Description. AU. What if Al ended up on the other side of the gate instead of Ed? Could trying to fix their mistakes create the worst one of all? Shonen Ai. Elricest (eventually), AlXHei OOC Ed. Warning: Rated M for Lemon, Smut, Violence and Rape.
Disclaimer: Fullmetal Alchemist does not belong to me. If it did this would either be an OVA or a fanfic about another anime... Or FMA would be a Yaoi. Whatever works - (And the series would definitely be continued after the movie)
Author Note: Just so that you know, It may go into some things fast, stay there then say fine! I'm moving! And most of my stories should have the may contain spoilers warning. Including this one. Not that much since I made most of this up but it counts.
Chapter One
Lose And Gain
The circle was now complete. The glowing Al stood inside, surveying it, checking for mistakes.
"This wasn't possible before but now that you've merged with the philosophers stone we can reconnect your body and spirit." Ed said
"Are you sure it'll work?"
"I wouldn't risk it if I thought it wouldn't but we're going into a part of alchemy that has rarely been used and with little to show for those that tried. The difference is that you're not dead so our chance is a lot better. If you want to wait and try another way then we can."
"No, there is no other way. I want my body back. I can't live in this empty shell one more night. I don't care if I finally enter the gate for good. I should have died so many times already..."
"Don't think that way Al. It's going to work."
Ed briefly wondered if he was being selfish, in his reason for wanting his brothers body back. He still remembered that night, before all this happened.
No. He told himself. He wanted Al back to normal for his brothers sake, not his own.
Nevertheless, after all this time, he still remembered perfectly the feel of his brothers lips, so wrong yet so wonderfully right. The surprised squeak Al made when Ed had kissed him, and the way he had seemed to melt into it, accepting in innocent curiosity.
Of course, at that age neither had thought of going farther than that and it had only been that one time, neither of them had ever spoken of it. But Ed couldn't get it out of his mind, even after five years.
Ed forced himself off this track of thought.
Ed clapped his hands together. "Ready?" Receiving an affirmative Ed places his hands on the circle and watched it light up.
The blue light traveled to his little brother and created symbols over Al, mixing with the pink light that emerged from his armor.
Ed blinked as it got brighter.
He ran to the fallen suit of armor. Why was it still here? Shouldn't his brothers body have appeared in it's place?
Opening the visor Ed stared in growing horror at the spot where the blood seal attaching soul to armor used to be and he realized his mistake.
He had sent Al's soul to his body, not called the body to the soul.
Ed would find his brother. Even if it killed him.
Slowly the room came into focus. He tried to think but everything was fuzzy.
XXX
He pulled himself up and looked around the small room.Strange electrical machines where hooked up to him. His first instinct was to rip them away but was frightened, he didn't know what would happen.
A woman wearing a white dress and apron walked in and gasped. "Doktor Cavanagh!" She yelled, staring as if she couldn't believe her eyes.
A man appeared in the door and took a double take of him and exclaimed. "Mein gott!"
He was beginning to feel uneasy.
Recovering the doctor shone a flashlight in his eyes "Was wissen sie?"
When he didn't answer he realized that his patient might not speak the same language as him so he switched to English. "Do you know where you are or why you're here?"
"No." His thought was scratchy.
"You're in a hospital. You've been our patient for several years. You where found unconscious and have been in a coma." The doctor checked his pulse. "Can you tell me you're name?"
"Uhm. Alphonse" For a moment it almost hadn't come to him. He tried to remember what had happened to cause the coma in the first place but nothing came. Even worse, he couldn't remember anything before that! He had remembered his name but he had no idea who he was!
"Do you have any family?"
"I don't know, why can't I remember?!"
"Don't worry, memory loss is common in coma patients when they wake up. It'll come back to you."
If the doctor had asked him if he had any family then did that mean he'd been here all this time and no one had come looking for him? If he had family nearby then surely it was impossible that he would be here and they didn't find him. Right at this moment Al felt that he couldn't feel more alone.
"We'll need to keep you overnight for observations. Normally after that we'd release you into your families custody to watch you but we may need to keep you longer until we find somewhere for you.
"Alright." What would he do? He had nowhere to go home to. Something struck him about that thought, like it wasn't a new one and it only seemed to reinforce the evidence that he was alone.
XXX
Doctor Cavanagh sat after work in the crowded pub."What's the mater Cavanagh? Usually you can't stop talking." Heiderich swirled his drink absently.
"It's a patient. He just woke up from a coma so I should be happy but all he can remember is his name. To make things worse he doesn't seem to have any family. I can't let him go off alone without knowing why he was in a coma in the first place. Even if I did know I can't just let him wonder around with no place to go. If I have time tomorrow I'm going to show him around town and see if he remembers anything, maybe bring him to the spot where he was found. I don't know if I'll be able to though."
"If you want I'll go"
"Really? You sure?"
"I don't have anything better to do anyway."
