Disclaimer: I do NOT own Inuyasha. I do not make any profit whatsoever from the publishing of this story.
When He Won't Say...
"You made her leave again."
"Keh."
"Shippo, there is no need to remind Inuyasha of his utter foolishness when it comes to Kagome-sama. He knows it quite well, don't you?" He fixed the hanyou with a stare.
"Keh. And you're such a genius, you lecher."
"Now, now. Kagome would be upset to hear you bicker like that." Sango's appeasing voice chimed in.
"Well she's not here, so I'll tell you exactly what I think, Inuyasha!"
"Watch it, runt! She's not here, so she can't punish me for knocking sense into you." He smirked.
"Temper, temper Inuyasha." Miroku intervened between the two who glowering daggers at each other.
"You made Kagome sad again! I just know you did."
"I did not!"
"Yeah, you did! That's why she left you idiot."
"She left coz she wanted to take a test."
"And you let her?"
"Keh."
"I knew it! Baka na hanyou!" Shippou's voice reached new heights. "If she doesn't come back I'll never ever ever forgive you!!! Idiot!!!"
Inuyasha merely shrugged.
"She'll come back. She is needed here. She has a duty."
"You know, Inuyasha, it's saying things of this sort which makes it sound like...sometimes..."
"Like what?! Spit it out damn monk!"
Miroku gulped, firmly hanging by his robes in the hanyou's stony grip.
"Like you don't care." Sango finished for him.
Miroku was dropped like a hot potato.
"What?" Inuyasha's eye twitching for a split second. "Keh! Duty is duty!" He continued brashly then his ears began swivelling madly.
"What's wrong? Youkai?"
He shushed Sango with a look.
"Oy, Shippou. You hear that?"
The young fox strained his ears and surely enough tuned into the high-pitched squeaking that was bothering Inuyasha.
"What is it?"
Inuyasha sniffed the air slightly before walking a few stops and picking up a weird object.
"Must be Kagome's" Sango offered.
"Keh. Better go give it to her."
"And apologise!"
"Shut up!"
"So, I take it we shan't hear from you tonight, ey?" Inuyasha could hear the grin but he was spared any effort in educating the monk by Sango's reflexive right hook.
Holding tighter to the strange object he broke off in a run towards the well.
The wind was cooling and the evening was not at all unpleasant so he slowed down pondering the weird contraption that was currently making him want to rip his ears out. Surely Kagome did not believe in instruments of torture? The more he looked at it the stranger it became.
"Keh. Stupid junk! Why does she need you anyway?"
It stared back defiantly.
"This is so stupid!"
A large pause was accompanied by the sound of his feet on the grass.
"Why should I apologise? I didn't do nothing!"
Another pause.
"Well...I mean...I was a little harsh...but she knows I'm like that. An idiot...but she knows it, right?"
Walking, walking, walking...
"Do I really make her feel bad by asking her to stay? But...but she promised me. It's not fair. Kagome, do you really want to be away from me so much?"
A sigh.
"Do I make you so sad, Kagome? I...just don't want you to go."
In his mind's eye she was before him, listening with her head slightly cocked to the side in the usual manner.
"When you're gone it hurts."
The well appeared before him, and he jumped in.
"Inuyasha. What are you doing here? I said I'll be coming back tomorrow."
"I know. You just forgot this. The noise was driving me crazy and..."
"Thanks."
He looked uncomfortable for a moment.
"What?"
"Keh! Nothing." She caught him peeking at her hand.
"Oh...this? This is a tape recorder. It records stuff. I had my lectures on it, so that I can at least listen to them before I go to bed if I can't actually study. What...it was on record? Oh, no! Please tell me I did not erase my lecture..."
"Rec-rec-record?!?! What do you mean?!"
"Inuyasha. What's with you?"
"You made her leave again."
"Shippou...?"
The meaning of 'record' suddenly settled in Inuyasha's mind with all the weight of a mill stone.
"Gimme that back! Kagome!!! Give it back!" He had told the...the...the thing...
