AN: I'm starting a new collection of one-shots. When I finished reading Daja's book in the Circle Opens quartet, I wrote this piece. Afterwards I read Tris' book, and Will of the Empress, and realized that this is very AU. So This one is "Daja/Ben" The next one is going to be about Kel. If you have any ideas for others, let me know.

Disclaimer: I do not claim any rights in regard to Tamora Pierce's characters and settings. After all, she writes them best.

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What If….
Daja Kisubo
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Daja Kisubo sighed. She tapped her fingers on the smooth wooden table, and her feet on each other. Then she paced the room. When that became boring, she counted the different metals that were in the room. There were twelve. Daja sat back down on the table and picked at the living metal on her hand.

Ever since the death of Ben Ladradun, Daja had not been feeling well. At first, Daja had thought it was the gloominess surrounding the whole situation. And then Frostpine had noticed.

The next town they stopped in, he took Daja directly to a healer and waited with her until she was seen, promising to meet her at the tavern across the road.

Daja sat in a thin robe as the mage prodded and poke her. She took "samples," then left Daja to do more waiting.

Finally the mage returned, a smile on her face.

"I've found out why you feel ill Viymese Kisubo," she said cheerfully. "You're with child! Congratulations!"

Daja's jaw dropped. Hot tears sprung to her eyes. The mage didn't seem to notice. She babbled about healthy diets and abstinence from using large amounts of magic. Daja left her office with plenty of written instructions and herbs to brew into a tea that calmed morning sickness.

She walked listlessly across the street. A cart could have run her over and she wouldn't have noticed.

She found her teacher sitting at a table in the tavern. Frostpine was nursing a large ale and a plate filled with rich foods.

"Oh good, you've been drinking," Daja said dryly, sinking into a chair across from him. "I can talk to you about my day."

Just the sight of his food made Daja's stomach turn. At the same time she realized that she was hungry. Very hungry. She ordered some bread and soup.

"So? What's the verdict?" Frostpine asked. Daja looked around at the people around them. Most were drunkards, and the few that weren't were called 'working girls.' Daja touched her teacher's hand.

I'm pregnant she said through their magic. Frostpine nodded. He didn't look surprised.

"I had an inkling," he said, taking a generous bite of chicken. "Who's the father?"

Daja closed her eyes, remembering Ben Ladradun's last request.

…..

Daja entered the Ben's cell slowly. It was a small room, dark and dreary, though fresh air flowed through hidden vents. Ben sat on a long bench, the only furniture. He was leaning back against the wall, arms hanging listlessly at his sides.

"You have half a bell," the guard said as the heavy iron door slammed shut. Ben sat up slightly, staring at Daja. She kept eye contact for a moment, then broke it and the silence.

"You asked to see me?" Ben regarded her for a moment longer.

"Why?" he asked at last. "Why did you testify against me? Why did you betray me?"

"You betrayed me, Bennat Ladradun. You lied to me, and the gloves- Ben I made the gloves so you could save lives, and instead you used them to take hundreds. Those people are dead. They are gone." Daja stopped to breathe. If she went any farther she would turn into Tris. At least she couldn't conjure up a tornado to sweep them all away. She breathed slowly for a moment, taking the time to think like Sandry. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry you have to die. That's not what I wanted. . . you were my friend."

Ben stood and kissed Daja. She was caught off guard by the warm feeling of his mouth on hers. Ben took her hesitation as consent and deepened the kiss, pressing her to the wall. Daja wanted to push him away. She wanted to run. This was wrong.

"This is my real final request, Daja," Ben breathed. As soon as he finished speaking, he kissed Daja again. And again. Ben wasn't about to waste his half a bell.

Daja's brain froze. She couldn't think, couldn't reason with herself. Her brain was overcome by passion and desire. This wasn't the Bennat Ladradun that started deadly fires to feel powerful. This was Ben, the scholar who saved people from the flames. This was Daja's friend.

She gave him what he wanted. He would be dead soon. What harm could come from it?

…..

"He knew just what to say and do… I didn't know how to say no," Daja finished. She and her teacher had retired to their rented rooms for the night, and there she told him the story. Frostpine sighed.

"Do you want to keep the babe?" he asked. Though Daja hadn't considered this, she had an answer ready.

"I can't kill it if that's what you mean," Daja said, beginning to feel queasy. Her color must have changed, for Frostpine got the unused chamber pot from the corner and held it out just in time. The bread and soup that Daja had managed to get down came back up.

Frostpine had been brewing water for tea while Daja was talking. Now he seeped some of the healer's tea and passed it to Daja. It helped settle her stomach from the first sip.

"Thank you," she muttered, drinking it slowly.

"You seem to be taking this well," Frostpine observed, seating himself with his Namornese blend. He put a sugar cube on his teeth and began to sip. Daja sighed.