"Thanks so much, I don't know how I would have done it." Almost as an afterthought he added. "And something odd. The boy speaks English, I think he must be American, but why would someone that age be here? Unless of course his family had moved here before the war started. I guess there are enough reasons, I just don't know which one."
"Do you suppose he's telling the truth about not remembering?"
"Yes I'm sure. I don't think he even knows where he is."
Heiderich supposed that it was a good thing he had learned English so that he would have a better range of knowledge. He had even spent a year in England.
XXX
Al sat on the bed, he had been given normal clothes and told that someone was coming to see him. Why he didn't know, something to do with his memory.
The man that came in was about seventeen. He looked nice enough. For some reason he had been expecting someone scary.
"Hi, I'm Heiderich. You're Alphonse right?"
He nodded.
"Did they tell you why I'm here?"
"They said something about getting my memory back. Are you a doctor?"
"No, I'm a friend of your doctor. I'm just going to show you around town and see if anything is familiar."
Al perked up. "We get to go outside?"
Heiderich laughed "It wouldn't be much of a tour if I only showed you the hospital."
Finally things seemed a bit better, and besides, maybe he would meet someone he knew.
XXX
Heiderich and Al walked the streets. Every once in a while Heiderich told him about something to do with the town. Al was enjoying himself but unfortunately everything he had seen so far was completely foreign to him. He was sure he had never been in this city before.Heiderich watched him closely, noting that Al's movements weren't as awkward anymore. It hadn't been that obvious but still noticeable.
The other thing was Al's voice. He spoke softly as if it was something he was unused to.
Spotting a book shop Al started walking to it. A memory teasing at his mind.
Heiderich followed "Have you been here before?"
"No. It's not the shop." It was something about the dusty old tomes. But what?
"Why don't we go in, maybe you used to read. Who knows, you might have worked at a library."
Library? He thought as they entered the rows of books. A huge library and there were people in uniforms. Not worked at, no "Research, we were looking for something."
"What else do you remember?"
"I don't know, it was just there then gone."
"You said you were looking for something, what was it and who was the person you were with?"
"I don't know. I can't." He rubbed his forehead. "Every time I think I remember something it seems harder to hold on to."
"Don't try to hard. Let it come of its own accord." Heiderich felt a wave of pity.
Al sighed and moved on, scanning the shelves. A book caught his attention. The title was worn but he could make out a circle. Something about the circle struck him. He opened the book the first rule of-
"No reading the books without purchase!" A decrepit voice rebuked.
He snapped the book shut with a start. Looking up guiltily he put the book back before continuing on.
XXX
They hadn't found anything else at the bookshop, Al was considering asking if they could take a break.
Alphonse saw a pail man with long dark hair tied back. The man was talking to someone and hadn't even looked their way but for some reason Al was afraid of him. If this man was from his past then he could do without that part of his memory.
He shifted so that Heiderich was between them and walked faster.
Heiderich caught his arm. "Do you know that man?"
"Not exactly. Can we go?"
"Maybe we should talk to him, see if he remembers you."
"No. Can we go please?" Al was getting desperate, he wanted to get as far away from the man as possible.
"Why? Maybe he can help. There are people everywhere, it'll be fine."
Alphonse looked terrified. He couldn't stop the tears that stung his eyes. "I don't want to go anywhere near that murderer!" Where had that come from? Somehow he knew it was true.
Heiderich pailed and lead him away. They went to a nearby park.
He sat Al on the bench. "What do you mean by a murderer?"
"Just that. I can't explain it but I know he killed a lot of people."
"Maybe we should go to the police... But we don't have any evidence." Heiderich sat on the bench beside him. "You look surprised."
"I thought you would say I was just remembering wrong or something."
"No, not with the reaction you had. He went after you didn't he?"
Al opened his mouth to speak but more memories came flooding back. The man was covered in blood. Fear. He had been alone, sure that death would come soon but he had been saved by someone who had died later. It came in broken pieces and still didn't help him remember who he was.
"I don't want to remember anymore, I think I'd be better off not knowing!" The tears that had earlier stung his eyes now flowed unchecked.
Heiderich pulled Al into an embrace. "It's ok." He murmured. "It' can't be all bad."
Al's body shook with sobs. Heiderich's comforting warmth seemed, at that moment, the only real thing. Everything else could have been a dream, or nightmare.
The realization that the person he trusted most in the world had only met him all of three hours ago made the tears come stronger.
He wasn't sure how long he had held him before Al's body final relaxed, worn out from crying and the strain of trying to remember.
"I'm sorry." Al managed. Face still buried against Heiderich's chest.
Heiderich didn't answer, he only held him tighter, knowing that just because the tears had abated didn't mean that the sorrow had too.
XXX
Al woke up. When had he fallen asleep?
Heiderich sat leaning back, his arms resting on the back of the bench, gazing at the sky.
Blushing Al realized that he had been using the others lap as a pillow.
He sat up, feeling drained but not as empty as he thought he would.