"Osuwari!" the dreaded incantation came, and unfortunately did not stop at one uttering. He was certain they'd have a personal engraving of him on the kitchen floor. He sat unmoving, the dread pouring ice in his veins immobilising him more effectively than the subduing spell ever could have.
The tape faithfully replayed every single instance from mere hours before including the entirety of their bickering. Still, he hoped against all hope that by some miracle his unintended confession wouldn't have been taken to track.
"Keh. Stupid junk! Why does she need you anyway?"
He flinched at hearing his own voice.
Stop it! Please stop it! Please don't let her hear it! His mind prayed over and over.
His dialogue with the recorder continued regardless.
"...it hurts..."
He felt Kagome's hand patting his head gently and couldn't stop the tremor that slithered through his body.
"Every...time...?" She sounded impossibly sad. "This...happens every time...?"
His eyes raised to her face.
"Er...It's not like...and...keh! It's nothing..."
"Of course you wouldn't tell me." She watched him rise slowly, pain reflected in each motion. "I'm sorry I sat you so hard." The emotional pain she emanated all but suffocated him.
"Keh! You can't hurt me like that. I told you..."
Her arms pulled him to the safety of her own body and he let his face hide in her shoulder.
"You hurt." He felt the tell-tale tremors of her effort to keep from crying. "You hurt...and I hurt you...and I can't heal that, no matter how hard I try. I'm sorry."
"Kagome...it's not...I hurt you."
Her lips pressed against his hair once, twice, thrice.
"We both make mistakes. What keeps us going is knowing that the other is there and will be there when we need them. I may leave, Inuyasha, but I'll always come back. As much as it is up to me, I'll always try to make it back to you. I promised...and it's not just a duty. Being with you is never a burden. It's my choice."
"Kagome..."
"It is. And...Inuyasha...it hurts me too when we're apart, but I have a family here whom I also love."
Also...love
"I will come back. Trust in that. And in turn, I'll trust you to protect me like until now."
She kissed the crown of his head one more time before releasing him.
"Kagome..."
"I'm sorry I sat you so hard...again. I'll make it up to you."
"Kagome..."
"I'll bring extra ramen this time and..."
"Damn it!" he grabbed her shoulders forcing her chatter to stop. "Y'ain't makin' this no easier!" She saw the blush spread across his nose, then onto his cheeks, and she was sure that if his ears had been human they would have been red to their very tips.
"The pain...it's always gone when you're with me. You heal me."
"But..."
He pressed his forehead against hers briefly.
"I don't know this, Kagome; any of this. Part of me still waits for you to push me away."
"I...I wouldn't..."
"I...don't want anyone else to have you, but the thought...the thought that anyone would see us...us..."
"Us...doing what?"
His hair nearly turned pink.
"Being...together...I...I don't want you to go through that."
"Inuyasha, I care about you, not the rest of world."
"But you do, Kagome. You care about everyone so much. If you were to be with me you'd end up like me...hated, despised, feared. You're too kind for that. You'd suffer so much...too much." He brushed his lips against her fringe.
"Inuyasha...there is no easy way in life, but I'd rather share it with you, than having it easier on my own. Do you understand that?"
"Kagome...I can't."
"Why not?
He looked away as though fighting a battle within himself.
"I don't want that same fate for you..."
"I won't..."
"You will! Everyone who ever cared for me ended up dead early and I always end up alone. I can take my mother's death...Kikyo...but you...you I can't! I can't!" He brought his eyes back on to her face. "I can't. As long as you're close to me I'll be fine. Stay by my side, but don't be with me."
"Look at me, Inuyasha." She guided his face with her hands. "I am dying. Every single day I am getting a step closer to my grave. I am human. I know that I'm weak; I know there is no chance I will outlive you; I know all that. Which is why I want to live now; for you, with you. I want this. I know you're thinking you'll protect me but the human body...is weak like you always say. I could die struck by lightning tomorrow.I could die tonight because I've had a nightmare that caused me to have a heart attack. I could get run over by a car on my way to school. I could drown because a muscle cramped while I was swimming. I could die because of an aggravated cold. I could die because of a lot of things. But that doesn't mean I'll let all that stop me from living my life"
"Kagome..."