"The healer more than explained everything I'll need to know, but that was just the physical stuff. I'm not sure how to take it emotionally."

"You need to talk to a woman. I can't really help you there," her teacher said. Daja smiled.

"I should hope not," she teased. Her eyes ran over the hem of her tunic, where Sandry had embroidered a Trader pattern. "Don't take the rest of the trip easy for me. I want to go home. I feel up to traveling, and if I get to a point where I don't, I'll certainly let you know."

"I know Lark doesn't have any children, but she's pretty good with these things," Frostpine said.

"My thoughts exactly," Daja said, putting aside her empty cup with a yawn. Now she was ready for sleep.

Frostpine stood, his own cup drained.

"Go to bed," he ordered gently. "We'll leave whenever I wake."

Daja stood and kissed his bald crown.

"So I should be ready at midday?" she asked innocently. Frostpine laughed. He put his hand on Daja's arm. Some things were just too emotional to be said aloud.

I understand that these things happen, Daja. I'm not disappointed in you.

Daja hugged him fiercely.

"Good night, old man."

…..

On the night that they arrived at Winding Circle, Sandry greeted Daja joyfully in her head. Daja had a splitting headache and a great desire to climb into bed, but she sent back an enthusiastic reply. She'd visit her half-sister in Summersea tomorrow.

Discipline Cottage loomed around a bend in the road. The familiar sight made Daja feel giddy. Frostpine was smiling too, but he whispered that they should continue on to the forge, not disturb Lark's sleep.

As the passed the cottage, the door opened, showering the little gate in lantern light.

"I know you did not just ride right past," Lark called. She stood with a robe over her nightgown, waving to them. "Come in now and get some rest in a real bed. Lark spoke to someone over her shoulder. A nervous young man came over and took Daja and Frostpine's mounts. This must be Comas, the shy young novice to whom Sandry had given her room.

Daja followed her teacher inside. As Lark gave Frostpine a hug, Daja was bombarded by the familiar sights and smells. Her eyes welled up with tears, trying to take it all in at once.

Lark's arms slipped around her.

"Welcome home," she whispered, brushing away the tears. "We'll talk in the morning, when the men-folk are gone for the day. For now, why don't you go on up to bed. There's clean sheets in the closet. I'll see that Comas brings up your things.

"Thank you," Daja whispered, kissing Lark's cheek. She said goodnight to Frostpine and climbed up the ladder.

…..

Frostpine rose late and went to the forge, mumbling about disorder. His former student, Kirel, had been keeping an eye on things, but Daja knew Frostpine liked everything in an extra particular order.

After Lark sent Comas off to see Dedicate Gorse, she and Daja shared a late breakfast.

"Frostpine told me about your condition, and about this Ben. Sandry showed me the letter you sent after his execution. I'm sorry he left you this burden, Daja."

"I just don't know how to feel, Lark. I'm kind of numb. Sometimes I feel like this is the repercussion I have to bear because of my decision, but sometimes I blame it all on Ben. This is just another part of the mess he created. When I think about the baby, I'm scared, but at the same time there's a warm feeling inside me. I don't understand, and I wish I did."

"Let's start there," Lark said, spreading some embroidery across the table. "Why do you think you're scared?"

"Well, I've never done this before and I'm kind of young for it."

"That's every mother's first time. You are too practical to only be worried about that. There's something else, isn't there?" Daja's right hand absently rubbed the small bump of her belly. She sighed.

"I'm afraid that the baby will be insane, like Ben. I'm afraid that one day I'll wake up and my bed will be on fire- or worse, I'll be on fire." Lark called a stray thread back into place.

"Have you ever heard the saying 'the sins of the father are repeated on the child'?" she asked. Daja nodded and Lark continued. "This Bennat fellow was a monster, Daja, but his mother shaped him into the adult he became. Your baby is going to grow up in a loving, happy environment. I can already see that you want the babe." Lark pointed at Daja's right hand. "You will love your child, and you will raise him, or her, in that love."

"That makes a lot of sense, Lark," Daja said thoughtfully. "Thank you." Lark smiled matronly.

"Tomorrow I'll take you to Dedicate Tigerlily. She's very good with pregnancy. You're probably far enough along for her to tell you if it's a boy or girl." Daja smiled.

"I'd like that," she said, helping Lark gather up her embroidery.

"For now, I think you'll have a guest."

The door flung open. There in the morning light was the silhouette of Sandrilene fa Toren.

"Daja!" she cried. Daja grinned, standing to hug her half-sister. Sandry backed up when she felt Daja's bump.

Daja placed a hand on her belly, ready to face her friend. She felt as though she was ready to take on the world. Her baby would be happy, born here at Discipline. Daja Kisubo was home!