"Feeling better?" Heiderich was still leaning back but was now looking at him.
Al managed a weak smile and nod.
Casually Heiderich reached out and traced his fingers down the side of Alphonse's face.
Al was startled by the feeling that overcame him. He had never felt anything like it before.
Seeing the reaction Heiderich cupped Al's chin and pulled him closer, loving the way Al had bit his lip and flushed.
For a moment Al froze, mind racing. Then melted into it.
It was wonderful. So sweet and gentile. He felt the tongue probing, parting his lips. Al opened his mouth wider allowing Heiderich full access.
Heiderich tilted Al's head farther back and the kiss turned passionately hungry.
Al was breathing heavily by the time they parted, Heiderich's mouth hovering near his. He was shivering with want, lips swollen from kissing.
It hadn't been like this before. The thought came and slipped away before Alphonse even had time to register it.
Al tangled his fingers in Heidreich's hair and kissed him in an unsure manner. Wet lips innocently exploring. He didn't know how it happened but he was laying on the grass. Heiderich above him, hands finding all the best places.
He moved restlessly under Heiderich's body. A moan escaped him as Heiderich 'accidently' brushed up against him as he nibbled Al's lip then trailed wet kisses down his neck. Biting and lapping at the younger's soft skin.
Al arched against him, pulling him closer so that they were pressed together causing Heiderich's pulse to quicken at the feel of Al's pliant body.
He found Al's tender mouth once more.
When they parted Heiderich lay on his back. They were afforded privacy by the trees and bushes. He was glad that no one came to this park until later.
Al snuggled against him and Heiderich wrapped his arms around him.
"What are we going to do?" Al asked thinking of all the complications and afraid that Heiderich wouldn't think it was worth it.
How was it possible for this to happen so fast?
"I'm going to tell Dr. Cavanagh that you can stay with me."
"Really?" Al brightened and kissed him.
Heiderich knew that if he didn't stop the kiss right now he wouldn't be able to stop later.
He didn't stop.
XXX
Al had fallen asleep again. They were covered by their coats.Heiderich heard Al say his name then murmur something. If he had heard right they were both in trouble because, he realized, he felt the same way.
Soon he drifted off to sleep too.
Awakening Al blushed at the thought of what had passed between them not long ago. Heiderich's hard slick body over him, thrusting- He made himself snap out of it.Heiderich was still asleep. Al smiled. He looked so peaceful. Looking at him made his heart ache (in a good way)
He had been so sad before but now it seemed that everything would get better. It didn't mater if he had no memories, he could make new, better ones.
Heiderich stirred and woke up, planting a kiss at the corner of Al's mouth. "I should get you back to the hospital. They'll think I kidnaped you."
"I wouldn't mind"
Heiderich laughed. "Get dressed."
Instead Al sat, knees on either side of the others thighs. "Now?"
Heiderich made a noise in his thought and cupped Al's bottom, waiting until he knew Al couldn't bare the lack of further contact then spun so Al was beneath him and entered him at the same time, pleased with Al's cry.
He moved quick and hard. Panting as he moved in and out, withdrawing as far as he could before slamming back in.
Al bit his lip, turning the rest of his cries to whimpers. His nerves were still frayed from before. God, he hopped this never ended.
Al moved with Heiderich's strokes. Uncontiousaly clasping him and moving so that Heiderich could enter deeper.
If it was possible Heiderich was becoming more aroused as he watched Alphonse's colour rise, a sheen of sweat breaking out. Gasping and crying out louder with each quick stroke, his chest rising and falling rapidly.
Al didn't care how much it hurt he wanted more. Making insistent noises in the back of his thought Al clawed at Heiderich's back. He begged for more, calling out for Heiderich not to stop, never stop. Or at least he though he did, he wasn't sure.
He felt Alphonse building towards a crescendo and quickened his thrusts. A sob escaped Al and he kissed him, taking the whimpers into himself and moaned. The vibration making Al arched against Heiderich, responding with more heat as their tongues clashed.
Heiderich roughly jerked once more into Alphonse, as hard and far as he could. Al cried out one last time and the world shattered around them.
Heiderich lay limply on top of Al, softly nibbling his shoulder.
Al shakily stroked Heiderich's hair, then shoulders and back. Memorizing every inch, just incase.
Heiderich pulled himself up enough to give Alphonse a tenderly apologizing kiss. He had made sure to be careful the first time. The second had been much more rough, he knew he had hurt him. Al held his head there as they kissed telling him he didn't mind. Heiderich questioningly ran his hands over Al, who smiled softly, both wanting still more, insatiable.
Heiderich greedily lapped, kissed and nibbled Al's sensuous body. "What do you want?" He whispered huskily into Al's ear, sending erotic shivers down his spine.
"More, you. I want you!"
Heiderich claimed his mouth, deciding that this velvet part of heaven was his favorite spot. Or was it that place on Al's neck that drove him wild. He decided he had to check to make sure.
Al wailed "Please! Do something!"
