Icha Icha Missing

Chapter Fifteen: Jiraiya

By: Rai-Child

Fandom: Naruto

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto OR My Name Is Earl or any of the characters.

Summary: When Kakashi's smut goes missing, no one is safe...

Author's Note: Hello again. :3 Welcome to the final chapter of Icha Icha Missing. Apologies for the wait- I'm right in the middle of my exams at the moment, but I've been using my non-revision time to get this finished. I hope you enjoy!

--

You know the kinda guy who appreciates detail? Who recognises the important things in life; such as where the best 'sightseeing' places are in Konoha, or how to conduct ahem... special research... without getting caught and/or slapped?

Yeah.

It's a gift.

My name is Jiraiya!

--

Interesting, isn't it, how something so simple could have such an impact on certain people...?

Of course, when the people in question are simple themselves, I guess it just puts things into perspective. Not forgetting, of course, that good literature always does get to people in the strangest of ways, you know... Hits them hard inside and leaves a distinct impression on their hearts...

I take it back.

I'm not surprised in the slightest.

Particularly, of course, due to the fact that this is Hatake Kakashi who's in question. I've given him a tip or two during our random meetings. Despite Kakashi's immature grinning, I've taught him practically everything he knows, so he should really have had more respect. No, no... Moving on from 'how to handle your students'- I'm not talking ninjutsu here.

What could be more important that ninjutsu...?

Are you even listening to yourself, Raidou?

Boobs, boy! Boobs! And... uh... other parts... Shame on you. Everyone loves my writing- you're missing out. The whole village is laughing at you.

So, at the end of the day...

I suppose you could say that the whole spectacle was my fault. In advertently, of course, but it's been highly amusing to observe, to say the very least.

I've been following. That telescope of mine isn't just for changing rooms and looking up skirts, oh no. It's been fairly simple really, after all, these are only Genin we're talking about, with the odd exception, and despite the fact that they've all fooled each other, tricking me would be a different matter.

I'm outta everyone's league, baby. Some people just haven't realised it yet. And again- the whole 'sannin' thing is irrelevant. No one loves porn more than me. Or maybe Tsunade. We all know what she really keeps in that desk of hers.

Blame me if you will. I wrote the absolutely amazing piece of literary genius that is Icha Icha. I gave Kakashi a copy of the latest book for a reduced price, seeing as he's my best customer.

...When you're living with Iruka, certain belongings tend to be... destroyed... and ultimately need replacing on a regular basis.

Erm...

And I introduced Hatake to the delights of adult material. All it took was a free copy of my latest installment at the time, and then there was no stopping him. Like... Giving Naruto a crate or two of ramen after starving him for a couple of months.

Are you happy now?

...Genma, you might want to clean up the mess later. I think your friend's bleeding from his ears.

So. There's something I've been withholding. Information, no?

You wanna know where it is now? Where Icha Icha currently lies?

Ho, I'm going to enjoy this...

Okay. Let's recap, shall we? You might want to cross-reference this with your records, boys.

This whole spectacle started out with Mr. Uchiha Sasuke breaking and entering the Hatake-Umino residence, with the primary intention of thieving my famous romance novel. It was passed on to teammate Haruno Sakura, in order to prevent it falling into the hands of Naruto. Sakura took it home, and it was taken in the morning by Tenten.

...No, I didn't see exactly how she got hold of it...

I don't spy on thirteen-year-old girls at their little get-togethers.

And...

...The curtains were closed. Anyway!

Tenten dropped it in the street, and it was found by Rock Lee and Hyuuga Neji, the latter of which tossed it aside with complete disregard and obvious ignorance to it's brilliance. It was found by young Konohamaru, pure proof that Icha Icha is loved by people of all ages, and taken by Inuzuka Kiba and his nin-dog.

It was at this point that it was spotted by Uzumaki Naruto, however, the pair of them were not fast enough in concealing the prize and had it effectively confiscated by Aburame Shino, (another huge fan of my work, I must add). Later, following a detailed inspection of the content, I'm sure, it was buried just west of the village. Shino then went to retrieve the book, taking along Hyuuga Hinata, only to find that it was gone.

Naruto, miraculously employing the stealth techniques he evidently hasn't got and most likely never will obtain, had stolen the book and taken it back to his apartment. Rather stupidly, he hadn't bothered to hide it when Iruka went around to visit, and it was confiscated once again. From there it was, by a rather unfortunate twist of fate, handed along to Hinata, who immediately identified it as the book she and Shino had previously tried to locate. Akimichi Chouji offered to deliver it to Kakashi personally since she had errands to run, however he and Nara Shikamaru lost it to teammate Yamanaka Ino, when neither had the reflexes to stop her from stealing it.

Still with me...?

And, to my knowledge, you are aware that it was taken from the Yamanakas that night?

See, not too long ago, I ran into something... interesting... whilst on my way back home. Interesting... Not in the same way that the vantage point from the roof of the Hot Springs is interesting, but... Curious.

...Were you aware that the Kyuubi no Youko can bleed into the kid's unconsciousness...?

Naruto.

Wandering the streets.

It's a wonder no one got him with a tranquilliser gun.

I'm not really surprised he gave Miss Yamanaka a fright- all fangs and no chakra control whatsoever. It was like someone had flicked the 'autopilot' switch.

Still, there was no need for the hysterics that were previously employed, really, completely harmless in a state of sleep. When I found he had the book, it was just a case of taking it from him and directing him back to his apartment. Nothing serious happened; after all, on my way over here I saw him and Sasuke happily smashing each other's faces into the dirt.

Ah. Kids. Gotta love 'em.

So yes. It's a fact. The much-feared Demon Fox deliberately sought out Icha Icha Paradise. Admittedly, it is fairly likely that it was on a more instinctive sort of level, since it had been taken from the boy not long ago, but it's concrete evidence nevertheless. Tsunade never has to know about the 'animal urges' theory- it's better if she's kept in the dark.

Secures bragging rights, you know?

...You really should have come to me first, shouldn't you? Feeling a little silly at this moment in time?

And, I hate to tell you this boys, you know, 'bringer of bad news' and all that...

Handed the book back to Kakashi early this morning.

As in, before you two decided to open up your little 'interview' room. It's cute, I'll give you that, but completely unnecessary.

Wha? Why?

Think about it. Put yourself into the shoes of Hatake Kakashi.

No work.

No brats to pretend to teach.

Guilty lover who is compelled to dote on you for the foreseeable future- until the book's safe return, that is. After all, poor Iruka-sensei felt so awful after letting Kakashi's most prized possession slip through his fingers... Not that he wouldn't have disintegrated it on a normal day, but hey...

Heh. It's been quite the wild-goose chase.

Feel free to do what you will, but... I'd leave it until tomorrow. It's getting late.

And at least let Kakashi get the most out of his newfound 'sympathy sex' routine before Iruka tries to cut off his genitals. I reckon the guy deserves it, if only for having the nerve to keep up the act so far.

Oh, and not forgetting the fact that I now have some very interesting ideas for my next instalment…

I'll be sending you a free copy, Namiashi-san.

--

Well, that's it, folks. I feel… Kinda sad that it's finished.

A big thank you to everyone who has commented- your thoughts are much appreciated, and thank you so much for taking the time to review; particularly to those who've consistently shared their ideas and views regarding the plot etc. all the way through. I've never had this big a response to a fic before- it's been… A little scary… :3

Naturally, any final words regarding the ending are very, very welcome. I'm a little nervous.

God bless.

Ally