"Tomorrow may never come; yesterday is already gone, but we have right now. And that is what makes it important and worth living."
He stared, unsure of what to think. She was not angry, she was scared – just like him.
"Don't make me lose you, Inuyasha. Please..."
He stared at the floor and mumbled.
"What...? I didn't understand..."
He blushed even harder.
"May I...kiss you..."
She smiled a shy smile in return and pressed her lips against his; his arms once more enveloped her in sweet warmth.
"Inuyasha...you know we have to go back at some point."
"Hmmm...?" He was much too engrossed in playing with her hair to give a real reply.
"Geez...Inuyasha! I'm serious."
"What's the hurry? I thought you liked this world."
"The hurry?!!! This coming from someone who would rather I skipped coming back altogether in order to get the shards?" She sighed.
"Well...it's not so much the shard hunting..."
"Oh?"
He buried his nose in the crook of her neck.
"Oy...I thought we'd already established that I'm a hopeless sap. Don't make me prove it again."
Kagome giggled.
"I wouldn't call you a hopeless sap."
"What would you call me, then?" his words came out muffled.
"Sweet."
"Really now?"
"Well...I suppose I could add to that heroic and wonderful and lovely and...perfect."
The last comment seemed to throw a bucket of ice on him.
"P-p-perfect? Kagome..."
She turned to face him.
"Yeah. Just the way you are."
He looked at her almost unseeingly, then in a shy voice:
"Even my claws? My fangs? My...ears?" The last word seemed to be imbued with particular hatred.
"Of course." She grasped his hand and kissed it. "Your claws and fangs keep me safe." She grinned. "And your ears keep me very very entertained. I love them...I have...from the beginning."
"Beginning?"
She blushed.
"First time I saw them."
"Before I tried to kill you?"
"No..." The blush intensified. "Before that...when you were asleep."
"You mean...that night wasn't the first time you saw me?"
She shook her head.
"So...that night...you were only using me?"
"No. I..."
"You saw me...and you did nothing?! You just left me there!!!" His voice had an almost imperceivable tremor to it. "You left me!!!" The silent tone was more accusing than any yell.
"It wasn't like that...I...I..."
"You just what? Used me to 'entertain' yourself? Sure, let's have fun with the dead freak!!!"
"I did no such thing...I just tweaked them...a little."
"Oh great. 'Tweaked them a little'. That makes is so much better Kagome. Thanks for that!"
"Wait just a minute. I had just fallen through a well abducted by a huge caterpillar with the head of a woman, I was alone, I was scared, I was in an unfamiliar place, I had no idea what happened and there you were...and I thought...I thought..."
He narrowed his eyes at her.
"You though what?"
She blushed twenty shades of red.
"I thought...I thought you were a very pretty...well...beautiful, more like, a doll."
"What?!"
"Well, what did you expect? I'd never seen a demon before...and you looked too...beautiful to be a human...and then the ears..."
She lowered her eyes.
"A...pretty doll?"
"I'm sorry! But...you can't deny you've got very...fine features."
"Oy! There ain't nothing fine, cute, sweet or beautiful about me. I'm loud, brash, and powerful. None of that poncy crap. What are you trying to make me out as?"
"Anyway, the point was...after that, I was captured by the villagers, told by Kaede that I would bear a stunning resemblance to her late sister if only I'd 'looked more intelligent'. Then Mistress Centipede attacked, and you know the rest. So I'm sorry, but I didn't know what to do...ok? Besides, I'd tried pulling the arrow before, and it didn't work." She pouted.
Suddenly Inuyasha burst out laughing.
"'If you'd only looked more intelligent'?! That's just like Kaede. Saw Kikyo like a goddess. Kikyo was smart...and beautiful, but no goddess."