It was so hard to decide. He wondered how good a reaction he could get from this one spot. Putting all his effort into it he drove Al out of his mind.
It was impossible to understand what Al was saying at this point.
Al began making sharp sobbing sounds. Moving his hips without realizing.
His moans and pleading cutting off as he started to gasp.
Deciding that this might be his favorite spot after all he made sure not to stop as he reached down and ran his fingers along Al's length.
Heiderich took Al's scream into his mouth as he came away from his neck.
Heiderich bit Al's neck and shoulder, running his hands up and down Al's back.
"Alphonse." Hiederch's voice was heavy with lust.
"Oh god Heiderich, do something now!"
He took a different approach from last time and slowly slid into him.
Al let out a hiss of pleasure.
Still going slowly he slid out, then in, then out,
"Heiderich!"
Then in,
"Heiderich!!!!"
then out,
"HEIDERICH!!!"
He could feel the tension vibrating through Al's muscles.
Nipping Al's neck again he entered him harder and quicker. Suckling at the spot he had bitten.
Al bit his hand and moaned loudly, Heiderich's low laugh wonderfully arousing.
He left Al before either climaxed and lowered his head taking him in his mouth.
Al couldn't breath as he was surrounded by Heiderich's wet, warm mouth. He thought he would die when he swirled his tongue and took him deeper.
The mewing noises Al made reminded him of a kitten.
Al bucked when Heiderich's chuckle traveled through him.
He tried to pull away when he knew he had reached the end of his limits but Heiderich held him steady. Taking Alphonse's essence into his mouth. Al made a contend purring noise as Heiderichs tongue passed over him, once, twice, before finally lifting his head. Eyes half closed and bright blue had turned deep.
Al's heart couldn't stop pounding.
Heiderich gently probed. Al could taste himself on the others mouth.
Al responded ardently to him. flicking his tongue along Heiderich's lip, then nibbling like had been done to him.
No matter how long they kissed it didn't turn hot or desperate. It somehow wasn't about lust, both were relaying a message of cautious affection to the other. They had experience something they didn't fully understand.
Heiderich gathered Al to him in one more embrace. Laying intertwined with each other, Al's eyes contently closed.
Al whispered Heiderich's name once more in such a manner that he knew the one who spoke it hadn't even been aware.
Heiderich smiled and wisped hair away from Al's damp forehead. "Oh Alphonse..." He felt his smile waver as the tightness in his chest increased.
He tenderly touched the others warm cheek then brushed it with his lips and his affectionate smile became once more steady.
Al's eyes fluttered open, looking up at him from beneath his lashes and his heart skipped a beat.
He grasped one of Al's hands and brought it up to kiss then pinned both of Al's hand's above his head and made love more tenderly then any of the other times.
XXX
He lay sprawled across Heiderich, who had been drawing a circle on Al's back. They whispered to each other about everything and nothing.Seeing his lids droop Heiderich flattened his palm against Al's back. "You can't go to sleep darling. We have to go soon."
Al sighed. It wasn't that he was tired per say, it was just that Heiderich was so comfortable, his steady heartbeat had been lulling him to some much needed sleep.
He squirmed, making himself more comfortable and felt the heart beat sped up.
Al began lazily tracing a path down Heiderich's stomach with his finger tips. Heiderich caught his hand.
"At this rate we'll never leave." Heiderich stood, stopping to gaze down at Alphonse, who was still laying on the grass watching him with a grin. He had gotten what he wanted.
Al looked him over, the first time he could take all of the blond in.
Heiderich stood, waiting for Al to take his fill.
He watched captivated as Al licked his lips and closed his eyes. A serene expression on his face and he knew exactly what Al was thinking.
Heiderich also knew that if he waited a few moments longer, the lost Alphonse would slide his hand down his soft skin and reach his goal, bitting into his rosy lip, squeezing his eyes shut tighter... Heiderich bit the inside of his cheek. Feeling himself becoming aroused.
Sure enough Al made a soft noise that was almost enough to bring Heiderich to the edge, and his hand began to do exactly as Heiderich had thought.
He caught his breath and knelt beside Al. Taking Al's free hand and careful not to disturb his revere, Heiderich brought the delicate wrist to his mouth and began kissing it. He sucked at it until Alphonse groaned and pumped himself harder. The pink flush coming back.
He was breathing raggedly just watching and he wondered if there was time for one more go.
Alphonse found his release and they sighed at the same time.
Heiderich took Al's other hand and brought it to his mouth.
Al watched as Heiderich licked the fluid from his hand, blushing deeply at their realization of what he had done.
Heiderich just smiled his tranquil smile then spread Al's fingers and turned his attention back to what he was doing.
Al bit the tip of his thumb. Watching wide eyed as Heiderich shamelessly lapped at his palm. Their eyes meeting and locking as his tongue took long luxurious stokes and Al thought of what else he'd like that done to.
