still sleeping alone.
"Was it a dream after all?" he asked. He lay back and stared at his carved wooden ceiling etched with gold painted floral designs and contemplated the dream's sweetness once more. He felt himself longing for evening again. However the servants would soon come to help him change, and another day of being ruler of Saiunkoku will come and go before he could dream again.
Back in Kiyou beyond the high walls of the Palace, at the residence of Kou Shouka, in one of the larger bedchambers in the corner of the residence, Shuurei lie awake, staring at the plaster peeling from her ceiling. Tears were streaming down her cheek as she recalled the dream that had crept so secretly over her in the night, but had left such a lasting impression that it made her heart yearn for something more than what it had given. As she lay in the state between dreaming and waking, Shuurei could still see the vivid glow of moonlight and feel the cool snow at her feet, and the warmth of the embrace. But she knew she no time for such dreams, so real and unrealistic at the same time.
"My lady," said Seiran's voice from beyond her doors. "It is time to get dressed. "You have a meeting with the Merchant's Guild today."
"I'm awake," she called out. Shuurei had an urge to sink back beneath the veil of sleep and revisit her dream, but it would have to wait until nightfall.
Finis.
Author's note: Perhaps this dream is not only his…?
I've resorted to watching season 2 raw in Japanese…(oh please let there be more Ryuuki x Shuurei scenes beyond season II epi. 17!) I have to watch them ever so SLOWLY because my Japanese is less than intermediate. Thank goodness it's been licensed. I already have disk 1 (of 9!) on pre-order. My wallet is SO going to suffer…. Please RxR. I enjoy all comments, especially from fans! Please be gentle with your flaming.