Kagome couldn't help but marvel at how open he was being.
"Who are you and what have you done with Inuyasha?"
"What kinda stupid question is that? I'm him...er...me...er...Inuyasha! Keh!"
"You never...talked to me about this...I mean after the first few days when all you talked about was how superb and wonderful Kikyo had been and how I was nothing like her."
"Well...you try losing fifty years of your life and see how peachy you are when you wake up!"
"That's not what I meant. I meant, since then, you don't talk about things so openly."
"Damnit Kagome!!! What could I say? 'Hey there Kagome, wanna talk about the last woman I loved who died because of me??!' "
"Inuyasha! You know that's not what I meant. And it's not your fault she died!"
"Keh!"
She hugged him tightly.
"Kikyo is a part of you. She will always be a part of you. She will always be the person you loved first. I understand. I may not like it, but it's a part of you, and I accept that. Trying to deny how you feel about her is like trying to say you're not a half-demon. It just isn't true."
"Kagome..."
"I asked to stay by your side. I never said 'unless you talk about Kikyo in which case I'll up and leave' did I?"
"Ka..."
"I mean...it's not like I'm asking you to sing her praises or anything...but I know you must...miss her sometimes – miss the things she was and I'm not – and that must be painful for you. I don't want you to deal with that alone."
"Keh. The things she was and you're not? Yeah, I'd really miss the mistrust, the disgust towards my demon-side..."
"Inuyasha..."
"She was human, you are human. She loved me in her way, you...you...well...I don't know about you...but however you feel it's in your own way. And that's fine. Kikyo and my feelings for her...we always end up fighting about it! Heck I bet the monk and Sango and the runt have bets on which one I love...which is damn stupid since...since...since Kikyo is dead. I ain't dumb. She's dead. And I sure as heck don't want to bring her back. She deserves to rest, away from stupid people trying to hurt her. And why can't they just leave it all alone!"
"Inuyasha..."
"I hear them talk...with you...and it's...just..." He squeezed his eyes shut. "Gods, they make me sound like a monster sometimes..."
She cringed thinking about her reports to her friends and made a mental note to tell them on the first occasion that he was the most wonderful and compassionate being to ever walk the earth.
"I'm sorry..."
"No."
"What?"
"You shouldn't. I hurt you...I know I did. Even after...she...keh...I suppose I am a monster..."
Her lips sough out his cheek.
"No, you're not. You just...hurt...and I didn't know how to reach you, to make you better. That was all."
"Keh. You don't listen very well. I already told you that you heal me. You make my heart lighter, give me a reason to smile. With you...I feel life as a human wouldn't be that bad..."
"No! You will not turn human for me!"
"I'll turn human for me!"
"Why?"
"What do you think is going to happen when the Jewel is done...?"
She didn't want to say it. She didn't even want to think it.
"Your whole life is here."
"And your whole life is there."
"Are you saying you don't wanna be with me?"
"No...I just don't want to force you to be something other than what you are."
"Some things are worth the pain. Besides, it wouldn't be like that. It would be a change I choose to make, not because you ask me...That makes the difference."
"Inuyasha..."
"Kagome...I might as well tell you now, before I chicken out again...I...I want to stay by your side, for as long as you will allow me."
"Denied."
"Wha'?"
She smiled against him.
"I will only allow you to stay in my arms."
"Keh..." He was glad she couldn't see him blush. "Kagome...you've been...amazing...and er...you still are...I mean..keh! Keh!You...I...I think you're really pretty."
She giggled against his haori.
"Thanks."
"That's not what I was going to say...I...I wanted to ask you...at the end of it all...to...to...be...to...share the rest of your life with me. I'm willing to come here, Kagome, I am. I am, honest. I just...want to be with you."
"Oh...Inuyasha..."
The kisses she bestowed on his lips were answer enough.
"So...I take it we'll tell the others?"
"No."
"No?"