Heiderich finally finished and pressed the now damp hand against his cheek and quietly said "You're wonderful, perfect. Alphonse..." Closing his eyes he felt the hand taken away then return as both framed his face and feather soft kisses rained onto every inch of his face.
Soon he was on his back, letting Al have his way.
A sweetly languid lethargy had fallen over them. They didn't want to go all the way, just foreplay, or after play, whatever it was called. They didn't care at that moment.
The listlessness eventually vanished and they began kissing and fumbling as if it were their first time.
If this continued they really would never leave.
Sighing Heiderich grabbed his pants and pulled them on.
Heiderich helped Al up. Holding him until his legs could support him. Al shivered at the simple touch.
"Do we have to go back so soon?"
"I'm going to make a phone call." He happened to know that there was a phone near by. "Do you want to wait here?"
Al nodded, starting to look tired again.
Heiderich walked the five minute distance to the phone booth and called the hospital. They had him hold for the doctor. "Hello?" Came a voice on the other side of the line.
"Hi doctor."
"Oh! Heiderich! How's it going? I was starting to worry."
"Sorry, but we seemed to loose track of the time. I'm not sure if he's ready for his memory yet. I don't know what happened but it must have been bad."
The doctor sighed "I see. And I still haven't found anyone to take care of him either." He sighed again.
"Actually that was the reason I called. I was wondering if he could stay with me."
"Are you sure it's not to much trouble?" Cavanagh couldn't hide the hopeful note in his voice.
"Not at all, I think he's grown on me." That was an understatement.
"Well if it's ok with you then I'm fine with it!" He could almost picture the doctor bouncing on the other side of the line. "You can come by tomorrow to get his things, he didn't have much."
They said farewell then disconnected. He wondered what Al had and if he had seen any of it yet.
Al had dressed and was resting tangled in the coats that they had used for blankets.
He stretched and sat up at his approach.
"Why don't we get something to eat then go home?"
Al was clinging to him so fast he didn't see it coming. Heiderich's rich laughter warmed the ecstatic Al. He had forgotten the chill that had begun to fill the air.
All Al could think was home. He didn't care where it was, as long as Heiderich was there.
"Ready to go?"
Al nodded
"Good." He brushed a hand down Al's jaw and neck. The wanted result was instantaneous. Heiderich turned and left.
It took a moment for Al to follow. When he caught up he cast an accusing glare that melted into a smile as Heiderich slipped his hand into Al's and squeezed his fingers.
XXX
Al walked into the hall surprised.The house was fairly large considering that only one person lived in it. And it was clean. One would think a seventeen year old living on his own would have clothes and the such randomly strewn about.
He was given a brief tour of the house.
"You look tired, why don't you go to bed, I'll be up later."
Heiderich hugged him and watched him clime the stairs, the bedroom had been apart of the tour. Of course there were two and if anyone asked Al had the other room, but he really would be sleeping in Heiderich's bed.
The thought of the brown haired angel curled up in his bed made him wish he didn't have so much work to do. He grinned. The good thing about this house was that he had no neighbors, so Al could make all the noise he wanted. He went to his desk and pulled out the book he needed to finish memorizing and some sheets of paper and a pencil, they were starting a new stage with developing the rocket tomorrow.
He quickly became engrossed in his work.
Al lay under the crisp sheets staring at the sealing. He couldn't fall asleep after all that had happened today. His mind kept jumping from one thing to another. He wondered if it was normal for him not to sleep well.
At the hospital he had only pretended to sleep the night before. The only time he fell asleep was when he had worn himself out from crying, and again, from other things. But after that, once again, though he was tired he couldn't actually fall asleep. Though he came close a few times.
He felt his head begin to pound but didn't really care.
Giving up he went downstairs to see Heiderich.
He watched him for a few moments. Heiderich leaned forward over his desk scrawling something across the paper while his nose was buried in the book.
Glancing up as if sensing his presence Heiderich furrowed his brow. "Is something wrong."
"No, just can't sleep." He walked over to the blond.
Heiderich pulled him down onto his lap. He was beginning to get worried. It was obvious how tired Al was.
"Are you sure? You look pail."
"Mmm." Came the noncommitive response.
Al didn't have a fever though so Heiderich took his word that he was just having sleep problems. He wondered if it was because of the coma. He would have to ask the doctor tomorrow.
Al rested his head against Heiderich's shoulder.
He waited and the brunette said no more. After a while he reached for his book.
"What are you reading?"
"I thought you'd fallen asleep."
He felt the head shake against his shoulder.
Al shifted so he could see the book. He looked at the page, yawned, and casually pointed out a mistake the author had missed.
Surprised he made a sloppy note at the edge of the page with his left hand.
He was more than a little surprised that Al had not only understood but spotted and corrected the mistake in less then five minutes.
Most people would take one look at the page full of numbers and run away.
Didn't that mean that Al might have had a good education? It wasn't exactly common.
He felt Al shift again and closed the book. Standing he ignored the protests that Al could walk just fine, lifted him easily and carried him upstairs.
He lay Al down and Al immediately adjusted himself to be more comfortable and burrowed under the blankets.
Heiderich lay down beside him and spoke in a soft voice until he knew Al had been lulled to sleep.
XXX
Al blinked his eyes open then squinted them against the sunlight streaming in through a crack in the curtain. Heiderich still fast asleep.He got up and closed the curtain. Not sure what to do he stood thinking. If he went back to bed he knew he wouldn't fall back to sleep. He had no idea when Heiderich would wake up. He thought briefly of making breakfast but decided not to.
He was sure that Heiderich wouldn't care but he still didn't feel right about making himself that much at home. Even though he knew this was his home now too.
He remembered that Heiderich had mentioned something about a blank notebook in the drawer to write his memories down in. He decided now was as good a time as any.
He went down the stairs, the wood cool on his bare feet, feeling like an intruder.
He quietly slid open the said drawer and picked up the notebook. Contemplating it for a moment he decided that Heiderich was the one that told him to use it.
He wondered if it was that safe to write everything down. He didn't want Heiderich having more reason to pity him and what if he remembered something unpleasant about his past?
He decided on the truth for now, he didn't want their to be secrets between them.
He began to neatly write then stopped to look at his penmanship. He wondered how it was that he remembered how to do things like write yet he still didn't remember his last name.
On that thought he scribbled the alphabet down, even his scribbles somehow looked neat.
Peering at the list he began to cross off the letters he was sure his surname didn't begin with.
He circled E. It somehow felt right. Looking at the rest of them he crossed everything else off. E was the only one that fit. He still didn't remember the rest though and going through again didn't help.
So he knew he was Alphonse E. He tried to sign his name but couldn't get past the E and just trailed off.
Turning the page he wrote his first entry.
I was in a giant library, everyone was wearing uniforms. I know I was searching for something, it was important but I don't remember what it was.
Later I had another memory when I saw that man. I remember dust and rocks flying everywhere. The knowledge that something he did caused many to die. Life didn't matter to him, everyone dies in the end anyway. That's what he said.
I was sure I would as well. I lay alone knowing that it would soon end I never feared for myself like I did then. It wasn't me that needed to be worried about as much anyway.
I was saved but at what cost?
Why is it that when I see something simple there is something familiar about it yet when I look in the mirror I don't recognize my reflection have the feeling something's changed, too many things don't make sense. I know I'm close to sixteen. That's how old I was before all this happened, I'm sure of it! But if I've been in the hospital five years then why am I still sixteen? My mind must be playing tricks on me...
Human kind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return, to obtain something of equal value must be lost. That is alchemy's first law of equivalent exchange.
He heard footsteps then felt the warm hand rest casually on the back of his neck.
"So you started your memory journal?"
Al held it up to him. He had already decided not to keep anything from him.
Heiderich took the book but kept his gaze locked on to Al's. Seeing only innocence and knowing it wasn't a test he flipped it open to the first page.
Al was embarrassed at the lack of progress in the name department but Heiderich patted his shoulder. "We can work with this."
He flipped it to the next page and read what little there was.
His brow furrowed slightly then his expression softened. The last part has almost been added as an afterthought, he had no idea what it referred to, he wished he could help.
Handing the book back he said. "We can search your name later and see if anything comes up."
"I don't want to know."
Heiderich gave him a stern look.
"But what if we find out who I am and that I have relatives or something and I can never see you again."
"Don't worry, I won't let that happen. We'll find out about you and then decide weather or not to contact any possible relatives, besides they must miss you."
"No they don't." Al looked miserable. "If they did then they would have come looking for me."
"Maybe they didn't know where you were."
"Five years. I would have been eleven. You can't tell me they let me go off on my own and didn't even care to ask what city I was staying in."
"You could have run away. Or you might have been separated because of the war."
That got Al's attention. "What war?"
Heiderich blinked twice. Then realizing that if he forgot about himself he probably didn't remember things like that, and of course he had been asleep for several years too. He explained the war in detail, trying not to leave anything out. Unlike most Germans, he didn't agree with how things were being done. Of course he had his own reasons and Al was part of that.
"Stop sulking and I'll make breakfast." He rustled the others messy hair then headed of to the kitchen. Al followed a moment later with a sheepish look. "I forgot where the bathroom was."
Heiderich gave him direction.
XXX
Al combed his hair with his fingers. He didn't have anything but his clothes right now, he would have to ask Heiderich about that later. He hated feeling like a burden. Like some stray kid that had wondered around and been adopted like a kitten.What did he expect? Of course it would be like this at first but it wouldn't last.
He touched his cheek. Still waiting for some resemblance. He didn't expect to look the same but there must be something similar. He reached up and ran his fingers through his hair again, squinting at the colour. A memory flashed of golden blond hair. It wasn't his though, he had brown hair. But he was sure he knew the person well. He clenched his fist. Staring intently at the reflection he didn't hear Heiderich knock, or enter.