"Kagome...you've seen how people react when they see you walk alongside me. How do you think they'll take you being with me?"
"I don't care."
"No...it's too dangerous."
"Look...I'm not scared. I know you'll keep me safe."
"I am."
His arms wrapped around her tightly, so tightly.
"I am scared to lose you."
"You won't. And I'm not saying announce it to the world...just our friends."
He looked as though he was trying to figure something out, but then he just nodded.
"Thank you!!!"
The walk back to the village was incredibly pleasant, and a few hours 'slightly' longer than usual – a delay caused by small breaks when Inuyasha's lips sought out hers.
"You're back!!!!" In an instant she was ambushed by a ball of red fluff, but unlike other times her arms did not wrap around the small kit. Everyone stared.
"Kagome?" He whipped his head towards Inuyasha and asked angrily: "What have you done to Kagome?!!!"
"Shippou" her voice was very quiet. "Inuyasha hasn't done anything. I am simply angry."
"That means Inuyasha has done something."
"Shippou, I am angry with you, and the way you have been treating Inuyasha."
Somewhere in the background, Kagome could swear she heard jaws drop.
"I know that Inuyasha can be a little hard to get along with at times, but I also know that you got him in trouble with me several times. I know it's in your nature to play tricks like that, but you are going too far."
"Kagome..."
"I thought that after Inuyasha's kindness in helping you avenge your father, you had learned not to call him a half-breed. You know how I feel about that word!"
Shippou looked at the ground abashed.
"I didn't mean it like that...I..."
"I know exactly how you meant it, but let me say this: it is a very hurtful thing to say. Especially since you know that Inuyasha will take it to heart."
"He doesn't though."
"Oy! Don't make me out as some sort of pansy...I can handle..."
A look hushed the both of them.
"My tape recorder, the thing you found in the grass, made it possible for me to hear what you said after I left. I hadn't realized I'd dropped it, but I'm glad I did. I am afraid to think at how many similar discussions I must have missed." The small kit wished he could disappear into thin air. "It's bad enough that I punish Inuyasha when you get him in trouble with me – something I intend to change from now on – but to hear that's how you talk to a trusted friend, provider and protector...I'm disappointed in you, Shippou."
"Kagome..."
"No, Shippou. You are getting older and can't expect to keep acting like this. You have to think of other people."
"But he makes you sad!!!"
"What is between me and Inuyasha can't always be happy, but it is between us, and you don't have the right to judge."
"But Kagome..."
"No 'but's' Shippou. If you hurt Inuyasha, you hurt me. That's all there is to it."
"I..." Tears sprang to his eyes and in a moment he was grasping Kagome's leg bawling his apology.
She let him cry himself out, then scooped him in her arms.
"You are forgiven, but from now on, I want you to do better, okay?"
He nodded.
"And as punishment, you will have no sweets for two weeks."
"But..."
The look she gave him was enough to suspend the rest of the sentence.
"Good. Now go apologise to Inuyasha." She set him down gently and watched him bow and voice his apology.
"Keh! As if you could hurt me. Keh! But you're forgiven."
To everyone's surprise Shippou jumped into his arms and all but buried himself in the haori.
"I don't think you're a half-breed...really."
Inuyasha winced at the term.
"You...you've been my dad since Pa died." Shippou continued. "And...I never said thank you..."
Inuyasha froze. Dad?!!!
" Thank you, my Inuyasha – dad."
There was no dry eye in that clearing when Inuyasha's arms wrapped around the small fox-boy and whispered:
"You're welcome, little one."
Author's Notes:
Hope you liked it. :) You may wonder why Kagome says Shippou called Inuyasha a half-breed, since there is no line explicitly saying so. The reason is, I used Japanese for that moment, and the thing about that is that depending on the intonation used 'hanyou' can mean either half-demon or half-breed. So, it's Shippou's disdainful intonation which tells Kagome that he did, in fact, mean it as an insult. I hope this clears up that question. Feel free to PM me if you have any other questions, comments, etc. Thank you.