"You're going to burn a hole in the glass."
Al jumped and squeaked, covering his mouth.
He glanced back at Heiderich, how long had he been there?
"If you can't remember then it wont help to force it."
Al's eyes drifted down to the sink.
A strong pair of arms snaked around his midsection.
He saw the blue eyes meet his brown ones in the mirror.
Then Heiderich bent and nuzzled his neck.
In the reflection Al could see the pink tongue dart out. He leaned back against him and watched mesmerized as tingles ran through him.
Reluctantly the blond head lifted, meeting his eyes once more.
"I came up to tell you the food's ready."
XXX
Heiderich had left to go get his things from the hospital. He assumed to talk to the doctor about him too.He had been left with a verbal list of don'ts. For example he wasn't to open the door to anyone, he was to keep it locked, Heiderich had the key. He wasn't to touch anything in the grey cabinet, he didn't care about some random cabinets' contents in the first place but he didn't say so, only nodded. He also wasn't to answer the phone, just incase. He really felt like he was being given the 'child' treatment now. He knew Heiderich didn't mean it that way, he was just protective.
Al lay on the couch doodling in his note book.
He heard the door close. Heiderich walked in with a bag.
"What's that?"
"Your stuff. This is what you had when they found you, it isn't much."
Al dumped the contents on the floor and rummaged through it.
There was a t-shirt, pants and the such. In the pocket he found a piece of paper with a circle and some chalk.
He stared at the circle. His eyes unseeing.
Heiderich was careful not to make any noise, Al was remembering something.
Al's voice was hollow. "So many died for it and for what? What was gained? Equivalent exchange was a lie, you can't measure the worth of any person on a scale, the dead aren't meant to come back, I should be-"
"Al!" He caught the other as he began to tilt. "What happened to you?" Why did he have the feeling that Al was going to say he should be dead? And what was that about bringing people back to life? He didn't think he wanted to know more. He didn't want Al to remember things like that.
Al had settled and a small smile played across his lips.
He wanted for Al to remember what made him smile.
Al woke up. Not remembering what had been said or how he got into this position, the scared look on the others face made him worry. "Heiderich?"
"Don't move."
Al automatically froze and settled again.
"What happened?"
"You blanked out."
"I'm sorry..."
Heiderich looked surprised. "For what?"
"I'm just a bother, I can't - I..."
"Don't talk like that."
"But I'm just in the way."
"What makes you think that?"
Al listed all the things like missing items needed the fact that he feels like everyone is too cautious around him, like he might fall over dead if they spoke to loudly (referring to the hospital there) , the fact that he can't even remember who he is so they have to look, the fact that Heiderich was treating him like a child.
"Al... I didn't know you felt that way. It's not a bother because I care about you. And would I do this to someone I considered a child?" He kissed Al. Hard and slid his had down the waist band of Al's pants. Happy to see that he was already turning red.
"N-No, I guess n-not."
"No more of this right darling? And if you think I'm treating you badly then tell me."
He took the muffled wail as an affirmative.
"Good." He slid his hand out. Watching Al pant on the ground. "Now can you think of any way we can make things better?" Heiderich smiled wickedly.
XXX
Alphonse sat on the couch and watched Heiderich rush around getting ready.The blond knelt in front of him. "Are you sure you'll be alright? I'm going to be gone longer then last time. You can come with me if you want."
"No, I'm fine." He wasn't ready to face a roomful of strangers. Besides, he had seen the uncertainly in Heiderich's eyes, Al didn't want to get him in trouble.
Heiderich paused a moment longer then got up and grabbed what he needed.
"If you get hungry you know where the kitchen is!" He called going out the door.
Al was alone now.
He decided to explore the house properly.
He began with the room he was in now. The living room had a couch and a chair situated in front of the fireplace. The other side of the room had a desk and bookcase. He looked through them all but nothing was familiar. Most of them were about science. He saw a few that could be useful. Useful for what?
Then he went into the kitchen and memorized where everything's place was. He wondered if he could cook but decided not to try. Heiderich had said he was making dinner when he came back. He wasn't hungry in the first place anyway.
Upstairs was the bedrooms and the bathroom. He avoided looking through Heiderich's room. He would probably keep his personal things there, or in his desk. Al was curious but not enough that he would intrude in that way.
He didn't bother with the bathroom going straight to the guest room. That was where his things from the hospital were. The clothes didn't fit anymore but he had decided to keep them anyway.
Al looked under the bed. There was nothing there. Not that he had expected there to be.
The closet was empty. Al went through the drawers. Skipping the one that had his stuff in it.
In the bottom left drawer there was a letter. Al slammed the drawer shut. He could tell just from looking at it that whoever wrote it hadn't been in a good mood. He hadn't actually read any of it but... He was beginning to feel annoyed with himself. What did he expect going through everything? Heiderich hadn't said he could.
Al went back downstairs and began to read.
XXX
Heiderich hung up his coat and dropped his leather shoulder bag next to the door.Al was sitting on the floor infront of the bookcase reading about physics.
"What have you learned from that?" He asked playfully.
"Don't jump off the roof because you can't fly." Al thought confused, realizing he was actually just spoken to.
He looked at Heiderich then a guilty expression crossed his features.
"What's wrong Al?"
"I found a letter in the guest room, I don't think I was supposed to see it. I didn't read it though!" He babbled
Heiderich let out a breath and went upstairs.
Al bit his thumb.
The letter was dropped on his lap. Al looked up surprised.
Heiderich sat beside him. "Everyone else knows anyway, he didn't exactly try to hide how he felt."
Al read the letter. He placed a hand on the blonds knee and felt fingers intertwine with his.
He couldn't believe someone would write this to their own son.
"He never did accept that I perused a career in science. It was the final straw when I was allowed to forgo military service for my research."
"I would say I'm sorry but he's the one I would be sorry for." He leaned against the other. "He doesn't know what he lost."
"It doesn't really bother me so much anymore. If he hadn't made me leave I'm not sure I would have stayed."
"I-" Al was surprised when Heiderich lifted him. "What?"
"I'm going to make love to you." They still hadn't in his bed and the thought wouldn't leave his mind. He really didn't care about what happened with his dad anymore and didn't want to hear Alphonse's pity.
XXX
Heiderich glanced down at Al's happy sigh to see him looking contently up at him.Heiderich just smiled. How many times was that now? He had rarely smiled until Alphonse came along.
"I almost forgot. I said I would make dinner when I came home."
When he came back upstairs Al was sitting up running the blanket between his fingertips. His expression between curiosity and distraction. Al had done things like that a lot actually. He often touched things almost at random. As if amazed he could even feel them.
Heiderich could have called Al down of course but he enjoyed the moments when he could watch the brunette without him knowing he was there.
He cleared his throat to get Al's attention.
Alphonse scampered off the bed.
They went downstairs and Al sat at the table as Heiderich put a plait in front of him, giving him a quick kiss before getting his own food.
Another thing he noticed was that even though Al didn't eat much he savored it.
The food didn't even taste that good.
XXX
It was his second night in Heiderich's house, second night in his bed.They had made love once more before going to sleep.
Or at least Al pretended to go to sleep. He felt Heiderich move away from him and slide out of bed, he assumed to use the bathroom. But the bathroom was upstairs and he heard the footsteps descending the stairs, coming back not long after.
Heiderich got back in, slipping his arms around Al.
Al was going to ask why but didn't want a lecture on still being awake. Heiderich's breathing became deeper and Al knew he had fallen asleep.
Why was sleeping so hard? He didn't mind so much anymore though. As long as Heiderich was there.
He supposed that meant he hadn't slept well before either.
He was still pretending to sleep when Heiderich got up in the morning.
Al could have followed but stayed in bed. He was tired enough that going down the stairs might be tricky.
The bed was comfortable, the spot Heiderich left was warm, he was cold. He figured the decision was obvious.
He rolled on his stomach taking up part of the blonds spot.
A hand stroked his back, he hadn't even heard Heiderich return. About a half hour later the outside door closed.
Al stayed in bed as long as he could before getting bored and leaving.
There was a note on table.
Heiderich would be gone until the afternoon, four o'clock at the latest.
Al checked the time. It was only eight.
Al went outside figuring he had explored the house already.
There wasn't another house for quite a ways. It would take more than an hour to walk, only ten minutes in a car.
There were trees, not much clear area. He didn't go far, it seemed easy to get lost out here.
Everything seemed wrong, he was beginning to wonder just how far from home he really was.
Home. This was home now. He didn't even have that feeling of memory that came with certain thoughts. Well, he may not have had one before but he did now and that was what matted.
Maybe it wouldn't seem that long a wait for Heiderich to come home.
XXX
Heiderich only half listened as the man across from him told him of the new problems that had come up.Winter was coming and some of the men had to leave, there were also problems with the design that might take weeks to fix.
It was getting near that time of year when they stopped, packed up, and stuck with doing only paper and book work.
Normally this would have put him in a very bad mood but now it was different.
He finally understood their want to go home.
Because though he used to spend most of his time here it wasn't home.
Home was wherever Alphonse happened to be.
So nothing bothered him as long as he could go home at the end of the day.
Footnotes!
Well that was the first chapter of Entkommen die Vergangenheit (Escape the past). If you didn't like it then don't read the rest of the chapters. If you did I love you and feel free to comment! Also if you have any suggestions... Oh fine I love the rest of you too.
I had a horrible craving for eggs and home fries when I wrote this so my thought most of the chapter was "Eat characters! Eat!" Lightning flashes in the background. I actually took out some food scenes.
I listed my warnings already so if you're not comfortable with that sort of thing I don't know how you got to this point. Stares
...Wow, I have a one tracked mind or what?
Have fun and may the Muses' visit and inspire you!